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cutexbutxpsycho's Journal


cutexbutxpsycho's Journal

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46 entries this month
 

07:32 Aug 31 2022
Times Read: 132


22629b8b158d3262d6b3f838c73a3984
And now it's stuck in my head~♡
That makes Wolfie the Beast...
Yep, I can see that xD
You know what I haven't seen in forever? Swan Princess. It completely blew my mind when I connected that Swan Princess is based on Swan Lake.
Wolfie says he'll take me to see Swan Lake in Russia🖤

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04:36 Aug 31 2022
Times Read: 160


I'll admit... Part of me wanted to quit my job before the whole incident on Saturday. I had been over the way my coworker was treating me for a long time. Then listening to my boss pretty much every day talk about how he didn't want to be there, he didn't care anymore, he was done with the whole thing... Working my ass off for less than minimum. Doing more than everyone, doing things no one else would even try to do. I felt like I was desperately trying to fix a sinking ship. The captain is ready to call it quits, I'm the only one on the crew that's really trying, literally everything is breaking down around me, you can't sail on like that forever. It just wasn't a healthy work environment all around. My coworker's extremely toxic behavior just finally pushed me over into giving up. And I'm not someone who gives up. But after talking to Wolfie I felt like it was better this way. When I first started, I loved my job, I loved going in, hanging out with my boss, interacting with the customers, it was where I wanted to be. But over the Summer it's just changed. And being told I sit on my ass too much by a blind woman who can't even see me to see what I'm doing when I'm working my ass off... I told her, yeah, sometimes there's just nothing to do. But most of the time I'll be on my feet for 6-7 hours straight. And she laughed, and said she didn't believe me, there was no way. Ok, haha, well fuck you. I really shouldn't be on my feet that long with my medical issues, but I never used that as an excuse, I just sucked it up. Well you can only suck for so long xD Anytime anyone needed anything, anytime there was something that needed to be done, I jumped up first to get it done. I never said there was anything I wouldn't do unlike my coworker who constantly refused to do shit. And in my opinion they made their choice in not choosing to get rid of her, that's what they're left with, a shitty employee. Wolfie says they obviously don't care about their business. They tried to talk me into staying, said they'd figure it out, but I refuse to work in any way with that useless bitch, it was going to be her or me, and not getting rid of her, that made my choice for me. Maybe that's immature, but ya know, I'm just done with her. My dad told me that when I first started that she was a bad person, and she was going to do everything to get rid of me, and I always defended her. I hate when my dad is right. And he's usually right. He said the same thing after he met my ex, tried to tell me what a horrible person he is just from talking to him. He hasn't said that about Wolfie so... The owner tried to tell me it was obvious we never liked each other. Again, fuck that. I always tried to be friendly, kind, and helpful to her. And the only thing she did towards me was complain about me, and everyone else. It's not personal just to me, she bitches about everyone constantly. We used to have two more people working there when I started, but ever since they left it's just been me, and she really focused in on every little thing she could find wrong. If I didn't do one little thing, I'd hear about it. But then I'd come in after her shift, nothing would be stocked, nothing would be cleaned, nothing would be ready for me. Apparently me saying anything about her unprofessional work habits indicated to them that I didn't like her. Honestly, I never fucking liked her, but I never treated her wrong.
But yeah. All that aside, my heart wasn't really in that place anymore. Maybe I was looking for an out. I am impulsive especially when I'm feeling overemotional, but walking out on responsibility is not part of my character. No matter what they would've said to me today, I was never going back, I made my mind up about that the second I walked out. I think playing therapist to my boss pushed me there. Listening to him talk every day about how much he hated being there, how he wanted to do other things with his life... If you don't care about being here, why the fuck should I? Why am I even here? He always told me if I ever left he'd close up shop. I kinda hope he does. He's missing out on his kids whole lives because he's constantly there, and the store doesn't even turn enough profit to give him a paycheck. It drains money more than anything. It's not a good business, it doesn't really give him anything, but he's holding on because his mom wants it. We'll see how long that lasts. He has just as much contempt for my coworker as I do, the difference is he doesn't have any balls, he won't stand up. He did way more bitching about her than I ever did, but sitting there in that meeting, he said nothing. Pussy. Ya know, I'm a Libra, I do everything to avoid confrontation, I want peace and balance, but when you take my balance away I will fucking destroy everything. So now we just sit back, and watch it burn❤

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01:40 Aug 31 2022
Times Read: 188


I love this set...
Polish-20220830-191933939
Honestly, I think I'm feeling the Black the most. I think it'd look perfect with a crossbow :3
Then there's this.
sku-02-honghei-a07d648a7e2a5b7cb66b6123a1929635-750x1000
Things like this are why I can't dress like an adult xD
Wolfie always worries he looks like a creep next to me. I don't think anyone thinks that when they see us together. I look young, but Wolfie could definitely pass for early 20s. He was showing me some stuff in his closet last night from when he'd done some shopping in Austria. He doesn't enjoy shopping so much without me, but he does like having nice clothing, he kinda needs to with his job. It's nice seeing him spend money on something besides me xD On himself. If you work your ass off you deserve to enjoy the rewards of it. He said when he gets done then we'll go on a vacation for me. I'm just like... no, for you too, for both of us, we both deserve a nice break especially him because my job was never particularly stressful or straining, but I won't say no to going somewhere romantic with him. He was going off last night, while I was falling asleep, about how people have all these misconceptions about Russia, especially the women there. I'm just now realizing he mentioned he has another aunt. I've never heard of this other mysterious aunt before. This is what happens when we talk at 3 am xD I forgot to investigate. I know he has the one aunt, and an uncle that apparently no one associates with. But I guess he does have some family in Isreal, specifically he's mentioned a cousin there, so that could be it. His family is so scattered everywhere. Most of my family is within 200 miles of each other. And yet... I've never felt like I belonged here. Not sure I belong in Russia either, but we'll find out❤

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19:32 Aug 30 2022
Times Read: 229


Finally got to sit down, and talk everything out with my boss, his mom, his wife, and my useless coworker. And I stood by my actions, I walked out, I quit, but I wanted everyone to hear my side of what happened because no body knew my side. And apparently my coworker told everyone I was crying, and I walked out because I just didn't want to work, I was just being a baby. And then when I explained my side she said that none of what I said happened, that she only refused to help me because she was busy with other stuff which... she wasn't. That was only when she wasn't sitting there stone cold with her nose in the air, completely avoiding looking at me. Because she's a fucking coward. Because she's a heartless bitch. Which is what I said to all of them, especially her, I refuse to work with someone so heartless. I take responsibility for abandoning my crew, but she abandoned me. So fuck her. I firmly believe my departure will be the last thing that sinks that ship. It's being heading down for awhile. Everyone thought I went there to get a second chance, nah. I just wanted the truth out there. They can believe what they want, I spoke the truth. And interestingly enough, it was my boss's, well former boss now, his wife was the one who got super emotional, and started crying. The thing about her is that she has Aspergers, so she doesn't handle empathy very well, she's pretty monotone and emotionless like all the time. But when she started to tear up... It meant a lot. It made me feel cared for. At least they care if I'm leaving. She hugged me, and told me how impossible the situation is because we're both family to them. Unfortunately, there's no way for us not to work together occasionally. And if two people can't get along anyway, one needs to go. I'm completely fine with it being me. I just have absolutely no respect for my former coworker. If she had approached me, tried to talk to me like an adult, and apologized, and owned up to her part, I would've made it work. But fuck her putting it all on me, calling me a liar, making me out to be just a weak little girl. She knew she did wrong. She wouldn't look at me, and kept saying, "I said what I have to say, I don't need to say any more." Real fucking mature from someone twice my age, refuse to talk it out with me. If I wasn't done before I sure as shit was at that point. It's just easiest to be done. And I'm relieved in many ways. I was working my ass off for maybe $250-300 a week. Not exactly money you can live off of. Selling stuff makes twice that in a week, easy. So my day job was always more of side-gig for extra pocket money, but for the work I was putting in, I wasn't being compensated nearly enough. Then there's Wolfie. His contract is up end of September/early October. So he's looking to be coming back by November at which point I would've had to quit anyway. And getting ready to move to another country, yeah, I have a lot of shit to do. I've got a massive amount of stuff to get rid of, and I haven't had the time. But now I can focus on that. I was really dreading having to quit when Wolfie got back, but now that's taken care of, almost like the Universe was trying to help me out. It's been a long time coming, I always told my boss that she made me want to quit, constantly talking behind my back, treating my family like crap when they came in, not pulling her weight but blaming everything on me. Then his mom kinda pissed me off when I got there because she started going off about how I was on my phone too much or sitting around or whatever. My phone never got in the way of me working, and I never sat on my ass when there was shit was to do. I did my job, and I did it better than fucking anyone there so she can kinda kiss my ass too. My boss really had nothing to say, that's just how he is, he's a submissive person, he's not confrontational. I said what needed to be said. They made it seem like they had no choice, but not choosing between us, not choosing your better employee over your trash worker, that's a pretty big statement to me. That job was exactly what I needed when I really needed it, but I feel comfortable moving on. His wife said to me, "It's hard because this is running a business, but... you get emotionally invested in people." I get that. I'm emotionally invested in them too. They're like family, most of them. But now they can give that to someone else who needs it. I'm good with that.
I feel like I was comforting them more than anything xD I'm the one leaving, but I was trying my best to assure them that I'd be ok, that this was the right call, that they shouldn't feel at fault. That's just me, make sure everyone else is ok before myself.
I dunno, I feel a tremendous amount of relief, like I have my freedom back. I'm definitely taking some time off, like I said there's probably no point in getting another crappy job, but I'll get tired of sitting around. Eventually... Wolfie says I don't need to work, he can take care of me, and I probably won't be allowed to work after we move, but hopefully I'll be able to keep selling stuff. What did I do before I had a job... I used to jog a lot xD Yeah, let's do that❤

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03:08 Aug 30 2022
Times Read: 255


Polish-20220829-210523574
Now tight leather armor I could understand❤
It's so cute that he remembers all the drawings I've made for him :3 Like he'll randomly reference them, and I'll be like, aww, how did you remember that... Wolfie has been asking me about Elden Ring, my build, and the world and whatnot. He really wants to play. He kinda got out of gaming because he's been so busy, but I'm going to get him back in when he gets back. We both love FromSoftware games so I know he'll love it, and I can't wait to get into the lore with him. We're such fucking nerds xD

Hey, honey, wanna go out tonight?
Nahhh, let's stay home, and discuss our theories on why we think Marika shattered the Elden Ring.
Cool!

That's so us xD
That's why, among many whys, Wolfie is my soul mate💗
Screenshot-20220829-210959-Gallery

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01:32 Aug 30 2022
Times Read: 274


I've got new dresses💗

I loved the design on the silk cami set I had to buy the "dress" of this.
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I say "dress" because it looks, and feels more like a nightgown to me. I'm not sure Wolfie would approve me wearing this out, but I know he'd never approve me wearing this to bed xD Anytime I come to bed with something like this on he tells me I'm wearing way too much for his liking. It might make a nice beach though to wear over a bikini. I was actually a little surprised it fit me so well since I feel like I've gained a few pounds over the last year working at a candy store. Wolfie says I look perfect as ever, but... I told him to make me promise him no more sugar til he gets here. Because I will 100% keep a promise to him so when I want to be responsible I tell him to make me promise. It sounds complicated, but it works xD

Then there are these two.
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Emily the Strange and bats🖤
Yeah, I know, it doesn't suit my more mature wardrobe... but Wolfie needs to understand that you can't take the goth girl out of me. I do want more appropriate, expensive clothing for certain places we go, but I also like having my other stuff. There needs to be balance. I do not look nearly my age so... I can Dress however I fucking want because I pull it off🖤

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18:39 Aug 29 2022
Times Read: 322


Went to talk to my boss today, and mysteriously they're closed down today. Which... never happens. They very rarely close on a day that isn't a holiday especially since next Monday they're supposed to be closed as well. So. I'd say after last weekend that everyone probably needed a mental health day, it was a very stressful time, and being down one person on the busiest night probably didn't help anything. But I stick to wholeheartedly blaming my coworker for that. They can blame me of they want, but a person can only take so much. But hey, having an extra day off is pretty nice, I need the rest. People tend to forget that I've got my own serious health problems going on. I don't really talk about it, I don't use it as an excuse for anything, in fact I do more than anyone else in spite of it, but it is still there, it can force me to occasionally need to slow down a little bit, sometimes I need help, and people don't take that into consideration because I hold my own, and then some. That's one reason Wolfie worries so much because usually when I'm running down I just suck it up, and keep going on my own, I push through. But my coworker pushed me over the edge by refusing to help me when I actually, for once, asked. I've never asked that bitch for anything. So it is what it is. I think some shopping, and maybe some Elden Ring is in order for the day. Of course, if I quit there will be plenty of time for both xD If I quit, I'm torn between whether to get another job or not. I think I'd take a couple weeks off at least, but with Wolfie possibly coming back within the next 2-3 months I just dunno if it's worth it to get invested in another crappy job or just wait for him to get back. I've got plenty in my savings, and I'm still selling stuff for more money than I ever made working so I kinda don't see the point in working another job. This job was mostly to keep me busy til Wolfie made it back, but I've got a lot of shit to get done before then so... it just might be better to be done either way. But ya know, I'll walk in tomorrow, and my boss will convince me to stay, I expect that. I'm glad I have Wolfie's support in whatever I choose. He said to me, "When you let people abuse you they won't stop, if you can't make them stop, it's better to walk away...You told me that...it's why I left the US, to get away from my mom." And I wouldn't say my coworker is abusive, but she's extremely unpleasant, and does take advantage of me, and everyone else there. If they won't do anything about it, I can only do what's best for me. I also reminded Wolfie that while it's fantastic that he left here to get away from his mother, he also left me here. But he's working on fixing that. And honestly, the time away has been really good for his mental health, he's really gotten himself together a lot since he left so while I hate that he's been gone this time, I'm proud of him for doing what was best for his own emotional well-being, what will be best for us in the long run. My job isn't my life, I've got a lot of other things that make so happy so no matter what happens I know I'll be ok❤

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22:01 Aug 28 2022
Times Read: 360


I'm feeling better after my lil emotional breakdown yesterday xD I held some bunnies, ate some ice cream, talked to Wolfie. On my way home I stopped to buy some groceries, and ran into the father of the our little helper girl at the shop. She's 15 so she comes in on the weekends for a few hours to help us out with stuff around the shop. But he stopped me, he knows me because he comes in all the time, and told me his daughter said she really hopes I'm not quitting, she'd be upset if I left because she really likes working with me. And it warmed my heart a bit. I told him I really don't want to quit, I was just overwhelmed yesterday, and I'm going to discuss it with my boss tomorrow. So we'll see. I've told everyone I don't want to quit, but I don't think I can work with my coworker anymore. And that's not like a huge deal, we only usually work together maybe once a month. But not being able to work with her, it might just be better to move on. She's never liked me. She's never friendly to my family. Anyone else comes in, she's as nice as can be. My family walks in, and she just glares at them, she's not friendly at all. She refuses to do things, which I didn't know we could do, apparently we can just refuse to do parts of our jobs. But that's why I do EVERYTHING because there's stuff she just won't. Like she claims she can't go into the kitchen we have because she has trouble breathing. So if I'm there, she'll simply refuse to do anything in the kitchen. And in my opinion, if there's something you can't do at a job, you shouldn't be working there. Working in the kitchen is like 1/3 of our job, that's 1/3 she refuses to do. Why is this allowed? She also refuses to do any baking, cookies, waffle cones, brownies, nope, she won't help with that at all either. She also constantly fails to keep things stocked. If I'm at work, and I know that I'm not working the next day, I make sure everything is ready for her before I leave. She half-asses it when she bothers to do it at all. And then when any little thing isn't done for her she tells everyone that I don't do anything. If something isn't done on her watch, that's magically my fault. Everything is always me, and my boss has caught her blaming her own shit on my multiple times. He knows all the bullshit, he doesn't enjoy working with her either, but he's powerless to do anything about it. His mom, and his wife do the hiring/firing/scheduling, he's got nothing to do with keeping her there. I feel really bad that yesterday after my mom took me home she went back in, and told him that he needed to fix this shit, and she'd had enough of HER, her being my coworker. My boss told her he doesn't blame her. I've worked there a year, and it's been this way with her the entire time, you can't expect someone to work their ass off just to be told they don't do anything forever, eventually there's a breaking point, and unfortunately her refusing to help me was it. I've told my boss, and his mother multiple times over the last year that she made me want to quit, and anyone they hire will also want to quit because of her, she makes people miserable. And I get that a big part of it all is that she's threatened by me especially because people prefer me over her. Before me all she really worked with there was lazy teenagers who did a crappy job at everything, and that really made her shine in comparison. Now I'm the one that shines compared to her, and she's never liked that. In fact, she's tried to sabotage me. When she was training me, she showed me the wrong way to make a lot of stuff so then my boss has to correct me, and it's like... well, that's how she trained me, she set me up to fail. I think it really chaps her ass that I've been around this long, and that everyone else has embraced me as part of the family, everyone but her. Which kinda makes me want to stay. But she also just got $20,000 teeth put in, she needs the money to pay them off. So it would also really please me to see the shop go under, and her fucking lose her income. I've been as friendly as I can towards her, doesn't do any good so I'm done trying, I can't work with her. So I don't see how I can not quit, but we'll see what my boss says. Wolfie says a crappy job isn't worth all this stress, and what little money I make definitely isn't worth all the work I put into it. He's right. I just thought... It would nice to be normal. To have a crappy job to get up to every day, to be a little worker bee among the other bees. I'm not sure I'm cut out for it. I wish Wolfie would hurry up so I could leave, and none of this would matter... His contract is up in October/November so it's not far off, and his lawyer is looking at every angle to get me into Russia so hopefully. Wolfie already got offered a really great job there, and he already has a few apartments there so everything would be sorted if I can just get in. Then I can leave this whole mess behind...

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06:00 Aug 28 2022
Times Read: 398


Kinda quit my fucking job today. Sort of. I mean, I didn't tell them I quit, I just sorta left so I assume I'm fired, and I'm fine with that. My coworker literally put everything on me, handed me a paper with 10+ things to do, and when I asked if she'd be helping me she said no... Even though she had nothing to do. So I told her, no, seriously, I nedd help, haha... And she walked away from me. It was at that point that I left. Didn't say anything to anyone, just fucking left. If she wasn't going to help me, she could just do it all. So I grabbed my bag, and left. Called my mom because I didn't think I was fit to drive myself home. Then called Wolfie, and talked it out with him. He agreed that since I was obviously emotionally distressed that it was best for me to leave for the day, go home, take a bath, relax, get some rest. Honestly, I'm glad he was there, I really needed him. Everyone has their opinions on whether I did the right thing or if I was just being immature. But ya know, I couldn't work with her anymore. My boss's wife caught me just before I left the area, and she did not help things because she pretty condescendingly spoke to me, basically made it sound like I was just whining. And maybe I am, but if I didn't leave then I was going to have a psychotic break on that useless bitch in front of a store full of customers. And it really tore me up to do it because I consider my boss my friend, I love my job, everyone else there has always treated me like family, but she has always acted like she didn't want me there. She constantly says that I don't do anything, and when you work your ass off just to have someone CONSTANTLY say that about you... After a year of that, I've had enough. And sure, she does it to everyone, she complains about everyone, that doesn't make it ok. I feel really terrible for my boss... It hurts my heart that I did that to him. But I didn't have a better option. And we talk about it every week, about the shit she pulls because he's tired of it too. The thing is, she's a longstanding family friend so... She's never going to be fired. It's just not going to happen. Despite the fact that people prefer me over her in every way, she's there for life. So the only option is to remove myself from the situation. I can easily get another job, a better job, I've turned down better offers because I love my job. But it's not worth this bullshit. I don't want to work with her anymore. And I am going to go back in on Monday morning to talk to my boss about it because whether I quit or am fired, I think I just need to be done. And ya know, Wolfie, and I agree that I'd have to quit soon anyway when he gets back so maybe it's better this way. I'm sure everyone there is pissed at me especially since tonight was probably the busiest night of the year for us... And I wouldn't be surprised if they close up shop now which would almost be worth it because then that bitch would be out of a job too... And my boss is so mentally checked out of that place, he doesn't want to be there. And his wife never fucking wants to help. I'm the only one who immediately always jumped up to do anything, did all the things that no one else wanted to. So good fucking luck getting her to do any of it. Oh, but she already does everything, I'm the one who does nothing, that's right. Hope they can replace me by the time she needs alllll that time off next month. Yeah, before all this happened she was telling me all the days the next couple months I was going to have to cover for her, including a whole week in September which happens to fall on my birthday. I could've just said fuck you, I'm nor covering shit. But I told her, hey, no problem, I got it. Well fuck her time off especially since I'm the only capable adult they've got to work there beside her old ass. Sure, we get a ton of applications... from 15 year olds. Not really anyone you could trust to actually do much. And believe me, I'm going to get into all this with my boss on Monday. He already knows, I've told him many times that she makes me want to quit. I never thought it would actually happen... And now it's even more awkward that I've got horses on his farm, really kinda wishing I hadn't done that now. Not that I blame my boss in any way for any of this, but it would be easy to make a clean break if I didn't have other ties to him. Yeah, I do consider him a friend, but it's going to be awkward. So I'll probably just let him have them, I was going to let him have them anyway after Wolfie got back. What a mess😮‍💨
So then I ended up at my brother's house. Well, I ended up at my oldest sister's house first to see her new baby bunnies, get some bun therapy, and all the kids were over there so we all migrated together over to my brother's house. My brother thinks me outright quitting is a mistake, that I should make them choose between us. I'm already sure I'd lose that fight so... I don't think that's necessary. It doesn't matter how terrible she is, she's family to them. And I'm just replaceable. I'm fine with that. And them he gave me a speech about all the horrible people he's been forced to work with, and he just sucked it up. Ok, great for you, that was your choice. I don't fucking need this job, I make more money off my side business, I just enjoyed having something to do daily, I liked being productive. I know, I'm trying to convince myself it's ok to give up. It's just not something I do. I feel so defeated. Wolfie assures me that everything is OK, and not to stress about it... But it still doesn't feel good. Never seeing my coworker again might be worth it though...

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
17:38 Aug 28 2022

That's a shame that you were forced to choose between being abused and disrespected by a coworker at work (and it is abuse) and staying with a job and an employer that you otherwise liked.





 

04:45 Aug 27 2022
Times Read: 447


Sustained my first work-place injury today. I did crash my motorbike on my way to work a couple months ago... But I don't count that. This one was actually in the middle of me working. I dropped a glass bottle, and when it shattered a shard from it bounced up into my leg. And since I was talking to Wolfie when it happened, I immediately took a picture to show him xD Wolfie, look at the blood😵‍💫 It's not a huge cut, but it got me pretty deep so it did bleed a bit. Wolfie told me for probably the millionth time that I'm a very accident prone, clumsy bunny... Then told me to go to the doctor. For a wound probably only a few centimeters long. It's cute though that he worries. I slapped a bandaid on it, and kept working another 6 hours. Now my leg kinda hurts, it's a little bruised around the area, but I think it's fine. Probably. I did get to spend all day talking to Wolfie though, work wasn't crazy busy til night, and by then he had gone to bed. Sometimes I'll go back, and look at our conversations, especially the ones where he wakes me up pretty early, and I don't even remember the stuff I said xD Like he told me this morning he got a bonus on his commission, and I barely remember him telling me, I only remember him telling me was going to get himself some ice cream.
I really don't want to work tomorrow. But the money will be nice. That'll be some new makeup probably❤

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05:28 Aug 26 2022
Times Read: 479


Long day...
Wolfie made it safely back to Slovenia from Austria. He said he picked up another surprise for me on the way :3 He's looking forward to massively spoiling me when he gets back, he just can't help himself already. We were talking a few days ago, and Wolfie invests most of the money he makes, he very responsibly invests into things that make him more money. But I was telling him... Ya know, he never buys himself stuff, what's the fun in having all this money if you never spend it on pretty things?
"Men don't need pretty things, my love. But I'll buy lots of pretty things for you because you're already my prettiest thing."
Aw :3 Maybe other women might get offended by being referred to as a "thing" but it's sweet to me, I enjoy belonging to him. I am intensely curious to see what the second thing he bought me is... He already showed me the bag, and it's gorgeous. The thing is, I've been using mini backpacks for about the last year now so I may get rid of most of them in upgrading my wardrobe mode. I think I'd definitely keep the Lore Olympus ones. If I'm going to try to mature my stuff a little then there's a lot I'll have to get rid of. But that also means less to drag across the fucking world when we move so I'm not totally hating the idea. The problem for me is that so much designer clothing is just fucking ugly... But not all. Wolfie wants to take me on a huge shopping spree after we move, and I'm sure I could find some pretty dresses, and expensive shoes❤
I'm working all day tomorrow and all day Saturday. Not looking forward to it especially. Then I got called in tonight, I knew I would, but only for a couple hours. This is the busiest weekend of the year for us so it's a lot. Fucking patchouli bitch showed up about 20 minutes before I was supposed to get off, and I was like, fuck this, this isn't even my night, I'm leaving xD It's interesting because some people say they can't smell her at all, and I'm just dumbfounded by that... Maybe my nose is just more sensitive. But yeah, I got out of there immediately, didn't even tell anyone except my co-worker I was leaving, but she understood why. I was already annoyed because having to even go into work cut into my Wolfie video time, and now I probably won't get to see him much the next two days since I'm working so much...
Adulting really sucks sometimes. I remember how proud, and responsible I felt when I first got my job. Now I just wanna go back to my video games, and laying in bed with my boyfriend all day, I'm
over this whole job thing xD

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
15:09 Aug 26 2022

Too much perfume or cologne can be just as offensive as body odor. And you can taste it for hours.





 

09:33 Aug 25 2022
Times Read: 512


Wolfie woke me up with pictures of a new LV bag he picked out just for me :3 It's even red, my favorite color❤
He said he wanted to have something nice to bring me from Europe, not just the candy I requested because obviously, candy is important xD Maybe if he filled the purse with candy... Just hand me a bouquet of chocolate wrapped in a $2,000 purse❤
I've been saying it for a couple years, I need to mature my style. I still kinda dress like I'm a gothy teenager which is probably why people a lot of the time think I'm a Gothy teenager xD No body ever believes I'm over 18. I do also have a naturally young face, I've aged very well, but... my clothes don't help. I'm turning 34 this year, and it's not like I have to start dressing like a grannie or anything, just... upgrade my wardrobe a little bit. And if Wolfie wants to spend unholy amounts of money to do that, I'm totally in❤
On Tuesday cell service, like all cell service in the area, suddenly went down after a power outage. And even after the power kicked back on, service was still dead for about 12 hours, most of which I was stuck at work for. Wifi at work was also down so there was about 8 hours that I couldn't talk to Wolfie at all, and it gave me such anxiety. Like, it's one thing to not be talking, and know he's right there if I reach for him, but not being able to reach for him at all for several hours... major Bunny stressors. Thankfully, the wifi at home was still working so very overdramatically I immediately told him that if I disappear then he should know I love him more than anything because before that the last thing I said to him was, "Ok," and I didn't want that to be the last thing I ever said to him. Yes, I'm dramatic, I knowwww. It was just... a fucking day, and I can get a bit unstable when he's not there. Not always, when Wolfie is in a depression episode I kinda have to be strong on my own, and I don't want him to see me struggling without him, and feel worse about what he's going through so I try to keep myself together. Wolfie is just my ultimate comfort. My brother has been dealing with his wife's depression, I guess she has a lot of trauma, and I told him that usually the best you can do is step back, and let them push through it. Let them know you're there, you support and love them, but give them space to work through their trauma because like a typical man he feels inferior by not being able to just snap his fingers, and fix her, and having loved a person with severe depression for the last several years I can fucking tell you, there's absolutely nothing you can do. It's not your fault, it's not their fault, but it is something they have to work through mostly in their own head. Doing your research, and trying to understand mental illness is pretty fundamental. And you'd think my brother, having dealt with his own schizophrenia and depression in his life, would be more understanding towards his wife. He's told me there are days he cries in the shower. So like... dude, you get it, why are you getting frustrated with her, you know it's not something you can control. It has nothing to do with you as a man, stop trying to fix her, and just support her healing herself.
Wolfie is right, I should've been a psychiatrist xD It's mostly dealing with him though, Wolfie can be Batman or Wolfie can be the fucking Joker, you never know which side you're gonna wake up to. The funny thing is, Wolfie does have occasional uncontrollable fits if laughter, and it is... spooky. I love making him laugh, but when it gets likes that, I'm just like, ok, beloved, let's not get crazy... Then he starts talking about removing people's eyes with an ice cream scoop for looking at me... Pretty unrealistic though, an ice cream scoop is far too big to scoop an eye socket. That'd really be putting the eye scream in ice cream❤
That reminds me of this conversation we had yesterday.

Wolfie: I know you don't like people touching me, my love, but Moscow is a pretty crowded place, and I don't need you going for the knives when someone accidentally bumps into me.
Bunny: Well people shouldn't touch you, you're mine, stay out of Wolfie bubble😠
Wolfie: I don't have a bubble, I'm not a hamster
Bunny: Aw, you could be though, cute hamtaro Wolfie ^^

I remember Hamtaro :3
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Now that song's gonna be stuck in my head all day...

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20:19 Aug 24 2022
Times Read: 552


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He's such a dorky adorable nerd...
And I fucking love it :3
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He said that we should go to the S/M club with me in my Pikachu ears sometime.
Everyone else, classy as fuck.
Us, nerding it up.
Hey, we are who we are, at least we get each other💛

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04:52 Aug 22 2022
Times Read: 601


You know it's been a long ass day when I'm looking up Steve McQueen, and meant Alexander McQueen xD
Wolfie woke me up around 6, and I've just been going and going and going all fuckin day😵‍💫

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04:44 Aug 21 2022
Times Read: 649


Ya know I have a real fucking problem...
I buy hats, and I NEVER wear them xD
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It's a real shame cause I look awesome in headwear....
But I'm never like, gee, today feels like a hat day.
After I went to visit with my horses for a bit, I went shopping, and found the cutest Pikachu headphones :3
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And could not resist. I was talking to Wolfie all through the store, telling him all the treasures I was finding, and he said he's glad that little things like Pikachu headphones or Halloween cereal can make me happy. Because of the chemical imbalance in Wolfie's brain it's hard for him to feel simple happiness which is why he feels empty so often. But he says he never feels empty around me. I'm glad I can do that for him.
My boss brought in a big box of Halloween gummies into the shop earlier. I hugged them, and told him I'm so glad it's Halloween season🖤

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21:53 Aug 20 2022
Times Read: 697


Another amazing week at work comes to a close ^^
I'm going to get cleaned up, and go spend the rest of my evening with my horses, and my Wolfie❤
My boss told me that one of my horses playfully bit him yesterday xD Yep, that's my girl :3

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08:08 Aug 20 2022
Times Read: 731


Got to spend allllll day talking to Wolfie ^^ I feel so energized after spending time with him❤
My nephews were pretty bummed. The two oldest ones are spending the weekend here so they had it planned that we were going to game all night. But then I was on the phone with Wolfie til 1am xD Sorry I have a boyfriend, and that I'm not a 13 year old boy. I love hanging out with them, especially gaming, but... I'm gonna choose my boyfriend if he's wanting to shower me with attention. He finally got a new phone after trying twice to get the last one fixed, he finally just sent it back, and got a replacement. So I've been a bit without him the last couple weeks so yeah... Imma spend time with my man. Plus, the boys will be here tomorrow night too so we'll have gamer club then. I swear, these kids forget that I'm not one of them xD I have a job, I have a boyfriend, I have a life, I can't just drop everything and play. I dunno what these kids are going to do without me... Which Wolfie is really stressed about, apparently because the US and Russia are on such bad terms right now it's really, really hard to get in, possibly even through marriage may not work. I told him... ya know, you might just have to come back here and stay. If it's too difficult to get me into another country, he still has US citizenship, worst case scenario is he moves back here. He says the problem with that is he'd have to move all his money again, and it'll raise suspicions as to why he's moving so much money again within such a short amount of time since he literally just moved it. It's just a really bad time to move me, and as much as I want us together, it might not be reasonable right now. He's got til October to see if he can figure it out. I feel bad that he has to work so hard for me, and I can't do anything. He says I make him happiest, but sometimes I wonder if things would be easier on him without me. Not that I'd ever leave him, not in a million years, he's my mate. But... I hate feeling so useless in my own fate.
But Wolfie said he's proud of me for living my own life while he's away. That I'm working, and doing things that make me happy outside of our relationship because people should have many things that fulfill them. It's nice to have his support. I want him to know that I'm fine, he doesn't have to stress himself to death making it back, I'm fine until he gets here. But he said to me, "You know, Bunny... Maybe you were sent into my life to teach me how to enjoy the moment, and appreciate what I have instead of constantly working towards the future." I'm glad maybe he's finally seeing the benefits of living in the present with me. As much as I adore him for wanting us both to be taken care of... I just want him to stop, and breathe with me. Like I was telling him, he never spends money on himself, what's the point of having so much fucking money if you never spend any of it on yourself, there has to be something he wants. And without hesitation he says to me, "The only thing I really want is for you to be happy." And I am. He makes me beyond happy. Like, overemotionally ugly crying if I really think about it kinda happy. It's a little sickening. But it's true, he brings such genuine emotion out of me, I never have to fake anything with him. I know things will be ok, there's just so much on him right now.
I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. It's only a five hour shift, but getting my ass out of bed before 11... Eh...

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04:20 Aug 19 2022
Times Read: 773


My new unicorn stuff from KS came in recently🖤

The sweater.
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And because I got the sweater in black, I got the dress in green.
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I love darker emerald green. It reminds me of the eyes of my wolf. Dark, stormy, troubled... But not without warmth. His eyes soften so much when he looks at me. He'll be sitting there across from me, reading something, furrowed brow, lost in thought, and he'll look up at me, smile, and all the love he has for me is shining right there in his eyes. No body has ever looked at me like that, except him. It's not that I've never been loved before, but I've never been loved like that, the way he loves me.

I also got my moon bunny hoodie ^^
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Took me a few months to find it, but I had to have it💗

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XxKaramiaxX
XxKaramiaxX
09:57 Aug 20 2022

Everything is so cute.





 

04:26 Aug 18 2022
Times Read: 819


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I should just always be in a tiara...
Wolfie does call me Little Queen❤

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XxKaramiaxX
XxKaramiaxX
09:57 Aug 20 2022

Very Pretty





 

03:26 Aug 18 2022
Times Read: 839


Annnnd with that the horses are fully moved into their new home ^^
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Loading them into the trailer was... a whole thing xD Took a couple hours, and a couple bags of carrots. But we got it done. Now they just have to make friends with my bosses other horses, but they seemed fine when I left. I'm supposed to go out this weekend, and see if I can get up on one of them so that'll be interesting. Moving them was pretty intense, they were not happy about it, but somehow we got it done just the two of us. I did go to get my niece to take with us, but at 4 in the afternoon she was struggling to get out of bed so I said fuck that, she was uninvited. I don't think I'm harsh on my nieces and nephews, I probably spoil them more than anyone, but 4 in the afternoon your ass is still in bed? Shame. I'm not taking you anywhere.
So now I don't have to work til Friday :3 And I got my check today which was pretty amazing since I had the extra hours when my boss was out with covid. Although... He says he never had covid, that the hospital gave him three tests, and only one was positive, and he went in for his back, not because he was sick. But I got the extra hours, and next week I'll also be getting a lot of extra hours. Things are really awesome. I'm kinda loving my life❤

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
13:08 Aug 18 2022

Beautiful horses.





 

06:47 Aug 17 2022
Times Read: 871


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Red hair and dragons❤
In Elden Ring Malenia's Valkyries all have red hair. And they're all slowly eaten away inside until they blossom into their final form. Malenia herself eventually blooms into a goddess.
I really like Malenia. Despite being born with ravaging sickness, she fought it, she grew into a fierce, honorable warrior. Until she lost her shit fighting her brother... I mean, siblings do that. I don't think I'd devastate an entire region to beat my brother... Probably not. He does annoy me sometimes. But I did kick his ass at A LOT of video games when we were young❤
We're moving the horses tomorrow. My niece is coming with us again, she says she'll help load them. My boss is bringing a saddle, he thinks we'll get up on one of them tomorrow, the more relaxed one. He said she flexes really well, and is rock solid so apparently that's a good thing. The problem is that they really, really don't like being separated. It's sweet, but kinda inconvenient when we're trying to work with just one of them. They're very protective of each other which is why I bought both of them, there was no way I would allow them to be separated. If we can get them both rideable then I'll be happy. The Walker though, she has so much personality, I'm already in love with her. I still need new names for them... Even if it's just nicknames, there's no way in Hell

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04:23 Aug 16 2022
Times Read: 908


Another productive day at work... Another three hours straight of Elden Ring lore xD The problem with ER lore is that so much of the game is unclear, it's subjective so really you can believe whatever you want to believe about it, and no one can tell you you're wrong. Someone pointed out that the BKAs armor description says they were RUMORED to be Numen women with close ties to Marika, but it's not stated as fact, only rumor. So really, they could have been anyone, and what if they weren't Numen? What if they had nothing to do with Marika? Because that's a really interesting connection, why would these women who were connected to the Queen go, and murder her son, specifically her son, why was he targeted? Could've killed anyone, why him? Was someone trying to push Marika into enough grief that she'd defy the Greater Will, and shatter the ring? Or was Marika the puppetmaster all along? Because she doesn't really seem to have much concern for her children anyway, maybe bumping one off was no big thing for her. There's just no clear answers on what exactly happened, why it happened, and who did it. Just like in Dark Souls, and Bloodborne, the main story has already happened, you're too late for when shit really went down, you don't get to see all thay. You get there just in time to clean things up, and force the end one way or another.
I didn't get to any Cult of the Lamb today, I'm collapsed into bed, too tired to even try. With Monday over that means half of the suckiest part of my week is done. I like the money from my 8 hour days, but I do not like being stuck there so long. How functional people work full time, I'll never understand... It's just that, the more I'm around people, the more I utterly hate them xD Just... the way they act, and sound, and fucking smell is the worst, how do humans walk around smelling so terrible with absolutely no care or self-awareness? It's like there are two levels of human: The ones who don't bathe, and the ones who bathe in shitty, cheap cologne/perfume. There is no Inbetween. People who come in five minutes before close, "Well, you're still technically open so do these ten things for me." Oh, ok. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to make a mashed up fly look like a chocolate chip. I bet you can't even taste the dead spider, I just blended it right in... I mean, sure, right away xD Go ahead, complain, I dare my boss to fire me on a daily basis. If he fires me, he'll have to feed my fat horses, so he's kinda screwed, there's no way he can get rid of me now😈 And then he wouldn't get to sit there, and watch me lick butterscotch off my fingers... I do feel a little bad that his wife has like zero sex drive, but also... He knew that when he married her so it was his personal choice. That'd be like if I married Wolfie then got upset because he still likes to tie me up, and bang me. Like, duh, obviously. If you know what you're signing up for, you can't be upset about it happening exactly how it's already, always happened. It's like when Wolfie tries to tell me he doesn't want us to be sexual for awhile after he gets back, and I just kinda laugh in his face, like, ok... Sitting over there, getting all worked up just looking at me, I can only imagine how bad it would be if I actually told him no for a few days... Actually, that's not a bad idea, but I also think it might literally melt his brain xD
And sex shouldn't be everything, but you should be sexually compatible with your mate. That's why I never understood waiting til you get married, like, what if the sex is terrible? Well, to be fair, the sex was pretty terrible with every guy I've been with before Wolfie, and I still stuck around, and the relationships were bad, so yeah... Point proven❤

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05:51 Aug 15 2022
Times Read: 942


Took my 9 year old niece out to meet my horses today. She's a major horse girl just like her best auntie. We're not moving them til Wednesday, but we went out, got halters on them, led them around a bit so they could get used to us. One of them is perfect, she's so sweet, and obedient, she did exactly what I said, and then was nudging me for treats xD The second horse... She's a bit more high strung, it took a little longer to get the halter on her, and some bribing with carrots, but eventually she got it, she's going to take some work though, but I'm hoping after she gets used to us maybe she'll relax a bit. The first one is totally relaxed, my boss thinks I could possibly even be up on her on Wednesday if I really want. My niece is really excited, she's been taking riding lessons so I am glad I bought two, but we'll see how the second one comes around. My boss has several Indian ponies that are just her size though so she can always hop on one of those. And that means I can get Wolfie on a horse when he gets back :3 He says he's been on one before... But he's very much a city guy so I'm not totally convinced. He does love horses though, he really loves animals in general, it's one thing I adore about him. I really am curious to see if he makes it back by the end of the year. I'm not expecting it, and I won't be upset if he doesn't, but it'd be nice. But ya know, Wolfie is Wolfie, I never expect anything from him, he's always going to do what he's going to do. And it's always, "So I can take care of Bun." His heart is in the right place, I'm just afraid he's wasting so much time. Life is pretty short, you can't spend all your time preparing to live your life, eventually you just have to live your life. That's why I live my life, and get what I want, and do what I do, and when he gets back we'll figure it out, but I reached a point awhile back where I just couldn't keep putting things on hold anymore waiting for him to be back. I don't mean romantically or sexually or anything, Wolfie owns me, heart, body, everything. But I'm having what I want to have, and we'll deal with it when he shows back up.
I really don't want to work tomorrow, the weekend went by too fast. I can't wait for it to be September though❤

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10:07 Aug 14 2022
Times Read: 983


My horses are now bought, and paid for :3 My boss is supposed to be picking them up tomorrow, and moving them in. So now I just need to find an appropriate saddle, but that's easy. My boss says no spoiling them because they're both already fat, and need more exercise xD But since he only lives a few miles away it'll be easy to go see them as much as I want, and get back into riding regularly once they're ready.
My oldest nephew, and his sister are here for the night so we spent most of it on Ultimate Chicken Horse and Don't Starve Together. I can handle Don't Starve by myself perfectly fine. Doing it while carrying another person... Let's just say, he got set on fire, then I got set on fire, and then was immediately punched by a giant dragonfly into exploded death while still on fire xD And that was our most successful run. So needless to say, the Switch has definitely been a good investment.
Work has been a drag lately. My boss is talking about closing after this month. But he's always talking about closing. That's one thing I really don't like about his character, he's a major quitter. If we close it won't really affect me much, I might get another job, but maybe not, I don't really need it. His mother assures me they're definitely not closing so we'll see. But this week is pay week, and I've got a nice check coming in after working extra so much, it'll pretty much cover what I spent on the horses. Everything is really coming together on this side❤

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04:21 Aug 13 2022
Times Read: 1,021


I'm addicted to Cult of the Lamb xD I played til 5 last night then played from the time I woke up after I showered until I had to go to work at 4. It's so good though. It's a nice break from Elden Ring. Not that I really needed a break... But it's nice to play something just because it's cute and fun. Elden Ring is fun, but it also kinda sucks my soul dry xD
I haven't heard from Wolfie since his birthday. I'm pretty worried... Because his aunt is trying to get things patched up between him, and his mother. I guess his aunt gave him the phone when he was over for his birthday, and it was his mother, and she told him how wonderful he is, and how proud she is that he's her son. And as much as I'd love for her to be genuine about that, as much as I'd love for her to actually act like a mother for once in her life... I don't buy it. She's up to something. You don't go from being an abusive bitch all your life to suddenly being everything he's ever wanted in a mom. I want it to be real, but I'm so afraid that she's just going to crush him worse than ever, and what if I can't bring him back from it this time? He said after that he spent the rest of the day with his aunt wanting to kill himself. So... obviously, whether her intentions are genuine or not, she still triggers him into a very, very bad state. And if I have to go after his aunt I fucking will. Fuck your inheritance, hag, I don't kiss ass for money, you can not buy me. I understand that his aunt doesn't know the terrible things her sister has done to her own child, and I wish Wolfie would tell them. I get that it's hard to talk about when you've been severely abused, it causes a lot of shame, and guilt, and you feel like you can't tell anyone about it. It took him a long time to even say it to himself, that he was abused. So telling his family must feel impossible. But his mother is never going to be what he needs or deserves. There's too much damage to even try, it would take so little to push him fully over the edge, I'm just not willing to take that chance. So of course I'm worried. I know he's busy helping her with her place so I don't think anything has happened, he's just being Wolfie. But I'm protective so I worry when he's gone for a day.
My oldest nephew stayed the night last night. By himself. It's just a bit strange because usually the kids travel in a pack, when one shows up, they all show up or at least a few at a time. I told him none of the others were coming over, and he said, "So, you're here."
Aw :3
He's 13 so I know pretty soon he'll have better things to do than hang out with his old auntie. We discovered Ultimate Chicken Horse so that was a good time for a few hours xD He told me we should have our own YouTube channel. Yeahhh... I'm just a bit busy for that. Wolfie said he doesn't care if I became a streamer as long as I'm not one of those really annoying women who streams video games in only a bra. Nah... I'd do it totally naked xD Juuuust kidding. I dunno, I don't watch a single female streamer myself, I tend to find other women's voices really, really grating. And face cam is also a no for me, also annoying. I wouldn't want people watching me because I'm attractive, I'd want them to watch me because I've been a gamer since I was like three years old, I know what I'm talking about. I'm really picky about games though, it's pretty rare that something comes out that I'm actually interested in playing. I just happened to see Cult of the Lamb coming out, and as soon as I saw the preview of it I knew I'd love it. That doesn't happen often. So I don't think being a streamer is for me, I'm happy to play stuff just for myself🖤
And as it turns out... I guess I'm buying two horses. When we went, and looked at them they told us that the two needed to be sold together so I thought my boss was buying one, and I was buying one. Apparently I'm buying both of them, but that's not a problem, the second one is a really pretty paint, I'm happy to have her too. They're supposed to be going to pick them up on Sunday so hopefully he'll be able to start working with them. They are broken, but haven't been ridden in a few years so he, and his wife are going to work with them for a few weeks first. They're crazy horse people so they'll be in good hands.

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08:19 Aug 12 2022
Times Read: 1,048


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Cult of the Lamb is such a me game... It's super fucking kawaii, but like so ridiculously dark. I'm so in love with the aesthetic🖤
I'm debating on whether to have all bunny followers... But the other animals are cute too.
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05:52 Aug 11 2022
Times Read: 1,080


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I had to explain to Wolfie who Blaidd and Ranni are when I told him we should cosplay as them. Or maybe Marika and Maliketh... But how important wolves are in Elden Ring. Wolfie loved playing Dark Souls and Bloodborne, but he hasn't had time to play Elden Ring yet. He said he's kinda lost interest in video games, and everything else except for me. But I think once I get him here I can get him playing again. I can be his lore guide :3 I mean, a lot of the lore is based on your own speculation, there isn't a whole lot that's clear-cut, but I think most people come to the same conclusions.
I'm really interested in these.
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These are the former inhabitants of the Eternal City Nokstella. The intriguing thing is the varying size of them. Some are human sized, but some are much bigger.
Then there's this one.
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A giant corpse sitting on a throne. There's a similar empty throne further up in the city. So who are these things? Clearly they were important. But they're dead, and everyone else died staring up to the heavens in horror. Obviously, when your entire civilization is being yanked out of the earth, and driven underground it's going to have that effect on you... Which is one of the many things that makes me not trust the Greater Will. I'm interested to see which path Wolfie would take.
I wanted to try out Cult of the Lamb as well so I think I'll go download it on my Switch❤

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21:15 Aug 10 2022
Times Read: 1,108


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Dex/Faith build is a true thing of beauty🖤

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18:36 Aug 10 2022
Times Read: 1,120


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🖤

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03:02 Aug 10 2022
Times Read: 1,152


Ahhhh, no work til Friday evening😄
It actually wasn't a long day. Got to spend some time with Wolfie, wished him a happy birthday. Even though his birthday is technically tomorrow(though it is now his birthday where he's at in Austria) I wanted to tell him just in case we don't talk tomorrow. He's been very busy with work, and he headed off to Austria to visit his bank, and help his Aunt with some stuff. I told him... rather childishly... You're always giving your time to other people, when is it my turn? And really, he doesn't just give his time to anyone, it's pretty much his boss, and his family. I know, how dare he be so responsible, and not just fuck around with me 24/7 xD Look, I know I'm being an unreasonable, whiny little girl, I can admit that. Obviously he has to give a lot of time to work. But he's been doing a lot for his aunt too. Now his aunt is fucking beyond loaded, she's like... beyond rich, rich. So he's got a nice inheritance coming from her someday if he stays in her good graces. But it's more than that. He always says his aunt has been more of a mother to him than his actual mother. And I want him to have connections with his family since his parents are such garbage. Wolfie is trying really hard to get his life together... When we met he was in pieces, it was really bad. I feel like he has a much better grasp now on what he wants in life, it's just getting there, and that takes time. I'm not a planner so I'm always ready to jump one way or another. Wolfie isn't like that. I showed him my horse though :3 He... is never surprised to hear what sorta thing I've gotten myself into next xD I mean, I did tell him months ago that I was thinking about it, and it just sorta happened. It'll be fine. There are few things I need in life, a horse is one of them, I've always had a connection to them since I was very small, it's always something I've sought, to be close to cats and horses. I had three when I was younger, but unfortunately we had to get rid of them, and it'll suck leaving this one behind eventually as well, but at least I know she'll be well taken care of.
Since I'm not working til Friday, I don't think I'll be playing any Elden Ring tonight. I know, I could just end the game, it would be so easy xD But... there's still lots to do🖤

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15:32 Aug 09 2022
Times Read: 1,190


When I went to look at the horses the people selling them thought I was 18, and that my boss, and his wife were my parents xD People tend to feel pretty awkward when I tell them I'm really in my 30s... My boss is turning 40 tomorrow, and Wolfie is turning 30. I'm off tomorrow, but I doubt he'll take the time to celebrate, that's just how he is. Wolfie really just works his life away. I get it, but it is a bit much, and turning 30 isn't helping because he feels like he's already wasted so much time. Which is ridiculous, most people would tell him he's already a successful person, but he doesn't see it. I'm always afraid he's going to end up completely alone, working his life away, but it's self-imposed, and there's really nothing I can do about it. I want him to be happy, but I can't determine what happiness is for him. So I focus on making myself happy because that's easy xD That's a fundamental difference between us, if I want something then I'll just get it for myself. But Wolfie says he used to spend a lot of money on himself when he was younger, in college. It never made him happy though. So what will make him happy? That's a good fucking question.

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00:53 Aug 09 2022
Times Read: 1,223


Two new bunny blushes ^^

In Baby Love:
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I Will Always Love You:
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The Baby Love is the real prize here. For whatever reason it's the most highly sought after, most expensive one out there. Luckily, I found it brand new for $18, and since she also has the other one for sale I just got them both. So now I have four, I think that's probably enough xD There are a few more shades, but I got the ones I really most wanted.
Work should be easy today. My boss didn't come in, he's slacking off. But his wife is here, and she actually works so at least I'm not doing everything on my own. But people tend to come in a lot of the time just to chitchat with my boss so it'll probably be pretty slow. On one hand... I get to sit here all day, on the other... I have to sit here ALL day. So... Probably lots of listening to Elden Ring lore today.
It's pretty impressive that you find three dead Black Knife Assassins next to this big guy.
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It's a bit curious... Because it says that the BKA are all Numen women. And Numen's are recorded as being, "long lived and seldom born." So... How fucking many BKA are there? Because if this is a race of people who are pretty scarce, it's odd that there are so many BKA unless every living female Numen, aside from Marika, is a BKA. Is the connection between Marika, and the BKA simply that they are all Numen women or is it more than that? And why were the BKA going after Blaidd and Iji, Ranni's closest confidantes? Iji's helm description states that he was afraid because of his treachery, his treason. He sided with Ranni against the Greater Will, so clearly the BKA and Ranni were working separately towards their own ends. Ranni wanted to destroy her body, but free her spirit, freeing herself from the Greater Will. Why didn't she protect her friends? It looks like Iji is enwreathed in black flames upon his death. Black Flame is a Godskin Incantation. The Godskins serve the Gloam-eyed Queen. Is the Gloam-eyed Queen, in fact, Ranni? Or what if Marika is the Gloam-eyed Queen? Although there's a really intriguing theory about Melina being the GEQ, or a reincarnation of her even.
It's also interesting that Mohg was able to kidnap Miquella. As powerful as Malenia is, and as underwhelming as Mohg is... How the fuck did he sneak that one by Malenia? And why can't we just tell her what really happened? I don't want to fight her xD Kinda makes me want to dye my hair red again... I bounce between being a blonde, and being a redhead pretty consistently, I can't decide what I want to be so I'm usually one then the other then the first then the other again.
I already found a saddle for my horse. It's tragic though... Her name is Raindrop. It's so... uninspired. So that has to change. She's a natural dark brunette with big brown eyes, just like me. I could call her Torri, that's what I call Torrent in Elden Ring, usually shouting at him after I've driven us off a cliff xD Shadowmere? One of the few redeeming things of the Elder Scolls series, I did love that horse. Nyx or Nótt. I'll think it over🖤

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00:35 Aug 08 2022
Times Read: 1,266


I bought a horse🖤
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She is such a sweetheart, she just loved all over me :3 I bought her, and my boss bought her friend because they really wanted them to sell together since they've been together for several years. My boss looked them over, their feet, their teeth, everything else, and he said they looked like a great buy so we went ahead, and made the deal, he's going to pick them up later this week. I know... I really don't need it. But she's just the sweetest thing, I couldn't resist. And I know she'll be in great hands with my boss if the time comes for me to leave. Although apparently she's kinda fat xD She needs some exercise, and some work because her former owners didn't really ride her much. But she was at one point a trail horse so my boss is hoping she'll snap back into it easy enough. So now I need to buy a saddle. My boss said he has a saddle I can use, but I'd really like to buy one myself, and everything else she might need. He said he wouldn't charge me a boarding fee to keep her with his other horses, but wants me to help keep her fed, especially in Winter, and I'm good with that. Her papers say she's a Tennessee Walker, not that it matters to me, as long as I can ride her, and she was super friendly though they also told me she can be a bit ornery, but that's fine, she's sweet with a little sass, I can handle that. She reminds me a lot of my first horse, I'm so excited to get to know her better❤

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
13:22 Aug 08 2022

Wow. Beautiful piece of horseflesh, there.





 

06:19 Aug 07 2022
Times Read: 1,298


You get a ridiculous amount of reward for killing Mohg, Lord of Blood... And it took me three tries to kill him. But it takes me... I lost count of how many to kill Commander Niall who you have to kill just to get a crack at Mohg.
I'm gonna say... that's pretty UNBALANCED.
But. Scythe also does crazy bleed damage, and for being the "Lord of Blood" his ass sure is highly susceptible to bleed.
I love watching my Mimic shred through groups of enemies.
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She's badass. She's me so obviously🖤
I'm really considering restating into more of a Dex/Faith build so I can properly use more Incantations without needing my Faith boosted by talismans or equipment. You really don't need to put anymore than about 80 points into Dex, and you need a little in strength to wield a scythe, but I've a lot in strength that I could possibly switch to Faith. There's a really good Incantation called Darkness that makes the enemy lose track if you thus giving you the perfect opportunity to brutally stab them in the back. And if I switched to a more Faith/Dex build I could properly use the Black Blade. So I may give Rennala a visit. I don't typically like to restat, I feel like you should stick with your choices, but this game is so huge that I feel like it's justified after seeing so much of it if you'd like to take your character into a more multi-class direction. It's not like I'm going Faith to heal... I'm going Faith to sneak around, and set shit on fire xD
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What is the Void?
Because it's present underground. But it looks like deep space. Is it a deity itself, like the cosmos, like Formless Oedon? An ascended outer God that's risen above the others? Because the whole underground Mohgwyn palace area gives me very Bloodborne vibes.
I heard a really interesting theory about Queen Marika possibly becoming the vessel of the Greater Will to eventually bring about it's downfall from within for the banishment of her people, the Numen/Nox. It's very intriguing to me that the Greater Will, and these other Outer Gods didn't create this world, they found it, and they've all sorta been manipulating it to their will. These cities, and civilizations, and possibly other deities existed before the Greated Will was even there. It just kinda took over, and forced it's own thing on everyone, the Golden Order. And I really like that for banishing her people underground possibly Queen Marika rose up, and became queen, and took on the Greater Will just to destroy it from the inside. Did she sacrifice her own child, her favorite child, to that end? Or did Ranni go rogue, and betray her so she could rise to power in the next age?
I know... I'm a gigantic nerd xD This is what happens when Wolfie leaves me too long to my own devices❤

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04:23 Aug 07 2022
Times Read: 1,327


I got to head home at around 4:15, not bad considering I thought they'd have me working til like 6 or 7. I get home, grab my cat, and he gets comfy on the back of my chair while I settle in to finally play my game for the rest of the evening...
Five minutes later my nephew shows up, and drags me out to dinner...
😮‍💨
I was complaining to Wolfie earlier about how terrible it is being so busy lately. And Wolfie is probably the last person to complain about that to since his whole life is nothing, but constantly being insanely busy. All he does is work, work, work. Which is good because he has everything you could ever want. But he also is always saying how he wants to slow down, and do more for his personal life. He just never actually does it. I try, but there's no forcing him, and I'm afraid that eventually he may regret not putting more time into other important things in his life. Like, working is great, and I'm glad he wants to be successful, but like most successful people his personal life suffers for it. He doesn't have time for me, for his family, for his friends, for his hobbies. Just work and travel and work some more and then travel again and more work. He can't just settle. I blame his childhood, he never really had roots anywhere, he was moved constantly. I feel like that's part of why he wants to go back to Russia, back to where he was born, where his family is from, back to their roots to settle into his own. And you know me, I'm go with the flow, whatever it takes to make him feel secure and comfortable.
But. No work for me tomorrow. And my boss should be back on Monday so things should be back to normal next week. I think his wife was leaving for a couple weeks to go visit her dying mother... Hopefully she's back by the end of the month when we'll really need her. August is already whizzing by.
I showed Wolfie my shiny new assassin armor.
He said I'm his favorite assassin❤

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04:00 Aug 06 2022
Times Read: 1,361


Ten hour shift at work😵‍💫
I am drained.
I wanted to come home, and play my game, but... The Universe says, "NO."
I'm only supposed to be working til 4 tomorrow... But I would bet I'll have to be there longer. Who knew my boss actually did all this stuff, and being without him really sucks. Of course... I'd never tell him that, but ya know. He's itching to come back, but he's banished til probably next Monday or Tuesday. I guess he's fine though, if he does actually have covid it's not really affecting him so that's good. But still, he's required to be gone a certain amount of time. And more good news, since I've been exposed my siblings don't want the kids around me so I get a kid free weekend xD I mean... I love them to death, but being this overworked I really need my downtime this weekend. I need an entire day to play my game, and maybe finally beat it. I dunno, I'm not a speed runner, I don't see the point of blasting through games as fast as you can. Granted, it's never taken me this long to beat a game, but I've also been very busy. And honestly... Trying to get past Commander Niall really burnt me out for awhile. Which is funny since it's an optional boss, you can finish the game without him, but... then you miss this entire section if the game, and that makes it very not optional because I need to see everything. And finding out that the Black Knife Asaassin set was just past him really gave me the kick in the ass I needed to finally get past him because there was no way I wasn't getting my hands on that set, that set was also not optional, an all female assassin set... Which personally makes me feel like only female characters should be able to wear it... But that's just me🖤

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03:40 Aug 05 2022
Times Read: 1,408


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And here it is, the Black Knife Assassin set🖤
It's just gorgeous, fucking badass. Although... I think scale armor is a bit of an odd choice for an assassin's set. It's a bit loud, and entirely too heavy. But the game makes up for that by making the set completely soundless, your character makes no noise when wearing it aside from your weapon attacking. It's eerie actually, running around with no footfalls.
I also have the Black Knife offhanded because I can't bear to part with my beloved scythe, but this dagger is amazing, and it goes so well with the armor... And it's surprising to me that you need more Faith than Dex to use it. Obviously, I love the concept of the Black Knife Assassins, and it's interesting that you find one outside of the Queen's Bedchamber. Was she there watching over her or there to kill her?
Making it past Commander Niall was like, one of the greatest feelings I've ever had xD He's such a pain in the ass. And I didn't even use the Rotten Breath on him. Spent hours leveling a seal up to +24... Then didn't even need it. Oh well. Not looking forward to fighting Malenia...
But it is interesting to watch the enemies fight each other.
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Land Octopus vs Magma Wyrm.
Yeah... I'm not getting between that xD

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21:58 Aug 04 2022
Times Read: 1,430


Polish-20220804-150222849
Here is my second bunny Blush in the shade Funfetti💗
I might get one or two more, they're just so irresistibly adorable :3
Also. Turns out my boss has covid. So that's fucking great since, ya know, I've been up close with his all week. I feel fine though, and last time everyone around me got covid it didn't affect me at all so hopefully I don't end up sick. Cause if I do, work will be pretty screwed. It's bad enough we'll be down a person for the next couple days, if I go down then they may have to close for awhile. I am kinda tired, but I was also up late because I wasn't expecting to work, and now I have to put in all day today, tomorrow and Saturday. Which, I was already working all day tomorrow anyway, and that just means my next paycheck is going to be pretty awesome. We obviously won't be going to look at horses on Sunday either. I kinda feel like the Universe is telling me not to get a horse because every time we have plans to go look at some, something comes up. Honestly, a horse right now really isn't a great idea so I want one, but then I like don't xD You can see my dilemma. I should be able to go home soon though. I was supposed to be able to leave by 4, but... That's not happening. And I was really getting back into Elden Ring too😣

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07:01 Aug 04 2022
Times Read: 1,456


I was really thoroughly enjoying my time poking around on Elden Ring... Looking for lore and secrets because there's a lot to see off the beaten path. Finally got my seal up to +24 so I think I'm primed, and ready to go after Niall again. When I get to it...
But then I got the call. I'm working tomorrow. My day off vanishing before my very eyes. But the owner contacted me at about 12:30am to let me know that my boss was in the emergency room so he probably wouldn't make it back by tomorrow morning. My boss has a lot of health issues, like myself, so him going to the ER isn't necessarily anything huge, I'll see tomorrow. But he wasn't looking too good when I went in earlier to get my check. And I told him that I would work the rest of his shift if he wanted to go home. Because it was only like four more hours. And Tuesday really kicked both of our asses, we were so fucking busy I think I didn't get to sit down or get a sip of water for like 8 hours. And I'm glad we're thriving, but when it's just the two of us being that busy, it was a lot, and it's mostly on me so I went home feeling pretty terrible, but after a good night's rest, and some Wolfie time, I'm back to 100% full battery. So I don't mind going in tomorrow. She said I should only be working til 4 so not even a full day. And that's just extra money. We were supposed to be going to look at a couple horses on Sunday, but we'll see how he feels by then. His mom told me they were treating him for the flu so hopefully it's not worse than that, but if he's down for a few days it could really put us in a bad position for Friday when we need everyone there because Friday we will be insanely busy. I mean, I can handle it, but my coworker is going to have to step it up a bit. I'm not thrilled having to work with her tomorrow, and I was kinda tempted to just not respond xD But... I have to be a responsible bun. And I know my boss will feel better if I'm there with her, he doesn't really like my coworker to work the register... Because she always fucks it up. I told Wolfie to call me tomorrow so hopefully I won't be there all day. He said he had been having an erotic pole-dancing dream about me... So of course the first thing I ask him was if I was wearing cute shoes while I was doing it xD Like, were they really high, were they sparkly, glow-in-the-dark, come on, I need details xD

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02:18 Aug 04 2022
Times Read: 1,495


My Restyle order is in🖤
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I'm completely in love with everything, especially the first one. For how cheap Restyle shit is, it's honestly really great quality, and took less than a week to get here from Europe so I highly recommend them.
Wolfie had a pretty bad week last week, but he seems better. His mood swings definitely aren't as extreme as they used to be, and he's been bouncing back better than he used to. So I feel like his overall mental health has improved a lot over the years. His depression episodes can still be pretty bad, but he's really doing great, and I'm proud of him. I told him about the show I watched where the Dom killed someone right in front of his sub, and Wolfie agrees that I should kick his ass if he ever tried that xD I mean, it depends on who it is, but yeah, definitely :3 It's just that... for a sub to sit there while their Dom does something they disagree with, and then to tell everyone you're just some poor abused, manipulated victim... That's unfortunately how a lot of people view subs in general, and it's just not true of most of us. And if you are that weak, and easily totally controlled, if you absolutely feel like you couldn't possibly stand up to your Dom, and call them out on their shit if necessary, you have no place being a sub.
I feel like I've made some progress in Elden Ring. Not really, I'm still just kinda running around aimlessly, but I enjoy it xD

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16:37 Aug 03 2022
Times Read: 1,527


I very much approve of this unicorn theme that's happening within the Gothic clothing brands community.
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Although... Dragons would be better❤
There aren't any unicorns in Elden Ring.
Torrent has horns... So is he a bicorn?
I dunno, that's just not quite as majestic.
I really, really, really want the Black Knife Asaassin set.
FU6c5-Ra-AAAzs-L
The Black Knife Assassins were ALL women🖤
Otherworldly women with ties to Queen Marika, who is also otherworldly. So you have to wonder... Why would these women betray Marika by killing her son? Why did Ranni orchestrate killing him? Ranni was chosen by the Greater Will to take over for Marika, she didn't want to, she chose to steal the rune of death to kill her body, but sever her spirit into a doll... But why Kill Godwyn in the process? Did someone godly have to die, and it just ended up being him? Or was Ranni trying to push Marika into shattering the Elden Ring, and turning against the Greater Will? But Why would these women who were close to her turn against her?
I have so many questions😣
Did I even finish Ranni's questline? I beat Astel, and gave her the ring. But now I'm really curious about Astel's lore. He wasn't a particularly hard boss, but the fact that he's chilling underground next to a huge lake of literal scarlet rot is pretty intriguing. And his boss arena is like the outer universe... underground. And then there's the God of Rot. It's hard to focus on one thing when one thing leads to ten other questions.

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04:49 Aug 03 2022
Times Read: 1,550


I have a new dress...
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And a pretty new tiara🖤

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03:30 Aug 02 2022
Times Read: 1,596


Good Girl Gone Bad by Killian🖤
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I'm not sure if I love this perfume yet... I like it, it smells very nice, fruity floral sweet which is what I love in a perfume. I need to wear it for a few days to determine if I want to spend $265 for a full bottle. That's why I bought the $35 sample size. And I do like it. I especially like that it's not a mainstream perfume like my Gucci or VS or Good Girl. Obviously... I have a thing for being a good girl xD What sub doesn't? What sub doesn't love when it's all over, and their Dom strokes their face, and wraps them in their arms, and tells them what a good girl they are? My boss, and I were having a conversation at work today, like we do, and I was explaining to him what being a rope bunny is, and what being rope drunk is, and shibari, and all that because he said a friend of his had shown him a video of like rape fantasy type stuff so he was asking me about bondage stuff. I told him, I really don't see him as the dominant type, which he disagrees, but I just don't see it, he's so submissive towards the women at work, and I guess maybe he could just be being respectful, but yeah, I dunno. I know his wife would never be into anything like that since she has like zero sex drive, so I hope I'm not encouraging him in any bad direction. He has admitted to cheating on her, and I don't want to introduce him to all this stuff, and then he feels like he needs someone to explore it with. But ya know, if he's unhappy, and wants that kinda lifestyle then he should find it. I didn't know that I wanted it until Wolfie opened the door for me, and when I saw everything inside I knew it was for me. Being his sub has been a very fulfilling experience, and it's done amazing things for me on a personal level.
In other awesome news, I got my health coverage back so I can finally go back to the doctor. It's been... way longer than it should've been, I know that. And I've been off my meds for awhile so that's been kinda scary. It's just that my blood work costs so much, like thousands, and to be on my meds I have to get it done every 3 months. That's a lot of money to just slap down that often. And I did ask Wolfie for money, and without any hesitation he gave it to me to get it taken care of, and told me to remind him the next time I needed more. But I just couldn't... I couldn't bring myself to take, and take, and take from him or anyone else. So I decided that if I couldn't do it on my own, I'd just go without, and didn't tell anyone. I know, it's really stupid not to let the people who love you tale care of you, but that's been my whole life, everyone taking care of me. So I've worked really hard to get this handled the last several months, and finally I think I'm there. Remarkably, my health has been stable even without my meds. The doctors all drilled it into me that if I even missed one dose it could send my body into rejection, and kill me very quickly. But it's been fine. I haven't been badly sick, no horrible infections, no apparent organ failure. I should probably be in some scientific study xD Like how am I stable after this long... I dunno. Just a miracle, I guess. And honestly, I don't want to go back on the meds, but I'll do whatever they say is best, I guess. If Wolfie knew I haven't been taking my medicine... It's not like I've been lying to him, I just didn't tell him I stopped. Because if I did then he'd handle it. I know, how dare my boyfriend give me money, how dare he take care of me xD I joke about him buying me expensive shoes, and lingerie, and everything else he offers me, but I don't ask for him to just give me money. I specifically asked him how much it would cost to move me to Russia because I want to help pay for it, but he tells me it's not something for me to worry about. Ok, fine. But I just couldn't keep taking from him... I can't explain why, I just did what I felt I needed to do, but health coverage is back so I'm going to get it all handled myself. Everything is going to be ok :3
I guess it must sound like I must not really care if I live or die having that hanging over my head all this time, that my body could just give out suddenly, and I'm not taking every opportunity to preserve myself. But it's not true. I have an amazing life that I love, and I don't want to lose it. But I can also recognize that the people who love me would be better off without me draining them all their lives. So... I'm doing the best I can on my own. I've got it handled. Honestly, it goes back to my father. All my life he's made it extremely clear that my medical condition was a huge inconvenience to him. If I had to go to the Emergency Room to treat a life-threatening infection or if I needed surgery, well that just ruined his day having to take me there, and he made that very clear. When I lost my health coverage a couple years ago he told my mother that this was my problem, and I needed to handle it. So I did. And I have. And this is exactly why Wolfie says I need therapy xD He's not wrong. That's probably one reason I love being a sub so much, to just sink into this state where I don't have to worry about anything, my Dom handles everything, it's very comforting. I know I should let Wolfie help me more. I just... can't. It's not that I don't trust him. It's just a psychological block.
But. Back to good news. My boss may have found me a horse. We're supposed to go look on Sunday at a couple he's found. He said that they stand to inherit like over 8 million dollars from his wife's grandmother who's currently not doing so well... And if they do, he really wants to move north, and open a stable/ranch place. He said if things with Wolfie don't work out I could always come there, and work with the horses. Which would be like my freakin dream job, getting to work with horses every day. I guess his wife's side if the family is fucking loaded, and dropping like flies. I'm not hoping anyone dies or anything xD But that would be pretty amazing❤

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19:46 Aug 01 2022
Times Read: 1,624


I've been drawing a lot lately🐺🐰❤
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But then I'll go months without drawing anything so...
July was pretty awesome for me :3
August so far is... Well, work has been productive. I did not want you get out of bed this morning... Because I was up late on Elden Ring. Which is another thing I've been too busy to do lately. Commander Niall is the bane of my Elden Ring existence... I have had pretty much no trouble with any other boss, but I refuse to end the game until I've beaten him. Because you have to beat him to get to Malenia who I've heard is the hardest FromSoftware boss that's ever been made. I've beaten Sister Friede, Orphan of Kos, all the biggies, I need to do this. The problem with Commander Niall is his fucking summons, having to kill them, and then go after him, they just shred through my summon. So I've resorted to dirty tactics, I've buffed my faith up to 15, I've gone full force Rotten Breathe on him. So I'm working on upgrading my seal. I'm not typically a caster, but some Incantations are like pyromancied, and I do love my pyromancy... I will beat this xD I've rage quit on him a few times, and I felt close to getting it last night, but I had to go to bed, and be a responsible adult😐 I hate that.

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01:54 Aug 01 2022
Times Read: 1,183


I had to go back, and see for myself...
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Two moons.
The cosmic forces in this game really fucking intrigue me. Even months later I'm still just kinda wandering around aimlessly xD I know what I need to do, I'm just sorta unmotivated to beat the game. I still have dragons to kill❤

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00:02 Aug 01 2022
Times Read: 1,195


I have been like... 99% unproductive today. The only thing I've done was buy groceries for myself for the week, otherwise I've just been kinda sitting here, browsing shit online. Put in an order to Restyle.
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Because that belt is never in stock so I'm grabbing it while I can. Autumn is coming so I feel good about getting some colder weather clothing. The Halloween stuff is already trickling out so I'm excited to see the designs this year from places like Hell Bunny and DK. Killstar's Summer designs are always pretty bad... But they usually get better towards the end of the year. This week is pay week, and I've spent a lot of money on makeup xD Mondays and Tuesdays always suck, I hate working Mondays and Tuesdays. Then we also have the monthly car show this week, and it's my turn to work all day that day. I've told my coworker multiple times that if it's too much for her, I can do it every month, it's not a big deal for me. She said last time she was so exhausted she could barely move. Ok, so I'll do it. It doesn't affect me physically for work hard all day, and whoever works all that day gets 5 extra hours of pay which I definitely don't mind. And a car show day, as insane as they are, is only a fraction as busy as a fair day so she needs to buck up cause the fair is coming. Then after the fair it's my birthday, then it's Halloween, then suddenly it's fucking Christmas, the end of the year is just one thing after another. Hopefully at some point in all that Wolfie will have made it back. I'm not expecting him to be back, but I always hope. July went by so fast, this whole year has sped by. I have to work on Halloween this year, and I told my boss I would anyway so he can take his kids out. I'm ready for the cold, and the pumpkins, and the overall comfort of Fall. We had pumpkin ice cream at work all last week, and it literally tasted like comfort🧡

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