I fucking hate life22:30 Jan 31 2008
Times Read: 681
Its amazing how there more life goes on the better I am at hiding things. By things I mean how thing effect me and so on. I was playing solitaire and I realized how much it was like life, you’re dealt a hand and even if you make all the right moves you can still lose by not finding the right card. To me it was like life I don’t know if anyone else sees it that way.
Have you ever had a point in your life were everything was numb I mean you just didn’t feel the way you should, I guess most people get that way during a funeral but no one, recently has died. Well if you read this I guess I should feel you in on what I’m talking about. As most people know my family and I are renting a house, the house, if that’s what you call it, is a piece of shit. The ceiling over the master bathroom has caved in and fell threw, the floor in the upstairs bathroom is so rotted threw cause of bad plumbing its caving in. The pipes in the basement leak it’s like a waterfall down there, when it rains the basement floods. None of the windows or doors fit right so when the wind blows or it’s really cold the house is freezing even when we have the heat up to 80 degrees it feels 50 in here. Well if that isn’t bad enough our land lord (slum lord is more like it) lost the house in foreclosure so he didn’t pay our sewer bill (which is his) and no one called to tell us so this morning our water was shut off because of this. So we are packing up to be out of here by Feb. 11th but have no water to do anything, cook, clean, do laundry, shower, make coffee. I also have three dogs that need water.
Now I’m sure most of you are saying that go buy some then right? Well since we moved here my mom cant find a job cause she’s over qualified, and you know how business’ go “oh god she’s smarter then us we have to pay her more!” well no one will hire her. My dad….*sigh* my dad works in sleep and he’s not registered yet he’s trying to take his test but cant pay for it cause lack of money. Well he went to New Hampshire for a job and now they are telling him he’s fired and he doesn’t know why…but only his temp agency is telling him that the hospital isn’t. So he doesn’t know what to do and he’s coming home tomorrow. Yes he left and left mom and I to pack up the house and find a new place to live.
Mom is having a mental break down because of this, everything going wrong, she doesn’t know what to do or who to turn to. I’m going to give a little background on how we got into this mess…this is going to be one long journal. Well we moved here from Idaho in April of 2007, we moved in with my older sister Shanna and her two sons because she was having trouble, her boyfriend just went to jail for molesting a young girl when he was in his early 30s he’s a year younger then my mom she’s 28. So we are there helping her out and her house, would have been nice but it was disgusting, sour milk from baby bottles every where, bugs and I mean big bugs, dirty she didn’t do dishes or wash her cloths or clean…it took April, May, and June to clean that house it was so bad. Well while we were there we thought since she cant pay there (she was renting) and my cousin Bryan, his wife and their 6 year old son Neo moved back here from Tennessee, well we all needed a house. So Bryan, Mom and Dad went out and found the one we are in now. It has three bedrooms upstairs, a bath in a half upstairs, living room and a kitchen, has a finished basement with full bath. Well since mom and dad were putting the most money down and I was suppose to be starting school they wanted me to have the basement so I had a place to go with friends or something. My sister and cousin threw a fit because they wanted the more room. Well my sister had a bedroom with the baby, Damien her oldest wasn’t allowed over because he like to threaten people with knifes and he was a little shit and no one liked him. I know that’s mean to say about my nephew but he has some real issues but that’s a story in itself. I might add it in the end. The room isn’t that big granted, but she had room for her bed (single) the baby bed, chest of drawers, and she had a closet. Now we said no smoking in the house because mom has asthma and we didn’t want to have the dogs breathing it in or the baby. Even though she has already smoked around the baby. Well she bitched that her computer wasn’t upstairs; all the computers were put downstairs. She has some condition with her back where the spin is slightly curved and she has an over active thyroid in her throat. Both things a doctor gave her meds to make her better and she wouldn’t take them. My best friend Lisa has almost the same thing with her back but she walks places, granted some day’s it hurts really bad and she cant but most days she moves around. My cousin, his wife, and son took a bedroom. Yes we all knew it was going to be tight and they knew they had to share a room. And they were great…for a while. My parents had the master bedroom which wasn’t that big I think it’s about two steps bigger then the other rooms. We moved in to the house July 21, my mom’s birthday. By August my sister had already fucked up, she didn’t pay attention to the baby so he cried all the time, fed him some crappy food he didn’t like and let the milk sour in the bottles plus she had bugs in her room. So mom and dad told her she had to keep it cleaned up she had to take care of her son. Well she bitched and bitched till finally they said either clean your room up or get out well she went to her grandma (we’re half sisters) and they came over here bitching and calling everyone names and got her stuff and no one has talked to each other since.
Bryan and his family were doing great I think then they started drinking. Jess was a bartender and Bryan worked at a computer place and after work he would drive to Jess’ job where he would pick her up cause they only had one car and sit there and drink then come home. Well men in this family have tempers…real bad ones and on the 24 (my birthday) on the way home he got pissed and started smashing her head on to the dashboard and hitting her. When they got home Bryan took Neo in to the bedroom and locked the door. Jessica was in hysterics so dad called the police and they came and took Bryan to jail. Well she got a restraining order against him and her mom came up who was just a lazy bitch…and a tad bit insane. In the end Jess moved out to a woman’s shelter and then ran away with Bryan and Neo to Ohio. Pointing out Neo started school here and only went for a month. That was his first time in school, he’s turning 7 in April and he’s still in kindergarten. She also sent him to school in a taxi cab while she was at the shelter. Come to find out they are wanted in Tennessee for being on welfare here in Missouri and there while working a job, they were also on food stamps.
So my sister was kicked out, Bryan and Jess ran off without paying the bills and who’s stuck holding the bag…us. So while they are evicting us we are counter suing them cause they fucked up an agreement with an house we had that they were suppose to sell and they owe us money. And we are suing Bryan for the money they owe us because he is on the lease. That’s pretty much how we got to where we are. Also pointing out that while Bryan was not here he was staying with our grandparents and he hit them and threatened them…who the hell threatens old people?? Really now how fucked up is that.
If you were wondering what the story is behind my Nephew Damien, his father and my sister got married at 18 she was pregnant at 17. Both dropped out, she got her GED. He on the other hand didn’t. Well they were together for four years and in court he told the judge that I can’t be married to her cause she’s smarter then me and when she talks I think she’s insulting me. So they divorced but stayed friends and had joint custody. Well any rules Shanna had at her house Mark would ignore at his and let Damien do whatever he wanted. They even went to counseling for Damien and all. Well Damien is an inch shorter then me and is about 290-300 pounds…he’s a big fucking kid. Well he hangs out on his dad’s computer where his dad has nothing but anime porn on it and desktops and all…now I don’t know about you but I would not want my 10 year old son seeing that. But he’s not my kid because if he was he would be grounded so fast. He already cusses and for Xmas this year they bought him a cell phone. WTF does a 10 year old need a cell phone for?? I didn’t need one till I was 17...its fucking stupid that he has one.
Wow this is three pages. Anyway going on, don’t tell me it will get better I mean fuck people have been telling me that since August when half this shit went down and guess what its not getting any fucking better, its getting worse. I think I’m going to post this now and escape reality by reading.
COMMENTS
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Kontradiction
00:00 Feb 12 2008
you know what? my words are probably going to be seen here as being trifling...but no matter how hard it is right now, there will come a time when you are able to move past this and be on your own, building your life as you see fit. your family is just trying to get by right now. you'll be okay. just one day at a time. i believe in you as do so many others here....
(((hugs))