So today, my boss said “good job” after our weekly meeting. It feels like I’m finally starting to succeed. I finally know what to do.
I started texting one of my exes- as friends.
My A1c is almost on target. It’s 8.3. It was almost 14. I’m aiming for below 7.
I’m “on a diet.” I want 20-30lbs off by December 2025.
I’m going to Philly next month for work. Something to look forward to.
Someone please. Anyone. Shut off my brain. It’s noisy in here. I’m miserable. I have work in the morning.
I’m done with dating.
I’m going to die a celibate cat lady. In peace. Not alone- I have friends. Just…no romance. Who needs it?
Me - clearly, I do. It is 2:07 am and I cannot sleep.
Me to me conversation:
I just want to be loved.
I am loved.
It’s not romantic love.
But it’s enough.
It’s enough?
Yes. You are enough too.
I am?
Yes.
I feel like I deserve to be unhappy.
You deserve to be happy.
I feel like this is my fault.
Just confirmed, the person I’ve been talking to everyday for the last 6 months cares nothing about me. In there words, I’m a problem that took care of itself by leaving. They’ve been lying to me since day one, and I was too stupid to figure it out. I was just a body to use to a man still in love with his ex. They never stopped talking to each other. He’s been taking them on dates and buying them gifts trying to win them back. And I guess spending time with me when they didn’t have time for him? I don’t know. But I ended things.
I feel incredibly sad.
I didn’t in fact stop talking to him. He messaged, I responded. We saw each other in person last week. We texted until 7 today. My question didn’t get a response. So I called- straight to voicemail. I called from my house phone- it rings once. I hang up. I call again from my phone- straight to voicemail. I’m blocked.
I caught feelings for someone that cares nothing about me. He initiated the text conversation today. I don’t know what I said or did - we weren’t arguing.
Time to heal and let go. Rocky start 2025.
COMMENTS
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Cadrewolf2
08:08 Jan 18 2025
Future looks great