Honor: 85 [ Give / Take ]
23 entries this month
10:07 Aug 14 2022
Times Read: 31
My horses are now bought, and paid for :3 My boss is supposed to be picking them up tomorrow, and moving them in. So now I just need to find an appropriate saddle, but that's easy. My boss says no spoiling them because they're both already fat, and need more exercise xD But since he only lives a few miles away it'll be easy to go see them as much as I want, and get back into riding regularly once they're ready.
My oldest nephew, and his sister are here for the night so we spent most of it on Ultimate Chicken Horse and Don't Starve Together. I can handle Don't Starve by myself perfectly fine. Doing it while carrying another person... Let's just say, he got set on fire, then I got set on fire, and then was immediately punched by a giant dragonfly into exploded death while still on fire xD And that was our most successful run. So needless to say, the Switch has definitely been a good investment.
Work has been a drag lately. My boss is talking about closing after this month. But he's always talking about closing. That's one thing I really don't like about his character, he's a major quitter. If we close it won't really affect me much, I might get another job, but maybe not, I don't really need it. His mother assures me they're definitely not closing so we'll see. But this week is pay week, and I've got a nice check coming in after working extra so much, it'll pretty much cover what I spent on the horses. Everything is really coming together on this side❤
04:21 Aug 13 2022
Times Read: 69
I'm addicted to Cult of the Lamb xD I played til 5 last night then played from the time I woke up after I showered until I had to go to work at 4. It's so good though. It's a nice break from Elden Ring. Not that I really needed a break... But it's nice to play something just because it's cute and fun. Elden Ring is fun, but it also kinda sucks my soul dry xD
I haven't heard from Wolfie since his birthday. I'm pretty worried... Because his aunt is trying to get things patched up between him, and his mother. I guess his aunt gave him the phone when he was over for his birthday, and it was his mother, and she told him how wonderful he is, and how proud she is that he's her son. And as much as I'd love for her to be genuine about that, as much as I'd love for her to actually act like a mother for once in her life... I don't buy it. She's up to something. You don't go from being an abusive bitch all your life to suddenly being everything he's ever wanted in a mom. I want it to be real, but I'm so afraid that she's just going to crush him worse than ever, and what if I can't bring him back from it this time? He said after that he spent the rest of the day with his aunt wanting to kill himself. So... obviously, whether her intentions are genuine or not, she still triggers him into a very, very bad state. And if I have to go after his aunt I fucking will. Fuck your inheritance, hag, I don't kiss ass for money, you can not buy me. I understand that his aunt doesn't know the terrible things her sister has done to her own child, and I wish Wolfie would tell them. I get that it's hard to talk about when you've been severely abused, it causes a lot of shame, and guilt, and you feel like you can't tell anyone about it. It took him a long time to even say it to himself, that he was abused. So telling his family must feel impossible. But his mother is never going to be what he needs or deserves. There's too much damage to even try, it would take so little to push him fully over the edge, I'm just not willing to take that chance. So of course I'm worried. I know he's busy helping her with her place so I don't think anything has happened, he's just being Wolfie. But I'm protective so I worry when he's gone for a day.
My oldest nephew stayed the night last night. By himself. It's just a bit strange because usually the kids travel in a pack, when one shows up, they all show up or at least a few at a time. I told him none of the others were coming over, and he said, "So, you're here."
He's 13 so I know pretty soon he'll have better things to do than hang out with his old auntie. We discovered Ultimate Chicken Horse so that was a good time for a few hours xD He told me we should have our own YouTube channel. Yeahhh... I'm just a bit busy for that. Wolfie said he doesn't care if I became a streamer as long as I'm not one of those really annoying women who streams video games in only a bra. Nah... I'd do it totally naked xD Juuuust kidding. I dunno, I don't watch a single female streamer myself, I tend to find other women's voices really, really grating. And face cam is also a no for me, also annoying. I wouldn't want people watching me because I'm attractive, I'd want them to watch me because I've been a gamer since I was like three years old, I know what I'm talking about. I'm really picky about games though, it's pretty rare that something comes out that I'm actually interested in playing. I just happened to see Cult of the Lamb coming out, and as soon as I saw the preview of it I knew I'd love it. That doesn't happen often. So I don't think being a streamer is for me, I'm happy to play stuff just for myself🖤
And as it turns out... I guess I'm buying two horses. When we went, and looked at them they told us that the two needed to be sold together so I thought my boss was buying one, and I was buying one. Apparently I'm buying both of them, but that's not a problem, the second one is a really pretty paint, I'm happy to have her too. They're supposed to be going to pick them up on Sunday so hopefully he'll be able to start working with them. They are broken, but haven't been ridden in a few years so he, and his wife are going to work with them for a few weeks first. They're crazy horse people so they'll be in good hands.
08:19 Aug 12 2022
Times Read: 96
Cult of the Lamb is such a me game... It's super fucking kawaii, but like so ridiculously dark. I'm so in love with the aesthetic🖤
I'm debating on whether to have all bunny followers... But the other animals are cute too.
05:52 Aug 11 2022
Times Read: 128
I had to explain to Wolfie who Blaidd and Ranni are when I told him we should cosplay as them. Or maybe Marika and Maliketh... But how important wolves are in Elden Ring. Wolfie loved playing Dark Souls and Bloodborne, but he hasn't had time to play Elden Ring yet. He said he's kinda lost interest in video games, and everything else except for me. But I think once I get him here I can get him playing again. I can be his lore guide :3 I mean, a lot of the lore is based on your own speculation, there isn't a whole lot that's clear-cut, but I think most people come to the same conclusions.
I'm really interested in these.
These are the former inhabitants of the Eternal City Nokstella. The intriguing thing is the varying size of them. Some are human sized, but some are much bigger.
Then there's this one.
A giant corpse sitting on a throne. There's a similar empty throne further up in the city. So who are these things? Clearly they were important. But they're dead, and everyone else died staring up to the heavens in horror. Obviously, when your entire civilization is being yanked out of the earth, and driven underground it's going to have that effect on you... Which is one of the many things that makes me not trust the Greater Will. I'm interested to see which path Wolfie would take.
I wanted to try out Cult of the Lamb as well so I think I'll go download it on my Switch❤
21:15 Aug 10 2022
Times Read: 156
Dex/Faith build is a true thing of beauty🖤
18:36 Aug 10 2022
Times Read: 168
03:02 Aug 10 2022
Times Read: 200
Ahhhh, no work til Friday evening😄
It actually wasn't a long day. Got to spend some time with Wolfie, wished him a happy birthday. Even though his birthday is technically tomorrow(though it is now his birthday where he's at in Austria) I wanted to tell him just in case we don't talk tomorrow. He's been very busy with work, and he headed off to Austria to visit his bank, and help his Aunt with some stuff. I told him... rather childishly... You're always giving your time to other people, when is it my turn? And really, he doesn't just give his time to anyone, it's pretty much his boss, and his family. I know, how dare he be so responsible, and not just fuck around with me 24/7 xD Look, I know I'm being an unreasonable, whiny little girl, I can admit that. Obviously he has to give a lot of time to work. But he's been doing a lot for his aunt too. Now his aunt is fucking beyond loaded, she's like... beyond rich, rich. So he's got a nice inheritance coming from her someday if he stays in her good graces. But it's more than that. He always says his aunt has been more of a mother to him than his actual mother. And I want him to have connections with his family since his parents are such garbage. Wolfie is trying really hard to get his life together... When we met he was in pieces, it was really bad. I feel like he has a much better grasp now on what he wants in life, it's just getting there, and that takes time. I'm not a planner so I'm always ready to jump one way or another. Wolfie isn't like that. I showed him my horse though :3 He... is never surprised to hear what sorta thing I've gotten myself into next xD I mean, I did tell him months ago that I was thinking about it, and it just sorta happened. It'll be fine. There are few things I need in life, a horse is one of them, I've always had a connection to them since I was very small, it's always something I've sought, to be close to cats and horses. I had three when I was younger, but unfortunately we had to get rid of them, and it'll suck leaving this one behind eventually as well, but at least I know she'll be well taken care of.
Since I'm not working til Friday, I don't think I'll be playing any Elden Ring tonight. I know, I could just end the game, it would be so easy xD But... there's still lots to do🖤
15:32 Aug 09 2022
Times Read: 238
When I went to look at the horses the people selling them thought I was 18, and that my boss, and his wife were my parents xD People tend to feel pretty awkward when I tell them I'm really in my 30s... My boss is turning 40 tomorrow, and Wolfie is turning 30. I'm off tomorrow, but I doubt he'll take the time to celebrate, that's just how he is. Wolfie really just works his life away. I get it, but it is a bit much, and turning 30 isn't helping because he feels like he's already wasted so much time. Which is ridiculous, most people would tell him he's already a successful person, but he doesn't see it. I'm always afraid he's going to end up completely alone, working his life away, but it's self-imposed, and there's really nothing I can do about it. I want him to be happy, but I can't determine what happiness is for him. So I focus on making myself happy because that's easy xD That's a fundamental difference between us, if I want something then I'll just get it for myself. But Wolfie says he used to spend a lot of money on himself when he was younger, in college. It never made him happy though. So what will make him happy? That's a good fucking question.
00:53 Aug 09 2022
Times Read: 271
Two new bunny blushes ^^
In Baby Love:
I Will Always Love You:
The Baby Love is the real prize here. For whatever reason it's the most highly sought after, most expensive one out there. Luckily, I found it brand new for $18, and since she also has the other one for sale I just got them both. So now I have four, I think that's probably enough xD There are a few more shades, but I got the ones I really most wanted.
Work should be easy today. My boss didn't come in, he's slacking off. But his wife is here, and she actually works so at least I'm not doing everything on my own. But people tend to come in a lot of the time just to chitchat with my boss so it'll probably be pretty slow. On one hand... I get to sit here all day, on the other... I have to sit here ALL day. So... Probably lots of listening to Elden Ring lore today.
It's pretty impressive that you find three dead Black Knife Assassins next to this big guy.
It's a bit curious... Because it says that the BKA are all Numen women. And Numen's are recorded as being, "long lived and seldom born." So... How fucking many BKA are there? Because if this is a race of people who are pretty scarce, it's odd that there are so many BKA unless every living female Numen, aside from Marika, is a BKA. Is the connection between Marika, and the BKA simply that they are all Numen women or is it more than that? And why were the BKA going after Blaidd and Iji, Ranni's closest confidantes? Iji's helm description states that he was afraid because of his treachery, his treason. He sided with Ranni against the Greater Will, so clearly the BKA and Ranni were working separately towards their own ends. Ranni wanted to destroy her body, but free her spirit, freeing herself from the Greater Will. Why didn't she protect her friends? It looks like Iji is enwreathed in black flames upon his death. Black Flame is a Godskin Incantation. The Godskins serve the Gloam-eyed Queen. Is the Gloam-eyed Queen, in fact, Ranni? Or what if Marika is the Gloam-eyed Queen? Although there's a really intriguing theory about Melina being the GEQ, or a reincarnation of her even.
It's also interesting that Mohg was able to kidnap Miquella. As powerful as Malenia is, and as underwhelming as Mohg is... How the fuck did he sneak that one by Malenia? And why can't we just tell her what really happened? I don't want to fight her xD Kinda makes me want to dye my hair red again... I bounce between being a blonde, and being a redhead pretty consistently, I can't decide what I want to be so I'm usually one then the other then the first then the other again.
I already found a saddle for my horse. It's tragic though... Her name is Raindrop. It's so... uninspired. So that has to change. She's a natural dark brunette with big brown eyes, just like me. I could call her Torri, that's what I call Torrent in Elden Ring, usually shouting at him after I've driven us off a cliff xD Shadowmere? One of the few redeeming things of the Elder Scolls series, I did love that horse. Nyx or Nótt. I'll think it over🖤
00:35 Aug 08 2022
Times Read: 314
I bought a horse🖤
She is such a sweetheart, she just loved all over me :3 I bought her, and my boss bought her friend because they really wanted them to sell together since they've been together for several years. My boss looked them over, their feet, their teeth, everything else, and he said they looked like a great buy so we went ahead, and made the deal, he's going to pick them up later this week. I know... I really don't need it. But she's just the sweetest thing, I couldn't resist. And I know she'll be in great hands with my boss if the time comes for me to leave. Although apparently she's kinda fat xD She needs some exercise, and some work because her former owners didn't really ride her much. But she was at one point a trail horse so my boss is hoping she'll snap back into it easy enough. So now I need to buy a saddle. My boss said he has a saddle I can use, but I'd really like to buy one myself, and everything else she might need. He said he wouldn't charge me a boarding fee to keep her with his other horses, but wants me to help keep her fed, especially in Winter, and I'm good with that. Her papers say she's a Tennessee Walker, not that it matters to me, as long as I can ride her, and she was super friendly though they also told me she can be a bit ornery, but that's fine, she's sweet with a little sass, I can handle that. She reminds me a lot of my first horse, I'm so excited to get to know her better❤
06:19 Aug 07 2022
Times Read: 346
You get a ridiculous amount of reward for killing Mohg, Lord of Blood... And it took me three tries to kill him. But it takes me... I lost count of how many to kill Commander Niall who you have to kill just to get a crack at Mohg.
I'm gonna say... that's pretty UNBALANCED.
But. Scythe also does crazy bleed damage, and for being the "Lord of Blood" his ass sure is highly susceptible to bleed.
I love watching my Mimic shred through groups of enemies.
She's badass. She's me so obviously🖤
I'm really considering restating into more of a Dex/Faith build so I can properly use more Incantations without needing my Faith boosted by talismans or equipment. You really don't need to put anymore than about 80 points into Dex, and you need a little in strength to wield a scythe, but I've a lot in strength that I could possibly switch to Faith. There's a really good Incantation called Darkness that makes the enemy lose track if you thus giving you the perfect opportunity to brutally stab them in the back. And if I switched to a more Faith/Dex build I could properly use the Black Blade. So I may give Rennala a visit. I don't typically like to restat, I feel like you should stick with your choices, but this game is so huge that I feel like it's justified after seeing so much of it if you'd like to take your character into a more multi-class direction. It's not like I'm going Faith to heal... I'm going Faith to sneak around, and set shit on fire xD
What is the Void?
Because it's present underground. But it looks like deep space. Is it a deity itself, like the cosmos, like Formless Oedon? An ascended outer God that's risen above the others? Because the whole underground Mohgwyn palace area gives me very Bloodborne vibes.
I heard a really interesting theory about Queen Marika possibly becoming the vessel of the Greater Will to eventually bring about it's downfall from within for the banishment of her people, the Numen/Nox. It's very intriguing to me that the Greater Will, and these other Outer Gods didn't create this world, they found it, and they've all sorta been manipulating it to their will. These cities, and civilizations, and possibly other deities existed before the Greated Will was even there. It just kinda took over, and forced it's own thing on everyone, the Golden Order. And I really like that for banishing her people underground possibly Queen Marika rose up, and became queen, and took on the Greater Will just to destroy it from the inside. Did she sacrifice her own child, her favorite child, to that end? Or did Ranni go rogue, and betray her so she could rise to power in the next age?
I know... I'm a gigantic nerd xD This is what happens when Wolfie leaves me too long to my own devices❤
04:23 Aug 07 2022
Times Read: 375
I got to head home at around 4:15, not bad considering I thought they'd have me working til like 6 or 7. I get home, grab my cat, and he gets comfy on the back of my chair while I settle in to finally play my game for the rest of the evening...
Five minutes later my nephew shows up, and drags me out to dinner...
I was complaining to Wolfie earlier about how terrible it is being so busy lately. And Wolfie is probably the last person to complain about that to since his whole life is nothing, but constantly being insanely busy. All he does is work, work, work. Which is good because he has everything you could ever want. But he also is always saying how he wants to slow down, and do more for his personal life. He just never actually does it. I try, but there's no forcing him, and I'm afraid that eventually he may regret not putting more time into other important things in his life. Like, working is great, and I'm glad he wants to be successful, but like most successful people his personal life suffers for it. He doesn't have time for me, for his family, for his friends, for his hobbies. Just work and travel and work some more and then travel again and more work. He can't just settle. I blame his childhood, he never really had roots anywhere, he was moved constantly. I feel like that's part of why he wants to go back to Russia, back to where he was born, where his family is from, back to their roots to settle into his own. And you know me, I'm go with the flow, whatever it takes to make him feel secure and comfortable.
But. No work for me tomorrow. And my boss should be back on Monday so things should be back to normal next week. I think his wife was leaving for a couple weeks to go visit her dying mother... Hopefully she's back by the end of the month when we'll really need her. August is already whizzing by.
I showed Wolfie my shiny new assassin armor.
He said I'm his favorite assassin❤
04:00 Aug 06 2022
Times Read: 409
Ten hour shift at work😵💫
I am drained.
I wanted to come home, and play my game, but... The Universe says, "NO."
I'm only supposed to be working til 4 tomorrow... But I would bet I'll have to be there longer. Who knew my boss actually did all this stuff, and being without him really sucks. Of course... I'd never tell him that, but ya know. He's itching to come back, but he's banished til probably next Monday or Tuesday. I guess he's fine though, if he does actually have covid it's not really affecting him so that's good. But still, he's required to be gone a certain amount of time. And more good news, since I've been exposed my siblings don't want the kids around me so I get a kid free weekend xD I mean... I love them to death, but being this overworked I really need my downtime this weekend. I need an entire day to play my game, and maybe finally beat it. I dunno, I'm not a speed runner, I don't see the point of blasting through games as fast as you can. Granted, it's never taken me this long to beat a game, but I've also been very busy. And honestly... Trying to get past Commander Niall really burnt me out for awhile. Which is funny since it's an optional boss, you can finish the game without him, but... then you miss this entire section if the game, and that makes it very not optional because I need to see everything. And finding out that the Black Knife Asaassin set was just past him really gave me the kick in the ass I needed to finally get past him because there was no way I wasn't getting my hands on that set, that set was also not optional, an all female assassin set... Which personally makes me feel like only female characters should be able to wear it... But that's just me🖤
03:40 Aug 05 2022
Times Read: 456
And here it is, the Black Knife Assassin set🖤
It's just gorgeous, fucking badass. Although... I think scale armor is a bit of an odd choice for an assassin's set. It's a bit loud, and entirely too heavy. But the game makes up for that by making the set completely soundless, your character makes no noise when wearing it aside from your weapon attacking. It's eerie actually, running around with no footfalls.
I also have the Black Knife offhanded because I can't bear to part with my beloved scythe, but this dagger is amazing, and it goes so well with the armor... And it's surprising to me that you need more Faith than Dex to use it. Obviously, I love the concept of the Black Knife Assassins, and it's interesting that you find one outside of the Queen's Bedchamber. Was she there watching over her or there to kill her?
Making it past Commander Niall was like, one of the greatest feelings I've ever had xD He's such a pain in the ass. And I didn't even use the Rotten Breath on him. Spent hours leveling a seal up to +24... Then didn't even need it. Oh well. Not looking forward to fighting Malenia...
But it is interesting to watch the enemies fight each other.
Land Octopus vs Magma Wyrm.
Yeah... I'm not getting between that xD
21:58 Aug 04 2022
Times Read: 478
Here is my second bunny Blush in the shade Funfetti💗
I might get one or two more, they're just so irresistibly adorable :3
Also. Turns out my boss has covid. So that's fucking great since, ya know, I've been up close with his all week. I feel fine though, and last time everyone around me got covid it didn't affect me at all so hopefully I don't end up sick. Cause if I do, work will be pretty screwed. It's bad enough we'll be down a person for the next couple days, if I go down then they may have to close for awhile. I am kinda tired, but I was also up late because I wasn't expecting to work, and now I have to put in all day today, tomorrow and Saturday. Which, I was already working all day tomorrow anyway, and that just means my next paycheck is going to be pretty awesome. We obviously won't be going to look at horses on Sunday either. I kinda feel like the Universe is telling me not to get a horse because every time we have plans to go look at some, something comes up. Honestly, a horse right now really isn't a great idea so I want one, but then I like don't xD You can see my dilemma. I should be able to go home soon though. I was supposed to be able to leave by 4, but... That's not happening. And I was really getting back into Elden Ring too😣
07:01 Aug 04 2022
Times Read: 504
I was really thoroughly enjoying my time poking around on Elden Ring... Looking for lore and secrets because there's a lot to see off the beaten path. Finally got my seal up to +24 so I think I'm primed, and ready to go after Niall again. When I get to it...
But then I got the call. I'm working tomorrow. My day off vanishing before my very eyes. But the owner contacted me at about 12:30am to let me know that my boss was in the emergency room so he probably wouldn't make it back by tomorrow morning. My boss has a lot of health issues, like myself, so him going to the ER isn't necessarily anything huge, I'll see tomorrow. But he wasn't looking too good when I went in earlier to get my check. And I told him that I would work the rest of his shift if he wanted to go home. Because it was only like four more hours. And Tuesday really kicked both of our asses, we were so fucking busy I think I didn't get to sit down or get a sip of water for like 8 hours. And I'm glad we're thriving, but when it's just the two of us being that busy, it was a lot, and it's mostly on me so I went home feeling pretty terrible, but after a good night's rest, and some Wolfie time, I'm back to 100% full battery. So I don't mind going in tomorrow. She said I should only be working til 4 so not even a full day. And that's just extra money. We were supposed to be going to look at a couple horses on Sunday, but we'll see how he feels by then. His mom told me they were treating him for the flu so hopefully it's not worse than that, but if he's down for a few days it could really put us in a bad position for Friday when we need everyone there because Friday we will be insanely busy. I mean, I can handle it, but my coworker is going to have to step it up a bit. I'm not thrilled having to work with her tomorrow, and I was kinda tempted to just not respond xD But... I have to be a responsible bun. And I know my boss will feel better if I'm there with her, he doesn't really like my coworker to work the register... Because she always fucks it up. I told Wolfie to call me tomorrow so hopefully I won't be there all day. He said he had been having an erotic pole-dancing dream about me... So of course the first thing I ask him was if I was wearing cute shoes while I was doing it xD Like, were they really high, were they sparkly, glow-in-the-dark, come on, I need details xD
02:18 Aug 04 2022
Times Read: 543
My Restyle order is in🖤
I'm completely in love with everything, especially the first one. For how cheap Restyle shit is, it's honestly really great quality, and took less than a week to get here from Europe so I highly recommend them.
Wolfie had a pretty bad week last week, but he seems better. His mood swings definitely aren't as extreme as they used to be, and he's been bouncing back better than he used to. So I feel like his overall mental health has improved a lot over the years. His depression episodes can still be pretty bad, but he's really doing great, and I'm proud of him. I told him about the show I watched where the Dom killed someone right in front of his sub, and Wolfie agrees that I should kick his ass if he ever tried that xD I mean, it depends on who it is, but yeah, definitely :3 It's just that... for a sub to sit there while their Dom does something they disagree with, and then to tell everyone you're just some poor abused, manipulated victim... That's unfortunately how a lot of people view subs in general, and it's just not true of most of us. And if you are that weak, and easily totally controlled, if you absolutely feel like you couldn't possibly stand up to your Dom, and call them out on their shit if necessary, you have no place being a sub.
I feel like I've made some progress in Elden Ring. Not really, I'm still just kinda running around aimlessly, but I enjoy it xD
16:37 Aug 03 2022
Times Read: 575
I very much approve of this unicorn theme that's happening within the Gothic clothing brands community.
Although... Dragons would be better❤
There aren't any unicorns in Elden Ring.
Torrent has horns... So is he a bicorn?
I dunno, that's just not quite as majestic.
I really, really, really want the Black Knife Asaassin set.
The Black Knife Assassins were ALL women🖤
Otherworldly women with ties to Queen Marika, who is also otherworldly. So you have to wonder... Why would these women betray Marika by killing her son? Why did Ranni orchestrate killing him? Ranni was chosen by the Greater Will to take over for Marika, she didn't want to, she chose to steal the rune of death to kill her body, but sever her spirit into a doll... But why Kill Godwyn in the process? Did someone godly have to die, and it just ended up being him? Or was Ranni trying to push Marika into shattering the Elden Ring, and turning against the Greater Will? But Why would these women who were close to her turn against her?
I have so many questions😣
Did I even finish Ranni's questline? I beat Astel, and gave her the ring. But now I'm really curious about Astel's lore. He wasn't a particularly hard boss, but the fact that he's chilling underground next to a huge lake of literal scarlet rot is pretty intriguing. And his boss arena is like the outer universe... underground. And then there's the God of Rot. It's hard to focus on one thing when one thing leads to ten other questions.
04:49 Aug 03 2022
Times Read: 598
I have a new dress...
And a pretty new tiara🖤
03:30 Aug 02 2022
Times Read: 644
Good Girl Gone Bad by Killian🖤
I'm not sure if I love this perfume yet... I like it, it smells very nice, fruity floral sweet which is what I love in a perfume. I need to wear it for a few days to determine if I want to spend $265 for a full bottle. That's why I bought the $35 sample size. And I do like it. I especially like that it's not a mainstream perfume like my Gucci or VS or Good Girl. Obviously... I have a thing for being a good girl xD What sub doesn't? What sub doesn't love when it's all over, and their Dom strokes their face, and wraps them in their arms, and tells them what a good girl they are? My boss, and I were having a conversation at work today, like we do, and I was explaining to him what being a rope bunny is, and what being rope drunk is, and shibari, and all that because he said a friend of his had shown him a video of like rape fantasy type stuff so he was asking me about bondage stuff. I told him, I really don't see him as the dominant type, which he disagrees, but I just don't see it, he's so submissive towards the women at work, and I guess maybe he could just be being respectful, but yeah, I dunno. I know his wife would never be into anything like that since she has like zero sex drive, so I hope I'm not encouraging him in any bad direction. He has admitted to cheating on her, and I don't want to introduce him to all this stuff, and then he feels like he needs someone to explore it with. But ya know, if he's unhappy, and wants that kinda lifestyle then he should find it. I didn't know that I wanted it until Wolfie opened the door for me, and when I saw everything inside I knew it was for me. Being his sub has been a very fulfilling experience, and it's done amazing things for me on a personal level.
In other awesome news, I got my health coverage back so I can finally go back to the doctor. It's been... way longer than it should've been, I know that. And I've been off my meds for awhile so that's been kinda scary. It's just that my blood work costs so much, like thousands, and to be on my meds I have to get it done every 3 months. That's a lot of money to just slap down that often. And I did ask Wolfie for money, and without any hesitation he gave it to me to get it taken care of, and told me to remind him the next time I needed more. But I just couldn't... I couldn't bring myself to take, and take, and take from him or anyone else. So I decided that if I couldn't do it on my own, I'd just go without, and didn't tell anyone. I know, it's really stupid not to let the people who love you tale care of you, but that's been my whole life, everyone taking care of me. So I've worked really hard to get this handled the last several months, and finally I think I'm there. Remarkably, my health has been stable even without my meds. The doctors all drilled it into me that if I even missed one dose it could send my body into rejection, and kill me very quickly. But it's been fine. I haven't been badly sick, no horrible infections, no apparent organ failure. I should probably be in some scientific study xD Like how am I stable after this long... I dunno. Just a miracle, I guess. And honestly, I don't want to go back on the meds, but I'll do whatever they say is best, I guess. If Wolfie knew I haven't been taking my medicine... It's not like I've been lying to him, I just didn't tell him I stopped. Because if I did then he'd handle it. I know, how dare my boyfriend give me money, how dare he take care of me xD I joke about him buying me expensive shoes, and lingerie, and everything else he offers me, but I don't ask for him to just give me money. I specifically asked him how much it would cost to move me to Russia because I want to help pay for it, but he tells me it's not something for me to worry about. Ok, fine. But I just couldn't keep taking from him... I can't explain why, I just did what I felt I needed to do, but health coverage is back so I'm going to get it all handled myself. Everything is going to be ok :3
I guess it must sound like I must not really care if I live or die having that hanging over my head all this time, that my body could just give out suddenly, and I'm not taking every opportunity to preserve myself. But it's not true. I have an amazing life that I love, and I don't want to lose it. But I can also recognize that the people who love me would be better off without me draining them all their lives. So... I'm doing the best I can on my own. I've got it handled. Honestly, it goes back to my father. All my life he's made it extremely clear that my medical condition was a huge inconvenience to him. If I had to go to the Emergency Room to treat a life-threatening infection or if I needed surgery, well that just ruined his day having to take me there, and he made that very clear. When I lost my health coverage a couple years ago he told my mother that this was my problem, and I needed to handle it. So I did. And I have. And this is exactly why Wolfie says I need therapy xD He's not wrong. That's probably one reason I love being a sub so much, to just sink into this state where I don't have to worry about anything, my Dom handles everything, it's very comforting. I know I should let Wolfie help me more. I just... can't. It's not that I don't trust him. It's just a psychological block.
But. Back to good news. My boss may have found me a horse. We're supposed to go look on Sunday at a couple he's found. He said that they stand to inherit like over 8 million dollars from his wife's grandmother who's currently not doing so well... And if they do, he really wants to move north, and open a stable/ranch place. He said if things with Wolfie don't work out I could always come there, and work with the horses. Which would be like my freakin dream job, getting to work with horses every day. I guess his wife's side if the family is fucking loaded, and dropping like flies. I'm not hoping anyone dies or anything xD But that would be pretty amazing❤
19:46 Aug 01 2022
Times Read: 672
I've been drawing a lot lately🐺🐰❤
But then I'll go months without drawing anything so...
July was pretty awesome for me :3
August so far is... Well, work has been productive. I did not want you get out of bed this morning... Because I was up late on Elden Ring. Which is another thing I've been too busy to do lately. Commander Niall is the bane of my Elden Ring existence... I have had pretty much no trouble with any other boss, but I refuse to end the game until I've beaten him. Because you have to beat him to get to Malenia who I've heard is the hardest FromSoftware boss that's ever been made. I've beaten Sister Friede, Orphan of Kos, all the biggies, I need to do this. The problem with Commander Niall is his fucking summons, having to kill them, and then go after him, they just shred through my summon. So I've resorted to dirty tactics, I've buffed my faith up to 15, I've gone full force Rotten Breathe on him. So I'm working on upgrading my seal. I'm not typically a caster, but some Incantations are like pyromancied, and I do love my pyromancy... I will beat this xD I've rage quit on him a few times, and I felt close to getting it last night, but I had to go to bed, and be a responsible adult😐 I hate that.
01:54 Aug 01 2022
Times Read: 486
I had to go back, and see for myself...
The cosmic forces in this game really fucking intrigue me. Even months later I'm still just kinda wandering around aimlessly xD I know what I need to do, I'm just sorta unmotivated to beat the game. I still have dragons to kill❤
00:02 Aug 01 2022
Times Read: 498
I have been like... 99% unproductive today. The only thing I've done was buy groceries for myself for the week, otherwise I've just been kinda sitting here, browsing shit online. Put in an order to Restyle.
Because that belt is never in stock so I'm grabbing it while I can. Autumn is coming so I feel good about getting some colder weather clothing. The Halloween stuff is already trickling out so I'm excited to see the designs this year from places like Hell Bunny and DK. Killstar's Summer designs are always pretty bad... But they usually get better towards the end of the year. This week is pay week, and I've spent a lot of money on makeup xD Mondays and Tuesdays always suck, I hate working Mondays and Tuesdays. Then we also have the monthly car show this week, and it's my turn to work all day that day. I've told my coworker multiple times that if it's too much for her, I can do it every month, it's not a big deal for me. She said last time she was so exhausted she could barely move. Ok, so I'll do it. It doesn't affect me physically for work hard all day, and whoever works all that day gets 5 extra hours of pay which I definitely don't mind. And a car show day, as insane as they are, is only a fraction as busy as a fair day so she needs to buck up cause the fair is coming. Then after the fair it's my birthday, then it's Halloween, then suddenly it's fucking Christmas, the end of the year is just one thing after another. Hopefully at some point in all that Wolfie will have made it back. I'm not expecting him to be back, but I always hope. July went by so fast, this whole year has sped by. I have to work on Halloween this year, and I told my boss I would anyway so he can take his kids out. I'm ready for the cold, and the pumpkins, and the overall comfort of Fall. We had pumpkin ice cream at work all last week, and it literally tasted like comfort🧡