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So today, my boss said “good job” after our weekly meeting. It feels like I’m finally starting to succeed. I finally know what to do.

I started texting one of my exes- as friends.

My A1c is almost on target. It’s 8.3. It was almost 14. I’m aiming for below 7.

I’m “on a diet.” I want 20-30lbs off by December 2025.

I’m going to Philly next month for work. Something to look forward to.

COMMENTS

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Cadrewolf2
08:08 Jan 18 2025

Future looks great

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Someone please. Anyone. Shut off my brain. It’s noisy in here. I’m miserable. I have work in the morning.

I’m done with dating.
I’m going to die a celibate cat lady. In peace. Not alone- I have friends. Just…no romance. Who needs it?
Me - clearly, I do. It is 2:07 am and I cannot sleep.

Me to me conversation:
I just want to be loved.
I am loved.
It’s not romantic love.
But it’s enough.
It’s enough?
Yes. You are enough too.
I am?
Yes.
I feel like I deserve to be unhappy.
You deserve to be happy.
I feel like this is my fault.

Just confirmed, the person I’ve been talking to everyday for the last 6 months cares nothing about me. In there words, I’m a problem that took care of itself by leaving. They’ve been lying to me since day one, and I was too stupid to figure it out. I was just a body to use to a man still in love with his ex. They never stopped talking to each other. He’s been taking them on dates and buying them gifts trying to win them back. And I guess spending time with me when they didn’t have time for him? I don’t know. But I ended things.

I feel incredibly sad.

I didn’t in fact stop talking to him. He messaged, I responded. We saw each other in person last week. We texted until 7 today. My question didn’t get a response. So I called- straight to voicemail. I called from my house phone- it rings once. I hang up. I call again from my phone- straight to voicemail. I’m blocked.

I caught feelings for someone that cares nothing about me. He initiated the text conversation today. I don’t know what I said or did - we weren’t arguing.

Time to heal and let go. Rocky start 2025.