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cutexbutxpsycho's Journal


cutexbutxpsycho's Journal

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33 entries this month
 

05:20 Sep 28 2022
Times Read: 42


Wolfie, and I were talking about flights earlier, and how we'll probably have to fly through Turkey to get back to Russia. I've never been to Turkey... But I have to Romania, and I did mention to him that Romania is right there so maybe we could pop in... He said he'd really prefer to get back, get settled a bit, and then go travel around wherever I'd like. Which is fine with me, but knowing my Wolfie... If we go back, and he starts working, that'll kinda stop any travel plans. And he tells me, "Don't worry, Дорогая, I can always tell my boss that I'm taking my fiance on a nice trip, he'll understand."
And it just took me off guard being called his fiance in this future scenario xD We always talk about having to get married, but like... the fact that he's already thinking, and planning about properly asking me makes me really happy. He said there's this palace in St. Petersburg that we could rent for the wedding, but I think a palace might be a bit much for so small a wedding. Obviously, no one I know could come. I do feel bad that my mother won't be there, but I think even if Wolfie offered to pay for everything, with the tensions between two countries, I don't think they'd want to come which I completely understand. I also told him I really don't need a huge, fancy dress for such a small ceremony, but he wants to have me in a proper wedding dress so I won't say no to that. I dunno, weddings, and marriage were never things I was really interested in. I always pretended to want it with other guys when they'd say they wanted it, but my heart was never really in it. This time though, it's fully there, I honestly want to marry him. He doesn't even need to ask xD But I'm pretty curious to see how he'll do it...❤️
He was also describing to me the work he'd had done on our apartment, mainly the playroom. He had them put in a minibar in our playroom xD He said it's for ice so he doesn't have to run to the kitchen if we're in the middle of things. He also had the hooks put into the ceiling, and had that room, and our bedroom soundproofed. To which I have to ask... what about the kitchen counters? The shower? The living room floor? He knows things between us never quite stay in the playroom and bedroom❤️

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00:02 Sep 28 2022
Times Read: 73


Well a package that was marked delivered never showed up today. Luckily, we've got cameras at every door so like, literally, the UPS guy never showed up, and there's proof of that. It's possible it was delivered to a neighbor at which point it's just lost because 99% of people aren't going to give a huge package to it's rightful owner. It's just clothes, and not really anything anyone else in this nowhere town would wear, but ya know, people are awful. This has happened to me before with a makeup palette, it was delivered to the wrong address, and the sweet old lady who got it was nice enough to bring it to me. But I've also seen a lot of stories about UPS scanning things as delivered that then show up the next day/days later. So I'm hoping it's just that, and not a serious situation. I was also reading reviews about this particular company, and they're pretty good about sending replacement packages when things go missing, and since I've spent thousands of dollars with them then maybe they'll realize that I'm not just trying to get free shit. Plus, I'd be happy to show them my camera footage of literally nothing being delivered. I dunno who's at fault here, but it's going to be fixed by someone. I'm just glad it wasn't my Fruits Basket x Hello Kitty backpack... That actually isn't set to ship til the end of October, it was on pre-order, so hopefully I'll get it about the time Wolfie will be heading back :3 I've been doing pretty well at getting rid of stuff though, I feel like I'm making a slight dent in the mess. I need to go through my closet, and decide what I definitely want to take, and what I'm willing to possibly part with. I really, really don't want to take so much, and honestly there needs to be a cutoff point where I stop buying things, probably within another week or so. Once Wolfie gives me a definite date he's flying back then I'll really have the kick in my ass I need to get things going faster. Wolfie always motivates me to do my best, and when I'm feeling low... he reminds me that I'm the fiercest most beautiful thing he's ever witnessed on this planet❤️

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04:11 Sep 27 2022
Times Read: 115


Wolfie said he'd be looking at plane tickets here tomorrow. Even though he still has a month before he'll be leaving, I told him it would be nice if he figured it all out before then so maybe it won't be too long after he's done before he leaves. Once his contract is up then there's really no reason he should need to stay there longer so... He told me the procedure for getting me to Russia will be bringing me some paperwork for an entry permit, and sending it back over. With his connections he said it should only take up to a couple days to get approved, and then we'll be able to go back together :3 That's when the real work begins, getting me an actual passport. He says it'll mostly just be paperwork, and promises that no one is going to grill me about the history of Russia xD Not that I would mind learning, but having Russian government officials asking me a bunch of questions... It would be a little intimidating. We're going to work on my Russian language skills though when he gets here so at least we can say I'm trying to learn it. Simple phrases, "Hello, how are you, how much for these shoes?" He told me he's not sure about handing me a credit card because he'll go downstairs to a car full of shoes... That's a definite likelihood xD We got to talking about the old family house again. His family owns a really big house a couple hours outside of Moscow, and it's full of like his old Russian family history and stuff, and it's really nice, and it even has a stable, and room for horses... But no one has really lived there for years. They pay for the upkeep on it, and sometimes rent it out for weddings or family get-togethers, but otherwise no body really uses it. Because it's kind of in the middle of a forest. He says if I really wanted to then we could move there instead of the middle of the city, and keep the apartment as a crashpad for when we want to do stuff in the city. I dunno, I think I'll have to see what life is like in the city, I might prefer it there anyway. I need to see all my options❤️
Him talking about getting his plane ticket is great. It makes me nervous though xD Like seeing him just... I've never cried seeing a guy after not seeing them in so long, but I feel like I might cry, he just makes me so emotional. I mean, with other guys I never felt like I was walking up to my future husband, but I always feel that way seeing Wolfie, like this is it, this is him, this is my mate, and since it's been awhile since he's been back it's going to be even more emotional. I see him on video all the time, and I love seeing him in any way, but still, it's different having him right in front of me. It gets my nerves going, but in a good way❤️
He told me, "If I wasn't so paranoid or such a perfectionist then everything would be done already..." But ya know... I can't fault a man who gives me the best of everything because he truly believes I deserve it. I'm not upset with everything he's done because it's all been for us. Maybe he could have been back a year ago, but we're here now, no point in worrying about what could have happened. And honestly, this year has flown by, I feel like I was just sitting in my room playing Death Stranding, and now I'm here xD And now we just gotta see what comes by Halloween🧡
I loved Death Stranding... It was the single strangest game I've ever experienced. I've heard there might be a sequel, but I just don't think they could replicate the intrigue of the first game, plowing towards the end just to see what the fuck this game is about xD And then even after seeing the ending you're still like... 😮‍💨🙄🤔🤨😐

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23:09 Sep 26 2022
Times Read: 142


I had a nice birthday❤️
Got to spend some time with Wolfie, and my mother took me out to dinner. Now I'm considering what would be the perfect present to myself... I saw these last night, and I'm kind of in love with them.
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Metallic red is one of my favorite colors❤️
Apparently my former boss has been trying to contact me. I just don't really care. Maybe that's childish, but... we Libras are very adept at cutting people out entirely when we feel it's justified. We're the type of personality that will give almost endless chances to a person because we believe in looking at every side of them, but when that final chance is done, We're done, and we don't really care to look back. I just don't want anything to do with any of them. Maybe that's cold, but... I just don't fucking care. I'm done with it, we don't need to speak. I have entirely too much going on in my life to be pulled back there. I actually had a dream last night that they were closing... So we'll see. I hate to hope for it, but I'd also love to see my useless coworker out of a cushy job so... I'm kinda selfishly hoping for it xD Screw being the better person, I'm already the better person, and I'd still like to see her suffer :3
In celebration of all the glorious Libras under Venus, the seventh house, clearly the best xD
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04:59 Sep 26 2022
Times Read: 165


Today was exhausting. Long drive back home, but we stopped by the mall since it was halfway. I dunno, I just love the mall, I always have. Obviously I love shopping, but even just walking around, looking at stuff, eating mall pretzels... I told Wolfie he might regret moving me across from a huge mall in Moscow. He said it'll be fine as long as I'm home by bedtime xD I mean, it's gotta close eventually... So Wolfie's contract is up end of October, and then he'll probably need a couple extra weeks to get things closed up there enough to leave so I'd say I have at least six weeks to get my shit together. Although I'd be shocked if he's back here before the new year. He keeps telling me he really wants us to spend Christmas in Moscow, and since Russian Christmas isn't until January then maybe. If he makes it back mid-November then it'll be cutting it kinda close for us getting back. I'm not sure what the procedure will be for getting me into Russia, and making it so I can live there with him. He said his lawyer assures him that us getting married should definitely be enough even with the Russian/US tensions so hopefully if we show up, and show them we're planning to get married then that'll be enough, and we have to get married then... I guess we will. It's giving me a little anxiety. Of course I want Wolfie back, and I'm ready to go with him, but it's a lot all at once. I'm excited, and I'm nervous, and I might throw up, but I'm ready xD

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06:24 Sep 25 2022
Times Read: 200


The reunion was nice. I always prefer my mother's side of the family over my father's. Since they all live to the South we don't get to see them often, and I'm glad I got the chance before Wolfie possibly gets back soon. You should never expect anything if him, but he's been very adamant about returning after his contract is up come the end of October. My response to that was, darling, you said you'd be here a year ago, and you took off to Europe...
"I had things to settle in Europe, my love."
And then, beloved, you said you'd be here at the beginning of the year, but you took off to Russia...
"I had things to settle in Russia, bunbun."
I've evolved again. He's gone from calling me Bunny to Bun to Bunbun💗
Honestly, if there is anything else that needs settling I would prefer he sees to it before he returns to get me. None of this was shocking to me how it player out, when we met he was only back in the US temporarily to help his mother, he never intended to stay. But he met me... and he tried to make it work here for my sake, but he's just miserable living in the US. So he needed to go back over to figure things out for us eventually, and I suppose he made the right choice getting the ball rolling instead of coming back here just to go back there just to come back here just to take us both back. It's been a long process, but maybe, in the end, Wolfie actually had it all under control all along. Sounds a lot like him. That's why Wolfie is the planner, he can see into the distance where most people only care to look at what's in front of them. Wolfie builds for the long haul, something that impulsive little me really needs in my life. There are a lot of reasons we're very good for each other, and that's one. If he'll be back after October then I have a lot to get done. I have a lot to get done anyway, but moreso then.
One thing that never gets old is the gasps I get when I reveal my age to people xD No one can ever believe I'm in my 30s... I don't think it deserves such a big reaction though. If I'm still this bangin in my 50s then that will be gaspworthy❤️

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02:50 Sep 24 2022
Times Read: 248


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I went with this one instead of the other Hello Kitty x Fruits Basket mini backpack. I liked this design better, and this one is from Hot Topic which I have like... a $200+ off $400 hot cash coupon for. I didn't actually get that much, the backpack, and a matching water bottle. I also had a 40% off code from DK so I put in a $400 order there as well. I've been watching this $1000+ pair of gorgeous Prada boots that are currently going for $800... I'm so tempted especially since I'm already looking for a decent pair of designer boots, but can't decide on what ones I like best. I'm trying not go buy as much clothes... I say after spending like $500 on clothes xD But if I spend $800 on boots then I'll feel too guilty to buy more clothes... Maybe. See, this is why it's so hard to tell myself no, this is what Wolfie deals with❤️

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rav3nb1rd
rav3nb1rd
01:58 Sep 25 2022

I need it!!! This and the other Hello Kitty x Fruits Basket backpack. They are both so cute





 

05:18 Sep 23 2022
Times Read: 303


It's been about a month since I quit my job. I drove past earlier, and they were closed. Pretty bizarre for them to randomly be closed on a Thursday... Maybe a sign of what's to come. Like I said, that place was a sinking ship, I was just patching holes for more to burst through. They make absolutely no profit there. My boss never took home a single check the entire year I worked there. And even in Summer, the busiest season for them, they still couldn't afford the bills for the place, his dad was fronting the $1000 electric bill every month because we literally did not make close to the money to cover it. How can you carry on with a business that doesn't turn over any profit? You can't even pay your bills. There's a breaking point, and I could feel it coming before I quit. That coupled with the fact that I'd spend 8+ hours a day listening to my boss talk about how he wanted to give up, that's just draining because I did consider him a friend. My mom said she sayw him in the store recently, and he looked at her like a deer in the headlights xD Probably because she went in, and voiced how unhappy she was with the situation after I had left... I genuinely do feel bad for him because he has zero backbone, and he's letting his mother run him, and their business into the ground. I'm in the business of buying, and selling things, I'm pretty great with ideas and advertising, but they never listened to a single idea I had about making the place better. It could be a profitable business, but they're so stuck in how they are, they're not willing to change things up. No body wants to pay $6 for a hot dog when you can go down the street, and get two cheeseburgers for $5. I would've drastically reduced the food side of the menu, make it more for snacking, and focused on having more, and different ice cream. The food is what finally broke the camel's back for me, I never liked doing the food, I preferred to work the ice cream, and usually I didn't have to, and it was complete bullshit that on that day, our busiest day, my coworker put ALL of the food orders on me. There were a lot of reasons I left, but that's what pushed me into it. I didn't want to leave like that, so emotional, but... At least it's done now. I learned a very valuable lesson with this job... When you're the best, people expect entirely too much out of you. So with my next job I'm going to be just another typical half-asser xD Like for real, they just kept piling more, and more on me because my coworker refused to do pretty much anything. Well she's got it all now. Hope she's happy with her choices in life :3 Good luck to her on ripping someone else off after that place goes to shit. My boss complained about her constantly, she lied, she stole, she made things wrong, she scared small children, but she had total immunity, they literally would never fire her. And then they tried to tell me that it was just business, it wasn't personal keeping her. Yeah, fuck that. You don't keep someone who is your friend around who also hurts your business as a savvy business decision, that's the definition of personal. That place could 100% be turned around if they let her go, and found someone who said yes instead of no all the time. Every idea anyone ever had, she said she wouldn't do it. There's a point where someone is your friend, and they're your employee, you have to set the boundaries on that, and there were none with her, there was absolutely no consequence for anything she ever did, just people constantly bitching about her behind her back. And if she was any kind of honorable, decent woman, she would have apologized to me. This 60+ year old woman, twice my age, took no blame in what happened, she threw it entirely on me, she expected me to eat shit, apologize to her, and crawl back to my post. Well fuck her. There were times I felt so sorry listening to her. Her husband drank himself to death. Maybe it's bitchy, but I can see why someone might need to constantly be heavily intoxicated to be near her, she's pretty awful. And when she's awful she'll tell you that's just how she is. Let's all just treat each other terribly because it's how we are, sounds good. Let's not try to better ourselves as human beings, no, let's be giant assholes because it's our nature. As much as I always disliked her, I was still always professional and friendly towards her, even in the end when I could have released it all on her, I held back. There's no fun in breaking an old woman, she's already miserable enough. She's going to be a lot more miserable after they close, and the job she had sitting on her ass all day vanishes, and she's forced to go serve fried chicken at the gas station. She's got a bright future in mashed potatoes❤️

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03:18 Sep 23 2022
Times Read: 320


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Kawaii side amplified💜

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rav3nb1rd
rav3nb1rd
02:00 Sep 24 2022

OMG YES!





 

02:15 Sep 23 2022
Times Read: 364


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I'm in love with the Hello Kitty x Fruits Basket collab💗
I still like the old Fruits Basket better... I appreciate that the newer version goes into more depth, and makes Prince Yuki even more beautiful... But the original is still the original. I got my oldest nieces into watching it when the new one first came out, and they try to tell me the newer version is far superior. I guess you just had to be there when the original came out. I'm glad I could pass it on to them either way💗

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rav3nb1rd
rav3nb1rd
02:00 Sep 24 2022

OMG I need this! I absolutely LOVE Fruits Basket! I read the manga but I haven't been able to get through the anime because it makes me cry too much (hearing the sadness in their voices when they recount their past makes me cry). Who's your favorite character? Mine are Rin and Hatsuharu (I also LOVE them as a couple. They are so meant to be together).





 

05:34 Sep 22 2022
Times Read: 405


Summer is finally over. Though... it did go by very quickly. Still, I'm never sad to see it end. My birthday is Monday. I'm going to a family reunion this weekend so I guess that's how I'll be celebrating. End of September means hopefully closer to Wolfie getting back. He's been a bit down the last couple weeks, I think he's just over being in Slovenia at this point. He's ready to leave, but his boss told him it'd cost him at least $100,000 to skip out on his contract early. And his contract is up end of next month. So... may as well stick it out to completion even if he is ready to leave. Another month is just a drop in a flood at this point. He's already got his next job lined up, I think he may have already started it actually. He was supposed to be translating some books written by some Russian politician. He enjoys doing translations, and people pay him well for it so whatever makes him happy. He says pretty soon he'll have me speaking ten different languages too... Yeahhh, I dunno about that. I'm trying, but Russian is hard, like really hard. It just gets all jumbled in my brain. French is easy, we should move to France xD Moving is going to be such a pain... He told me not to worry about it, he'll handle it, but it's like my entire life, all my stuff. It wouldn't be a huge deal to get rid of most of it... It's always very tempting to me to just start over, leave it all behind. It's going to be an entirely new life, how much baggage do I want from my past?

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22:14 Sep 20 2022
Times Read: 464


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I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this fight is totally unnecessary xD

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05:10 Sep 16 2022
Times Read: 522


And with that...
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I NEVER have to fight Malenia again❤️
I feel like that's the true end xD I don't even have to beat the game now, that's good enough for me. Fuck the Elden Beast, it's got nothing on that bitch. That's a real end boss. And From is kinda known for their weak final bosses... But holy shit, that was amazing❤️

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02:15 Sep 16 2022
Times Read: 542


So I was talking to Wolfie about the Chanel boots, about how they don't sell their shoes online because they claim they want you to go into their store, and have the "in-store experience," and he said to me, "That's not the truth, bunny, they really just don't want 'poor' people buying their stuff." That's so... scummy, if it's true. Like, so what if someone isn't well off? What if it was some poor girl's dream to own a $2000 pair of boots so they save for years, finally get the money, and you're going to deny them that because they're not better off in life? That's fucked up, Chanel, I disapprove. I get that designer stuff is supposed to be luxurious, but that means only the rich should enjoy it? Fuck you if you're not upper class, I guess. Most designer shit is 100% ugly garbage, but some of it... I like some, especially the shoes. I was trying to explain this to Wolfie who was adorably asking me what's the deal with women and shoes? I told him a beautiful $2000 pair of boots for me is like a $200,000 car to him, that's comparable. And that he understands, now we're on the same page xD I don't even have that many pairs of shoes, probably less than 20 as I'm getting rid of so much stuff in anticipation of moving. I don't want to haul 200lbs of shoes across a fucking ocean, no thank you. And that'll give him an excuse to buy me new things after we move :3 He thinks it's adorable when I'm high maintenance, he will come to regret those words💗
We were talking about the apartment in Moscow, I was asking if he had the guys working on it paint it, and he tells me, "Oh, yeah, it's all beige."
Oh good... My very own high-rise beige prison xD
To which he responds, "It's not a prison, bunny-girl, you'll have your own key."
Not my point. Beige is so... ehhh. It just is. It's not really anything. I guess it's fine since he wants me to decorate, it's a nice neutral palette. So then he asks me if I want him to have the bedroom painted, what color? Anything but black/red because he's already having the playroom painted black/red. And on the spot, I have no idea. I guess I'm just giving him a hard time. I'm pretty good at that. I've already got the nagging housewife thing down. Honestly though, everything he's doing is perfect, and I do appreciate it, he's really amazing. He doesn't have to do all this, I would accept a lot less if it meant just being with him, but I ain't gonna say no to livin classy❤️

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21:34 Sep 15 2022
Times Read: 576


Made it to the dragon lord.
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Pretty badass.
I think it's really interesting that, like in Dark Souls, dragons ruled the world long before humans. And dragons in Elden Ring had their own Outer God that they worshipped before the Greater Will was even a thing. But it abandoned them, it ran away. Did the Greater Will have some part in that? The outer gods in this game are insanely intriguing to me. How powerful is the Greater Will that it fucking scared away a literal GOD OF DRAGONS. But then leaves you untouched... Placidusax is a pretty cool boss though. Of course, he has an instant death attack that I absolutely hate. Instant death attacks just take me out of the game... I feel like we're all fighting a fair fight, I'm chipping away, and then suddenly in one swipe I'm annihilated. All of his attacks do quite a bit of damage so it's not like I'm getting through unscathed. Like with Malenia, it's not a difficult fight, it's just the one single power move that gets me.
And then... as I was poking around Farum Azula, I came across this.
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Which is mind blowing because you never hear any lore discussions about Rykard being involved in the Night of the Black Knives, but this clearly states that he was in on it with Ranni. In on it enough to be rewarded by Ranni with something that can help take on Maliketh, it can deflect his weapon which is imbued with Destined Death. That's pretty fuckin powerful to just give to him, what exactly did he do to warrant such an extravagant gift? It also would've been pretty handy to have while fighting Maliketh, but oh well, I did it the hard way xD I'm really curious what Marika did to betray Maliketh. Was it simply turning against the Greater Will, and destroying the Elden Ring? Because like we see with Blaidd, when an Empyrean turns against the Greater Will, their incredibly loyal wolf shadow then turns against their Empyrean, like a built in fail-safe. The Greater Will gifts them these shadows who are there to protect and serve them at all costs, but they will also kill them if they defy the Greater Will. Pretty fucked up.
You find this statue in Maliketh's boss arena of a girl surrounded by three wolves. Possibly Marika.
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Are they protecting her, are they attacking her, keeping her in line? Could be either, could be both. But then there's also the symbol of the Elden Ring burning above her, and she looks very peaceful, in prayer. It could mean a lot of things. It's interesting finding this here though. Farum Azula is the ancient city of the dragons that has been slowly crumbling for years. It's currently surrounded by dragons, and full of beasts. Why, in the center, is there a statue of with an Elden Ring symbol? Why is Maliketh found there? I guess he is like a major beastial figure, and this place seems to be a home/place of worship for these creatures. Then there's the fact that Maliketh is described as Marika's half-brother... But how is that possible if she's from another world? And how was Maliketh gifted to her as her shadow, but he's also her half-brother?
Wut?
😵‍💫

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18:49 Sep 15 2022
Times Read: 595


My Hot Topic order made it, and it's mostly Kuromi🖤💜
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Kuromi is basically a badass Gothic white rabbit mischievous villainess jester version of Hello Kitty. So I love her. I especially love this sorta spellbook, crystal ball Lolita theme.

But there's also a Nightmare Before Christmas dress.
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Because I adore the design on this🖤

And a new hoodie.
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Because half red, half black and devil horns...

So I'm browsing around for whatever else I'd like this week. I've got a coupon for $135 off a $270 purchase from Hot Topic, but I'm not sure I really want anything else from them right now. Killstar has been releasing new Kreeptures every day, the last they're releasing in 2022, but... They're all pretty underwhelming. I prefer their older Kreepture designs, they've gone from being unique and kawaii to just kinda ugly and generic looking now. But KS has a few new things clothingwise I'd like. I'm still on the hunt for designer boots. I found a really cute pair from Chanel, but Chanel doesn't sell online, like anywhere because they want you to have the in-store experience... That's great, but I'm pretty sure there isn't a Chanel store in this entire state xD So... I would've handed you $2000 for those boots, but I guess not, I guess I'll have to wait til I move. I could probably have Wolfie pick them up for me somewhere, I wonder if he's planning on visiting Vienna again before he comes back here... Then he could "enjoy the full in-store experience." I'm sorry, that's such a stupid reason not to sell online. I love actually going out, and shopping, it's my favorite thing to do, but I'm equally happy not having to drag my ass to the mall, and scarf down mall pretzels just to buy a pair if boots. And yes, pretzels are required on a trip to the mall, that's the law. Or Cinnabon. Or both❤️

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rav3nb1rd
rav3nb1rd
01:54 Sep 16 2022

I love Hot Topic's stuff! I saw that exact skirt on the app and the Nightmare before christmas dress. I have to wait for my first check for next month (since my next pay check is for rent) to hit so I can get some of their Kuromi and Hello Kitty knee high and thigh high socks and a pair of mesh nightmare before christmas leggings





 

00:51 Sep 15 2022
Times Read: 620


Looking for some new boots. Kinda love these from Gucci.
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I love the snakes on the soles. There's also a beige version, but obviously I want the Black.
There's also a new eyeshadow palette...
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After I literally just bought the first one xD
I was reading some reviews about people complaining that it's a bit smaller than they were expecting, but I actually like that because it's difficult carrying around a huge palette in my travel makeup, it's nice having something a little more petite. It is a lot to pay $150 for a smaller palette, but ya know... It is what it is if it's something you want.
I'm still working on Malenia. Or uh... avoiding her as much as possible until I absolutely have to beat her xD There is a ton of stuff to do in Elden Ring so I've been working on cleaning up some loose npc quests, making sure every other boss is dead, hunting the last of the dragons left around. This struck me as pretty cool to see just sitting there.
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Godwyn is another mystery to me. Why is his body so mutated after his soul has died? Why is it so fucking huge? I guess Radahn is pretty massive too, but most of the other Empyreans/demigods are closer to human size, just a bit bigger. But Godwyn is comparatively gigantic when you find what's left of him in Deeproot. I wish there was more information on him like why he was the one chosen demigod to die. Convenience maybe, Malenia and Miquella were in the Haligtree, Radan was in Caelid, Rykard was in volcanoland, Ranni was... well who fucking knows, it's Ranni, she fucks off pretty regularly. I guess if Godwyn was hanging around the capital then he was Conveniently the best option especially if you're trying to piss Marika off. But why not just kill Marika herself? If you're going after the Golden Order, that's it's heart, why not aim straight for her? She's pretty friggin tough, she destroyed an entire race of FIRE GIANTS down to the last one, but she's not completely infallible. She's in a very sorry state when you finally find her in her eternal punishment, strung up, and pierced through, body literally crumbling apart. She then turns into Radagon who can be killed. So... why didn't they just kill her? Unless they were trying to push her into destroying the Elden Ring. And who put Marika there anyway? If it was the Greater Will then... it doesn't make sense why it then can't reach out, and stop you from rampaging across the country in defiance. I feel like if it really wanted to, it could, so why doesn't it, what's the motive here? Does it simply want you to defeat everyone, and become Elden Lord, a lord even more powerful than any before as it destroyed all those before? Maybe. Maybe it thinks you're going to do just that, but you can equally choose not to, and bring the Golden Order to an end. I dunno, I don't particularly think the Greater Will is a benevolent force, it's done some pretty horrific things, but how much of that is it's direct hand, and how much of it is the Golden Order just kinda enforcing their will in it's name? I guess you could say that about any religion, how much of it is directly a God's actions, and how much of it is dumbass humans forcing people to do whatever they themselves want them to do, and using their so-called deity's presence to get their own selfish results. Do it because my God says so, well your God hasn't said shit to me, when or if they do then I'm all ears. But that's just me. I don't like being told, do this and be good because if you don't then you're going to suffer punishment for eternity. I'd rather be a good person to be a good person, not be good out of fear of retribution. I don't need anything to tell me what's right, and what's wrong. But that's just me. So from the start I had the attitude that the Greater Will could kiss my ass. A feeling that only grew the deeper I went into the lore. But pretty much everyone in the game is doing shit for their own selfish reasons, Miquella may be the only slightly redeemable person in the whole bunch, and he's fuckin kidnapped, and maybe dead when you find him? It's hard to tell, maybe DLC will do something with him. I guess Blaidd is also a good guy til he goes completely psychotic, and tried to murder you. Oh wait, it was the Greater Will FORCING him to do that. Yeah, once again, fuck the Greater Will. It's really kinda terrifying that whatever cosmic force is holding everything together, you really have no fucking idea who or what it is or what it wants. Maybe it genuinely wants you to do well or maybe it's just fucking with you. Maybe it's good, maybe it's evil, maybe it's equally both or above either. And maybe it's just gone. When was the last time it indisputably made it's presence known? If it's been a couple thousand years, kinda makes me wonder.

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07:38 Sep 14 2022
Times Read: 654


I bear Hoarah Loux in one try. It seems... almost insulting to have such an easy boss fight after fighting Malenia. Sure, he's an endgame two-phase boss, but after the things I've seen and done in the Haligtree... He was pretty easy.
So I left the Haligtree. And I got myself a fucking katana... Because I felt, I need the speed more than anything else against her. Much as I love my scythe, and it does have decent speed, I felt like with how easy it is to stagger her, you just wanna hit her as many times as possible, as fast as possible, stunlocking her ass as much as you can.
So I went, and found Moonveil, a remarkably easy access early katana. Because as much as I might have preferred Rivers of Blood for the bleed damage, I had already sold it along with just about every other katana you can find in the game... Because I never thought I'd need a fucking katana for one boss.
But ya know. After practicing with it around the world for a bit, I don't hate it. Not sure I favor it over my scythe, but... It's a decent weapon. I always liked katanas in Dark Souls, but the durability on them made them nearly impossible to commit to, I can't love a sword that breaks so easily. But Elden Ring has no durability so they're much more capable. I also had to restat my character a bit to make it functional... Meaning, I went from 9 to 80 Intelligence xD Look, usually I say that you should pick a class, and stick with it, but Elden Ring is so massive with so many different ways to play, I think it's forgivable to restat especially against a boss that is, I hate to say it, kinda cheap. Much as I love Malenia as a character, having a single attack that destroys 60+ upgraded Vigor is, needless to say, completely ridiculous. So yes, I will absolutely go in, and destroy her ass with magic if that's what it takes. She pushed me to it xD Plus, you get a pretty good amount of Larval Tears, the item with which you use to restat so I feel like the game encourages you to play around with different styles. I'm normally 100% hard-core Dex build, but switching to an Int build is interesting because now I have all these spells at my disposal, and it's fun being able to play around with them. I'll definitely go back to Dex before I beat the Elden Beast. I did fight it, and Radagon once, and Radagon is also kind of another disappointing fight because he's just a huge pushover, but the Elden Beast did manage to kill me so I guess that kinda makes up for it. It is interesting to watch Marika transform into Radagon right in front of you, obviously it states very clearly that they're the same person so does that mean they never has separate bodies, was it always that their one body transformed between the two? Because Radagon went off, became this great champion, married, fucked, had children with Rennala, was Marika inside of there too or did they have separate bodies at this point, and converged back together when he can back? You'd think during that time period, if she was within him, someone would definitely have noticed she was missing from the capital. That's more of the vibe I'm getting, that they had separate bodies during this time they lived separate lives, but watching them transform from one into the other makes me question it. It really makes me wonder about the origins of Radagon. We know Marika is Numen, does that make Radagon Numen too? Were they born as two souls in one body? Maybe that's how or why Marika came to power in her own civilization before even being chosen as an Empyrean, maybe having two very distinct sides inside of her body made her queen before she became godlike. And then I have to wonder about the real gods, the big boss, the Greater Will... Obviously, it can see what you're doing, why doesn't it try to stop you? This is a force that literally lifted an entire civilization, and plunged them underground, but it just kinda allows you to fuck around, killing whoever you want, defying it if you so choose. It's real fucking odd that the only way to communicate with the Greater Will is via the Two Fingers, which can take thousands of years. Meanwhile, this force has the capability to cause huge worldly destruction when it so chooses... But it takes thousands of years to speak to? That just doesn't make sense to me. Then again, maybe it's just busy with other worlds. The Numen are said to be from a land outside of Lands Between, who's to say how many lands, worlds, universes this thing is watching over. Maybe by the time you get there the Greater Will has fucked off onto something new, and you're abandoned, godless just like in Dark Souls. The remnants of this great power are still there, but what if the presence is gone?
Wolfie tells me, "Bunny, you're never going to get any solid answers."
I know xD But that's why I love these games, they really make me think.
See, the thing I love about my Wolfie though, he can actually keep up with, and comprehensively respond to all of my Elden Ring babbling xD And he's happy to do it.
That's true love💗

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03:49 Sep 14 2022
Times Read: 684


Wolfie showed me this when I woke up.
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So cute :3
He calls me his Luna wolf. He's been saying it a lot lately... How happy he is that I'd actually consider spending the rest of my life with him. Like he can't believe I actually would. But... we all know I would. I'm glad he's finally seeing it though. That I'm really here to stay, he doesn't ever have to be alone again. I think he's finally ready to come back, and hopefully it won't be much longer. I never really know what to expect, but I feel like it's getting close. Which is good because... I really need him💗
Sales have been pretty good this week. Just kinda confirming to me even more that quitting my job now was the right call. I've entered total cleanout mode so I'm willing to part with things for less than I normally would just to get rid of them. Although, I had someone contact me earlier, and their first statement to me was, "Hey, I really want this, but I'm kinda broke so give me a discount." It's just terribly impolite on so many levels. It was a $30 skirt to even begin with so it's not like it was an expensive item, but that's really the lowest I wanted to go on it. And if you're broke you probably shouldn't be wasting money on a skirt, just saying. I dunno, I hate when people start a negotiation by telling me how broke they are because that basically means there is no negotiation, they're not going to offer anywhere near what something is worth, they're going to hand you $5, and tell you you're lucky for their business anyway. I want to clear stuff out, but I'm not desperate to do it. My second clothing rack just broke a couple days ago... That's a sign that you probably have too much xD Then I've got a Hot Topic order coming in, and the stuff I ordered from Cakeworthy maybe finally shipping by the end of the week. It's an endless cycle of buy, sell, buy more. Honestly, if you're a shopaholic then being a reseller is perfect because eventually you get to the point where you're so overwhelmed by stuff that you just want to throw everything away xD Not that I would... I told Wolfie after we move I'm going to need some storage space. He said the apartment has several rooms, it's like half an entire floor, so we can dedicate one of them to my business. Then there's the bedroom, the playroom, his office, probably a room for gaming... He also wants to make a space for me to work on my art so we could probably combine that with my business stuff. He said he had it completely remodeled because I deserve to have all new, nicest stuff :3 I can really get into this whole spoiled kitten lifestyle❤️

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02:27 Sep 13 2022
Times Read: 724


Yeah. Malenia is a real bitch. She's not really difficult on the surface, she just has the one bullshit move that instantly kills you. I've only managed to dodge out of that attack once, and it's about 99% of the reason I've died on my numerous attempts. I can competently get to her second phase with most of my resources, but that one fucking attack. She's not the first boss to have a pretty much instant death attack, and I don't know if I'd say She's the hardest boss in all FromSoftware history... She reminds me of Maria a bit because she's incredibly easy to stagger, but she's got this stupid move where she dodges backwards, and breaks your attack chain, like stop running bitch. She's definitely one of my favorite characters lorewise. Though, again, I really don't understand why she didn't go find Miquella... Other people seem pretty keenly aware that Mohg was the one who kidnapped him, I don't understand why she's just sitting there beside his empty nest being pretty emo about it. Mohg is a pretty underwhelming fight, seems like she could have easily rescued her brother. I guess because she removed the needle, and the Rot is kinda taking her over that maybe she's just lost her fucking mind, and I kinda wish that after you get the needle back you could use it against her, maybe even bring her back into reason, it would've been a nice side thing since Milicent was on her way to give the needle back to Malenia, and if you choose to help Milicent you do eventually get it back, but you can't use it, you can't give it to her. I hate to say it, but I'm not sure I can beat her. I probably can if I keep trying, but it's tedious having to go through her first phase every time, and she is a completely optional boss, I've just been sidetracked on all the optional stuff. It kinda blows my mind that such a huge part of the game is optional, you can totally skip past it or miss it if you don't get past Commander Niall.
After attempting to beat Malenia several times I decided to take a break, and go fight Maliketh again. And... he's so easy after dealing with Malenia xD I beat him in a couple tries. The thing I realized about him is you have to be aggressive, you have to be right on his ass or he will destroy you with ranged attacks. So now that he's beaten I really don't want to beat the game without finishing Malenia... I just need to be a little faster, that was the trick with Maria, being as fast as possible, staggering her so bad that she literally could not attack back. I might have to go find myself a katana. Sure, the Scythe is my goto weapon in Souls games, but I also prefer the Rakuyo in Bloodborne which is sorta kantanaish... I guess technically it's a twinblade, but still, I can handle a sword if I have to stoop to using one for one boss.
I can do it, I just... need a break xD I'm totally not dreading having to fight her 20 more times. I've beaten Orphan of Kos, I've beaten Sister Friede, who is probably the hardest boss, in my opinion, that I've had to fight. I can handle it. Maybe. She's just a little red-headed girl, how much trouble can she actually be?

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06:41 Sep 12 2022
Times Read: 754


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❤️🖤

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02:53 Sep 10 2022
Times Read: 800


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🖤

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06:10 Sep 09 2022
Times Read: 844


Finally made it into the Haligtree.
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Gotta say, it gives me some Anor Londo vibes.
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Definitely not a bad thing. Wolfie called me while I was playing, and we got to talking about the lore. He hasn't played it yet, but he's been looking into to figure out what build he wants to make so he can comprehensively talk about it with me. He really wants me to get into Guild Wars 2 with him after we move. I'm really not an online gamer, but for him... I'll try especially if it means playing it together. His internet was being a bitch, and kept disconnecting our call the first time he called me earlier in the day, but it was much better when he called me before he went to bed so hopefully it's fixed itself. There are times when he's depressed, and we go days without talking much, but I like knowing he's right there, he's my ultimate comfort. He's always had this way of making me feel so... delicate, rare and precious. But equally strong, confident and fierce. I think the love of your life should bring out all things in you.
His little flower, and his little queen❤️

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04:31 Sep 08 2022
Times Read: 908


Wolfie asked me what he could bring the kids back from Europe. Candy is a pretty good choice all around. Cause then... I also get candy xD He's already planning on either bribing them in exchange for me or distracting them while he whisks me away. But how much candy is their favorite aunt really worth...
I was thinking about how Wolfie tells me I'm the only person who has ever understood him. Do you have to also be mentally unstable to understand the mentally ill? My brother tells me I have schizophrenia. I don't necessarily agree with his assessment. He has schizophrenia so we got to talking, and I was telling him about the voices in my sleep that I've heard since I was a kid, and how they've progressively gotten louder the older I get. He said he has the same thing, but he also hears them when he's perfectly awake. Mine are more in, and out of sleep. But it's interesting that we both have the same thing. I'm... perfectly stable. Usually. As long as I have my Wolfie I am a happy, stable, functional bunny. And yes I know, all of that shouldn't hinge on him with how unstable he can be. But he's been doing really well lately. As much as I hated him leaving me here in the US, I think getting away from his mother, and building a life for us somewhere else has been good for him. His depression episodes, and mood swings aren't volatile anymore, he's mellowed out quite a bit. He still has his bad days, but overall he seems much better, and I'm thankful for that. If moving to Russia will give him peace then I'm willing to do that for him, and for us.
He woke me up this morning talking about Elden Ring. He's excited to play with me, it's adorable. But then I started dragging him into my lore conspiracies xD
"Ok, this is what happens when you play too much Elden Ring..."
I did warn him. I actually haven't played in a couple weeks, not since I got Cult of the Lamb, which I beat awhile ago. It's funny that now that I have time to play I'm just like, ehhhh... But I'll definitely play with Wolfie even if it means completely restarting. I'll just have to find my scythe again, and everything will be fine❤️

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04:13 Sep 08 2022
Times Read: 925


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😘❤️❤️❤️

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03:33 Sep 07 2022
Times Read: 979


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Wolfie still isn't as scary as I am...
Because I would say, wake up with a broken femur in a forest with a bear covered in cake and sprinkled with fire ants xD
We were jokingly talking about getting a pet bear after he was showing me videos of a couple in Russia with their own bear. Wolfie said we could move to the huge family house outside of Moscow, there's room out there for horses, and he knows how much I love horses. But... I can't imagine Wolfie not living in the city, that's just... it's his place. He was telling my nieces, and nephews yesterday on video, who told him he should just move here and sleep on my floor instead of taking me away, that he's fully remodeled a penthouse apartment in Russia for me so there's no way he's sleeping on any floor xD And the kids are just like, come onnnn, Uncle Wolfie, just move here. It's so simple in child logic, just sleep on the floor, it's fine. It doesn't even occur to them that we sleep in the same bed, no, he obviously sleeps on the floor when we're together xD
Wolfie is hoping his boss will release him from his contract before the end of October. But I guess if he's not back by then I'll get one last Halloween. Halloween is bigger than Christmas in my family, and a lot of people have told me that it's not super celebrated in other countries... So having one last big one with the kids would be nice. Another reason I was pretty good with quitting my job, those motherfuckers had me working Halloween night. My former boss tried to contact me yesterday, and I guess when my brother went in looking for me before he knew I had quit, he told him that his mother was going to call me, and talk to me. But... haven't heard from her. I just want it all to be done. It was a fun time in my life while it lasted, it stopped being fun, it was time to move on. Wolfie completely agrees with me so that helps. I'm a little overwhelmed with everything I need to get done. And Wolfie's lawyer is supposed to be giving him the paperwork to get me into Russia as soon as possible so we also have to get that started. Even though Russia might not be super happy about letting people from the US in right now, Wolfie has a ton of connections so he says it shouldn't be a problem, he just needs to talk to the right people. He says that once we get to Russia we can pig out on sweet things, have a cute bunny shopping spree, and then go to the beach in Sochi once it gets warmer. I didn't even know Russia had warm beaches, it's not really something you associate with it. Bears, ballet, cold, but I'm glad it has more to offer especially if it'll be our home. I think he might regret moving me next to a huge shopping mall... But then he also claims he likes when I'm high maintenance. I ask him why, and he says, "You deserve nice things, my love."
Ok, but why do I deserve nice things?
"Because... You're Bunny. And you're adorable. That's why."
Well alright, I can deal with that xD

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05:07 Sep 06 2022
Times Read: 1,018


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The way his eyes light up, like I'm the only gleaming, precious thing in the whole Universe❤
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06:45 Sep 03 2022
Times Read: 1,073


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Wolfie, mighty slayer of bees xD
But seriously... I don't allow him kill things. It's a very strict catch, and release program, that's how we do. He's not allowed to be a merciless executioner unless absolutely necessary.
Of course, when that bee goes after him it gets a very stern lecture from me about attacking my Wolfie...

Speaking of bees... Here's a Grumpy potato dressed like one ^^
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So cute I need them❤

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rav3nb1rd
rav3nb1rd
01:56 Sep 04 2022

that's how my bf and i are about spiders. a daddy long leg or wolf spider can chill out in any corner of our apartment it wants, but a poisonous spider (ie black widows) are caught and put outside (unless its winter then its kept as a pet).





 

04:03 Sep 03 2022
Times Read: 1,099


My day started pretty rough... Wolfie woke me up early in a really bad depressive mood. Talking about how everything was pointless, and just a waste of time. Typical Wolfie depression. Then after I finally fell back asleep my oldest sister came by, and hit me up for money. Of course, I gave it to her, but I had to drag my ass outta bed to go get it. Then she tells me that our other sister is going on vacation this weekend to the largest mall in America. And I'm just like... ok, my invitation is where? Like seriously? Not only did they not invite me, but they invited my oldest niece instead. I mean, that's fine, but... Everyone knows how much I love to shop, malls are homebase for me, you're driving there in a van with two children so I know there's room, why am I not invited? It's not like we don't get along. The complete lack of consideration just kinda rubbed me wrong. So my mother, seeing that I was annoyed with the situation, planned out a trip for us to get said niece's other two siblings, and go spend Sunday at the zoo, and the mall a couple hours away. Maybe not the biggest mall in America, but she wanted to cheer me up so she planned it all out. And then my sister calls, and tells me that they don't have time to go pick up my oldest niece before they leave so they'll just take me instead. Can't tell you how hard I passed on that offer. Not only is it supremely fucked up that they asked an 11 year old to go on a mini vacation with them, and then told her she couldn't go because they just refused to drive the 20 miles to go pick her up... But they then wanna offer me her place instead after not initially inviting me. And then my sister gets mad at me when I say no because our mother already went out of her way to make plans for everyone here, my oldest niece included now since they ditched her, but she wanted someone to go with them to hang out with my nephew. Ok, so drive the 20 miles to do what you promised our niece, and take her with you... Like, that's just wrong. Honestly, there was enough room for both of us so I don't see why I wasn't initially invited anyway, but fuck that, kiss my ass, I'm going to the fucking zoo. I can't believe my sister. It's just scummy behavior to do that to a little girl. But it's cool, she can come hang out with us, when I invited her on our trip she said she'd rather go with us anyway because I am the favorite aunt anyway. I feel bad that my nephew is now on a trip alone with his parents, but it's their fault.
So I went out, bought snacks and candy for the trip since it's a couple hour drive with 4 kids now, possibly 5 if my oldest nephew wants to go. And by then Wolfie's mood was a lot better. I didn't ask why he was so depressed this morning, usually there's a trigger, but sometimes it just happens out of nowhere. So I left him alone most of the day, and by the end he was feeling much better, he stayed up late to talk to me before eventually going to bed.
And then I got ice cream ^^
So yeah, not a great day to begin with, but it ended well :3

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06:20 Sep 02 2022
Times Read: 1,146


Polish-20220902-001120243
Ordered myself two new flannels from Cakeworthy❤
I was waiting for the Rocky Horror drop to put my order in. Rocky Horror is usually one of those things that you either love or you think is the stupidest thing you've ever seen. I dunno, I remember being pretty young when my dad let us watch it for the first time, skipping past the more sexual parts, of course. Which is funny to me now because most of the movie is a dude dancing around in sexy lingerie. But it's got that nostalgia thing for me. I think my dad, and I would be good friends if I didn't hold so much resentment towards him for how he treated me when I was sick. My brother says he regrets it a lot now so I try not to. Childhood is so important. What happens to us as kids can really shape us for the rest of our lives. How do you let go of what haunts you?

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23:25 Sep 01 2022
Times Read: 1,190


Screenshot-20220901-172009-e-Bay
The Chubby Bunny tarot deck❤
I've been using the same cards for over 20 years, but for these I might be tempted into something new :3
When I read my cards recently they kept telling me a big decision was coming up. Maybe it was quitting my job, but... that was going to happen soon anyway. I has no idea I'd do it so soon, a week ago I would've done absolutely anything for anyone there. Now I just kinda want to cut all ties completely. I went in to get my last check today, grabbed it, left without saying anything go anyone. I have nothing to say to them. While I did want to quit, nothing could have kept me there, my former boss just sat there during our meeting. He didn't jump up to defend me at all, he said nothing, his head down like a whipped dog. I feel bad for him, but not enough to stay in a toxic environment. And if he won't stand up for me that shows what kinda friend he always was. Someone I don't need in my life. It's common for a Libra to give people multiple chances, but that does reach an end eventually, and when it does we tend to write people off entirely, you no longer exist in our happy pink bubble. I'm good with that. I don't regret my choices. I always told my boss that when the time came I was going to give him a reason to fire me. While technically I'm the one who quit, he can't say he didn't know this was coming.
I've gotten my eating under control already though. It's much easier to eat healthy when I'm not surrounded by ice cream, and candy all day. And I'm back to jogging an hour a day. I want to look my best when Wolfie gets back. He looks me up, and down, and says, "Bun, you're not chubby, you're perfectly curvy. There's a difference between being a landwhale, and having a perfect big ass." He's not wrong xD But still. He recently changed the background on his phone, and computer. It was a picture of me, and my cat for awhile. But he changed it to this.
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That one got him❤

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Necropheciclidine
Necropheciclidine
15:59 Sep 17 2022

Nice pic





 

05:30 Sep 01 2022
Times Read: 1,071


Wolfie really wants to play Elden Ring, but he's waiting til after we move so he can build gaming PCs for both of us at the apartment. We were discussing the apartment today, how it'll be nice not paying rent since he owns it outright. He said he usually charges people $3,000-4,000 to live there because it's so close to Red Square, but he got the former tenants out, remodeled the whole place, and now it's ready for us. Wolfie is definitely going to have to take pictures of me when we get there, it's very beautiful. He found a nice camera for taking our bdsm pictures, buuuut it could be used for everything else. He wants to take more risqué pictures of us to post around the playroom he had put in for us. He said he had to tell the workers that the suspension hooks in the ceiling were for exercise equipment xD I mean... It is definitely exercise in it's own way. From what I've looked at of Red Square though there are a few high end stores in the area... He specifically mentioned this place called GUM to me, I think it's a shopping mall, and definitely my new headquarters after we move. I told him the first thing I need to learn in Russian is how to buy things xD "Hello, how are you, how much for the shoes? Here's my husband's credit card. Have a nice day." If I know that, I can get by.
It's September already. Hopefully Wolfie will be done by the end of this month, around my birthday. But ya know, September and October are the best months of the year. I have a lot to get done by next month. Getting myself back in order is first. I'm getting my diet under control, exercising properly again, and getting rid of as much as I can. It's weird that having a job made almost every other aspect of my life less important, I was all about working all the time. I didn't care what I ate or if I exercised because I was on my feet all the time, I needed the energy. I put everything I had into a place that ultimately told me I didn't do enough. But it's time to get back to focus on me. I need the me time right now❤
It'll be fun to play games with Wolfie though even if it means starting over on ER. I've made it probably 90% through the game so at least there's that. Wolfie really wants to make a caster build, and ER has a ton of magic shit to explore. That'll make taking on bosses even easier, I distract them, he blasts them. Even in a game I can't allow anything to hurt my Wolfie, even at the expense of my own life xD I do wish there was more of a multi-player experience than just the typical boss summoning, maybe we'll need to find another game we can fully explore together. Both of us being huge gamer nerds is a really big plus in our relationship, it was the foundation of our friendship that grew into what we are today. And I love us❤

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05:30 Sep 01 2022
Times Read: 1,072


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🖤

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