Well that just happened…I guess we have formed an unofficial coven. Lmao!!
I was really not prepared for this. Lol
*rubs temples and laughs*
Can we forget this weekend even happened? Toto I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore. Haven’t been in Kansas for the past couple of weeks actually.
I just..*laughs* I’m tired. The puddle just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
I’m going to just head to my dark cave where I hide now but I think..hell I honestly don’t know what to fucking think anymore. I need some ME time for everyone just to leave me alone so I can fucken think!
Couldn’t log on since this morning. Not sure on who’s end the problem was but I’m able to log on again. *shrugs*
Anyway I’m “alive”.
A lot happened tonight. None that I will discuss with no others besides the ones that were present.
I will need to sleep and be alone to recharge.
I was unable to log on last night as well so the problem must have been on their end. Cancer is all over that though and had it up and running as soon as they could.
I love You at this point that is the only thing I’m sure of anymore.
In a weird mood tonight. Restless but I do not have the typical racing thoughts I usually have actually my mind is kinda blank. It’s weird. :/
So I’ve been trying so hard to restrain myself in certain aspects.
To follow this “code of ethics” that others have seemingly placed on me. (This being and other beings will remain unnamed but know who they are)
You know I am who (what) I am.
I’ve been in this haze as of late feeling I have to water myself down for others.
I can no longer deny the dark or light aspects of myself.
I admit I like to rebel rouse with the best of them. Sometimes I stay in the shadows and watch other times I join in because I’m of the mind that if you dish it out you should be prepared to receive what’s due to you.
I’m a “nice” person to a point but if I feel my kindness is being taken advantage of it never ends well.
There is one being in particular that still continues to voice certain opinions in kismet (which is your right of course) but has since hidden journals from the public, to that I say I good, but I know you are still running your mouth because I sense that’s just the type of person you are. I haven’t said much about you but I will say this I sense your distant fuckery and just because you have hidden yourself doesn’t mean that you have stopped your bullshit shenanigans.
Anyway just wanted you to know I see you and yes your very presence still annoys the fuck out of me and it has nothing to do with you being “different” no it’s because you’re just a straight up asshole.
I swear this has to be some kind of satire shit because heaven above and hell below. I can’t…ROTFLMFAO!!
It doesn’t even piss me off it just cracks me the fuck up.
Ever been in one of those moods were you just want people to leave you alone.
But you don’t want to be alone and you feel on the verge of tears for no reason over the dumbest shit?
Well that’s a little bipolar..I was craving salt yesterday…
Sometimes the best weapon in a war is silence.
The element of surprise.
Ah fuck where to begin…
My brain is too fried to even think properly at this point.
It was a day full of him talking in damn circles. Using the kids to manipulate my feelings to stay. As if that isn’t bad enough in of itself. Do I want to leave the kids with him. No. Do I have a safe place for me to even go at this point. No..
Do I have money? No.. he made sure to control all that stuff and keep me as devalued as possible to such a point that I had no motivation to fight about it. So this is going to be hard and some tough decisions have to be made because as it stands I’m not financially capable of taking care of my children. This suck the biggest dick in existence because that will most likely be used against me in court. This is going to get ugly I can just feel that shit deep in my soul.
Not to mention when I do get somewhere I’m going to need some time to deal with my own shit and heal.
“I'm coming apart at the seams
And everyone's pulling at me
And I am unraveling
The smile isn't quite what it seems
But it does well to hide what's beneath
All the pressure is staggering”
I like that song....
Lol It still cracks me up every time I hear it. Just blowing off steam. Been awhile since I’ve heard it.
Is it still considered deranged indifference if the reason you don’t do it is because you are just too tired and lazy to clean up the blood and dispose of a body??
Asking for a friend.
People try to help you but you spit in there face and push them away like you did to me and everyone who tries to help you
Also everyone be careful this woman is married with children and tries to manipulate men on here for sex. Sell them a sob story to get in there heads don't fall for it don't be that gullible.
Yea cause like you’re such a prize yourself, Tabby. I don’t want you in my life because that’s just one less dumpster fire in my life that I have to worry about including the dumpster fire that is my marriage. I’m pretty sure at this point it’s no secret to everyone that cares that I’m married and have kids. Again trying to see your point here.
I pushed you away Tabby because you’re toxic af and one big walking red flag and I already have one of those in my life don’t need anymore thank you though. Keep that shit to yourself I have enough problems of my own.
Sounds like the classic smear campaign of a narcissist to me.
Are we also not going to talk about how you threatened to come and kill me? How emotionally abusive you were to me? We won’t tell people how toxic you were coming on my profiles stalking me sending me messages when I asked you to leave me alone and here you are again. Still crossing my boundaries which you cross time and time again. Get the fuck out of here.
Not to mention you’re suspended to forever from here and you still can’t seem listen and stay away and to mind your own business. It’s my life news flash I will live it how it makes me happy and I really could give two shits what you or anyone else has to say about it. Oh and I am leaving my husband just so there is no confusion over what I am doing with my life and I can guarantee that you will have no chance with me after the divorce is final. So run along now and work on yourself before you come putting me on blast to everyone here.
"Shakes head" Sorry he is doing this if that truly is him...
I'm not sure anymore who's really behind the profiles in reality a IP Blocker can put you even in another country. I know a few that uses one even shows them in another state and Country,
They are raging to the surface
scratching and clawing to be released
Little do you know your time has come
That I see through all your lies
That fake façade, the mask that you pull on and off for people to see what you want them to see
On the outside it may seem that we are that picture perfect family but it’s all a lie to hide your own inner shame and pride
I won’t be your prisoner one minute longer be your fucking puppet so sick of your head games and pulling my heart strings
Acting clueless, acting heartless and then turning on the love and dangling your fake love on a string to lead me on
I’m turning my heart away from you completely and cutting you out of my life because you can’t make someone love you if they really don’t
I’m tired of talks being unproductive and turning into all out battles
Tired of being cut off, shut down and deflected when you don’t want to see the cold hard truth expressed to you
I’ve had better conversations with someone who you would consider “someone not worth my time” who actually gives me the time of their day
and shows me I actually do matter as much as I think I do
Someone who actually respects my boundaries
Someone who just doesn’t want to use me for sex
Someone who doesn’t try to control and manipulate my feelings away but wants to hear about my pain and struggles and all the things that my smile hides from the world
A person whom I have come to care for very deeply who is more of a man in just a few months than you’ve been capable of being in almost two decades
He’s there when I’m low. He’s there when I’m high. My pain doesn’t scare him or make him insecure. He’s there just to let me shout and he actually listens to respond and not to try to prove my feelings wrong or make me doubt what I feel deep inside.
He also seems to have the patience of a saint despite it all.
He’s the one I imagine laying next to at night
Where my heart is where my home is
People can be so cruel but such is the world we live in. At least there are those who understand when others pain is genuine and don’t think it’s just for attention.
That’s why I hid it for so long because not too many really seem to give a shit anymore. How do you know when people are really genuine and not just trying to collect shit to use on you later?
That’s another reason why I didn’t used to talk about my pain.
The truth is everyone hurts at one time or another. I’m feeling sad tonight and I’m not even sure why I guess besides the fact I’m just tired of this world and I want to go home where tears will no longer exist.
I can tell you, hun, people lost compassion understanding, and respect for other people's feelings, These days it's all about who has the most to give. There is the givers and then the takers, most times I question people's motives anymore, it's sad to see something good and be proven that you saw beyond the ego which blinds the person to their own power. There are some genuine people out there, you'll know the difference between them and the ones who have an agenda behind their motives.
I have found that generally people are selfish and don't look beyond themselves. Any generosity of spirit is there but hidden in the smoke and shadows. Be well.
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