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MistressofChains's Journal


MistressofChains's Journal

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35 entries this month
 

life...

18:57 May 25 2022
Times Read: 19


I was trying to type something here when it started to storm outside that's when my internet went out for a while like it always does when it rains or even storms so I wait it out so my internet comes back on afterward so now I have to rewrite my thoughts out it pisses me off when i have to rewrite everything again.
this really does suck that I have really bad internet I mean it works pretty well but when it storms well let's put it this way the damn thing won't stay on through the damn storm so it's the waiting game for it to come back on after the storm stopped. its what happens when your living in Alabama like iam it storms a lot here when I say a lot I mean a lot it never ends here but I'm getting used to it though after being here already a year now the storms really doesn't bother me anymore like they use to.


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15:37 May 25 2022
Times Read: 31


I was sleeping when my cat knocked over the dinner tray and woke me up I went out into the living room to see what it was and saw the tray laying there on the floor so I picked it up and placed it next to the couch and went back in my room my aunt just sat there and watched as the tray fell and didn't even go to pick it up I had to out of a sound sleep I can't seem to snap out of it even though I just got woken up which I wanted to sleep until else 10 am but no I had to go and pick up the damn tray when my aunt was right there it really pisses me off cause she was freaken lazy.
so now I'm sitting here listening to the rain hoping my internet doesn't go out like it always does when it storms I have really bad internet out here.


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things in my head...

05:42 May 25 2022
Times Read: 51


things were going through my head that I never thought would be but there were ever since I quit smoking things have been pretty slow in my head but I like that I don't smoke anymore it's more healthy for me yeah there's still smoke in the house but I deal with it guess I will be for a long time cause I don't believe that my aunt will quit smoking anytime soon.
so I'm gonna go on with my life and keep not smoking and get healthier than my aunt is yeah I wish she would stop smoking as I did but I know she would have a hard time quitting like I did shes going to need patches to help her through it unlike me I did it at first without any help and then for a few days I used the patches to get me through the hardest times.
now I'm doing just fine without any help it's been over a week since I quit smoking and I'm going to keep going without any help, yeah the smell of smoke is getting to me big time.
so I have been playing Minecraft and Fortnite to keep my mind from going insane and also writing in my journal about how I quit smoking like I did it was really easy for me to do.


COMMENTS

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SavageBitch
SavageBitch
05:44 May 25 2022

You’re doing a great job!





NyxsKiss
NyxsKiss
06:07 May 25 2022

I am proud of you hun, it's hard to quit but it's worth it.

Your Aunt may need something to motivate her, maybe a vape to taper her down or a nicotine gum. She more than likely has been smoking a lot longer than you so it's going to take a lot of willpower for her to get to where you are.





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
06:35 May 25 2022

yeah she has been smoking a lot longer than I have it was a little easier for me to quit like i did





 

...

03:23 May 25 2022
Times Read: 58


I was thinking back to when my mom was still alive even though she was drinking really heavy at the time but she was still here with me yeah we had a lot of fights with each other but it's what happened when she drinked I didn't like it but I had to deal with it though I said some really mean things to her when she was drunk and falling over all the time.
but now that she's been gone for over 8 years now I miss her so much and there are times I feel bad for the things I said to her back then it kills me deep inside.
now I'm living with my aunt Judy who is my mom's twin sister yeah we have our days where we pump heads all the time yeah I do really care about her even though she gets on my damn nerves sometimes but I guess ill have to deal with it cause I do live with her which there are times I wish I didn't live with her anymore.


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true story

20:59 May 24 2022
Times Read: 71


today has been a good day for me.. just been sitting here playing some Fortnite and writing in my journal some and putting up with my aunt Judy and the damn smoke( ugh) it burns my nose that is why I've been staying in my bedroom just to avoid the smoke which is starting to bother me a little bit.I'm thinking about going to my aunt roses for a while just to visit her for a while I need to get away from the smoke its starting to swift into my room a little I don't even have to go into the living room to smell the smoke anymore cause it goes into my room now.
when I leave the house for a while and then come back home I walk into the house and the smoke hits me right in the face it's like real strong now since I quit smoking it bothers me I wish my aunt Judy would quit so the house would be smoke-free but she won't she just got a few packs of cigarettes when we went out today which upsets me cause she promised me she would quit.
I never thought for a moment I would end up quitting cold turkey as I did I smoked half a pack and gave the rest to my aunt Judy cause I was done with smoking I got annoyed with not being able to breathe every time I walked and when I lit up a cigarette I would cough that's when I said that's it I am done.


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i keep ...

18:51 May 24 2022
Times Read: 89


I keep feeling like I want to smack someone in the face for no reason but I won't do it guess it's because I'm still getting used to not smoking anymore yeah it's been a little over a week since I stopped smoking.
when I walk into the living room the smoke from my aunt Judy smoking burns my nose and makes me really sick so I stay in my bedroom most of the day only to come out to get something to drink or to see if my aunt Judy is alright other then that I mainly stay in my room and play on my laptop most of the day.
don't get me wrong I love my aunt Judy but she can be a big pain in my damn ass sometimes I even tell her so when she gets on my damn nerves I don't keep anything in at all its been really easy to get on my nerves since the day I quit.
I can't wait to be able to handle things without feeling like I want to smack someone right in the face it really does make me feel like that sometimes but I deal with it I have no other choice though.


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fortnite

22:39 May 22 2022
Times Read: 104


I'm sitting here waiting for Fortnite to update which is taking a while so I'm talking to Julie well it's updating I want to see if it runs faster then before.


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rant 3

22:13 May 20 2022
Times Read: 132


my back is hurting cause I had to bend over to clean the kitty litter box today which really does hurt my back when I bend over like that (sighs)wish things would change for me but I know they won't it will always remain the same never to change I sometimes have to go to see a back specialist cause of my scoliosis hurts my back all the damn time.


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LORDMOGY
LORDMOGY
23:19 May 20 2022





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
00:32 May 21 2022

aww thank you mogy





 

couldnt sleep

08:09 May 19 2022
Times Read: 160


I was just sleeping and all of sudden I woke up out of sound sleep for some reason I just couldn't sleep anymore so I got up and logged on here for a while to write in my journal about what's going on in my head since I quit smoking.
I was sitting here watching Facebook on my phone for a while not really much going on there kinda boring as hell right now so like I said I'm writing in my journal.


COMMENTS

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SirESlick
SirESlick
11:20 May 20 2022

Your doing well. Keep at it. I am very proud of you. As each day passes by you will become stronger and it will only get easier.





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
15:48 May 20 2022

I hope so what makes it hard is my aunt is still smoking in the house





 

day 8

07:27 May 19 2022
Times Read: 164


well it's day 8 of me not smoking
I have not picked up a cigarette in 8 days now wow
but I feel like I could puke right now.


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day 7

14:58 May 18 2022
Times Read: 180


well, it's been 7 days already since I stopped smoking which has been really hard on me cause my aunts still smoking in the house which I'm fighting the feeling to pick up a cigarette but I won't do it
it's not worth it I stopped for a good reason and my reasons are good enough to keep it up everyone's proud of me for not smoking anymore like I am.
I've been keeping track of me not smoking anymore which I look back to the first day and I'm like wow I made it to 7 days without smoking anything I hardly even have coffee since I stopped smoking cause it went with my cigarettes but I had my first hot cup of coffee in days now.


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SirESlick
SirESlick
22:29 May 18 2022

Congratulations on that. Kicking out the habit for one week already shows that you are strong and have the will power. There is nothing wrong with coffee at all so I am glad you went back to it. You do not want to go completely cold turkey and coffee is not as bad as smoking. Keep up the great work!





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
00:45 May 19 2022

thank you





 

day 6

08:30 May 17 2022
Times Read: 198


well, it's been 6 days since I stopped smoking I can't believe it how time flies when your not paying attention.
even though I was a little crabby yesterday at the pool I jumped down my aunt's throat I'm waiting for someone to hand me a cigarette but I won't take it cause I cant.


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GrimmGreenCultist
GrimmGreenCultist
10:52 May 17 2022

The cravings will get worse if you’re not already having any, depending on what your smoking habits where.

I used to smoke about 30 to 40 hand rolled cigarettes a day or 1 pack of 50gram tobacco a week. Kicking that habit was rough and it left me with a nicotine dependency, hence why I vape instead. Luckily I’ve not touched a ciggy now for about 5 years.

Best of luck and keep it up.





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
16:09 May 17 2022

it already got worse but I'm handling it im very crabby right now to the point where no one wants to be around me anymore it's really bad





GrimmGreenCultist
GrimmGreenCultist
16:24 May 17 2022

You’ll pull through, the cranky stage of quitting smoking usually lasts two to three weeks.





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
20:54 May 17 2022

wow that's a long time ill deal with it i guess





 

day 5

12:06 May 16 2022
Times Read: 212


day 5
well, I made it to day 5 of not smoking...I woke up with my aunt giving me a funny look and not talking to me for some reason when I did nothing wrong but wake up I should go back to bed but I'm not I don't care what she thinks what I did wrong.
I'm trying to be in a good mood but she's not making it easy for me right now she better not start on me for no reason cause I will just ignore her that's the best thing for me to do right now cause shes being a bitch and she didn't even stop smoking and shes being a big-time bitch right now.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

23:45 May 15 2022
Times Read: 218


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

dunkin donuts ..

20:27 May 15 2022
Times Read: 231


well, I went to Dunkin donuts with my aunt and got myself a large ice coffee but the manager there was rude to my other aunt over her coffee so we had to go to the other Dunkin donuts to get hers guess we won't be going to that one for awhile ugh how I hate rude people it gets on my last nerve.


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day 4

08:58 May 15 2022
Times Read: 241


well it's day 4 without smoking it's getting better for me but the coughing is still there


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back home ..

23:22 May 14 2022
Times Read: 251


I just got home from the party it was a long one-two hours I think and a lot of bugs there but the food was good though now I'm sitting here listening to the tv just woke up from a nap.


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my aunt

17:31 May 14 2022
Times Read: 262


I'm sitting here waiting for my aunt rose to come to get me for the party (yay me) there's gonna be a lot of kids there running around there (takes a deep breath and sighs) I'm not used to kids cause I didn't get to raise my daughter so I never got used to kids at all but ill deal with it I have to.


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day 3

09:23 May 14 2022
Times Read: 272


day 3
well I made it to day 3 of not smoking yeah it's been really hard but I'm doing it for my health cause of my breathing problems so I have to do it rather I want to or not yeah I've been smoking since I was 17 years old.
I can't wait for the coughing to stop it's getting on my nerves yeah I'm always going to have this coughing cause of my COPD but it will get better in time I'm hoping my aunt will stop smoking as I did but I'm not sure she will she promised me she wouldn't smoke in the house anymore but she still is.
my aunt made dinner last night but I wasn't that hungry at the time I did eat some of it though I just couldn't force myself to eat much of it even though it was good.


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leveling up ...

02:09 May 14 2022
Times Read: 288


I'm sitting here listening to the tv and leveling up here a little I made it to sire after all this time of leveling and working my butt off on here for hours at a time.


COMMENTS

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SavageBitch
SavageBitch
02:23 May 14 2022

Congratulations! ☺️





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
03:26 May 14 2022

thank you





 

going on 3 days ..

20:50 May 13 2022
Times Read: 302


it's going on 3 days tomorrow since I quit smoking and I'm going to keep going not even going to pick up a cigarette anymore cause I'm going to be healthy again no more breathing trouble for me now my aunt Judy, on the other hand, she will have breathing problems cause she's still smoking.
now I'm happy cause no more smoking for me yay I'm so glad for myself ill be able to walk again without having trouble anymore even my aunt rose is happy for me cause she was worried about me.


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Hope2022
Hope2022
00:58 May 14 2022

Good for you. I quit also and I still think it was the hardest thing I ever did. Spend t
time in places you didn't usually smoke. Like bathtub lol. It helps a little
It is so expensive to smoke these days also.





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
01:07 May 14 2022

yeah it was very much so





 

14:06 May 13 2022
Times Read: 312


I'm thinking about going to lay down for a while I've been feeling a little jumpy today hoping things work out for the best since I don't smoke anymore my aunt still smokes in the house which makes it really hard for me to not smoke.
but I'm going to do this without any help I need to get healthy again it's been a long time since I've been healthy and I'm gonna do this all on my own with no patches, yeah it's going to be really really really hard for me guess my aunt won't be stopping anytime soon ugh she promised me she would stop with me.
but its all good I can do this on my own cause when I put something in my head I attend to do it.


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ChoasBitch
ChoasBitch
17:47 May 13 2022

Get the vaper pin if you need to slowly go down to 0 nicotine. I did the same first time went cold turkey didn't go too well and gained weight. We both know that nerves can be harder for us, take one hour at a time and take a walk if you need to.





MistressofChains
MistressofChains
22:01 May 13 2022

I have a patch on right now which is helping me a lot even though there is smoke in the house cause my aunts is smoking which smells nasty





 

day 2

13:16 May 13 2022
Times Read: 314


(day 2) well, today is rough right now but ill pull through cause I need to do this cause of my breathing isn't that good so I decided to stop smoking and see how it goes.
right now I'm sitting here drinking coffee and trying to relax a little before my aunt starts calling my name cause it seems like she does it all the time but it seems like I'm going to be a little crabby right now which sucks but I know I can do this I got it set in my head that I can pull through without any help.
I hope people don't push me right now cause I could just punch someone right in the face right now ugh


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day almost over ...

00:21 May 13 2022
Times Read: 323


well the day is almost over with and I'm doing pretty good with not having any cigarettes even though my aunt is smoking in the house right now but it's not bothering me at all right now I'm talking to Lana on messenger she taking my mind off of smoking right now I'm hoping it will get easier for me.


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day 1

20:16 May 12 2022
Times Read: 334


(Day 1) first day of not smoking anymore can't believe I'm doing this cold turkey with no help oh boy this is going to be hard to do hope I can do this without fighting with my aunt Judy she always finds something to fight with me about.


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cant believe ...

09:24 May 12 2022
Times Read: 343


I can't believe I'm awake this early woke up unable to breathe thinking I'm going to stop smoking cause of it don't really need it anymore think once I get something in my head I do it I need to get healthy again no ands or buts about it.
I don't know about my aunt rather she's going to stop smoking or not cause she keeps saying she will but i don't believe her at all but when it comes to me I'm gonna do it I know it going to be hard to do but I don't care.


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leveling...

02:49 May 10 2022
Times Read: 360


I've been on here all day leveling up and also talking on messenger with Julie I haven't been on Minecraft all day it's not like me not to play Minecraft at all.


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full

23:39 May 09 2022
Times Read: 361


just got done eating so I'm nice and full now...I had a very long day today with everything going on went over to my aunt's house for a while and then came back home for dinner which was really good we had steak and potatoes for dinner.
now I'm sitting here leveling and talking on messenger and thinking about logging onto Minecraft for a while but I'm not sure just yet what I'm going to do yeah Minecraft is fun to play I'm just so tired and haven't taken a nap yet.


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good day

23:41 May 08 2022
Times Read: 374


had such a good mother,s day I got a message from my daughter wishing me a happy mother's day which made me happy to know she thought of me on this day I haven't heard from her in a long time it was so good to hear from her.
I went out to eat with the family for mothers day it was all you can eat im still full though my aunt wanted to know what I wanted for dinner I told her that I was still full from lunch.


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annoying

11:28 May 07 2022
Times Read: 389


I don't know why my aunt is so damn annoying right now don't get me I love her but she's getting on my last nerve ugh wish she would just leave me along right now.


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storm

19:40 May 06 2022
Times Read: 400


there was a bad storm but now there's a tornado watch out right now so I'm sitting here watching tv and leveling up a little made it to 103 so far I'm hoping I make it to 110 soon.


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dreams

12:06 May 05 2022
Times Read: 414


I woke up from a nightmare...its where I just can't remember what it was about all I know is that my aunt was in it and it woke me up its like wtf just happened there are some dreams I remember and some I don't


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...

02:59 May 05 2022
Times Read: 425


I played some Minecraft today and then logged on here for a while to level up some and then go and build some more on Minecraft there's nothing else to do.


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there are times

03:55 May 01 2022
Times Read: 156


there have been days I just wanted to just give up and dig myself a hole and just crawl in it and just hide there from people the memories of stuff that happened to me when I was younger I feel like a pray it just won't leave me alone.
sometimes I wish it never happened to me but it did it drives me freaken nuts at times I never talk about it to anyone cause all they will tell me is suck it up buttercup so i keep it to myself even though its not good to keep it locked up inside.


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did some work

03:34 May 01 2022
Times Read: 158


I did some walking today and then went to visit my aunt rose for a while and then went back home cause she and her husband went out to eat with their friends so i logged onto Minecraft and vampire rave and did some work on my land and did some posting on here also wrote in my journal.


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