Been steadily working on things with my roses no I have not put down the mulch yet as I had to put some treatment into the soil around the roses before I put the mulch down. I just put the treatment down but only stayed outside long enough to do that as I was beginning to feel dizzy being in the heat of the sun.
I will work the treatment into the soil and mulch when there is shade in that area of the garden in a few hours.
I also worked inside cleaning the inside of the glass and trimming the dead leaves from the plants in the 30 gallon fish tank and doing a water change. I decided I will clean the filter out tomorrow if there’s time as tomorrow is house cleaning and laundry day. I’m debating on grilling some barbecue chicken on the grill as well.
Yesterday, I did a water change and cleaned the filter out in the 37 gallon bow front upstairs. I also topped off two of the smaller aquariums because of evaporation.
Not to mention after a doctors appointment and running errands in a hot metal box that has no AC most of the morning and afternoon. For those that know buckets water are not light but I didn’t have it in me to deal with the complication of dealing with draining the water out with the water changing hose I typically use because it’s long and awkward and requires more than one person to do that whole routine. Sometimes convenience is not easier.
All that for one bag of mulch...
On another note I have a surprise coming in the mail. I finally found a stuffed black bat it just happens to be a squishmallow which I have two of. A wolf and an avocado.
If you know anything about me you know I love bats but always have a hard time finding black bats because most are brown. So super excited for her arrival.
Though my favorite so far is the wolf mostly because he is the perfect, comfortable, hugging size and shape but not so much because of looks.
Got some errands to run today. Need mulch for around the roses.
I bought some mini roses for myself awhile back hoping it will warm up today so I can plant them.
So much weeding to do in the garden. I’m going to fill the fish pond and get that up and running as well. That’s my goal at least if it warms up.
The horse is dead...
Well I’m out kiddies. Going to a well needed day of unwinding with my girlfriend.
Like ummm why are you so obsessed with me?? I have nothing to do with what happened ten years ago and I’m pretty sure we have covered that multiple times now. Lol
The other issue is me feeding on you. First of all I don’t follow the rules you do. I am my own person. I won’t stop feeding for the sake of another. I already played that little game with your leader and that won’t happen again. Get over it you were easy pickings. Maybe that should tell you something. Lol By the sound of things that thought alone just drives her up the wall like no other. Lol
If I’m being honest I did it to piss her off mostly because honestly dead carcasses just aren’t my thing.
Can’t sleep suddenly full of energy...
Yea I’m gonna need that girl’s night right now!! Lol Fuck me to tears!! It’s all coming at once now.
He had been vomiting blood and not feeling well for the past few days. He just seen the doctor today even. Said he felt better than he had in a long time. Woke up refreshed this morning.
Then just 2 and a half hours ago He woke up with chest pains and I asked him if he felt he should go to the hospital and he said yes.
I haven’t heard from him since the ambulance came for him.
I didn’t think it would hit me this hard. I’m not sure if this is it or not. Not sure if the cancer or cirrhosis got him....
Not sure even how serious it is...
He said he didn’t have long a few weeks ago....but I thought it would be longer than this...
He’s an ocean away.. and I can’t get to him..
I'm sorry this is happening, have faith for that's all we can do to find comfort in the unknown of things we can not change. Take comfort in the knowledge we have divine's who are always with us.
Thank you hun. I so needed to hear this right now.
Not in the best frame of mind right now...
Well that’s a relief he’s home but I hope everything works out from there.
Yes a ladies night is definitely in order after the past year of bullshit. We both need it terribly.
Though at this point I think you need it more than me but anything can happen between now and then. Lol
I had a dream where I was shown three different scenarios. They were picture images.
I didn’t understand at first but then the image that had circles in it all neatly ordered became the focus and a voice said to me he likes his ducks in a row. Right away I knew who the voice was speaking about and I smiled to myself because it was as if the voice was laughing saying watch what I’m gonna do...
Yet again I am told to wait in quite patience. This is becoming a strong theme now in recent months with many things that have been happening in my life.
You know I’m okay with certain people not being apart of my life but there are certain people I don’t want to live without and let me tell you those people are far and few between for me.
If I fight for you it means something. If I put the time in you mean something to me. I know I am flawed just like the next. I try to give everyone a fair shake but it will not always work out that I will jive with someone for whatever reason and I am cool with that but don’t you ever dare say I never tried. I’m a lover not a fighter. I would much rather love you than hate you.
Like you I have little care about what a piss ant like you thinks of me. Go tell someone who actually gives a shit about your dumb opinions of others and what you think in general.
Are you free to feel and think how you want? Absolutely... I also have the same freedom but at least I don’t go around forcing my thoughts on people and threatening people that had nothing to do with the revenge bullshit you have in your head because of some stupid drama that happened 10 fucking years ago. Grow the fuck up!
My son gave me the cutest card today he made in school. In a way it helped me. I don’t talk about certain things around my children but it feels like he believes in me and that he sees what others could never understand or see an 8 year old boy.
I struggle with myself but he knows who and what I am despite never telling him.
He said My mom is a vampire.
That’s not brainwashing that’s the intuition of a child so all I have to say is this...fuck all the naysayers and what they think of me. Happy Mother’s Day.
Made an appointment for my tattoo. So excited. Have to wait until the beginning of July though but that will give me time to find more ideas for the black lace design that’s going to be apart of the tattoo and email them to the artist.
Probably going to put one more lifetime premium on one of my other accounts and then I’ll be finished for awhile until I’m ever gifted money for the holiday’s, birthday and such.
My Mother’s Day present to myself also along with a tattoo.
In case I haven’t made it clear. I do not want any romantic relationships. Friends only. I know this might come as shocker here but I’m mentally and emotionally unavailable and done with men in general.
Tired of being the strong one for everyone else.
So I just got off of the phone with a friend. A 4 hour conversation. I won’t divulge all the details here but holy shit.
Sometimes all you can do is be there for someone to listen. Sometimes you don’t have the answers that this person is wanting or seeking. Sometimes you have to tell them hard truths that they might not want to hear but need to hear then you get off the phone and second guess yourself. Should I have said a or b. Did I deliver this the best way I could or could I have said it a better way. Or should I have even said that at all.
As a mother myself I feel her pain and her heartbreak.
I feel just as helpless as her about what to do about her situation and wonder in my own woundedness am I telling her the wrong thing to do. Parenting is not easy to begin with and every parent that is a real parent knows we make mistakes on the journey of parenthood.
I hope to whatever higher being is there that I don’t have to help her bury her son because I don’t know if that is something I can bring her back from.
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