The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Its really weird! You never know how much you really love someone until you loose them. You never believe it when someone tell you, but when it happens to you your like damn. With me I tend to push away the people I truly care for. I've always been like that and I fucking hate it. Now things will never be the same and there's nothing I can do about it. Its hard to look to your ex and not be really upset with your self for what you've done. and when their talking to a person of the opposite or the same sex, it just tares you up inside. Most of the time you act like you don't care or you don't want to talk to them or you just ignore them or you do every thing in your power to make them jealous. But deep down inside all you want is to be in there arms again feel the warmth of their hand on your or for them to talk to just be with them again. You do every thing to make him or her want you again but you let them think that you don't want them. But you really do. Your always watching to see what their doing or who their talking to and you get mad or jealous and you wish it were you their talking to or are with. Its hurts so bad just knowing that you'll never be with them again and they will be with someone else. You know things will never be the same. You keep telling your self that every things going to be OK this is just the way thing are supposed to be. You start to think that your not worthy of them and they deserve better and you were wrong for ever wasting their time. Then you start to wish that you never met them because you wouldn't be hurting so bad. You will do any thing just to look into their eyes again or to sit and talk to them about nothing like you used to do. Stay up all hour's of the night talking to them or thinking about them. But you never will and you just have to face the fact that you'll never be with them and things will never be the same between you to. It hurts so fucking bad that you just want to go away and never return. You find yourself thinking about them more and more, what their doing, what their thinking about, wondering if their thinking about you as well or if they still want you. You long for the day that they come and say that they want you back. You just don't know that you can do how to show them how much you want and need them. When they finally do come and talk to you its to painful to talk to them so you just shut them out completely. You look you friends for support but they always end up making thing worse. So you shut your yourself up and don't want to talk to anyone and don't want them to know how bad your hurting inside. You smile, laugh, giggle talk and just act like there's nothing wrong. But you are torn up inside and you start to flirt and act like there's nothing wrong so no one will know how bad you are hurting inside. Your heart is broke into to and there nothing you can do to fix it all though you may try but nothing works. There's an empty hole in your heart and nothing will fill it but that persons. You start to think about when you were together and you imagine that their there and you just smile. When you heir someone call your name from across the room you turn around hopping that it will be them. But it never is. When someone touches your shoulder you get this smile on your face but when its not them you feel like you could just burst out crying right there. You do all you can to hide your pain. When your sitting alone in the dark and you start to think about them a tears just start streaming down your face. You never want to see them again you just get so mad at them you could scream. When you think about it its not them your mad at its yourself that your mad at. I just don't know what to do with my self any more some times I sit alone in my room and just want to die. But I know that that's not the way out of things.