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i might make jokes about how stressed i am, but i’m nowhere near done with things in any class. there’s no way i’m going to pass all of my classes by tomorrow. today is the last day to turn in stuff, and tomorrow’s the end of the quarter. i seriously can’t even right now. once the weekend hits, bye-bye people because i’m shutting myself in for those two days. complete isolation sounds wonderful, but i still have to eat. i need some serious recharge time. i’ve drained all of my energy and i just need time to chill by myself.

part of me can’t wait for spring break, but part of me just wants to take it now and just hibernate until school starts again. i fucked up big time not doing homework. this whole staying up until 1:30 am thing is making my narcolepsy ten times worse. i tend to try to stave off sleep by going on my phone, but once i get tired? well bye then, because i’ll be asleep for as long as i can. before, i had a quarter chance of having the ability to get up and do something. now, unless you are physically accosting me, i will fall asleep. i’m just physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. i was always perpetually tired, but now it’s so much worse. i honestly don’t know how normal people function. i would really die to feel well-rested. oh my god, is this how werewolves feel in the Elder Scrolls series? damn, well no wonder Vilkas is always so grumpy...i would kill for some good sleep right now, honestly.

i feel bad for one of my best friends (they’re so small and adorable i’ll just refer to them as “my child”). they came up to me before first hour and they just looked so sad. my child came up to me and hugged me. i swear, this child will be the death of me. they turned their wrist i around and i saw the raised, fresh cuts. i felt like screaming at them that i loved them so much and that i would sneak them on the bus and take them home with me, but i can’t. so i just settled for saying how much i loved them and that they can spend the night if they need. i also told them that i would feed them all of our food if need be; they’re severely anorexic, so coupled with being super tiny, their heaviest is 90 pounds. they’ve now gotten so skinny that the doctor warned them that he might have to tube feed them. and i want to steal my child away from all their problems and set up the guest bedroom for them and just keep them safe, but i know it’s not in my authority to do that. i want to protect my child, but it’s ultimately their decision. as much as i want to make them happy and keep them that way, only they can keep themselves happy really. it’s very difficult and i’m trying to restrain myself from smothering my child with love....and i honestly don’t know what more i can do....

COMMENTS

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ObsidianWings
15:38 Mar 18 2019

A friend I knew years ago from what she told me started actually smoking weed to help combat anorexia. It's not something you would think would actually work but I'd seen her improve using that.

As for the cutting, sometimes it's an indication that part of this person's life is considered unlivable. Life changes can help with that, but they must be positive changes as this person seems to be emotional to the point of feeling self harm is the only way to get past whatever pain they're feeling.

As for both, the one thing that could help most is to show your friend he/she really is cared for and that no matter what you're there for them.

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being me, my visits to this lovely site will most likely be sporadic. i remember being on here when i was younger and it feels like forever ago. it’s very heartwarming to see it hasn’t changed at all :) i was absent for so long, but i'm glad to finally be back.