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cutexbutxpsycho's Journal


cutexbutxpsycho's Journal

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36 entries this month
 

06:55 Dec 30 2020
Times Read: 268


7ac1b2e94b35539631cddd4b65c63437

COMMENTS

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immorteb
immorteb
11:05 Dec 30 2020

Yessss :)





 

06:34 Dec 29 2020
Times Read: 312


I beat Maria, and Laurence for the first time.
I'm not sure why 4-5 years ago they were so difficult for me. I guess it's because I'm really bad about not switching between weapon modes. I like the threaded cane when it's a whip, I prefer the range, and the width of attack. But whip mode is not as fast as cane mode. I switched over to cane, and realized, holy shit, I'm attacking Maria so fast she's getting staggered, and can't attack back. Which is funny since she's such a fast character, she's basically the npc version of me, attack really fast, back away, fast attack, dodge back. But if you're fast enough you can hit her over, and over until your stamina runs out, and she can't do anything, she's stuck taking the hits. I'm actually using her weapon now because ya know, final boss is the perfect time to completely switch weapons. But her weapon is so fucking fast, I'm in love. I fully upgraded it, and it actually scales better with dex, and does more damage in general. Of course, I love the threaded cane because walking around in the moonlight, killing monsters with a whip is so Castlevania, really takes me back to my childhood. And then I found this.
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That's a fuckin sword that turns into a bow. I love the weapons in this game, they're incredibly creative, I just need to remember to switch between modes more often.
So right now the only things standing between me, and my platinum are the Orphan of Kos, the Pthnumerian Queen, and fighting Gerhman without eating the umbilical cord pieces. Unfortunately, OOK is supposedly possibly the hardest boss in the game. I may switch my weapon back if I can't get comfortable with the Rakuyo, I just hate to downgrade from the higher speed and damage. But I do have the Defiled Chalice in hand which is one dungeon away from the queen, and fighting Gehrman should be easy especially since I'm not going after the Moon Presence. Everything is within reach. After I finish cleaning this up I may go back to the DLC in Dark Souls 3. I have never beaten Sister Friede, Darkeater Midir or Gael, and I'm missing an ending from it as well. I would say Sister Friede is the hardest boss in any Souls game. I can get to the third phase, but my resources are always fucking gone, and she just immediately destroys me. That's one thing you learn to appreciate in Dark Souls though after playing Bloodborne, unlimited estus restock. Not that buying vials is a huge deal, it just makes reattempting bosses harder if you waste 20 vials, get killed, you essentially wasted them for nothing, and if you run out you have to go grind up the blood to get more. It's just annoying whereas in DS you can repeatedly attempt a boss fight with no consequences. But I think needing vials encourages players to explore the dungeons. I've made it up to Ailing Loran, and I need 2 Bastards of Loran to open the Defiled Chalice, but things in that fucking dungeon hit me so hard. Even simple enemies are taking half my health with one hit. Granted, I haven't leveled my vitality much since I was trying to get my dex to 99, but still. I've made it to the second boss of the dungeon, amped up Bloodstarved Beast, and he can easily one hit kill me, but I appreciate that he kills me quickly so I don't waste my vials xD The good thing about the dungeons though is their difficulty is self-contained so if I beat the other two bosses, and go into NG+, the dungeons won't actually get any harder, and I can grind through the base game again. At which point I will be a single trophy away. I feel like I got to the queen back in 2015, but obviously never beat her then. I may pop back into my older save to see, and maybe practice on her. Maybe even beat her there, hey, it doesn't matter which save she dies on. It's funny, not that you can tell because of my helmet, but in my older save my character has red hair because back in 2015 I was a redhead for like a year. I didn't go blonde til the Spring of 2016, and met Wolfie a couple months after I did. I've definitely enjoyed my life a lot better as a blonde xD I mean, no matter how much my appearance may have changed over the last few years, at my core I'm still that sarcastic, smartass, super nerd gamer girl. I think this post can attest to that xD

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
20:05 Dec 29 2020

Congratulations!





 

22:21 Dec 28 2020
Times Read: 342


You can always tell when I'm playing Dark Souls or Bloodborne by the shouting. A lot of:
"Son of a bitch!"
"Oh, you motherfucker."
"Omg, fuck youuu."
"Don't hit me, don't hit me, don't hit me, please don't hit me."
"Or, ya know, just stand there, don't fuckin dodge or anything."
"I told you to heal you bitch."
"Ok, get your shit together, we're going back in."
I'm very abusive towards my character xD I know it's probably just me not hitting the button, but I swear sometimes she does things on purpose just to get us killed. Like forward jumping attacks when I press to backstep.
Oh, you wanted to back away from the enemy? Nah, we're gonna jump right in their face, weeee!
And there she dies. She's like that in every game. Stop jump attacking you whore xD
I thought I had completely fucked getting the Living String from the Brain of Mensis. I went down, and remembered you could make contact with the gesture if you had it. At that time I was down there, one hit away from killing it, I realized I didn't have the Make Contact gesture because the area it comes from is totally optional. Anyway, I left, got it, came back, could not find that fucker again in the pitch black darkness. You need the Living String to open the Chalice Dungeon wherein the Pthumerian Queen resides. No string, no dungeon, no queen which was half of my entire reason for replaying the game in the first place. I mean, it's my absolute favorite game so I don't need a reason to replay it, but I had goals, and that was going to seriously fuck one of them. But then it's huge eyeball suddenly popped out of the darkness, and I'd never been so relieved to see something so hideous, I could've kissed it. But then I killed it.
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 I gotta say, if having infinite universal knowledge means looking like that thing, Imma pass, no thanks, ick.
Make Contact is the best gesture, btw. I'm gonna do that to Wolfie next time I see him xD I know he's played Bloodborne, but I dunno if he'd get it. He'd probably just pick me up, and call me a weirdo xD Wolfie is used to my nerdy weirdness by now.
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KayleeSinister
KayleeSinister
23:39 Dec 28 2020

lol





 

05:58 Dec 28 2020
Times Read: 380


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When you're goth, but simultaneously kawaii as fuck♥

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XxSithisxX
XxSithisxX
02:33 Jan 02 2021

omg this is too damn cute!!!





 

02:26 Dec 28 2020
Times Read: 413


2020-12-27-20-21-58
Ok, so technically I found this in the girl's department xD
And it fits like a tight crop top.
But I saw it, and I was like, "Fuck, that's me."
I mean, damn, it's true.
xD

My bunny hair ties are like one of my favorite things ever. Obviously, I'm Bunny, but they fit my kawaii side so perfectly. I actually got them from Hot Topic, they sat on a clearance rack for years until one day I went in, and they had buy 2 get 3 free, and there was nothing better I wanted for free so I finally got them. I dropped one recently, and the head broke right off, but I glued that bitch right back on. I'm a sucker for bunny themed things for obvious reasons. Like, when I see things that say, "Somebunny loves you," my heart melts, and I have to get them for Wolfie. Even if it's like a pack of tissues, well, Wolfie needs tissues xD

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22:35 Dec 27 2020
Times Read: 432


I deal with a lot of shitty buyers, but the awesome ones totally make the job worth it. I woke up, and sold two gorgeous gothic dresses to the sweetest girl from Idaho, and a top + leggings set to an awesome babe in Texas. Of course, people will turn on you in an instant which is the case with the bitch, and the still ongoing return case. She was super nice til she decided she couldn't fit into the dress she bought. And despite it being against the apps policy to return things for that kinda reason, they still approved it. This is the second time this has happened, I've sent out something brand new and listed correctly, nope, they get to return. Bullshit. I actually messaged customer support before it was approved to remind them that I've made over $10,000 on this app, I have a 5 star rating with over 200 completed sales, very happy customers, and the girl trying to return the dress is new with like no feedback. Reeks of a scammer. I also told them I have indisputable proof of exactly what I sent her in video, and picture form. So her return gets approved BEFORE customer support gets back to me, and they tell me, "Returns are irreversible, you should have told us before it was approved." Bitch, I fucking did, you just didn't bother to read my message before you approved that shit. But hey, I hope she is a scammer, I hope she sends me back some garbage, and then they not only have to refund her, but pay me when I slam my proof, that I tried to show them, in their faces. I really hate these apps with no seller support. I get it, you wanna make your buyers happy, you need them, but motherfuckers, what would you do without people selling shit? But there's no balance, it's 100% make the buyer happy. Such as, for a return the buyer has a full week to mail my shit back to me, but I get three days to ship before they can cancel. Why are they not held to the same standard, three days is plenty. She actually hasn't shipped it back yet, she has til Tuesday to do so, so maybe she won't. I mean, either way, it's $65, a pretty inconsequential amount, but I fucking hate scammers, they're just gross.
But, remember how I said I wasn't going to hit the KS sale because it was only 20% off? Well, I knew they'd bump it up after Christmas, and they did to 30%, so I couldn't resist getting myself some new dresses, of course.
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Moons, and roses, and velvet and lace❤


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05:10 Dec 27 2020
Times Read: 464


2020-12-26-23-08-00

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02:56 Dec 27 2020
Times Read: 496


But more importantly...
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Fuck yeah, motherfuckin' Care Bears :3

COMMENTS

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StarryEscapes
StarryEscapes
03:08 Dec 27 2020

Omg I love carebears





human20
human20
04:53 Dec 27 2020

I watch cartoon when I was a kid





 

22:20 Dec 26 2020
Times Read: 546


I refuse to help people who won't help themselves. If you're in a constant toxic cycle of bullshit with someone, get yourself out. There are people in this world who have so little in their life they thrive on making others just as miserable as they are. They are parasites. The best way to handle them is to simply refuse to acknowledge their existence.
I'll tell this much, if I knew someone who acted like a screenshotting lil bitch, and kept records of our conversations, and then went on to use those records to harass/bully/threaten/blackmail me, that is not a person I would ever consider a friend or put in very high regard at all. That's some weak, insanely insecure shit. This is a person who clearly can not function well as an adult, and especially, can not function socially as an adult. This is child behavior. If someone records, and keeps every move you make around them, they're waiting for you to fuck up so they can expose you, so they can blame you, so they can play victim, so they can get the attention, and sympathy they're desperate for. Childish.
I mean, I do screenshot bits of conversation between me, and Wolfie, and occasionally friends, but it's never anything I would use against anyone. It's loving, romantic, nerdy, inspirational or funny shit. Never would I save, and post out to the public things to specifically damage a person. Because honestly, it makes the person doing it look like a fucking idiot, in my opinion. If this person you're suddenly revealing to the world as this huge monster was so horrible to you, why'd you put up with them for so long? If they're such a terrible person, and friend, why are you interacting with them at all? Sure, some people are legitimately victims, but are you just that easily manipulated or are you that fucking stupid you don't know how to walk away from things that aren't good for you? I mean, hey, I've been there, I have been that stupid, so I totally get it. But you gotta take a little responsibility for the people you allow in your life. There are genuine people out there, you don't have to associate with the bottom-feeding parasites of society.
That being said. If you know this person does these things, if they've done it to you on multiple occasions, and you have continued to go back to being their friend time and time again, you are no fucking better. Like I said, as an adult, you get to choose who you allow in your life. Knowing someone acts like a vile, ridiculously insecure child who absolutely has, and will again stab you in the back, and going back to them, you get what you deserve. Trying to say your friendship always bounces back, and you guys always have each other's backs in the end, blahfuckinblah, it doesn't mean shit, it proves you're an idiot who never learns. You're the fuckin mouse that keeps reaching for the electrified cheese, gets zapped, blames the cheese, then reaches for it again. But the mouse eventually learns, stop doing this dumbass thing that's hurting you.
Absolutely none of my friends have ever threatened me, blackmailed me, used me, purposely done everything in their power to hurt me. Not a single one. And if they did, done. Immediately cut off, they would no longer exist to me. They could rage, and throw all the hate, and tantrum into my honor they like, I simply would cease to acknowledge them. Making a big deal about your pixelized numbers is feeding them, they know they're getting to you, they're enjoying it. Clearly, they have no life, and nothing better to do than trying to make you miserable. Let them. Go on with your life like you never met. You're an adult, you're responsible for yourself, get yourself out of the cycle. Or don't. But don't continue to beg outsiders for help when you don't. There are people on VR who have watched this site a very long time, who have seen your lifetime on this website, and remember all the bullshit you've thrown out there. So if you're going to go bashing, and blaming, and bullying you should reflect on yourself, on your actions, on how you are making yourself look. Cause some of you make me wonder more than anything how the Hell your parent/s put this out into the world, some of you act like you were raised by rabid fuckin gerbils.
Shame, shame, shame.
And I totally understand that, my childhood was far from perfect. My mom was in, and out of mental hospitals into my teen years, and my dad worked away from home most of the time, I grew up wild. But one important thing I learned young was that you are not responsible for how other people act, you are only responsible for how you act, and react to things. Don't be the douchebag, don't be the idiot, and most importantly, don't be the fucking gerbil :3

COMMENTS

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AngelofDreams
AngelofDreams
22:41 Dec 26 2020

I agree with you on that





LORDMOGY
LORDMOGY
02:13 Dec 27 2020





KayleeSinister
KayleeSinister
02:28 Dec 27 2020

Wow





ReaperSoulMate
ReaperSoulMate
02:34 Dec 27 2020

Finally, someone needed to write this if any of us wrote this they would have their panties in a twist in a matter of seconds and turn the card tables. I've been saying this for years to drop the people who try to blackmail you every second for over 6 years I've been saying.
Not only have I said it more than once all my life, but now someone else has spoken up as well.





StarryEscapes
StarryEscapes
03:08 Dec 27 2020

I totally agree with you someone needs to put end to this bullshit!





XxSithisxX
XxSithisxX
02:39 Jan 02 2021

Totally agrees with this sentiment. None of my real friends have a need to keep my conversations or screenshot anything either:) Here's to the real world of adulting! Thank you!





 

04:15 Dec 26 2020
Times Read: 583


Wolfie always has a major depression episode around Christmas. This year is no different. I think it's hitting a bit harder though since he's still stuck, and doesn't have anyone there. I told him, call me, video call me, I'm right here. But no. He just wants to be alone, and feel bad for how alone he is. But at that point, it's kind of a choice because I'm right fucking here. I know he wanted very badly to be here for Christmas, but it just didn't work out, this is the situation we have, let's make the best of it. You can't argue that with someone who has severe depression though, they won't hear it, all they can see, and feel is the bad. It's not his fault. He told me he wanted me to leave him alone because he's very triggered right now, and doesn't want to take it out on me. Hey, that's progress at least. He's realizing when he's feeling triggered, and when it's best for him to have some space. As much as I hate leaving him alone, especially on Christmas, if I push it'll just make things worse. Saying he had a crappy childhood is an understatement, I get that holidays are a sensitive time for him because he never had a good one growing up. I tell him, let's replace all those bad memories with good ones, let's make up for it. And I try my best to make up for it, to make everything now good, and happy, and bright, but you can't erase or rewrite someone's history, there's only so much you can do for a person, especially someone with legit terrible emotional trauma. I've never heard him or his therapist mention it, but I'm positive he has ptsd, he has all the symptoms. You live with an abusive monster for 17 years of your life, it's going to leave lifelong damage, and the worst part is she's still abusive which is the case for a lot of abused children, it carries on into adulthood. And no matter what I or numerous mental health professionals have told him, he just refuses to kick his mother out of his life. He says, "I'm the only person she has left." Well no fuckin shit, you're all she has left, she's awful. Which a lot of people say about their current/future mother-in-law, no, she's actually straight up evil. Which is one of my main concerns moving in with him, there's gonna be a blow up eventually. I have been so restrained towards her because he asked me to be, because I don't want to cause him more emotional turmoil, but I swear to everything in existence, if I see put her hands on him... I told him, we're putting more cameras in, and around the house, if she is on the property she will be recorded. I promised him that when we go home things are going to change, and as much as I would love to permanently banish a force of evil from the face of this planet, humans are fucking finicky bitches, and I can't go to prison for the rest of my life over it. So, phase one, more cameras, more security, we're gonna get proof if something happens. I would love to move honestly because when he moved into the house, she moved right into the same neighborhood after getting everyone's hopes up, and saying she was moving back to Russia, nope, she moved right down the fucking street because her son is literally the only thing she has left to try to control in life. So I would love for us to move, he's always talking about moving us to Europe, do it. I mean, we can't right now, but when it's a possibility, let's go.
I'm just saying... I understand the trauma he has. And he's gotten a lot better, he's made a lot of progress with his mental health, but Christmas has always been one of those things that brings him way down. There's only so much I can do. He knows I'm here.
I actually have had someone on here, twice tell me to say hi to my husband for him. First of all, bud, you don't know me, you for damn sure don't know my man so that's a bit creepy of an intro. Second,
I ain't fuckin married. Am I in a committed relationship? Hell yes. Married? Fuck no. Honestly, I don't know if Wolfie, and I will ever get married, and if we don't, it doesn't bother me. Marriage is such an Earthly thing. What if til death do we part isn't long enough? I know what you're going to say, in this vast ocean of infinite souls, and energy how can you possibly want to tie yourself to one thing for all eternity? I do believe you can have a soul connection to more than one person, but I think there's one for everyone that's above all. Maybe they're in this life, maybe not. Maybe they're watching you, maybe they're a complete stranger. Maybe you end up loving them or hating them this time around, maybe both. There are probably going to be multiple people who impact your life, but I think there's always one that changes you in ways you may take years to realize. And even if you do have multiple lives over the lifetime of a Universe, you should make every one count. You should be with the one you love, do what you want to do, learn from everything, and fix your mistakes. You should try.
Anyway, I had a fabulous social distance Christmas, hacking away at bloody, mutated alien scourge beasts, and up to my eyelids in Bloodborne lore theories. There's so much I didn't pay attention to when I first played through 5 years ago, I feel like I have to stop, and look something up every time I kill something. Like the Vileblood queen, Annalise. I never noticed how petite, blonde, and pale she is...
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Of course, the obvious question, why is she wearing that helmet?
But more importantly, why is there a ribbon tied around the eyes of the helmet, essentially blinding her? Eyes are a pretty big theme in this game. I appreciate that the game makes you a foreigner so you're not really on anyone's side, and viewing all the factions from an outside perspective is nice because no one is telling you, "These are the good guys, these are the bad guys." I don't think the old ones or the "gods" of this place are evil, it's more like, the humans, from every side, are all evil as shit. They're all either murdering each other other, torturing each other, experimenting on each other, every group is doing something awful to someone else for personal gain.
I saw this, "Neither one is good. Really, the whole theme is that humanity is insignificant and screwed either way."
That about sums it up.
The same thing happens when I play Dark Souls, I get so lost in the lore my brain just ceases to comprehend anything anymore xD Like when I read that Bloodborne was initially a Demon's Souls sequel... Brain explosion, mind blown.
I think it's every Souls game fan's fantasy that they release a game that connects Demon's, Dark, and Blood all into the same world. It'll never happen, but we can dream.
You might be thinking, "Aiyana, you really need to get out, lack of human contact is turning you into a freak..."
Nooo. See, I was a anti-social super nerd way before social distancing xD

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02:00 Dec 25 2020
Times Read: 623


My stuff actually did make it here this morning, and omg, this Care Bears sweater is even cuter in person ^^
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So much love❤
Now please give me something in Rainbow Brite :3

And here's my new lingerie set.
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The skirt is a bit longer than I expected, but it's a beautiful set, and perfect for what I have planned.

So this top is interesting... Honestly, from the stock photo it's hard to tell wtf the design is, it's not a great quality picture.
 2020-12-24-19-38-38
 It kinda looks like clouds, and gothic castles, and I really liked the coloring so I decided to grab it.
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It's got bats, and some vampire looking lady, and a fuckin angel of death. The stock picture absolutely does not do this design justice, it's gorgeous in person. They make a dress in this design, and fabric as well, but since I didn't know wtf it was supposed to be I got the top first, but definitely want the dress now too.

And finally, my beautiful new bat winged heels.
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One more pair of batsy shoes for the collection. I dunno, bat wings just work for all my sides, goth, kawaii, and Harley Quinn❤

Merry Christmas to me, from me, you're the best, babe xD

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17:52 Dec 24 2020
Times Read: 645


Beauty-Plus-20201224111106073-save
People should really just be themselves.
Hot damn, it is fucking good to be me❤
100% custom image :3
xD

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LORDMOGY
LORDMOGY
19:05 Dec 24 2020





HiddenDisguise
HiddenDisguise
02:13 Dec 25 2020

I agree TBH





captainglobehead
captainglobehead
03:20 Dec 25 2020

Absolutely stunning.





immorteb
immorteb
06:15 Dec 25 2020

Beautiful :)





DarkestTemptation
DarkestTemptation
05:26 Dec 27 2020

Smokey be like DAAAMMMNNN!!! She is yummy good looking love to like to have some yes please. (Laughs) because I know beautiful woman like this don’t look my way or talk to me. I don’t know why I just tall dark and mysterious.





 

06:14 Dec 23 2020
Times Read: 683


On top of my Care Bears crop, I ordered shoes, dress, and a lingerie set.
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Pandemic aside, 2020 hasn't been a terrible year for me. My business really took off, I got a real job on top of that, I found two of my dream Lolita dresses, went on a 2 week vacation, and my relationship has been incredibly stable all year long. I didn't get sick, although I did get bitten by a dog back in April, not a huge deal though. One of my sister's family got sick, but they fully recovered, nothing drastic or traumatic. I mean, there's still time to squeeze in an apocalyptic celestial event that destroys everything before the year runs out. I keep having dreams about something happening in the sky, something big. Wolfie calls me a Doomsayer... Damn it, I wanted to be the Doom Slayer xD
I got $4.95 overnight shipping, and if it actually arrives by Thursday I will definitely think there's some cosmic shit going on because I've sent out packages that are taking 2+ weeks to get where they belong, the postal system is fucking jammed so if my stuff gets here before Christmas... There really is a Great Old One looking out for me xD Not that it matters, I don't need my stuff by Christmas, I just thought it would be interesting to see if it actually makes it.
I think I mentioned that lingerie set before, but never actually bought it. We'll see if Wolfie says it covers too much to be worn as lingerie. Look, you need layers to be able to strip properly, otherwise you're just gyrating on a pole xD
You know I love my bat winged shoes. They actually have another pair with lace wings, but these are 60% off so I grabbed them before they sell out.
And all of this for a fuckin' Care Bears top xD But they were doing $100 off $250 so ya know, might as well...

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04:57 Dec 22 2020
Times Read: 717


Wolfie never says, "I love you more."
He says, "I love you mostest."
Well... it's hard to argue with that xD So I always respond, "I love you more than anything."
And I do.
Even more than my cat.
And my cat is fucking adorable.
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05:32 Dec 21 2020
Times Read: 754


20201220-233016

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06:24 Dec 20 2020
Times Read: 798


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Of course, it just had to be Grumpy + Cheer Bear...
Remember how I just said there's nothing I want?
Only took a couple hours for that to completely change xD
Wolfie is my Grumpy Bear. A bit gloomy on the outside, but warm, and kind-hearted inside :3

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01:08 Dec 20 2020
Times Read: 823


My Black Friday brand dresses are here.
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Adorable kitties and ghosties. I got them both in a Medium, and they definitely fit a bit big on me. This is a UK brand, and UK sizes do tend to run big, in my opinion, but I didn't realize that when I ordered. I don't mind them being a bit big though, and if it turns out I never wear them they'll be great to resell. I love to have simple dresses though. I feel like when you dress in a Gothic sort of style you end up with a lot of extravagant clothing. I have so many dresses that are absolutely not for every day wear, they're just too much to walk around the house in. So it's nice to have simpler things to throw on. Like with my job, I'm allowed to wear whatever I want, but I'm not going to show up to work in my Morticia Addams style lace, and silk floor length maxi dress, it's too much.

So I also repurchased this gorgeous cemetery dress.
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I actually had to get this one in a bigger size. I first ordered it in a Medium, I'm typically a S/M. But I could not pull it down over my boobs, and I swear it did not have a zipper. The new one has a zipper... They did completely sell out of this dress so maybe they changed the design for the restock because I'm telling you there was no zipper on the first one. A zipper makes all the difference, it means I can unzip, pull down over my chest then rezip once the waist is down. It doesn't help that the fabric has absolutely zero stretch so I sold the first one, got a size bigger, this one is perfect. Because of the fabric every dress is also different. Here's the first one I bought.
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As you can see, the back is completely different on the new one, and the front has more of the ravens/crows which I actually like. It also has the crying angel tombstones that the first one didn't have any of. It's a beautiful design, I absolutely adore it.

KS is having a Christmas sale, but so far it's only 20% off so I'm not super tempted. I have so much shit right now, I really need to go through my closet, and pick out some stuff to get rid of. I made around $500 last week in sales, so stuff is still selling well, but I'm also replacing stuff pretty fast so maybe passing up the Christmas sales would be ok. There's also nothing I feel like I super want/need right now, I've checked off quite a few things from my wishlist this year. Maybe some more heels before Wolfie gets back? I do need to figure out what I'm going to wear for him this time. The lingerie underneath has to contrast yet compliment the outer outfit, and the heels should match the lingerie. I was telling Wolfie he's lucky, guys have it easy, he just showers, puts something on, and looks amazing every time with minimal effort. I take some fuckin' work xD I gotta make sure my hair is colored perfectly, my makeup is right, my perfume is nice, my heels and clothing layers are all complimentary, tight, sexy, teasing, but not slutty. Even though he's just going to rip it all off me, smear my lipstick everywhere, and give me a massive case of sex hair, it fuckin' matters. But I'm not sure yet what I'm going to wear this time... So I need to work on that xD The thing is, I have no idea when he's going to be back. It could be next week, it could be next year, it could be another six months from now. And if he got back tomorrow, I don't think he'd care if I showed up at the airport in sweatpants. I don't actually own a single pair of pants...

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01:10 Dec 19 2020
Times Read: 858


2020-12-18-19-00-43
Daddy wolfie, alpha fluffy xD
Ya know... Wolfie wasn't ever allowed to have pets growing up. Because he was constantly moved around the world, but also because his mother is a fucking psycho. And not like, a fun, good time psycho like me. She's an abusive bitchsack that should be destroyed. He didn't really have time for pets while he was working, and going to school, he barely had time for his gorgeous, patient girlfriend. But he's supposed to have lots of time off when he gets back. Time to finally properly move me in which is first on the list. It's not that I mind that we've taken this long to move in together. Four years might seem like a long time, but a lot of shit has gone down. His mental/emotional stuff being most prominent. A lot of people rush into things, and that's why their relationships don't last. If we had moved in together before now it probably would have been a disaster. I mean, what's the point of moving nine hours away from everyone, and everything you know to be with a guy you see when you wake up, and wakes you up 18 hours later when they get home? That was his life, that was us, and it's hard meeting everyone's needs with his constant obsession to succeed. But lately... He's been telling me I made him realize there are more important things in life than success, and money. There's me, and being home before midnight, and having time to make dinner, and cuddle, and play video games. And I think the change of mindset has really also helped with his depression. It's a lot to feel constantly pressured to be extraordinary. Everyone in his family is amazing, they all do exceptional things with their lives, even his bitchsack mother. But I told him, what's the point of being extraordinary if it doesn't make you happy? If you have to sacrifice everything to get there. All of those mega wealthy, super intelligent, extremely successful people in his family... None of them really seem that happy. They lack connection. I don't want him to be some bum working a dead-end job he hates, especially with his massive potential, but I can't support him running himself into the ground just to make his family happy. It's ok to be simple humans with simple lives in our ultra suburban house with our cats, and dog, and video games, and sex dungeon xD That's totally normal, and ok to have that instead of forcing yourself to be a robot, being the best, making billions of dollars, but having no emotions, no real human connection. Before we met his life was just work, and alcohol, and smoking, and emotionless sex. Tying women up, beating the shit out of them, but having no real intimacy with them. I think he honestly expected to be alone for the rest of his life, to never be able to handle emotion, and intimacy and vulnerability, and it's taken a long time to get here, but I think we are finally there in a place where this can happen, and possibly won't end horribly. I know that I kinda dropped in, and changed his whole life, but I can't apologize for that seeing how far he's come. He refers to himself as Wolfie now xD I can not imagine the him that was him when we first met doing that, and I couldn't tell you exactly when it started, but he's so cuddly now. He's always been lovable, but he seems genuinely happy. Not always, he still has super depressive days, but he talks to me about it now, he doesn't run, and hide because he feels like a burden, he tells me things. I'm just so proud of how far he's come. Having clinical depression is a real bitch, and dealing with it without medication or treatment is ridiculously harsh, but he does it, and he keeps going, and he's just amazing, I admire him so much beyond him being the man I'm hopelessly in love with, but as a person, I admire the shit outta him.
We may seem silly, and immature, and a little bit crazy to some people, but damn, I fucking love us❤

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21:23 Dec 16 2020
Times Read: 911


New velvet and lace❤
160815172834577675-jpeg
The Esmeralda top and Mitzy mini skirt by Killstar. They look perfect together although I wish the crosses were moons...
I'm actually in the middle of a return dispute over a dress. I sent out a perfect condition, brand new dress, and before it's even marked as delivered she's already trying to return it. My guess is it doesn't fit... I feel bad when people buy things from me that don't fit them, but that's really not my fault or problem. Anyone who buys anything from me has every opportunity to ask me for measurements. If she had asked me before she purchased how the dress fits, my personal opinion is it fits a bit small. So I'm guessing it's too small on her. Hey, you can't return things for size issues. But some people will then purposely damage an item to get their return. I take pictures, and video of everything, I cover my ass, but if you put a tiny hole in some obscure place, how am I supposed to argue with that? It's bullshit, and it takes away from people who legitimately get bad items. Like the dress I bought in October that was fuckin stained as shit, and the seller didn't mention at all that it was super stained. I saw a few days ago she's still trying to sell that dumpy dress. Initially when she got it back she put it up for MORE than I paid for it, and only said, "Small stain on the sleeve, barely worn." It's just gross seeing people lie like that for money. Now it's down to about $15, and still no one will buy it xD At least try to get the stains out, bitch, it's not that hard. But my point is, some things deserve to get returned. Brand new dress that I didn't even try on? Nah, it's perfect. Not to be rude, but maybe the solution is to go on a diet instead of trying to commit fraud. Bur she'll probably win, there's basically no customer support for sellers. I had a similar situation several months ago, my first return case ever. Two brand new, perfect dresses, filed to return, and her case was immediately approved without even asking me for evidence. I got them back, and they were still perfect, but it's like... I did my job, I sent what I was supposed to, and basically got scammed out of my sale why? Who knows, they never told me, just straight up approved her case without saying anything to me. Which is fine, I ended up selling those dresses for more than she paid after I got them back, but it's the principle of the thing, doing what you're supposed to, even above and beyond with cute packaging, and same day shipping, and you get screwed. I even accepted her lowball offer of $25 less than I was asking for so it feels like betrayal. I tried to be kind, tried to give that dumb whore a good deal, and now she turns on me. I rarely return things, if something doesn't fit, I sell it for more than I paid, easy. I'm just tired of bad buyers, they really suck the life out of you. I have some awesome buyers who give me no trouble, but then I have these annoying bitches. She actually bought two dresses from me so I'm expecting she'll try to return the second one next. She was going on, and on about how much she loved my stuff, and would buy more from me, no. Gonna stop ya right there, Hell no. Fuck no, fuck you, fuck off.
Apparently, it's everyone piss Aiyana off day, because I'm also dealing with a refund from Killstar. I realized suddenly one of the dresses is missing from my order. I hate getting a refund from KS... Because after I open a case they tell me to contact support. I contact support just for them to say, "Oh yeah, that's super out of stock, do you want us to give you a refund here or where you opened the case?"
...
It just feels like extra unnecessary steps. You coulda just refunded me there, why did I need to contact support? So they could tell me what I already know, and send me back to where I was? Omg, it's mind-numbing.

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06:34 Dec 16 2020
Times Read: 951


My new Hello Kitty jacket ❤
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I went into the mall today, and found exactly what I was looking for.
 160809945842443293-jpeg-1
Well... they didn't have the Sit Boy shorts. Turns out those shorts are basically on backorder until forever. I just can't bring myself to pre-order a $13 pair of shorts that are going to take half a year to be delivered, like wtf xD I mean, I like Inuyasha, I've watched it since like... high school? But it's no Vampire Knight. I'd wait an infinite amount of time to wear Kaname across my ass❤
 160809945842443293-jpeg-2
I also finally bought Bloodborne. Again xD I have no idea what happened to my original copy, I think it turned to dust at some point. I actually hadn't played Bloodborne since like a few months after I met Wolfie so... about 4 years ago. I left off missing 2 trophies for my platinum. The final ending where you beat Gehrman without having the pieces of the umbilical cord, and beating the Pthumerian Queen. I made it so fucking close in that dungeon, but never quite got to her. I decided to completely restart since doing these things on a NG++ character is ridiculously hard. And I'm always happy to completely play through the game again after the years. Wolfie told me the Demon's Souls remake looks amazing. Then forbid me from buying a PS5, and gave me an hour long lecture on why he's buying us gaming PCs instead. First of all, if I wanted a PS5 I would've pre-ordered one, and had one by now. But you know how consoles are when they first come out, they need work. I'm gonna give it a couple years, much as I love Souls games. I mean, I've played the shit outta original Demon's Souls, how much better can it be? It's like if they remade Dark Souls... I just can't imagine it being any better. It's scientifically impossible. I mean, did they expand on the story? Did they do ANYTHING else with the Monumentals aside from that like five minute bit? There's a lot in Demon's Souls that could have been improved, but probably nothing I'm personally thinking about.
I beat the Cleric Beast in one go.
I got to Gascoigne, and he pounded my face in.
It's good to be back❤
It feels like home. It's too bad this pandemic isn't turning people into vicious, ravenous space beasts. I'm ready to don my Victorian Era gear.
On a completely unrelated note, Wolfie also forbid me today from wielding a mini chainsaw.

COMMENTS

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XxSithisxX
XxSithisxX
07:27 Dec 16 2020

:::jumps up and down for Hello Kitty:::

Oh Kaname! My sentiments on him exactly:p





LORDMOGY
LORDMOGY
03:19 Dec 20 2020


So in what setting during this Pandemic do you now get to wear all of your wonderful Gothic wears?



Do you have a YouTube channel we VR Members don't know about?





 

02:44 Dec 16 2020
Times Read: 979


Wolfie sent me this video...
 https://youtu.be/MRN21DyBchI
I fucking love that man...❤
He just gets me xD
He changes his mind every day about what kind of puppy we should get when he gets back. Malamute is definitely one I'm interested in because they look like adorable chubby, fluffy wolves. But I'm worried about the cats. Some dogs do a lot better with cats, some have trouble distinguishing them from prey. From everyone I've talked to as long as we get everyone socialized early then it shouldn't be a problem. But like I said, he changes his mind every day so it'll probably be up to me what breed me ultimately get. I'd really like for us to meet with different breeds first, and see which one we possibly connect best with. I have no objections to shelter dogs, but I'd love to find a breeder that possibly also has cats so maybe the puppy would already be comfortable with them. My sister has a friend with a huge dog, like literally almost as tall as I am, and I was over at her house once picking up my niece, and this huge dog was tiptoeing around these month old baby kittens darting across the floor, totally gentle. I need a dog like that xD Wolfie keeps talking about it like it's going to be this trained assassin guard dog. No... It's gonna be an adorable, huggable fuzzball. It's gonna be that beast that walks down the sidewalk with me with matching bows, and fuckin' painted toenails xD Ok, probably not that far, but still...❤

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23:45 Dec 14 2020
Times Read: 1,017


160798882669612660-jpeg
One of my all time favorite designs.
I just love the detail... And the red and black.
Wolfie's favorite color on me is red❤♥

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23:37 Dec 13 2020
Times Read: 1,068


KS is having a 13% off sale so I ordered myself some things...
 160789472172500132-jpeg
Love the top, love the skirt, velvet, and moons are obvious for me. I got the last size M in that dress, but I'm not sure if I love it or want to sell it. I like the Gothic Sailor Moon vibes, but I'm not a huge fan of halter tops, that's why I sold most of my old Hell Bunny dresses. I got a few other dresses that should be easy sales, and then hopefully be good til the Christmas sales get better. I actually ended up selling that little purpley lace dress that was totally lingerie for $125. I put it on, and showed it to Wolfie, and he agreed that it's not quite little enough clothing for lingerie, but obviously too slutty to wear in regular public so I put it up for $150, and someone offered me $125. Not bad for something I think I paid $25 for. Usually when I mark things that high it's because I don't really want to sell it, and don't think anyone will actually pay that much, but you'd surprised what people are willing to pay. She actually had offered me $80 a couple hours earlier, then suddenly bumped it up to $125 before I could even consider the $80. She clearly has plans for that dress, and good luck to her with that since at 5 ft tall my ass was hanging out the back. I mean, some people go for that look, and after shopping around for $500 thongs with Wolfie maybe $125 for a nightie ain't so bad, and that $125 paid for the four dresses I got a couple days ago so it all evens out♥
I'm not really a fan of the inverted crosses on the skirt. Not because I find them offensive, but because it offends me when people confuse me with being Satanic xD
Oh no, darling, Satan simply can't have me♥
And you can't explain to these people what a Satanic cross actually looks like, they're too caught up in popculture bullshit.
But Killstar drenches their clothing in that sorta "edgy" symbolism. Annoys the shit outta me honestly, it's such an angsty teenage look. But I really love the design of that skirt so what can ya do?

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18:03 Dec 13 2020
Times Read: 1,099


I always preferred Sesshomaru...
 160788033597035193-jpeg
But these are really cute ^^

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04:07 Dec 13 2020
Times Read: 1,134


Photo-Editor-20201212-220445938
Leo + Libra
Basically the perfect couple❤
Wolfie is alpha kitty xD

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05:41 Dec 12 2020
Times Read: 1,173


New dresses coming in ♥
 Photo-Editor-20201211-231200671
I feel like I haven't gotten a new dress... Well, in at least a week. I know, right? But the top two are Hell Bunny, from last A/W season actually so they finally went on sale. I have both designs in a blouse, but really wanted the dress versions. Hell Bunny really didn't give me anything to work with this season... They did some sort of blue blue bat design, but I don't fucking wear blue.
I keep buying more hangers then I turn around, and am like, "Why are all my fucking hangers being used?" xD
The other two are by Black Friday. Not sure if it has anything to do with the youtuber of the same name. I hope not because honestly, I can't stand her. I watched about 30 seconds of one of her videos once, and it was just her slurping her tea. Watching her do that as a what was probably 10 second, but felt like 30 second introduction was enough to make me fuck right off. I get trying desperately to be the "edgy" goth chick not giving a fuck what people think, but it's unprofessional, and pretty fucking annoying, I simply refuse to watch some hag in bad makeup act like a savage. But I do like these dresses, they're from the same company that made the pretty winged demon skeletons dress I bought not too long ago. I love anything with cute ghosties♥

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07:34 Dec 09 2020
Times Read: 1,227


2020-12-09-01-31-56

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02:37 Dec 09 2020
Times Read: 1,264


2020-12-08-20-30-36
You know what they say...
Nerdy, flirty, dirty and curvy❤
I couldn't think of a more eloquent way to say, "Big fuckin' hole." xD

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06:39 Dec 08 2020
Times Read: 1,300


EMyu4-ILWo-AEdb-IN

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00:35 Dec 08 2020
Times Read: 1,330


Shiney new pentagram boots and skirt❤
Photo-Editor-20201207-1833146702020-12-07-17-15-20

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LORDMOGY
LORDMOGY
15:03 Dec 08 2020





QueenZombiee
QueenZombiee
10:32 Dec 13 2020

Aww it's pretty.





 

06:30 Dec 07 2020
Times Read: 1,401


Photo-Editor-20201207-002805589

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04:41 Dec 07 2020
Times Read: 1,430


tenor-3
 2020-12-06-22-55-04
xD
I fuckin' love him, and our random, ultra-nerd conversations, and how he totally rolls with my psycho❤

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18:04 Dec 05 2020
Times Read: 1,482


Dreamy velvet, moons, and lace...❤
 160718966745284137-jpeg
 160718966745284137-jpeg-1

Also... my Hello Kitty jacket finally got here ^^
 160718966745284137-jpeg-2
Perfect outfit for my kawaii darkside♥

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04:33 Dec 05 2020
Times Read: 1,519


2020-12-04-22-28-47
This match could go on for hours...
Four and a half years later, and we're still that, "No, you hang up first," couple xD
I love when he's sleepy, and melts into an adorable pile of cute :3
He wants everyone to see him as so strong and independent.
He is.
But...
I think he likes having me around❤

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18:13 Dec 04 2020
Times Read: 1,557


I've been sick since Tuesday with a bad infection. My job was really great the first day. The last 3 days, not so much. Even though 90% of it consists of me sitting on my ass, staring into space, I really just wanted to be in my bed with my cat and a box of cheezits. But I made myself go to work. What's the point of having a job just to quit the second day? Wolfie is very supportive, but also very worried about my fragile health. He told me it would be perfectly fine to quit if my body can't handle it. It wasn't working that made me sick though, that was just a terrible coincidence. So the last few days have been pretty physically miserable, basically working 6 hours, in bed 18. My boss thankfully gave me today through Monday off while she waits for a new machine. A few days of rest, and antibiotics will hopefully get me better by the time she calls me back in. I really do like this job, it's super easy, it's 4 blocks from my house, and I don't have to deal with human beings. Although that machine can be a real bitch...
I try to be nice, and compliment it, give it encouragement. What a beautiful design you're making on that shirt, you're the best, most exquisite machine I've ever met...
Then five minutes later the whole thing malfunctions, and I'd like to kick the motherfucker. I take everything back.
My boss is really understanding though. When I accidentally rip something or put a hole in something she tells me it happens to everyone. I wouldn't blame her, nor would I be upset if she never calls me back in though xD I must have looked awful the last couple days. I told her how bad I was feeling, but still wanted to put at least six hours in. Just bad timing. But ya know, now I've had a job, I know what it's like, it's out of my system. She only really needs me to come in when she has to work in the back. Then I run the machine in the front, and let her know if anyone comes in. So it's a nice little part-time thing which I shouldn't have a problem with, but my health isn't great. I'm going to try to keep going though, hopefully will be feeling better within a couple days. I'm stubborn like that. It's been a rough week. I haven't even done any shopping the last few days, that's when you know shit with me has been dire xD

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01:46 Dec 01 2020
Times Read: 1,354


Had my first day of work... and I love my job ^^
I worked 7 1/2 hours on rotc army jackets for the local college. It took 7 1/2 hours just to do 15 jackets... And tomorrow, I'm doing exactly the same thing xD But it's super easy, I just have to watch the machine, and rethread when it comes undone. Otherwise, it's a lot of standing around. My boss is super chill, breaks whenever I want, eat/drink whenever I want, clock out when I've decided I've had enough. Actually, by the end of the day she was like, "You've worked your butt off all day, please go home, relax a little bit." She kept telling me to take a break, and eat something, but that's just how I am. Once I get started, I want to finish, and I want it to be the absolute best. I started at 9, and when I looked at my phone to talk to Wolfie at what I thought was around noon, it was actually past 3 xD I didn't even notice, time flew by. I thought it was going to be simple part time, a few hours a day, but I'm good with 7-8, I can handle it. We haven't set an official schedule or anything, but she told me to come back tomorrow so that's a good sign. It's just nice to be out doing something. And I basically work on my own. Unless I need help with something I don't really see her much. And that's totally fine with me. Come in, get my stuff done, and leave when I want. It's a great gig.
It's awesome to be genuinely tired from doing something, and not just from extreme boredom all day. Wolfie is so proud of me, and that means a lot. I know he worries, but I'm glad he's supportive of me doing my own thing. It feels good to be responsible, independent bunny. To have a sense or normalcy❤

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captainglobehead
captainglobehead
02:58 Dec 01 2020

That's great! Especially enjoying your work. That goes a long way.








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