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PsychoticUsagi's Journal


PsychoticUsagi's Journal

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19 entries this month
 

23:29 Dec 31 2023
Times Read: 136


I'm watching this dumb bitch on YouTube talk about her husband cheating on her. Dude got caught wanting to literally shit on another woman. Now... definitely not my thing, like hard limit, absolutely not. If you like it, hey, do your thing if you're not hurting anyone. But this dumbass woman... she's talking about how she can forgive her husband's cheating because he only cheated on her because he loves her. He loves her too much to do all that degrading shit to her, he needed to cheat with some hoebag because said hoebag would deserve it. And it just blows my mind that this dumb bitch actually believes him... Because you could certainly never degrade someone you also love, right? Love and BDSM are strictly forbidden from mixing, clearly, it's in the handbook. "He loves me so much, he just didn't want to put me through these things." But... he felt ok CHEATING on you? That's commitment, dude is really taking one for the team choosing to reluctantly fuck another woman who he can openly express himself with rather than shit directly on his wife's face. What a fucking hero. Ya know,, I would argue the opposite... That for a lot of people, not all but a few, it's easier to do those awful degrading things to a person you love rather than some hoe. Because you trust them. I think that telling your wife you cheated to protect her is a shitty excuse, literally in this case.
Like, this guy felt comfortable enough with you, and your relationship to MARRY you, but he couldn't bring himself to tell you about his kinks? That's fucked. That kinda shows how little people think of marriage. I love you enough to marry you because marrying you is nothing, but Hells no I am not telling you my dirty, dark fantasies. Look... if you can't tell them your dirty, dark fantasies, you shouldn't be MARRYING them. Just my opinion. Maybe instead of cheating, dude should find someone he's more compatible with who he can be open with about these things. Maybe if we all tried harder to expose our inner demons, and find a person whose darkness, or lack thereof, reflects our own, we'd all be happier.

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
16:16 Jan 01 2024

If you're completely open and honest, sometimes you'll be surprised that the other person may be a lot more accepting and open minded, or even share the same fetishes. And if not, you don't have to lie and sneak around about it.





 

22:39 Dec 29 2023
Times Read: 244


My Disturbia order is in🖤
Disturbia is usually kinda hit or miss with me. Because they have two sides. There's the really basic, basic side, like this top.
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And obviously I really like this top, that's why I got it xD But this is very standard for them, simple and basic
But then there's their other side... which is gorgeous, GORGEOUS graphics. So we've got a few dresses.
Hecate.
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I've missed two restocks on this dress, it has sold out almost instantly every time for obvious reasons. But I finally have it🖤
Snapdragon.
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I've passed on this dress so many times because from a distance it looks like basic floral, and I personally am not a fan of basic floral, and they do A LOT of basic floral. But then I looked closer...
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Fucking adorable little dragons. Just that little thing makes me love this dress so much.
Revelations.
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This is so stunning.
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Like... speechless. It's so- It's just- I can't even xD Love, love, love🖤
And then finally the Kilgharrah top.
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Because I'm a sucker for dragons and a sleeve design.
I usually caution people to know your size with Disturbia because a lot of their stuff, especially their dresses, are made of stiffer material. And they're a UK brand so the sizing is slightly different. But they did this year open a warehouse in the US, this is actually my first time ordering from their US warehouse, and it shipped very quickly, and the sizing was US options. But still. Know your size. I had this issue with someone recently who ordered a jacket from me. It was a size XXL jacket, she messaged me, and told me she was a Large. I'm usually a M/L in tops and jackets, and it was big on me, so I told her how it fit me. She buys it anyway. Comes back after she gets it, "This must be Asian sizing because it's WAY too small, and I'm always a L, no way this is an XXL." No, sweetie... the jacket isn't the problem. You just think you're smaller than you actually are. And I don't mean that to sound offensive. But so many people fucking do this. So many people order way smaller than they need, and act shocked when stuff doesn't fit. I think the problem is stretchy material vs stiff material. Sure, I can squeeze my tits into an XS if the material is stretchy enough, but that's not my actual size. And I understand being upset that you paid $100+ for a jacket that didn't fit you. But it fit me... was even big on me, and I'm the size you claim to be. So. Just saying.

I also did a Killstar order even though I said I wasn't going to... yeah right. I mostly stuff to resell. But a couple things for me.

Dead Roses.
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Beautiful and morbid🖤
I had this conversation weeks ago with Cheshire wherein he told I'm just one of those people who doesn't care about death because I don't think it'll ever touch me. And... as someone who has almost died multiple times, who has been very sick a lot of my life, I'm offended by that. It's not that I don't think death is coming. I know it's always right there. I know it like my own shadow. The thing is... I'm gonna live my life for me. Because we're not all obsessed with being remembered. We're not all too busy doing shit to desperately be remembered by fucks who don't matter 50 years from now, to actually live our lives for ourselves. Personally I think he should think on that before judging other people for how they live.

Wytch Gaze.
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This one is just cute and fun.

Gwendaline.
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I almost spelled it Gwyndolin like in Dark Souls xD It just feels right.

I'm already thinking about putting in another Killstar order. There's just so much good shit on sale that could be resold...❤️

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08:42 Dec 29 2023
Times Read: 296


Polish-20231229-024105947
B is for Bunny~💗

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17:52 Dec 25 2023
Times Read: 498


7752617f04588a25202a917e5dd5e2c3
🖤

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PRIVATE ENTRY

21:00 Dec 24 2023
Times Read: 540


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

18:11 Dec 24 2023
Times Read: 565


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❤️

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07:06 Dec 24 2023
Times Read: 633


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I want them...
...for myself~♡

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23:59 Dec 22 2023
Times Read: 704


I regret allowing this fool from Fallout to add me on Discord. I mistakenly thought, hey, we'll play together sometimes, I'm good with that. Because like, brutally honestly, I have my notifications muted on Discord for everyone except Wolfie. Apparently though muting someone doesn't mute them from calling you, very loudly, at 3am because motherfucker calls me, two nights in a row, at around 3am. Bitch, I am not going to answer ANYONE at 3am, unless you're Wolfie. Because Wolfie has special ringtones, and notification sounds on everything so I always know when it's him, and he is the only person I will 100% answer to 24/7. Even after being gone several months, that hasn't changed. So why you think, having spoken to me for a day, you think this behavior is ok is beyond me. At what point did I give your ass any indication that we were that tight? That you could just call me any time. There's also the fact that I've been on Fallout every day since then, and he's made no move to contact me on my ps5 which is pretty much the best way to get me to talk to you, contact me on there cause I'm on there daily, and I will see if you message me, and if I'm just fucking around in a game, I'll probably even answer if you call me on there. But this 3am bullshit when I barely know you makes me want to block you straight into the shadowrealm. Awkward. And dude, you are awkward enough giving me wedding rings in game, and asking if I date guys who live far away from me, and changing your profile picture to the Joker minutes after you add me like you're trying to be what you think I want, like I wouldn't fucking notice. You don't even KNOW me💀💀

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21:51 Dec 22 2023
Times Read: 743


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It's difficult explaining what exactly a yandere is... without sounding completely fucking psychotic xD
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It's not THAT bad~♡
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I like to consider myself more of a gentle yandere. I would never hurt Wolfie. All the times he's left, I've never tried to hurt him. Because I know that no one else will ever hurt him more than he hurts himself. But... then you get the girls who will kill your ass just to permanently keep you from ever being with anyone else. Gotta admire that next level commitment xD I can think of at least one ex I'd stab. Not lethally, not to kill him, not because I'm angry or still care, it would be purely an instantaneous instinctual reaction if I ever saw him again, that's allxD

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
22:42 Dec 22 2023

If you know, you know.





 

20:33 Dec 21 2023
Times Read: 821


Ya know, it's not even wanting to be called King or Daddy or Master or whatever that gets me. Personally, the Daddy thing does make me gag a bit, no offense, it's just not my thing, if it's yours then cool, you do you, I'm just not into that. Every "Dom" nowadays is a Daddy Dom, and it's just not for me. That's not what bothers me though, like I said, you do you, no shame. What bothers me is ASKING me to call you anything, especially having barely known me. I don't know if I should blame fake Doms or desperate subs, but where the fuck do you get off on asking me for a title you have not even attempted to earn from me? Now I don't think I'll ever have another Dom anyway so it doesn't really matter either way, but pulling that shit, talking about how "dominant" you are, that instantly puts you in a very bad category with me. Do other subs really fall for that shit? Are ya'll really that fucking stupid? It pisses me off that people come at me like this, and I don't know if I should blame bad "Doms" or worse "subs." Dominance is not something you need to walk into the room, and shout about. Real Doms don't do that. Real subs know a Dom without them ever even mentioning it. If you feel the need to shove down my throat how dominant you are, you are not.

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17:20 Dec 21 2023
Times Read: 852


Polish-20231221-110451192
I want new clothes...
I NEED new clothes💗
These are technically child size, but... I can fit into child size tops xD
Planning to put in an order to BCC and Disturbia. Killstar didn't really put out anything that wowed me this whole year... They just kinda recycle the same designs. And their plushies... not only have their plushies gotten objectively uglier...
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But they also re-release the same fucking ones in different colors. So if you didn't like Cthulhu in green, black, white, purple, red, pink, orange, yellow...
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Good news, there's blue now? I dunno, seems a bit unnecessary, and kinda lazy instead of making a new plush, just recoloring an old one. The new ones are ugly as fuck, but it feels less half-ass. But that's how their clothes are too... same designs, literally in some cases. I wish they'd go back to doing better graphics.

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18:08 Dec 20 2023
Times Read: 908


He called me Princess, and asked if I'd call him King Daddy...
And I literally felt the vomit flood my mouth💀

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19:12 Dec 19 2023
Times Read: 972


Ok, Disturbia, I see you...
Polish-20231219-131015908
This dress is just😍🖤🥺💀

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02:02 Dec 19 2023
Times Read: 1,029


Desperation is not an attractive quality. Especially when you can see it in the face, hear it in the tone of voice. That sorta tone that screams, "I haven't touched a woman in years." It's very off-putting. I appreciate a man with confidence. A man who is open. A man who is forward in getting to know me. What I don't like is being lunged at, even verbally. That's that desperation that I find so unattractive. I'm not interested in a relationship either way, but desperation is the surest way to repell me immediately. People don't just want to talk. They don't want to get to know you. They don't want to be your friend. They want to go from, "Hello, my name is," to, "So you looking for a boyfriend?" In like ten minutes. It's gross. It doesn't work for me. I'm worth more effort than that. There's no chase. No subtlety. No seduction. It's just... boring.

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22:59 Dec 18 2023
Times Read: 1,058


When I meet people, and they ask me, "So why are you single?"
My last boyfriend is literally insane.
"Ahhhh, that makes sense now."
xD
It's not really funny, it's actually incredibly tragic. It's just funny the way people react as though the only reason any man could possibly leave me is if he were literally insane. I met another guy on Fallout, and after telling me about his psychotic ex who he claims literally came at him with a knife because, ya know, some women just aren't imaginative enough to think flamethrower, he asked me what my situation is. He then wanted to add me on Snapchat. And on one hand, I don't mind, I'm me, I'm real, seeing that I'm actually real is whatever. But also like... why do you need to verify my looks just to game with me?
I'm just saying~♡
He also didn't know what a yandere is. If a girl comes at you with a knife... probably a yandere. But sadly not everyone is a massive anime nerd.

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16:32 Dec 17 2023
Times Read: 1,114


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I need a vacation to recover from my vacation💀
I never get homesick for anything, but my cat. He hasn't let me out of his sight since I got back. I hate coming back. I feel so much better, physically, close to the ocean. I feel like I breathe better. It's so... suffocating here.
I thought about Wolfie. While I was drinking a lot of rum, and dancing on the beach. I thought about Wolfie, and I thought, "Wolfie would hate this."
Yeah... he would.
I miss him.
Got in a fight with Cheshire before I left. Cheshire is amazing in a lot of ways. But... he's not Wolfie. No one is. He's so close to him though. Painfully close. A lot of the stuff he says is straight outta Wolfie's mouth. And I feel like because of that I misplace some of my frustration towards Wolfie onto him. He should know, it's not him. It's not him at all.

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09:20 Dec 07 2023
Times Read: 1,212


Ten million pairs of sunglasses... I go to pack some, nowhere to be found. Eventually, I find a couple pairs, not the ones I want. And I know I won't be able to sleep until I find the exact ones I want. So I think, hectic bunny brain, where did you put these... Knowing myself very well, I know they're probably knocked behind something. Well one pair was anyway.
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Pink. Heart-shaped. Pentagrams. Very, very me. I also have these in red, also very me, but I can't find them anywhere. I know they're here, I know I casually threw them down somewhere into the void. I really wanted them, they match my red coffin carry-on... Pink are definitely for the beach💗

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06:35 Dec 05 2023
Times Read: 1,270


I'd like to personally thank the two assholes who decided, with 15 seconds left in Guided Meditation, to just give up, and allow their speakers to be blown, putting the whole thing on me to get the win. I look up, and there's just a wall of feral ghouls sprinting at me, and my speaker was at about 5%, one hit really could've knocked it out. In Guided Meditation you're tasked with keeping 4 speakers going while ferals are constantly coming at you. You can repair them if they get knocked out, but if all 4 are knocked out together then you lose. And these idiots, probably assuming we'd won already since there was so little time left on the clock, abandoned their posts, which the ferals destroyed immediately, leaving me, my 5% speaker, and every angry feral there coming at me. I was pretty sure I was fucked xD But I just kept shooting. Normally in a situation like that I would throw a nuka grenade... But this most often also kills me along with whatever I've thrown it at. Nuka grenades are best for large groups of enemies at a distance like the large groups of wendigos that get summoned during the Wendigo Collosus boss or if you get overwhelmed by muties in Eviction Notice. I need at least one solid person in Eviction Notice. I mean, I really need another me guard the other side, but if you can competently shoot super Mutants, and keep them off my ass, I appreciate it.
I dunno how I feel about the Fallout show coming out. I'm not big on tv, and watching it definitely won't be as satisfying as playing it, but maybe it won't be total garbage. You're messing with a series that has a pretty diehard fan-base... And watching it just isn't the same as going out into the Wasteland, and struggling/exploring yourself. One thing I'm glad they didn't carry over from Fallout 4 into 76... The main character having a voice. It just personally ruins my immersion hearing my character with a voice that isn't mine, especially when all the other games have the standard silent protagonist. I don't need the game to tell me what me, my character, is thinking.
I did a bunch of asylum runs today. No red uniform. I've found a few blue though. I sell them easy for 3000 caps each. Could probably bump it up to 5000, but I don't like being greedy. As long as I have enough money to keep about 15,000 rounds of 45 on me at all times, I'm happy. It makes me wonder how they're doing caps in the show. I run around with 30,000 caps, and 15,000 ammo on me at all times. That's definitely not realistic xD I can not find red or pink though... I really wanted it for the new season. People ask if it's difficult or if it's too late to get into 76. I've been playing it for about a year, and it was super easy to get into. Even if you're not leveled very high. I rocked out for a few hours with a guy leveled in the 20s, just bouncing from event to event. I tried to keep an eye on him to make sure he didn't go down. He was up to the 30s by the time I left. That's how a lot of people are though. Sure, you'll run into assholes, and trolls like with any online game, but there are also people who will help you. Who will give you gear and supplies, and try to help keep you alive in harder situations. I ran into a guy in Whitespring earlier, and he saw me looking at a trashcan, and said, "I get you, shorty, I always go through the trash too." But I was actually putting stuff IN it xD Some ammo, and meds. That's a common place to put stuff or the blue suitcases outside any train station or the actual donation box outside of 76. I also currently have my camp beside the Whitespring station. It's convenient because the trader, and legendary machine are right there. I still can't think of why anyone would want to live in the Mire... Maybe the Megasloths? They are cute. Not cute enough for my ass to live there.
I also got a random add... Some guy playing Dead by Daylight. Which... I don't play. And he only had two hours in Fallout, and zero in anything FromSoftware. Could just be random, could be a mutual friend, could be he saw me in Fallout, could be someone on here. I was hoping he'd message me, and establish where he's seen my psn name. I'm gonna guess friend of a friend. I'll add anyone who friend requests me, but it does leave me curious when it's a mysterious stranger. Could be that guy in my base I waved at, he was pretty low level🤔

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23:14 Dec 04 2023
Times Read: 1,312


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Supposedly, this deer is supposed to lead you to some treasure, but people usually immediately kill it since Radstags are generally aggressive.
It led me to some chickens.
Then it killed the chickens.
Then it stood there, and stated at me😐
Didn't kill it though.

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