Honor: 85 [ Give / Take ]
53 entries this month
06:37 Jul 31 2022
Times Read: 54
My left eye has been bugging me again. Not a lot, but it felt a little bit puffy when I woke up. I had a dream several days ago that I'd lost my eye, and there was something I kept putting into the empty socket, but it wasn't like a fake eye, it was something mechanical. The left eye represents the moon, and I'm always having dreams about moon crashing into the Earth.
I'm glad I have tomorrow off because I am utterly exhausted. July went by like nothing, like the entire month didn't even happen. Which is good because July and August are my least favorite months, but they're followed by September and October, my two very favorite months. The local fair is coming up soon, and last year it was insane working it so this year will probably be even worse. It basically means three days of nonstop 12 hour shifts. And we're down two people that we had last year, it's just me, my coworker, and my boss's wife doing all the work. My boss sais maybe one of their former employees might come help... But in my experience working with her, she just gets way too flustered when we get busy, and gets in the way. I'd prefer not having to babysit anyone when I'm already doing ten other things at once. So yeah, that'll be fun. But hey, the extra money is nice.
Wolfie has been noticeably absent this week. Last I heard he was having issues with getting his phone to charge. So I tell him, darling... you have all the money in the world, why not simply buy another new phone? And very practically he tells me that he doesn't want to throw away a perfectly good, brand new phone if perhaps it's just an issue that can be fixed. I get it, I only buy a new phone when the old one refuses to hold a charge anymore xD So I usually have mine for 2-3 years at least. Can it call? Can it text? Can it get online? Can it take pictures? Ok, well that's all I need. I don't understand people who buy a new phone every year just because it's the newest version. It's just unnecessary. My current phone is from 2019 so it's probably nearing the end of it's lifetime soon. But then the dilemma comes up... Do I want a new phone or new shoes xD Obviously, I need a phone, I can't live without a phone. But pretty shoes... Anyway, it's not uncommon for Wolfie to be gone for a few days, especially when work is piled onto him, and it has been piled pretty heavy lately. And like he tends to tell me, I'm a distraction😐 It's funny because while he had me video called on his phone a few days ago he was showing me the picture of me he has as the background of his laptop, and it's actually a picture of me, and my cat :3 Which is kind of surprising, out of the thousands of pictures of me, he chooses one so sweet and pure. Probably because staring at me in lingerie fries his brain xD And ya know... He takes his laptop into meetings, and stuff, and people ask him about the girl in his background, and it's less awkward to explain who I am with my clothes on xD Wolfie is very... careful about being discreet about our lifestyle outside of the circle. He's not like me, I'll chat about my sex life with anyone, and he's much more private. But he's happy that I'm so proud being his, and that I'm not ashamed of how we live. I was watching a true crime thing before work earlier about this bdsm couple, and the Dom has told his sub to go out, and find a friend for them to play with. So she did, but the friend she brought back was 100% not into it so while she sat there beside her friend, dude came up behind her, and strangled her to death. And she's testifying against him, putting in this whole poor me, weak little manipulated sub routine, and all I can think is that... Well, first of all, if Wolfie ever told me to go out, and bring another woman back into our bedroom, I'd beat the Hell outta him right there. But if by some miracle I agreed, and she wasn't feeling it, and he then proceeded to try to kill her, I would then also be beating the Hell outta him, like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And it's that kinda shit that makes us all look bad. It makes Doms look overly sadistic, and subs look manipulated and weak. I can guarantee you this, I am the first, and only fucking person to put my Dom in his place when he needs it. I could never play the shrinking violet, I'm too strong-willed, and Wolfie loves that about me. He says there's absolutely no fun in dominating a weak sub, he prefers the challenge. Sometimes I think he wonders if he's gotten a little more than he bargained for xD I do thoroughly enjoy submitting to him, but... It's more fun to make him work for it❤
07:30 Jul 30 2022
Times Read: 100
So after the bad experience with my last almost customer... I get hit up by a 60 year old woman looking for a dress for "the funeral of her daughter's 20s." Her daughter is turning 30, they're having a funeral, ok, whatever, that's none of my business xD But like. She's basically telling me she's looking to buy a dress that she's going to wear once. So of course she picked out the most expensive dress I have up, or one of, at $98. This dress initially sold for $90, and is now completely sold out so my price is completely fair, and I am willing to go down on it a little. But she has a budget of $50 because, "My husband is a wounded combat vet." Look, if that's true then hey, that sucks, but I'm not selling a $90 dress for $50. She keeps mentioning that she's a bigger woman, and she gets hot easily, but then goes, and picks out a heavy long sleeve Velvet Dress that I have for $78 next... Again. Not gonna do $50 on that one either. So I go through my dresses, looking for hotter weather appropriate dresses for around $50, and I do actually have a couple 3XL dresses available that I'd be willing to do $50, one is short sleeve, one is mesh long sleeve, either would be perfect. I tell her to look at those. No, she comes back with an $88 dress next, and all the dresses she's choosing are pretty short. I'm not saying at 60 you can't rock a shorter dress, but it's like she's specifically picking the shorter, pricer dresses instead of looking at the two I've recommended that would suit her needs in her price range. Like if you're only going to wear it once, you really don't need a $98 dress. It's just a little suspicious. Like, I got problems of my own, everyone does, why should your problems outweigh mine to the point that I'm losing money trying to be nice so you can get a big discount? I'm just saying, whether a person's issues are real or not, you shouldn't throw them in a stranger's face to get free shit from sympathy. You don't need a fancy Gothic dress to wear once to your daughter's fake funeral, and if it's that important to her that you wear one then maybe she should buy you one? It just sounds so ridiculous even saying it xD
Hey, I need you to sell me a hundred dollar Dress that I'm only going to wear once to my daughter's end of her 20s funeral, and btw I can only give you $50 because money is tight because my husband is a wounded combat vet, also need free shipping, and could you possibly pay for my any tax, help me, plz, God bless.
Like... come on, lady. I don't need to know your life story. I'm not heartless, I gave her options, one of which I have up for $65, but I would totally do it for $50 just to get rid of it. But she kept pressing me for how low I'd go on the other dresses she picked. Definitely not $50. She finally, FINALLY looked at the two I suggested after going back, and forth about how the dresses she was picking wouldn't even fit her anyway based on the measurements she gave me, and I simply was not willing to go down that low on price... And finally, she bought the short sleeve one. Which surprised the Hell outta me, I thought there was no way she would go for the actual cheaper dress, I thought she was a flipper for sure. But it was also the more expensive one between the two, the $65 one because the other dress I showed her I already had listed for $50. But I accepted $50 on the $65 one like I said I would. Who knows, maybe she's being legit, but again, don't try to get shit just because you have problems, we ALL have problems, and if your problems are that big then spending money on a dress you're going to wear once should not be a priority. You can get a black dress from Target for like $25. Like... if that's all you need, a gothic dress, it doesn't need to be fancy. And I would never personally care what my mother wore to anything, I'd never get upset because she's not dressed in my style even if it was a party for me... So if she's telling the truth, her daughter kinda sounds like a huge bitch anyway💗
05:26 Jul 30 2022
Times Read: 134
I got new boots ^^
My cat is obviously so thrilled for me xD
And a new pretty pink dress💗
I had an unpleasant experience with a potential buyer today. She's messaged me several times offering me $45 on a skirt set that I have listed for $75. And every time, I've ignored her because asking for $30 off is a little ridiculous especially when the set in question is sold out, and initially sold for $80. So my price is completely fair. I'd be happy to go down to like $65 on it, but when someone immediately asks you for $30 off... They're not going to go much higher in their price, they know they're being unreasonable, that's not someone who's going to be great to negotiate with so I wasn't even going to waste my time. And usually if someone is ignoring you, you should probably take the hint that said person isn't interested in what you're saying, and adjust it to make them interested or fuck off. So after ignoring her several times she sends me this long message telling me off, that I'm a "c**t" for not responding, and mwahaha, she's going to undercut all my sales so I should be ready for that.
First of all... are you two fucking years old? Why the fuck are you censoring yourself you weakass little wannabe bitch? If you're gonna call someone a cunt, worthless motherfucker, call them a motherfucking cunt, this ain't preschool you dumb ugly broke whore.
Also. Undercut away xD My stuff basically sells itself. I already offer pretty great prices so to undercut me you're gonna have to sell shit for way below what you pay for it. That's sure going to teach me a lesson, you throwing away all your money... Which you obviously don't have much of since instead of just paying my price you kept nagging me for $30 off.
That's literally all I said in response to her, sorry you can't afford it xD All this over a fucking skirt.
But then I went to work, and that was fine, nothing very exciting there. Oh, but I was officially given a key to the place, finally. Since I've been there a year now, I got my key :3 My boss really wants me to take on more responsibility at work. I don't really want to because... That's just going to be a bunch of drama from my coworker, why do they want me to more of a manager than her, I already know it. Also, if Wolfie is possibly going to be back by the end of the year, I don't really want them to be dependent on me for anything. They already rely on me too much, there are certain things only I will do or know how to do or do well, and I told my boss these things need to be spread around. And he always says, "Oh, you're never leaving, you're not allowed to." I mean, I really don't expect Wolfie to be back this year xD Because fuck, he is taking forever. But eventually the time will come, and they aren't going to be prepared. I also told him that when it comes time for me to leave I won't even have to quit because I'm going to royally go off on patchouli bitch to the point where he's going to have to fire me xD Somebody's gotta tell her how unpleasant she is to be anywhere near. It's your right to use essential oils for whatever fucking health benefits you think it's going to give you, but you do not have the right infect the air within a half mile radius wherever you go. It's like the people who douse themselves in perfume or cologne, I shouldn't be able to smell you from the back room the second you walk in the front. So when I'm ready to go, I'll just have to make it to where they're forced to fire me, I've already informed my boss of this xD I mean, I love my job, and I adore him as a boss, and a friend... Earlier tonight he mentioned something about needing to lotion up his balls, I'm probably not going to have another boss like him, he's pretty special xD But between him, and my boyfriend it's a pretty obvious choice so I gotta go eventually. Maybe not this year, but some day... Everyone is going to have to go on without me. Believe me, it'll be a shock to me more than anyone when Wolfie finally gets his shit together xD I feel like I'm not really taking moving to the other side of the planet seriously yet... Wolfie is taking it very seriously, he's got his lawyers working on it, the paperwork ready, money already being spent, he's figuring it all out. I'm not going to feel serious about it though until he calls me, and tells me he's on his way. At that point, I will lose my shit because I'm nowhere near ready to just packup and leave. But when he gets back there shouldn't be any rush to leave so it'll be fine, he can help me get rid of some stuff, and decide what to take and whatever, at that point when it's more pressing. Right now it's just like, sure he says he'll be done there in October, but maybe he'll be back then, maybe it'll be two years from them, you just never know with him. I'm fine where I'm at until he decides the time is right so I'm not worried about it❤
And that drives some people crazy, the fact that I'm content to just sit, and wait for him. But like, what the fuck else am I supposed to do? It's called loyalty. I trust him. What, am I supposed to go be with someone else? Cause there's no one else like him, not even close. So I should just be impatient, and go settle for somebody else just because? I want what I want or I want nothing at all. And Wolfie is worth waiting for. If you know him, you know that what's going on right now, him taking so long, is pretty fuckin normal. For him. This is just how he is, how he has always been. If you can't handle how he is then absolutely, you should simply move on. But ya know. That's my mate. If he tells me to stay strong, and handle myself til he gets back, that's exactly what I'm going to do. So as long as he says so, yeah, Imma sit here, and wait for him. People kinda disgust me with how impatient they are. Like if you won't give them exactly what they want right when they want it, they move on to the next thing. Don't put that shit on me. My relationship is healthy and stable. How's yours doin?
18:18 Jul 29 2022
Times Read: 180
This is the cutest Blush I've ever owned because BUNNIES🐇💗
I kinda don't want to use it, and ruin the design xD But I am planning on finding at least a couple more shades of this because they have several. Unfortunately, in the US, they've sold out, but they're still being sold in other countries, and finding them is easy enough.
Also from Too Faced, I found my Bunny lippie plus two extras.
Bunny, Frosting and Violet💗
I probably will never use the Violet... But they were 3 for $20, and I really love the other two colors. Things that are named Bunny are almost always pink :3
And finally, I got a sample of this in my last Too Faced order.
Fell in love with it, it gives your skin this like unicorn glow xD That's the only way I can describe it. Saying it's enriched with Stardust is a bit childish, and deceitful because obviously, but it really does give this luminosity to your skin that I personally love. But I've also been using it more as a moisturizer because making something that makes your face shimmer just to go to sleep is kind of an odd choice... And I also feel like I'm too young to be using a night cream even though I'm really technically not xD I guess the shimmer doesn't really matter if you're going to layer on primer, and foundation over it, but I rarely wear either of those so it works for me on a daily. And the packaging is so cute :3 As much as I love the luxury brand makeup, Too Faced is still one of my favorites because everything they make is so fucking adorable.
I also tried out my YSL lipstick yesterday, and I loved it as well. I went with the Restricted Pink, it's a very pretty color, it was transfer resistant which means it didn't smudge around my face/get on my teeth, and it has just the right amount of sparkle. Plus, it smells really good, and makes my lips so soft :3 Is YSL lipstick worth $40 a tube? Well... You could probably find a cheaper one that does all that, maybe. But it also says Bunny on it xD And THAT alone is priceless. Because yes, I am that self-absorbed, Bunny everything💗
05:46 Jul 29 2022
Times Read: 225
This week in Bun's current favorite songs🖤
We got wolves, uh, we got pirates, we got vikings, we got goblins, we got evil fucking wizards. There's a dragon, and a unicorn thrown in there somewhere xD
Ahh, it's sooooo good🖤
Yes... Yes, I am that much of a nerd xD
Also. New drawings :3
Did you know that when we first met, Wolfie was afraid of me? Past his initial urge of immediately wanting to collar me, he says the way I made him feel scared the hell outta him. Little me, so scary xD Sure... I can get a little crazy. And yeah, maybe I can occasionally be a bit intense. I'm a typical yandere... But I'm really just a lil Bun :3
22:48 Jul 28 2022
Times Read: 255
Been hunting this one for the past several weeks...
Finally found it in my size ^^
There's also another version I'm looking for.
Unfortunately, this one was discontinued years ago so it's a bit harder to find, and probably won't find it brand new... But moon bunnies💗
21:03 Jul 28 2022
Times Read: 298
Well I did get dragged to my brother's yesterday to spend the night. And I always sleep terribly at his house. It's not that I'm uncomfortable there or anything, it's just not my bed or Wolfie's bed or our bed so... it's not home, and I don't sleep well away from home. And then since my niece came with me, my oldest sister came to pick us up with two of her other kids. And boy... She was really getting into it with her husband over the phone on the way home. My brother was going to take us home, but then she offered to come get us which immediately made me suspicious, but apparently she offered because her husband had said he was going to work, and she wanted to follow him, and ended up following him right to another woman's house... Where she confronted him, and he told her he was just there venting to a friend. Guys... Don't ever vent to another woman about the woman you're involved with. Just fucking don't. Even if it's perfectly innocent, which it's usually not, you just don't do it. And I told my sister that 99% of the time if you feel like something is wrong, something is definitely wrong. But you have to realize, this is her third husband so it's not like she's especially good at picking great guys, she's got even worse taste than me in guys, and that's saying something. But whereas I eventually raised my standards, and found my Wolfie, she settles for these weakass losers over and over. Because she's desperate for this fairytale ending that doesn't exist. I feel like she's one of those people who marries guys just to be married, but then reality hits, and things get tough, and these guys can't hack it. This one especially, he's ten years younger than her, several years younger than me, her youngest sister, like what did you expect marrying a 24 year old? Who already had like five kids with five different women by then, and only had anything to do with one of them, did that really seem like a winner? And that's what really pisses me off, if you wanna break my sister's heart, hey, she's an adult, she made her own stupid decision in choosing you, but fuck you for breaking the hearts of my niece and nephew who already had one deadbeat abuse then completely abandon them. She's upset that he doesn't seem to want to be a husband or a father, gee, you didn't pick up on that when he gave up his rights to all his other kids, and fuckin ditched them? Obviously. He's a fucking child, you're not gonna get prince charming outta that. As soon as my mom got off work I told her, "Hey, ma... You should go check on your eldest." Because a situation like that is something you want your mom for. He better fuckin run after she hears about all this shit xD My mother is lots scarier than my dad when it comes to their kids.
I got very lucky though. I found 5 new sold out KS dresses, pretty highly sought after dresses, and I got them for only $95. So that's the easiest flip of my life especially since one of these dresses can easily sell for $100. They arrived here today, and were surprisingly all exactly as I was expecting so I am a lucky bunny :3 It hasn't been a bad couple days off❤
21:47 Jul 27 2022
Times Read: 334
Here they are, my custom engraved "Bunny" lipsticks ^^
I love it❤
I want all my makeup to say Bunny now :3
The top color is Restricted Pink, the bottom is Rouge Paradoxe aka red. I wanted to get a red, and a pink because those are my most used lipstick color.
I also got this adorable mini lipstick set.
They're so cute :3
But it's got three other types of lipsticks they sell so maybe I can figure out which is my favorite if I decide to buy more.
Although I really, really want to try some Rituel de Fille which is a more natural focused brand, and their makeup looks gorgeous. And I've got my eye on a few things from Chanel. And Urban Decay... Ok, I want a lot xD Wolfie said we have to discuss my "shoe allowance" after we move to Russia. He said he's happy to buy me all the luxury brand heels I want as long as I agree that they'll be the only thing I'll be wearing for the majority of our time at home xD I mean, that sounds pretty fair to me💗
17:00 Jul 27 2022
Times Read: 360
Who would have ever thought to use gravity magic against fucking BIRDS🤯
Some things seems so obvious after you hear them...
21:31 Jul 26 2022
Times Read: 390
Found a new perfume I absolutely need to try...
As you can tell, my day at work is being very productively spent browsing luxury perfume and cosmetics❤
21:03 Jul 26 2022
Times Read: 408
No more Elden Ring lore while I'm falling asleep xD I had a dream that I was in Sen's Fortress trying to find Wolfie to tell him that I was having a dream about him, and there were Bloodborne hunters there, and then I got attacked by a guy with a big ax. I'm trying to think of who it might be based on his armor set... But it's unclear. Really big ax though. Wolves are very interesting in Elden Ring, supposedly the Empyreans, vessels for the Outer Gods, are supposed to have shadows in the form of wolf creatures. Ranni has Blaidd, Marika has Maliketh, and I really like the theory that Melenia is Miquella's shadow. And tragically these shadows can be turned against the people they protect by the Greater Will. I never liked the Greater Will, like I said, anytime I'm dropped into a new world, and told to follow the local deity because they're good, it immediately makes me suspicious. And the fact that things, Greater Will/Frenzied Flame/the literal moons, are all possible Outer Gods completely blows my mind. So the whole game you're just aligning yourself to the whims of one of them. The Greater Will kind of reminds me of the Miracle from Blasphemous although the Miracle seems a little more malicious whereas the Greater Will just wants order at all costs. I saw another theory that said Radagon might be the physical manifestation of the Greater Will which REALLY blew my mind, but then why did Radagon fuck off to marry Rennala? Was he always part of Marika or was he just a normal dude taken over by the Greater Will at some point? The whole game is very focused on twins, on twos so it's just a bit confusing where all these people came from. Kinda seems like nearly everyone is a big selfish asshole though.
Today is so boring😴 Five more hours left of work, that's plenty of time to dive in deep to some more videos. My boss told me to stop watching porn at work because I was intensely focused on my screen xD So I turned my phone around to him, and showed him all the Elden Ring stuff I was watching. Which is literally like... the opposite of porn xD Boy, nothing gets me hot, and bothered like droning on about video game lore❤
03:16 Jul 26 2022
Times Read: 454
My day wasn't bad, work was fine. Dumb patchouli bitch came in, and her smell literally ran me out of the place for an hour. I told my boss, if you make me go in there with her, and breathe her smell, I'm going to go off on her, and not like politely offend her, no, I will go thermonuclear. I will ask her if she naturally just smells worse than death or if she just crawled out of a sewer. Like, it's one to smell bad, and it just be unpleasant for other people. It's a completely different beast when your smell literally hurts me, burns out my sinuses for a week. That's not ok. You have to know you smell that bad. The owner tried to politely tell her she knew it was her because she could smell her from the back... I would not take that as a compliment. People like this should not be allowed to be out among polite society, you should be arrested.
And then I get home, and my niece is begging me to go spend the night with her at my brother's house. For whatever reason she won't go over there for the night without me. And it's like... That's your aunt, uncle, cousins, like why do you need me there? Unfortunately for her, I also have to work tomorrow so, yeah, no. Going over there, and being kept up by 4 children all night then having to get up earlier so I can get back home, and go to work... It's just not something I can do anymore at my old age xD These kids are going to have to learn to get along without me eventually. If I up, and take off with Wolfie it's going to be a big change for everyone, I've always been right here their whole lives. Wolfie was talking to me about having kids a few days ago... It may sound incredibly selfish, but I kinda love our life together how it is, and I don't really feel the need to be a mother to complete me in any way. On top of which, we both have pretty fucked up health. He said if we ever decided to then he wouldn't mind adopting. So maybe someday, maybe in a few years when we're settled, and stable, maybe I'll change my mind. Just like getting married. I never cared about marrying any other guy in my life. I tried to care, I pretended I really wanted it because they wanted it, it seemed like something I should want, but really honestly I couldn't have cared any less about marrying any of my exes. But Wolfie... I want to. His face really lights up when we talk about it, I think he's really starting to believe that I'm truly never going to run away from him. He's the one person I run towards, not away from.
My brain is also buzzing full with Elden Ring lore xD I listened to several videos today, and my mind just kept exploding. There's so much. And having someone lay it all out at once is very helpful. I'll be listening to more tomorrow, but the story is so... FromSoftware games have stories that are just too good to be this obscure. But it took me several run throughs to fully grasp Dark Souls so eventually when I can play ER straight through that'll help a lot. I just don't have the time right now. But it definitely deserves the proper attention❤
04:48 Jul 25 2022
Times Read: 492
Of course... I try to go to bed early, and my brain will not allow it. I've got Elden Ring lore stuck on my mind for whatever reason xD Like... I still don't see the full picture. That's what I'm going to do at work tomorrow, listen to some lore videos, try to put the pieces together. The world, and characters are very intriguing, but I feel like because the game is so huge I just haven't been able to put it together. I could explain Bloodborne to you in a few minutes easily, beginning to end. But there's so much in ER. What even was the Ring before it shattered? Why did Queen Marika shatter it? Who was she? Like I feel like most of my questions are around her, and the general world at large, what is the Lands Inbetween, in between? What's the Greater Will? I never fucking trusted it, I never trust anything that tries to tell me, "Hey, go do this because it's the right thing, don't question it."
And you know what really bugs me about ER? Where are all the mimics? You live in fear to open every chest in Dark Souls because there's a good chance it's going to eat you... Then you get to Elden Ring, and it is decidedly mimicless, you never get surprised eaten. It's just disappointing, that's all...
These are the things at night that haunt me😱
02:40 Jul 25 2022
Times Read: 519
When I find something I just have to have, and of course it's fucking sold out so I have to hunt them down.
Because bunny things💗
I was showing Wolfie my pink fluffy bunny ear coat a couple days ago. Actually, he saw it hanging on my door, and was like, "Bun... is that a pink fur coat?" He's so observant xD Then he asked me to put it on for him because he loves me in fur, even pink fur with bunny ears :3 He said I'd look better if I was wearing only the coat... I told him though I'm not putting anymore sexy outfits for him til he comes to get me, I'm officially on strike. He was talking to me today about how his cousin is exactly like him, a major workaholic, and his wife literally had to drag him out of the house, and out to their vacation. I think she, and I will get along well because we both deal with these stubborn lumps of men who do nothing but work. So Wolfie says to me, "Well, it's not entirely unappealing thinking about you showing up, and dragging me out to do unholy things to me..." Uh huh, don't fuckin tempt me. If you think I couldn't get halfway across the planet on my own, by myself, you are very mistaken. I got your address, I know where your boss works, I could easily just show up in the cafe downstairs. But... I wouldn't. Traveling alone internationally isn't really something I'm up for. I've traveled from one end of the US to the other on my own, 10+ years ago I took off to California without telling anyone where I was going or what I was doing, I just left. I can't do that again. Well, if Wolfie asked me to, absolutely, I'd be there as soon as possible. But he has never, and will never ask me to travel alone, he says it's not gentlemanly to ask your lady to travel alone to meet up with you. Besides, if I did show up I would just be a major distraction, and I kinda need him to get this job done so we can move on. I need him 100% focused which is why I'm not complaining about how much he's working now if it gets us to our end goal in a couple months. And he is trying to give me lots of attention so I'm happy with how things are now :3
23:51 Jul 24 2022
Times Read: 539
It's been a long weekend. I am not looking forward to the next couple days of work. But I did get to spend quite a bit of time with Wolfie. He called me earlier today, and I was at my brother's house so we talked for a bit, and I told him I'd call him back once I got home. But I think he fell asleep which is fine, he works hard, and it's like past midnight there so he should rest. I could call, and wake him up... But he really should sleep. I'm probably going to head to my bed soon too, I'm exhausted. Yesterday I was up at 5:30am to get to the city Market before it got super, super hot. Then I had to work in the afternoon til 9 at night. Then when I thought I'd get to come home, and rest I got five of my nieces and nephews piled onto me. Which is fine, I adore them, but it's a lot, and I am so freaking tired, it took everything just to get them out of the house which is how I ended up at my brother's. Wolfie's new phone is being dumb so he's had to go back to talking to me on his laptop while he either gets it fixed or gets a new one. Which sucks because now he's not available to me 24/7 xD When he goes out I can't get ahold of him. Like I said, I'm feeling super needy lately. I think I just get used to him giving me so much attention that it becomes like an addiction. Much to his dismay I've also become addicted to cotton candy xD But only Halloween flavored cotton candy🧡
04:01 Jul 23 2022
Times Read: 582
It wasn't a particularly long day... But I'm exhausted. I only worked half day. Wolfie called me during my last hour because we were texting, and I ended up spilling shit all over the floor xD So he called to make sure I was ok. Then spent a few hours on video with me after I got home. That's one thing I really adore about him, he'll wait up til past midnight for me to get off work then stay up hours longer just to spend time with me. He really puts in the effort to make me happy while we're apart, and I hope he knows how much I appreciate it. He says things there are going well so I'm happy about that. We got to talking about moving to Russia, and I asked him about how much he thought it would cost to get me there, going through the whole process. He refused several times to tell me. "That's my problem, Bunny, you don't need to worry about it." It can't be that much, right? He said he doesn't have an exact number yet, and it may just be as easy as us getting married without anything else necessary. He says he's been figuring it all out with his lawyers, but I feel bad having it all be on him. Obviously he's in the better position to get it done, and he has much more money to put into it than I do, but still. I don't consider myself a clingy person typically, but I go through phases where I just miss him all the time, and I get super clingy with him xD I'm going through one right now.
Wolfie: I'll be there soon. I just need to finish this contract, it's bringing in a lot of money that'll be good for our future.
Bunny: But Wolfie... I want you.
Wolfie: I know, Bunny, but if I bail now I'll have to pay him for the time I was supposed to be working for him, it's better to just finish things first.
Bunny: But Wolfie, I want you.
Wolfie: Bunny, please, if I leave now I'll look like a huge flake to him, and all of his contacts, and that's guaranteed work in the future.
Bunny: Buuuut... Wolfie I want you :3
Wolfie: Look, Bunny-
Bunny: Haha, you're so cute when you're flustered~♡
He really is♡
He says that's exactly why I deserve to be punished all the time. Well... There are many, many reasons for that. I'm sure he has a list of that too xD I was picking on him for having a list of ways to properly court me. It's such a Wolfie thing though to have a list, it's kind of adorable.
Other than that, a pretty slow day. I've been obsessed with like Viking metal all day🖤
Norse stuff is pretty badass. It blows mind how ancient people came all the way from that into what modern religion is today...
05:29 Jul 22 2022
Times Read: 616
I really like this one :3
And Wolfie says this one is adorable🖤
Wolfie really believes that I could be a professional artist. With his connections he says we could really get my stuff out there. I dunno about all that... I really only draw to relax, and because I know he loves my drawings so I draw for him. I wouldn't mind taking some classes though. He has a good friend who could help teach me to paint, but she's an extremely dominant female, and he says I'm exactly her "flavor." And she's also extremely unstable. The broken attract the broken. They had a conversation some time ago where she told him she could see he was getting better, and she wished she could find someone the way he found me. But I'm not a model or a successful artist, I don't come from money or the city, I work in a candy store in a small town in the middle of nowhere. But... Wolfie sees something in me. When he tells me I'm beautiful, and perfect, and precious I don't question why he thinks that, I just believe it❤
00:01 Jul 22 2022
Times Read: 644
So immediately after finding my Cerberus...
They release another one. And it's definitely not as cute as the original. I was hoping they'd do a re-release in a different color... Not an entirely different design. This one just isn't very cute unfortunately, it just kinda looks dumb, I like my Cerbie much better🖤
I finally put my order into YSL for my engraved lipsticks. I got five lipsticks, but only had two of them engraved, a red and a pink since those are my most commonly used colors. I was talking to Wolfie about it earlier because today was payday for me, and we were discussing what we both do with our money when we get paid. Of course, Wolfie pays bills, invests, and throws the rest into savings which is extremely responsible of him. I do not xD My bills are always paid sure, and I keep my savings at a certain amount, but I'm not like trying to build on them or anything anymore, I'm satisfied where it's at so I buy myself whatever I want. I buy on impulse. Wolfie does not. Wolfie overthinks everything. He says, "Well, Bunny, I need to save up money to spend it all on you." Which is really sweet, but I'm an independent woman, if I want something, I can get it myself. I am going to take him shopping when we go to Europe, and force him to buy everything he likes xD Don't even think about it, just do it. Being responsible is great, but you should be able to have fun too, there needs to be balance. Just like I need better limits, I try to maintain a certain balance, but it's good that he reminds me to be a responsible bun. He did say after we move to Russia he wants me to be able to grow my plushie collection... I'm just like, Wolfie, if you buy me every plushie I think is cute we won't be able to fit in our own apartment, it'll be so full of plush xD As much as I love my impulsive lifestyle, I do appreciate that Wolfie tries to tell me no. And then usually lets me do whatever I want anyway... But he tries xD
17:20 Jul 21 2022
Times Read: 678
05:46 Jul 21 2022
Times Read: 712
Once again I feel like the cards are really trying to impress upon me the importance of my past growth, current choices, and future happiness.
So then I did a 4 card Clarity spread.
1: What you need to know - Two of Wands
- Future planning, progress, decisions, discovery, waiting, anticipation.
2: What you need to embrace - The Sun - Positivity, fun, warmth, success, vitality, truth. The Sun represents success, radiance and abundance. The Sun gives you strength and tells you that no matter where you go or what you do, your positive and radiant energy will follow you and bring you happiness and joy.
3: What you need to release - Two of Pentacles - The Two of Pentacles can indicate that decisions need to be made and making these choices may be causing you stress.
4: What's next - Six of Swords - The Six of Swords shows that you are in a state of transition, leaving behind what was familiar and moving towards the unknown.
Once again, decisions, choice. I'm making huge life choices, I need to embrace more positivity, release stress, and change is coming. Sounds about right. I was trying to explain to my nephew over dinner that you take from the cards what you believe they're telling you, different people will interpret them in different ways. But it is very plainly obvious that the cards want me to really think about where my life is going, and what will lead me into that future happiness. But at least the future is looking really good so far💗
I also went to the store earlier, and bought like 5 pencil sharpeners xD
I lose them so easily...
06:01 Jul 20 2022
Times Read: 756
I went looking for a pencil, and came across my old tarot cards. The only deck I've ever owned, I purchased them when I was 11 years old. I'm a very loyal person, and I've always felt connected to them so I could never bring myself to buy any of the other prettier decks out there...
I haven't touched them in awhile so I wanted to do a really simple Past, Present, Future spread just to see what came up. I closed my eyes, focus, connection, energy.
I feel like this is pretty on point🖤
Like almost spooky on point.
Judgment signifies self-evaluation, awakening, renewal, purpose, reflection, reckoning.
The Lovers signify love, unions, partnerships, relationships, choices, romance, balance, unity.
Ten of Cups signifies happiness, homecomings, fulfillment, emotional stability, security, domestic harmony.
So in the past I had an awakening, in the present I have an important choice to make, and in the future I'll be happy if you want to look at it very basically. That's what it says to me anyway xD Pretty accurate, I have gone through a lot of growth in the last several years, and I have some very big life choices weighing on me right now. But the future looks good❤
Like I said, these are the only cards I've ever read, ever trusted. There may be prettier decks out there, but these have always been mine, and they've never lied to me. I really do need to give them more love, and attention.
23:55 Jul 19 2022
Times Read: 783
Wolfie had an important meeting this morning with his boss. He said it went really well, that the contract is finished it just has to get one final approval, and then hopefully he'll be done. But knowing Wolfie... probably not xD He actually pocket dialed me while he was in his meeting, and all I could hear was him talking, and laughing with a couple other guys in what I assume is Slovenian. Being a polite bun who didn't want to spy on him... I only listened for a few minutes before I hung up xD It's not like I could understand them anyway, they could be talking about taking over the world or pink, fluffy unicorns, it's all gibberish to me. But Wolfie voice is just hot in general so I couldn't resist listening in at least a little... But he said he's even getting a little extra money once everything is finally approved so I'm glad it all went smoothly ^^
Unfortunately, it's now in the hands of beaurocrats to finish... So that may take awhile. But hey, at least it's almost done, that's the important thing.
Work is so boring today, even worse than yesterday. But my day is already over half way over. My boss is so fucking in appropriate xD He asked me if I knew some lady... Because apparently the drunk guy next door is banging her, and he's been sending my boss dirty shower pictures of her. I'm just like... fucking men🙄
"Oh, you don't think your boyfriend has ever showed his buddies your dirty pictures?"
Honestly, no. I've actually told Wolfie I don't mind if he shows me off, but he is always very against it. Just make sure you show the best ones xD And preferably the classier ones. But ya know, whatever. I've never once had the urge to show people dirty pictures of him, as attractive as I find him I've never wanted to be like, dude, look how hot my boyfriend is xD But I also know he's a private person, and I respect that. I'm really not private at all, I don't care what people think of me. Wolfie is always looking for validation, and that's because of his abusive childhood so I get it, but I wish he wouldn't put so much stock into what anyone else thinks. You have to live up to your own expectations, no one else's. It upsets me sometimes because it's like I don't count for anything, and I know I shouldn't take it personally, I know that when you're raised being told how worthless you are you want the world to see, and acknowledge your success, and value so I get it. But still. He'll never be happy like that. He pretty much closed on a well over $100,000+ deal, and he was really happy... for like a minute before it was on to the next thing. I'm just worried he's never going to stop, and appreciate, and be happy with what he has in front of him, he's always going to be reaching for what's next. I'm just anxious to see what's next. With him it could be anything.
00:54 Jul 19 2022
Times Read: 828
Here's the $150 Gucci eyeshadow palette.
I will say... the exterior is gorgeous. And it's smaller than I was expecting which I'm really happy about. Lugging around giant eyeshadow palettes is unpleasant, this one isn't exactly travel size, but it's small enough to easily fit into a purse so I appreciate that.
I like the top line better than the bottom. I will almost never buy a palette that doesn't have a black shade in it, obviously I use a lot of black around my eyes. I like the assortment of colors, I stay away from neutral palettes because the colors always look pretty much the same, beige on top of light brown on top of nude. The only thing I'm missing with this is a red, but I am still planning on getting the Valentino palette which has a beautiful red shade.
On top of that, my Disturbia stuff came in.
Anything with cat ears🖤
Plus, it's super soft, and has a tail :3
Make Believe Crop.
Been in love with this design since it dropped, it's just gorgeous.
I love them. Unfortunately... I got the wrong size xD I guess I wasn't paying attention, but Disturbia is a UK brand so a US size 6 would be a UK size 4. I ordered a UK size 6... Which is a US size 8. Two sizes too big for me. Not a huge deal, I'll resell them easy enough, and order the right size. Totally my fault too, I just wasn't thinking. But they are very pretty so I'd definitely like them in the correct size :3
My Too Fast order ALSO came in today.
I finally got some of their shorts. That's where my entire problem with Too Fast came from. A couple years ago I was ordering from them pretty regularly, but several orders in a row I would order these shorts, and they'd come up, every time, as out of stock after I already ordered them. Once is fine, maybe twice, but over, and over? It's just annoying, and I decided I wouldn't be buying from them again unless they got their fucking inventory fixed. Looks like it's fixed now, maybe, and I do like the shorts :3 I think Wolfie will like them too❤
Couple more hours til my Monday work shift is over. Wolfie called me early this morning, but his aunt stopped by, and I haven't heard from him since so I'm kinda curious why she'd come there from Vienna. Especially since he was just in Vienna. It's not like super far, but still, it's a bit odd that she'd show up unexpectedly. Wolfie always days he considers her more of a mother than his actual mother, her sister. I've been learning a lot more about his family history lately, and it's a lot of crazy. Learning all this it kinda makes sense why Wolfie is how he is, it's honestly shocking he's not worse. Well, I mean, now he's gotten lots better, but he still isn't fully together. If his aunt came there because of his mother... I want to get along with her since I very, very obviously will have nothing to do with her sister. But if she tries to push him towards his mother, I'm going to have to push her into a big pit full of sharks. So. The thing is, the rest of his family doesn't know how badly she abused him, and when I told him that maybe he should just be open, and honest with them about it his response was, "They'll just look at it was me being weak, and whining." I understand how hard it is for him to talk about it anyway so I'm sure bringing it up to the rest of his family might feel impossible. I just want them all to know that under no circumstance do you bother him about her, and it's hard to explain why I'm so protective of him against her when they don't know the extent of what happened. Like I've said though, I'm not the only one in the family who violently dislikes her so that helps. I just worry. And I'm ready to go home, and go to bed. Long, boring, day...
03:16 Jul 18 2022
Times Read: 863
I went shopping today... I found a big bag of squishies :3
If you can't already tell, this one is my favorite xD
It reminds me of Wolfie... It's super cute, but also extremely anxious looking. I showed it to him, and he agreed though xD
It's a Kitten thing, loving cute lil toys, shiny things, jingly stuff, and colorful treats :3
I also discovered a new perfume I loved, Wild Rose by Coach💗
04:31 Jul 17 2022
Times Read: 910
Wolfie says to me, "Before we get married I want to take you to Russia, and introduce you to my family there. I need to properly court you."
Properly court me?
"Yes, beloved, I have a list."
A list xD Way to kill the romance, and all spontaneity by making a list of things to do to court me. But ya know, that's my Wolfie. Honestly, after the dirty, dirty things we've done to each other I think we're a little past courting... But it's adorable that he wants to try :3 No guy has ever really tried before him so it takes me a little off guard when he wants to do stuff like that. And I'm glad he wants me to meet everyone there. Moving to Russia is going to be a big thing, I'll be leaving everything, and everyone else behind to go somewhere where I don't know anyone, the only person I'll have is him. He says I'll make friends quick though because I'm such an irresistible bun, and I can take painting classes, and get someone to help me with my Russian. I have been trying, but it's a lot harder to learn than French. Wolfie says the best way to learn will be to live there, but we could also get someone to tutor me. He always does his best to help me grow in every way. Part of being a good Dom in his circle is to make sure your sub is cultured, and trained in many aspects, not just sexually. And I love that about him as a Dom, that he genuinely wants me to be the best I can be. More than anything he wants me to be happy with myself. I haven't always been the most confident person... But I've come a long way :3 I'm very happy where we're at, and I'm excited for more❤
19:59 Jul 16 2022
Times Read: 942
Here he is, my Cerberus ^^
He's so fuckin cute❤
Although I could do without the 666 personally. It doesn't offend me, it's just extremely unnecessary.
But finding this lil guy for only $45 is pretty miraculous. Like I've said, most people overprice them at up to $600. I can't imagine paying $600 for a plush... Shoes, sure. But something that's going to sit on my bed or a shelf for the rest of it's life? Nahhhh. And this one I found was also in perfect condition. So I'm just lucky, I guess :3
05:22 Jul 16 2022
Times Read: 989
Because I'm a curious lil bun... I decided to look up Wolfie's new number to see which country it was registered to. It wouldn't necessarily surprise me if it was from a variety of different countries, he does move around quite a bit. But he's currently supposed to be in Slovenia so... I was interested to see if it was a Slovenian number.
Turns out... it is.
Not that I doubted him. Other people doubt him, but I never do. People sometimes ask me how I can possibly believe everything he tells me. It's called trust. It really shows me the immense insecurities in a person when they feel the need to force their trust issues into my relationship. Granted, I should be the first person in the trust issues line with the amount of lies, cowardice, and bullshit guys have thrown my way. But not everyone is like that. You can't live your life with a shield up, expecting the worst because people have treated you badly. That's how you miss the one person who would have been worth it.
Let me put it like this. Everything Wolfie has ever told me has always turned out to be true. Crazy or not, he can always back up what he says. That, and the fact that he has no reason to lie to me. He's been pretty brutally honest about himself, things he's never told another living soul. Things that no one would be proud to admit to. So yeah, I trust what he tells me. I don't need to go through his phone, stalk him on social media or spy on him or have anyone investigate him. If you're at that point in your relationship where that shit is necessary... It's already over anyway. Don't put your insecurities onto other people.
He didn't get a chance to call me today because he was busy which is a shame because I wanted to show him the new stuff I got for the apartment. So I told him I'd show him tomorrow if he gets a chance to call me before work.
Like I said, I went a little vase crazy...
But they're all so cute. Especially the bunny, and the ghostie :3 Besides, you can use a vase for lots of things. Like the bunny one could be in the kitchen as a knife holder. Just sayin.
And then our beautiful new crescent moon shelf.
KS has a variety of shelves like this, but this one I needed first because I feel so connected to the moon, and because Wolfie is a wolfie.
Although he says that I'm his moon🖤
Then we've got new boots of course :3
With a matching vest. I dunno... witchy Gothic cowgirl? I just immediately loved the boots so I doubled down on the best even though I don't really do denim xD Those boots are gorgeous though, and shockingly comfortable. Definitely more if a Fall/Winter shoe though. My boss wore cowboy boots all Winter long so I'm sure he'll like them.
Speaking of my boss. Just in case you ever wondered if I was spoiled as fuck. My new shirt he ordered me came in today. I told him I really wanted a black work shirt because I'm a lil goth girl, and all our shirts are really bright, and colorful. So he special ordered me one, and not only is it black, but...
It's got fuckin death Hello Kitty on the sleeves ^^ So not only am I the only person at work or who has ever worked there with a black shirt, I'm the only one with a Hello Kitty shirt :3 I feel so loved. My boss is genuinely the nicest guy. He's a little inappropriate at times, but I'm very inappropriate all the time so it works out xD Like at work tonight my oldest niece showed up right before close, and wanted a certain kind of ice cream that my boss told me not to pull up until tomorrow. But I went ahead, and did it for her. So he walks by, and jokingly says to me, "Woman... I told you NO." And the words, "Oh, are you gonna spank me now," almost came flying out of my face, it was like pure reflex xD I'm just naturally very sassy in the face of authority, and I'm so used to sassing Wolfie that sometimes I almost very mistakenly slip up. Not that he would've cared, he probably would've laughed his ass off, but ya know, some things are a lil much, and there's only one man I thoroughly enjoy spanking me. Clearly we're so professional at my job, can't you tell xD And my boss does have a... history of sleeping around with female employees. Not recently, that I know of, but he does admit that when he was younger certain things happened in the back room. He knows me well enough though to know that
1. I love my boyfriend more than anything, and nothing in this Universe could get me to cheat on him.
2. I like, and respect his wife, and mother, and children, and would never do anything to hurt them.
3. I'm simply not attracted to him.
That's not to say he's not attractive because women are constantly in there trying to flirt his pants off. But for me, personally, no. He's always saying former employees had the hots for him, almost probing whether I'm that way as well. And I don't want to make him feel bad xD Because it's not like he's ugly or anything. He's just... not my Wolfie. I'm an extremely loyal person, when I'm in love, that's it, I don't want anyone else. I'm naturally very flirty, but me flirting or being a sarcastic bitch is like breathing, it just comes out, it's nothing personal.
Also 4. If he ever tried he knows I'd punch him in the throat❤
08:14 Jul 15 2022
Times Read: 1,036
Wolfie says to me, "You've been treated pretty badly by the men in your life."
That's a bit of an understatement.
Pretty fucking terribly, like literal garbage.
Except by him. He's the only one who ever treated me with love or kindness or respect.
It's funny. Despite being the only man to ever have my submission, he's never taken a thing from me. He's never used me for sex, money, attention, affection.
He never took my heart and ran.
He took my heart, and put it firmly right where it always belonged.
The only man to ever make me feel like a queen, a goddess, a walking force of fucking nature. Yet... the most precious thing he's ever held.
He's never taken anything. But he gives me... everything.
I don't think I could ever fully explain all the good he's done in my life, and how much he means to me. I hope he knows❤
I was telling him about having to change my number because my ex wouldn't leave me alone after years of repeatedly ignoring him or telling him to move on with his life because I am in no way interested in being a part of it. I gave him one last chance to say what he felt he needed to say to me, and he got very abusive towards me telling me how stupid I am, and that everything bad any guy has ever done to me, I deserved it because I allowed it. Other people aren't responsible for their actions, according to him, it's all my fault because I have faith in the people I love to be good people. So I deserve all the shit guys have put me through. And I think that's the most abusive thing anyone has ever said to me, that my heart is my weakness, and I deserve to be treated like garbage because of it. And it was in that moment that I fully realized that my ex is, and will always be a terrible person. He is never going to be any different than what he has always been. Several years of trying to speak to me, and his last words to me were telling me how stupid I was for ever loving him.
I think that summed things up for me pretty nicely.
Wolfie said I did the right thing, allowing my ex his chance to speak, trying to give him his peace. I'm glad. I'm glad he trusts me to decide what's right and wrong. We may act crazy, territorial, and extremely possessive of each other, but at the end of the day we're very secure, we know we're only for each other❤
05:41 Jul 15 2022
Times Read: 1,064
Wolfie agrees that $950 is such a tiny price to pay for my happiness❤
He said he'd buy them for me. Buuuut I think these babies should really be a gift from me to myself :3
I also went ahead with the Gucci eyeshadow palette. And then I've got about a million things showing up tomorrow. But that's fine since I'm not working til 4. The kids have all decided to pile in here for a couple nights. I let the older ones watch the Evil Dead remake last night. Their parents know when the leave their children with me it's all video games, scary movies, and junk food so they can't really complain.
The kids all tend to forget that I'm an adult so they constantly chatter around me about things they'd never tell their parents. My oldest nephews especially are typical teenage boys, and I have to constantly get onto them about being inappropriate in front of the younger kids or even me. Stop giggling at the number 69 in front of your 34 year old auntie xD
Wolfie video called me on his new phone today. He was away for a couple days in Vienna straightening out some bank stuff, he claims all of his money stuff should be sorted out now, but it never really is, there's always something. He's making A LOT more money from this current contract he's working than I thought, like a lot, a lot. I've never pried into exactly how much money he has... Because obviously I love him, money or not, and it's really none of my business. He always puts it to me like this, "With the money I have now I could very comfortably live the rest of my life never working another day. But... It's always good to have more." And when he told me how much money he's making off this job, I have to agree, he can't skip out on it even if it means it goes til October. Because he's making in a few months what the average person makes in a few years. So that's going to be really good for us. It'll mean he definitely has no excuse to take some time off, quite a lot of time off, if you ask me. He went to see a physical therapist while he was away as well, who told him he really, really needs to stop stressing. Yeah, good luck, buddy, I've been telling him that for years. There are definitely some ways to make him relax... But the stress is really bad for him, and I'd kinda like him to enjoy life more. He was so cute on video showing me his shoes today xD Seeing him smile makes me so happy, more than anything in the world just his smile lights everything in my world💗
Ugh, I really need to do some shopping🖤
05:18 Jul 13 2022
Times Read: 1,106
I had an incredibly productive day, got a lot done at work, kept busy. My boss was so ticked off towards close though because about five minutes before we were closing this big group of 20 comes in, and orders a ton of ice cream. Ok, fine, no big deal to stay a little late. But those motherfuckers didn't even tip. Now usually I don't care about tips, I have my job pretty much for fun, it's not exactly necessary for me, but it gets me out of the house, and gives me extra money to blow every week. I don't need my job, and I don't live on my tips. But it's just common courtesy if you have a big group, and you're kind of inconveniencing the people working there, you should tip something, anything. And then they wouldn't fucking leave when I was trying to clean everything up. So my boss was complaining about them, he was getting upset because he kept telling them we were closing, and they were just laughing it off so I told him if he wanted me to handle it, I would. He'd lose at least 20 customers, probably more after word got out that candy girl went psycho on them xD But that's just how I am, I am super confrontational especially if you're acting like a shitbag towards my captain. He may be a bit of a bumbling doofus of a captain, but he's mine. Unfortunately, he refused to unleash me on them, he's really no fun...
He bought me a watermelon today. He walked down the street, and came back with this giant cantaloupe. And when he asked if I wanted some I said no because cantaloupe is fucking disgusting. So he asked if I like watermelon, which I do, so off he ran back down the street, and brought me back this huge melon xD It's nice to be spoiled by the men around me, who can blame them💗
I also found these lil guys at work.
Because I was bored xD So I was poking through some bins. They're finger puppets, and they're so adorable especially the little wizard. My boss called me a nerd, but then immediately tried to steal him from me. Hands off my mini wizard, bitch🖤
Today is a very Dragon Age Inquisition tavern songs kinda day. I just love the songs they play in the tavern in Inquisition, it's really immersive to have that, it makes me want to play D&D, it's been awhile. See here's a big difference between me, and Wolfie explained easily. If Wolfie, and I were in an RPG, and we came across a dragon he would immediately be like, "Ok, we have to stop, rest, get prepared, assess our weapons/spells, make sure our HP is maxed, make sure we're fully ready to take this on, we need a plan."
Me, on the other hand... Omg, it's a dragon, it's beautiful, I love it, I'm gonna kill it, I'm going in right away, it'll be fine xD
Maybe I'm a bit wreckless, but he takes so long to do anything, and I just wanna go. Wolfie will not be moved until he's ready though. Which is good, it's why he's alpha, he makes sure everything is ready before making his move. If I'm left in charge it's pretty much pure chaos xD I still get shit done... But in the most inefficient, destructive way possible. You can only imagine what the man who loves me is forced to deal with. A couple nights ago he kept telling me for about two hours, "Ok, Bun, time for bed, it's 4am here." But then he'd start talking about something else xD Which happens every time we try to go to bed, he just keeps talking. He says it's because I'm just so addictive, he can't stand to leave even when he's passing out right in front of me. So eventually I was like, that's it, it's past your bedtime, young man, off with you already.
He loves when I get super sassy with him, it gives him a reason to remind me who's actually in charge❤
Wolfie's Dom side is just so fucking hot... It literally makes me like melty weak. He's always hot, his voice especially, but when he gets super dominant his voice gets this tone that just... It's almost like it gets me high, it's such a next level state of mind, it's indescribable. It really makes me curious about the psychology of BDSM relationships because everyone obviously gets into it for their own reasons. I never wanted to submit to a man before Wolfie, but for him he just has to look at me with that certain Dom look... If you're a good sub, if your relationship with your Dom is perfectly in tune, you know what each subtle look your Dom gives you means, he doesn't even have to command you to get what he wants. It's interesting listening to him talk about his former subs, he always says it was never emotional, and I can't imagine belonging to him, and not falling head over heels in love with him. But he's not the same person he was before we met, he used to be extremely cold, and he's warmed up a lot over the years. And he says none of his subs were his pet, he never did that before me, the Kitten thing. He claims that owning a sub as a pet takes more emotional investment, and again, he wasn't looking for that with his former subs. I can't imagine being in a BDSM relationship at all without the emotional stuff, but I've heard from other Doms that it's not uncommon. You respect your sub, you enjoy their company, you may even consider them a friend, but have no romantic feelings towards them. I don't think I could do that. Wolfie still keeps in contact with a couple of his former subs, and that doesn't bother me. From what I've heard about them, they were all pretty emotionally... fucked up. So it's interesting that Wolfie would take on anyone like that seeing his own issues. The damaged attract the damaged, I suppose. I like to think I'm pretty stable. Mostly... But he thinks it would be a good idea for me to start therapy once we're settled in Moscow because it's done a lot of good for him. He found an excellent therapist for himself while he was there, and I'm so happy about that. I don't particularly think I need it. But if he insists then I'll try. I want us both to be happy and healthy.
03:42 Jul 12 2022
Times Read: 1,159
This dress is so motherfuckin kawaii😍
Covered in buns and roses :3
I also got the silk cami set.
It's a shame they didn't do an actual lingerie set in this print, but this is close enough💗
I also got that crop, and skirt set that I love so much in black/pink now ^^
And my adorable new velvet kitty ear crop hoodie. So now I have this set in pink plaid, red plaid, black/white, and black/pink. Like I've said before, this is a perfect Kitten set, it's adorable with your collar, and kitty ears or a kitty ear hoodie if it's colder. This is a typical kitty outfit when Wolfie, and I are lounging around at home. Sometimes you feel kawaii kitty, and sometimes you feel like a smoldering temptress, it really just depends on the day xD
Also. Another new dress.
Covered in bats.
Because we don't ALWAYS feel kawaii🖤
Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst. If I can make it through Mondays and Tuesdays then the rest of the week is cake especially when I work nights on Friday and Saturday like I do this weekend. It's my one year work anniversary coming up by the end of the month :3 It's insane that it's already been one year working there, and it's been a bit life-changing. It's been really great for me, and honestly I owe them a lot because they treated me like family from day one. I never expected that out of some crappy job, but it ended up being the perfect thing for me. Even though it's been really bad for my diet xD So I'm being very strict on myself with sweets. And... that's pretty hard since they have my favorite ice cream at work right now, it literally tastes like fresh baked chocolate chip cookies... But I have pretty good willpower. I was putting candy away today on the shelves, and my brain kept:
Just one piece?
I try to be as healthy as I can, and since I'm on my feet so much at work I try to justify eating whatever I want, but really, I don't need all the junk. And I want to be in top form when Wolfie gets back. He always tells me I'm beautiful, and perfect how I am, but still, for my own self-esteem I want to be the best I can. And our lifestyle is a bit... vigorous so it's best to be prepared for his return. No more slacking off. Realistically, unfortunately, if his work contract isn't up til October, and he can't get out of it before then, then I won't expect him back before next year. So it's not like an immediate thing, but it's something I need to start working on sooner rather than later. So I'm cracking down on my eating habits. I was near eating disorder several years ago, I was living on like less than 500 calories a day, and jogging like crazy so I lost weight almost to an unhealthy degree. Now I eat about 1000 calories a day, but I'm not eating good things. I'm a sugarholic, I easily choose to eat sweets rather real food in a day xD Wolfie does get onto me about that. He's never cared about my weight, but he does prefer me to eat better to be a healthy Bun. So for him, and myself, I'm doing it.
Hoping tomorrow will be an easy day, I had so much to do today. I'm a bit exhausted.
My boss had one of his friends in the shop when I got there. Of course, they're casually having a conversation about sex toys. His friend says, "They've got one that kinda looks like a saddle with knobs, but I can't remember what it's called." And my boss slowly turns to look at me, smiles at me... Yeah, ok, it's a sybian, grow up xD
You *points to friend* Need to stop hooking up with Catholic girls just for the "backdoor stuff."
And you *points to boss* Need to get laid more than once a year.
Because every time he's got some freaky conversation going on, he pulls me into it because, "You're into the freaky stuff."
Actually. My boss brought something up to me that I didn't know what it was, or rather the specific term for what it is, that involves several guys, and one person... And when I asked Wolfie what it was, he just burst out laughing at me. And now I know what THAT is xD I love that I can have these perfectly casual conversations with my boss though. Wolfie asked if it's normal for people to bring up the intimate details of their sex lives with me, and it really is. Not just sex lives though, people tend to give me their darkest secrets with very little provocation... Wolfie says with powers like that it's time to become super villains... He knows we'd never be the good guys xD
04:11 Jul 11 2022
Times Read: 1,201
I had an interesting experience with a buyer today that left me feeling very conflicted. She bought a crop hoodie from me for $86, and she was talking to me about how we've done business before, and it was a great experience for her so she was excited to buy from me again. And then she asked me if I had a certain top which I do so I told her I'd be happy to sell both the hoodie, and the top together, and give her a discount. And maybe an hour later she gets back to me to tell me she found the top cheaper elsewhere, but she's super excited to get the hoodie from me. And... it made me pause. Because finding it cheaper somewhere else, sure whatever that's fine, but then telling me about it... She could've just said she couldn't Aldo afford it or she decided she wasn't interested, but she went out of her way to express to me that she got it cheaper somewhere else. And that just rubbed me wrong. Because it's fuckin rude. And I don't like fuckin rude people. I really didn't want to reward her for that even if she didn't actually mean anything by it. But on the other hand... $86 for a crop hoodie. Money is money, am I really willing to lose that bag over some pettiness? And it is just me being petty, I can admit that. Hey, $86 is good makeup money, honey xD I'm currently obsessed with engravable designer makeup, it's just so fuckin classy. I realize that $60 for one lipstick is insane, but $60 for a lipstick that has Bunny engraved on it... And the color I want is this gorgeous barbie pink called Restricted so it really suits me. Unfortunately none of YSL's eyeshadow palettes are engravable, but Valentino has one that is, and $86 would just buy it. But then I'm like, fuck it, I really want the $150 Gucci eyeshadow palette, and that's a lot for only 12 shades, but it's Gucci. But the Valentino is travel sized so I could take it in my purse anywhere. And it could be engraved with Bunny. And don't even get me started on the Louboutin palette. I've also discovered this really gorgeous makeup brand called Rituel de Fille. You can see my dilemma xD I fully recognize, and understand that designer makeup really isn't any better quality than Too Faced or Urban Decay or KVD, and you can get a really nice palette from any of those for less than $50. But still. It's nice to have nice things. I was showing my new Gucci shoes to Wolfie, and I was telling him that my boss was losing his shit about how much I paid for them, and Wolfie said, "If there's one thing a woman should be able to spend shameless amounts of money on, it's shoes." And I fell in love with him all over again xD That's why he's my man, he gets it❤ But ya know, being an ass, and leg man himself he obviously approves of me buying sky high heels because the higher the heels, the longer, and sexier your legs look. But Wolfie never shames me for spending money, Bun gets whatever Bun wants, and if I can't get it myself then he gets it for me :3 I was teasing him yesterday because he was telling me he could buy us our own small private island if I wanted, and I was like, dude, a SMALL private island, is that the best you can do for your Queen, are you seriously that broke that you can only get a small one? I need you to buy me fuckin Australia or you're worthless to me xD
I was kidding obviously because what the fuck would I do with a private island anyway? I don't think that's necessary. Just a cute lil apartment in the city, I'm good with that. I appreciate, and approve of his desires to spoil me, but we can all agree I spoil myself more than anyone. I bought quite a few things to sell over the weekend, mostly dresses since Too Fast, and DK are having a up to 90% off clearance sale. I know I said I'd never buy from Too Fast again after their complete bungling of several orders a couple years ago... But I'm hoping maybe they've got their shit together by now so we'll see. And the last time I bought from them I did get $300+ worth of stuff for free. So I think they deserve one last try. Plus, who can turn down $65 dresses selling for $12? That's good inventory💗
05:00 Jul 10 2022
Times Read: 1,240
I fucking love my boyfriend💗
He just gets... me. I got really emotional earlier, he had called me for a few hours, and after a bit of a session to relax both of us we were laying in bed, just talking, and I said something about him being snuggly, and lovable, and he got really quiet, and told me it was really nice to hear, that he could be loved. And my voice was breaking with emotion as I asked him, Wolfie... do you have any idea how much I love you?
It really breaks my heart that people in this world have ever made him feel like he couldn't be loved, didn't deserve to be loved, was unlovable. I love him so fucking much. So much it easily brings me to tears if I really think about it, it's almost overwhelming. I want him to know that someone loves him THAT much.
His current contract goes til October. He's going to try to get out of it sooner, but... His employer is really influential, has a lot of contacts in Europe, so Wolfie doesn't want to end things with him on a bad note. Wolfie says in the business world you really don't want to piss someone like that off. And October really isn't far away, which is crazy, it's already almost mid-July. I told him to do whatever he feels is best, I'm fine, I'm handling myself until he can get back. And if finishing this job means he can then take 6-12 months off, that's perfect, that's worth it. I feel like one of the biggest reasons our relationship is such a success is because we don't hold ourselves to other people's expectations. We've been together 6 years this July, just passed our anniversary, and at 6 years people expect you to be fully settled, married, kids, suburbs, whatever. We're not exactly average people though, we've always gone at our own pace. And getting Wolfie to this point emotionally was something that couldn't happen overnight. We talked about it tonight how he went from pretty emotionless when we first met to extreme uncontrollable emotions to now where he's mellowed out a lot, he's gotten himself together a ton, and I'm very proud of how far he's come. We both needed time to work on ourselves, and we've both come a long way. Wolfie is very meticulous, and he wants things to be just right because he doesn't want for there to be any reason for me to be unhappy around him so he's been working really hard to set things up for us, to give us the best shot at being happy together. And I adore him for that. Because I'm incredibly impulsive, I don't really think about the future when I act, I just do. But he's setting our future up. He's building for the long haul. He says to me, "It's really beautiful how simple you make everything sound." Well yeah xD Just do, and see what happens, figure it out as you go. But he needs to get shit together, he's terrified that I'll eventually realize I'm not happy with him and just leave. I think we can all agree... He's been gone 2 years out of the US, I've been a very patient woman, I don't think anything could tear me away from him. I love him so much just thinking about it makes tear up. That's some serious love shit❤
16:04 Jul 09 2022
Times Read: 1,274
04:55 Jul 09 2022
Times Read: 1,315
04:23 Jul 09 2022
Times Read: 1,341
Better be careful... Calling me a dog is foreplay in my world :3 What is it Wolfie calls me... "A bitch in heat."
Have I been a bad girl? Would you like to tell Master to keep a tighter grip on my leash?
Oh Yeah, that really gets me going❤
Ya know. Degrading a masochist is like throwing a food addict a cheeseburger. It's just plain teasing. So you can try desperately, passive aggressively to insult me without directly confronting me, big balls man move, dude, we are all impressed. But really, ya just turning me on, motherfucker😘
I don't fucking remember you or whatever it is you think I did to get your man tits/manties in such a twist. Obviously... I made a much bigger impact on you than you did on me if you're going to come around just to shittalk some longstanding beef you apparently think exists between us despite your existence being too unremarkable for me to even remember. Shucks. But hey, we can both agree that whatever it was, was probably, most likely, entirely your fault. No hard feelings though, I forgive you :3 Please try not to rehash this in a few years because once again, I won't know who the fuck you are xD Unclench, for fuck's sake. That just ain't healthy.
It was like I was telling my friend, the very one who showed me that this no body douchebag was talking about me, do you have any idea how many people I piss off on a monthly/weekly/daily basis? I can't be expected to remember every single person I offend, that's simply inhuman❤
06:17 Jul 08 2022
Times Read: 1,386
Time to start drawing again💗
01:42 Jul 08 2022
Times Read: 1,415
I finally found him😍
And it didn't cost me hundreds of dollars. It was actually less than $50. I always regretted not buying him when I had the chance, then he sold out which then made people raise their prices to about $200-600, which is crazy for a $40 plush. But unfortunately that's how just about everyone is pricing their fucking Kreeptures, in the hundreds. I recently sold one of mine, the green two-headed dragon. I got the red version, and liked it better so decided to sell the green, and I think I sold it for like $50. I see other people have them listed for over $100... It's ridiculous. Of course, if they come out with a pink two-headed dragon, the red one will also be sold xD They just released today pastel version of Bast and Anubis, and I considered it, buuuut I don't think I want them.
I'm glad I managed to stumble upon this one though. I can't wait to get my Cerbie ^^
20:56 Jul 07 2022
Times Read: 1,438
17:26 Jul 07 2022
Times Read: 1,452
04:52 Jul 07 2022
Times Read: 1,509
I was going through my purse collection, cleaning them out, when I came across one I hadn't opened in at least a couple years. So I opened it, and inside...
1. A mini perfume
2. Two packs if mints
3. Red lipstick
4. Exactly 11 cents
5. A tiny black thong
6. A fortune which reads, "You will soon be sitting on top of the world."
I'll just say it... This looks like the purse of a fuckin stripper or a prostitute xD But you know it's a good time when the panties end up in the purse.
And you were right, Mr. Fortune Cookie, things turned out pretty great💗
Maybe not perfect... I don't quite have everything I want. No body gets it all, right? But I'm pretty good where I'm at :3
01:18 Jul 07 2022
Times Read: 1,535
My brother's best friend stopped by work yesterday with his fiance to show me his baby. My brother says to me, "You know, that could've been you."
Yeah... It could have. His best friend has had a crush on me since we were about 12 years old. But like many, many men who have come, and gone from my life, many who would have given me everything, I just don't feel it. I wish I could settle for anyone, I feel like that's generally what people do, eventually settle so they don't have to be alone. I don't think I'm that picky considering 99% of the guys I've fallen for are garbage. Wolfie is the only one who was ever worth a damn or treated me right. I dunno, at times I've wished that I could just... be with anyone. It's not necessarily that I'm picky. I'd just rather be alone than be with someone just to not be alone.
She sure was giving me the glares though, his fiance. I'd like to reassure her that she has nothing to worry about, that her man's faithfulness is nowhere safer than with me because... I'm simply not, and in all the years have never been, interested. It's not that he's not good enough, he just isn't it for me. I just have absolutely no desire to be married with kids. Unless it was married to Wolfie. I'd marry him tomorrow if he'd let me xD Anyone else... Meh🖤
18:21 Jul 06 2022
Times Read: 1,566
05:11 Jul 06 2022
Times Read: 1,596
04:18 Jul 06 2022
Times Read: 1,622
I've been extremely out of it all day. Like part of me just isn't in my body anymore. It's like I'm stuck in a dream. Like I'm watching myself from far away. I'm so drained. I swear something was watching me sleep, I could feel it when I woke up.
Work was weird. I've been feeling like this all day, like I'm just not awake. What is being awake? Where am I? What am I doing?
Yep. I'm losing my fucking mind xD
04:48 Jul 05 2022
Times Read: 1,666
03:17 Jul 05 2022
Times Read: 1,693
Well. I've spent enough money this weekend xD
A couple more kitty ear things... When you're a Kitten, kitty ear things are irresistible. And shiny things. And... anything with bells, collars, little toys, and colorful treats :3
I get paid on Thursday so maybe I went a lil crazy. I've been focused more on stuff for me lately rather than just stuff to sell since I've got plenty I'm trying to get rid of. I'm not ready to go back to work tomorrow, this weekend went by too fast. But I get Wednesday and Thursday off, and then I work day shift Friday and Saturday so it's not too bad. July and August are definitely my least favorite months of the year, they tend to drag. But then you get September and October which are the best two months of the year. Summer is just draining. And the Sun was giving me a really weird vibe a couple weeks ago... I was leaving work, and as I walked out the back door it was setting perfectly, it was beautiful, but it gave me this intensely strange, almost eerie feeling. Then I had this really intense, vivid dream about a comet crashing into the Earth. The Celestial forces are up to some shit.
My oldest niece, and nephew are both obsessed with Stranger Things. So I'm looking into some birthday stuff since one is July 31st, and the other is August 4th. Lots of birthdays towards the beginning of August, there's them, my dad, my brother-in-law, and then there's Wolfie and my boss who share a birthday on August 10th. It's interesting because they're very, very different in personality. Wolfie is outwardly very successful, very dominant, controlled, emotionally distant, closed off. My boss is an open book, he's extremely social, easy-going, but also pretty submissive. They grew up in very different situations though. My boss has a stable, warm, loving environment with two parents who are still holding strong together. Wolfie's childhood was filled with instability, abuse, neglect, abandonment, and patents who absolutely hate each other. Even though Wolfie has an older half-sister, he grew up an only child for the most part while my boss has many siblings. I found out something interesting recently too. I knew Wolfie's dad had been married before, but I guess his mother was also married before too. And Wolfie gets along with her first husband. I dunno, I guess it's interesting because I just can't imagine why anyone would want to be anywhere near that hag, letalone married to her. I'm glad that ultimately someone made that sacrifice which brought Wolfie into the world...
But yeah, two important men in my life, born on the same day, complete opposites. I'm really worried about Wolfie, but he says he's trying to get his life together so I'm trying to stand back, and let him do what he feels he needs to do. He wants to get his shit together for us, and that's great because I've been working on myself too❤
23:08 Jul 03 2022
Times Read: 1,732
Since I'm in a spending mood, and the 4th sales are going hard, I got a little vase happy xD
That freakin ghost vase is NEVER in stock so I'm glad I finally caught it.
I also ordered a new shelf I've been wanting.
A vest, and of course, new boots🖤
I don't really do denim outside of horseback riding, but I love the moon, and roses design.
Now I've got my eye on a couple Coffin shelves from Sourpuss... Wolfie is going to kill me when he realizes how much stuff we have to ship overseas xD He says it's not a problem, and I've been showing him everything, but... Maybe coffins are a bad idea with his depression. He told me recently he had been looking at some stuff, and he felt really happy because he's never cared about having his place decorated before, but now he cares because it's for us :3 It's really sweet. Yeah, his apartments have always been very beige, and... blank aside from the stuff I have there xD But he used to work so much he never had time to have anyone over so he never bothered to make them look nice or the time or energy to put into it. I'm glad he's trying to figure out working less so he has more time for us, and for other things he enjoys, I always hated seeing him do nothing but work. It's also made it so that by 30 years old he's extremely, extremely burnt out. After this job is done I'm going to try my hardest to get him to take some proper time off, possibly up to a couple months. He needs it. Even if it means luring him to a beach somewhere, and accidentally tossing his laptop into the ocean xD
07:44 Jul 03 2022
Times Read: 1,769
03:34 Jul 03 2022
Times Read: 1,806
New kitty ear hoodie from Disturbia incoming ^^
I love that it even has a little tail :3
Wolfie says I'm just a big kitty who wants pets all the time. Well yeah xD I definitely want pets from him all the time.
I also ordered new sandals.
Because I love them❤
I'm not sure I'll wear them much in Moscow... But Wolfie says he has an apartment somewhere along the Black Sea. I can't remember where he said it was... But he said we could stay there sometimes when Russia gets super cold. He says he thinks I'll like Moscow better than Europe, and after he gets fully paid from his current job he can leave. He also told me he's been so depressed because of his mother... Which I should have known. When Wolfie refuses to talk to her, she starts contacting other family members, and harassing them into telling him to talk to her. It's some real bullshit. What really needs to happen is a full family shunning for that bitch. And if we do end up married, and in Moscow, I'm going to make it very clear to everyone that you do not contact my husband for her. Or you're gonna fuckin deal with me. And Wolfie isn't like me... He will not actively attempt to destroy you in any way possible. If my mother abused me the way she abused him, I would make her life a living Hell. "Bunny, she's still my mother," Well fuck that. She was an incubator at best, and ever since then she's done everything she could possibly do to hurt him. That's not a mother. And when he finally shoves her out, and tries to get himself together, she pulls this shit. It makes me so angry. His nephew is on my side, he fuckin hates her. I'm glad I'm not the only one. But that's a big reason he's been so depressed lately, she really pushes him into it. I hate not being able to protect him from something.
I'm glad I get a couple days off. Maybe more. They got some new stuff to install at work, and hopefully it'll be done by Tuesday, but we'll see. We weren't super busy tonight, nothing like last night. I'm just gonna curl up with my cat in bed🖤
20:15 Jul 02 2022
Times Read: 1,839
Never eat broccoli while attempting to raise the dead...
Then you're REALLY asking for it🖤
05:18 Jul 02 2022
Times Read: 1,874
Here's my Playlist for the last couple days.
I definitely needed it tonight, we were crazy busy at work. I work tomorrow night too then off til Tuesday.
Took my new shoes out for their first real test drive, and I'm happy to report that I absolutely love them. I was kinda worried that despite being so expensive that they might be uncomfortable, but they're actually super comfy. I went with my usual size, 6, and they fit me perfectly. We were super busy at work tonight, like insanely busy, so I was on my feet over 5 hours, and they were great, I completely approve. This is a difference between me and Wolfie. He has expensive shit, a whole closet full of super nice shoes, but he says they're for special occasions. I feel if you're going to spend that much money on something it should be something you use often. Like people with a garage full of cars that no one is allowed to touch... Fuck that. I wanna be able to use the stuff I buy, especially if it costs a lot of money. Having a ton of stuff you can only use for certain days... It's stupid.
My boss was in a bad mood when I got to work today. He kept telling me he just doesn't give a shit anymore about anything. My coworker said he hadn't been acting like that all day until I got there, then he started very vocally going off about stuff. I told her if I was the problem then I'd happily leave xD But she said, "No, I think he just talks more when you're here because you actually listen." So I told him he better stop being in a bad mood or I'd kick him :3 I guess it's true, people do tend to pour their tragedy into me. I think it's because I do listen instead of just waiting for my turn to talk. I don't really talk about myself much. Even people who know me can tell you pretty limited information about me. I think I handle myself well, I don't need to put anything on anyone. I'm just a little Bun, that's all you need to know :3 I did express my concerns about my boss to my coworker though, and she agreed he should talk to someone, but so many people think it won't help so they don't even try. When I was younger, and really, really sick my doctor made me talk to a therapist regularly, and she tried to declare that I was a danger to myself, and get me locked up xD So I can see why so many people think it's bullshit. When Wolfie was a teenager he got seen by some idiot who tried to say he was a budding psychopath. Fucking moron, Wolfie wouldn't hurt anyone. Well... Not nonconcensually. Wolfie has real problems, but he doesn't have true darkness in him. He's more of a wounded animal than anything. He doesn't lack emotion, if anything he feels things too extremely, to an uncontrollable degree at times. That's why he's such a control freak, he needs it. Beyond that though, he's warm, and gentle, and very protective. He has an amazing, bright heart, he's just been hurt so much in his life that he doesn't let anyone see it. He was raised that showing emotion was showing weakness, and that's just wrong. Your heart should be your shield, not your weak spot❤
07:20 Jul 01 2022
Times Read: 1,749
My anxiety is keeping me up late, lately. It's Wolfie, of course, always eternally worrying over him. His depression has been really bad this year, the worst I've seen it in awhile. He keeps sinking down into it, out of reach. He's really unhappy with his situation right now. He took the job in Slovenia, signed the contract, and then realized he doesn't want to live there, he'd rather us go back to Moscow. But he can't just leave now. He has to finish his contract there, it would be incredibly unprofessional, and possibly damaging for him to just up, and leave after agreeing to everything. He's also wanting me to get my Russian and European papers, bit his lawyer isn't showing up to their meetings. And one thing that Wolfie absolutely cannot stand is when people aren't efficient at what they do. Not showing up to a pre-agreed upon meeting really pisses him off. And it's not even his actual lawyer doing it, he said it's his lawyer's junior partner. So I told him, I'd be getting ahold of the actual head guy, and seeing what the fuck is going on. Wolfie is very good at yelling at people xD Especially when they're not doing their fucking job. Angry, yelly Wolfie can be kinda scary so he tries to be polite, and civilized, but when some dude who is supposed to be working for you is straight up blowing you off he kinda deserves it. I told him, give me the guy's number, I'll fuckin talk to him, but threatening him probably would not be great for someone handling my paperwork for moving to another country xD But it's stressing him out, which stresses me out, which gives me anxiety that keeps me up all fuckin night. I try not to worry because no matter what, things are gonna go how they're gonna go as quickly as they're gonna go, you really have no control over it, and worrying will have absolutely no effect. But still. Human nature. I just want all this dumb shit to be over with. And when he's this depressed he avoids me which I understand... A couple weeks ago he had a mini breakdown after a tiny thing between us, and told me how suicidal he feels every day, and it scares the hell outta me knowing that's on his mind every day. He said, "There's something wrong with me, my love. I'm so empty." Which is heartbreaking. Because he's not. He may feel that way because of the depression, but he's really not. I hate how alone he constantly feels even though I'm right here reaching for him.
I got all over my boss a few weeks ago because he sat there, and told me that the worst thing about depression is that no one really cares. That is such bullshit. Just because his wife doesn't care. And for most people it's not that they don't care, it's that they don't understand. The general population doesn't understand how to handle legitimate mental illness. They handle depression like they handle their own sadness.
Just cheer up.
Just get over it.
Think of all the good things you have in your life.
You have no real reason to be sad.
It's all in your head.
Stop being such a baby.
That shit works for normal people. It doesn't work on someone with legitimate, severe, clinical depression. Because people like that might know they have nothing to be sad about, and everything in the world to be happy about, but they just can't feel it. And it's really bad for Wolfie because he's hit from both sides. He has severe trauma from childhood, and a major chemical imbalance in his brain. Sometimes he'll tell me he's not sure if he's ever truly felt happiness or joy or love, or if he's just going through the motions of what he thinks he should be feeling. Which then makes me wonder, is he just smiling, and faking it for my sake? Does he really feel nothing? And I wanna believe that's not true, that he does genuinely feel these things because he has improved a lot over the years. And when I look in his eyes, I can see it, you can't fake that. I just can't imagine how hard it is for him to function every day. He always tells me whenever he wants to give up he remembers that there's me, there's Bun, and that keeps him going. So I try my best to be strong, and keep myself happy, and safe, and going. I don't know what would happen to him without me. I don't want him to be alone. He doesn't deserve to be alone. It's just so hard to be close to him. Even for me, sometimes he shuts all the doors, locks everything out. But I keep trying. Because I do care. So in that regard, my boss can go fuck himself. Because he tries to tell me that I don't care about him too which kinda makes me wanna get a chair, and punch him in his fucking face xD Because fuck that. I've told him exactly what his wife told him, "If you seriously think there's a problem then get some professional help." Because I'm not a goddamn therapist.
Fucking men, I swear.
Why do I attract the most broken people?
Wolfie says it's because I'm so warm, and bright like a beacon in the dark for people to follow.
See... you gotta be feeling something to make that up, right xD
But if that's what I am for him, I'm glad :3