SatanKimi17's Journal

SatanKimi17's Journal


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7 entries this month

Hello depression, goodbye happiness, see ya march 17th!

01:10 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 673

He wakes up to her call, she says soon, he thinks not at all

He goes to class, works hard all day, she sits at home, wasting away

He Has a job, works till nine, she sits on her computer, waiting for the chime

He goes out, forgets to call, she holds the phone as she starts to bawl

He sleeps on the weekends or not at all, she's up at seven waiting for his call, another night without, she starts to fall

Two months without, then a call, he acts like its nothing, she feels the stress

He says,"I love you", she says it back, but she can't feel anymore, she's confused, does he mean it anymore?

He comes back, she wonders if he even remebers her face, he walks right past her to his newest chase

He becomes the best, marries the slut, has two children and dies at 42.

She goes to school, works at night, struggling to raise the child, he never knew




They fight, they yell

01:09 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 674

As I sit here in my room, listening to them yell, I wonder when will I ever be out of hell

They scream, they fight, they think I can't hear, I think i'm learning to fear

My room isn't soundproof, the earth still spins, your anger cripples me, you think I don't hear

I cry, I whimper, I think about him, hes the only person that thinks about me on a whim

He's so far away, your right here, you wonder, how I learn not to fear

He may be gone, so far away but in spirit, he's here to stay




It never ends

01:08 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 675

I text you, you text back, I hold the phone as I slide to the floor, another night wasted, just like the night before

I love can't you see, why do you do this to me?

I wish you were the one you used to be, when we would just sit here because you wanted to be

Now there more important, and she is the apple of your eye, i wish I could still believe your lies

I sit here and listne to you talk and talk but never say my name but your say hers ever minute of the day

I'm just waiting till you say were threw but so far just just keep saying, kim, I love you

I hear the truth in your voice, your love is no longer for me, your no longer that guy sitting in the backyard smoking and smiling

Now your the very thing I came to fear, your the reason i'm here

I thought you loved me, i knew I loved you but no your no better, I wish I could go back in time

If I could go back, i'd stop that night from ever happening, I thought you were the one, how sad that sounds

now your looking me in the eye and saying those words, I always longed to hear, "kim, I do"

The sad part is when I open my eyes, i'll be back in Bondville with shit to do and you'll be in wyoming, fucking god knows who

I thought you were the one, I thought it was true but god, I never know what to do?

three years later, I have a baby, my dream came true , I look up and see, the sad part is, it isn't you

I'm married its true, to a drug dealer named drew, he loves me I guess, when he's not doing meth

I wish you could have knew, just how much i loved you before you went and fucked her too

I wish you could have saw this child with its eyes so blue, the sad part is, she looks just like you





01:05 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 676

I sit here and stare, awaiting your desicionm ny life hangs in your hands and I can't belive were here

Just a month ago, our lives were perfect, we were married and living the dream

Then she came back and in 12 seconds, your eyes were no longer on me

She is still ugly, alot i fact but your craving for diffrence just might be the end

I watch and start to cry as you walk over to her, she grabs your hand and you hold her as you used to hold me

I cry and cannot stop, watching this take place,w illing my mind to go to a diifrent place

Next thing I know, were at our wedding, holding hands, you in black, me in purple

You look so happy, I look so tired, I look so excited, you look so bored

You say your vows, i say mine too, you kiss me the way you used to

Then were back to that fateful day when everthing changed, the day you went away

Wyoming is far, but our love was vast, the problem was, it wouldn't last

You called every night, on time and true, the problem was, it wasn't you

you said i love you all the time but you forgot you were mine

She was a redhead, alone and true, you fucked her one and then cried boo-hoo

you swore you were drunk, it was a msitake, it would never happen agian, she wouldn't take my place

i said ok, the pain is vast but i'll lie to myself to make it last

it happend agian, she was a blonde, she was a slut and you led her on

she held you like I did and whispered in your ear, do you think i'm pretty, can you fuck me to prove

you couldn't resit, thats when I saw, i wasn't yours , i started to fall

Now were back, to where it ends, 3 years of nothing to eternity uncleansed

you look me in the eye and slowly start to cry, kim I can't win, I can't be with you in the end

I thought you were perfect and beauty I craved but it turn out, i am depraved

I love her like I loved you, but I want to her to now, become my wife and everything endowed

I hope you understand, i thought my love was true but the truth is, i was never in love with you

How sad, the truth revealed, tricked agian by god, I was broken and beaten all by a blonde

I loved him, I did, I thought it was true but one thing I learned, they all cheat on you





01:04 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 677


I never knew you happy, I never saw you lie, but you were always sad about every time you've had.

All that you wanted was love, someone who wouldn't stab you in the back,but thats all you ever found.

But what you didn't know was that love was all around, everybody loved you, you just couldn't see, it wasn't the one you wanted it to be.

In the end, you found love, honest, pure, and true and it was all for you, But now you didn't want it.

Too long had you been alone, your heart was far from mended after every battle before.

You started down a path, from which there was no return, You just don't care anymore.

But what you didn't know is that yoiu stabbed someone in the back, she loved you and thought you loved her back but I guess drugs were more important to you than her.

Go off to a place, no one will ever look, get lost and never look back, I hope your better off for it, I wish you the best of luck, cause anymore, I really don't give a fuck.

Not anymore.





01:04 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 678

I'm 15 and I dream of a fairy tale, one that I still think could come true, but every other time, I've thought that, it never happened.

Travis was my first and I was completely convinced he was the one, but I was a child, naïve and innocent for a little longer.

Then that day came, February 18th, where my innocence was robbed and taken from me, I still regret it to this day.

I'm 15 but I feel as though, I've felt enough pain to live twice already, be that insane?

On June 27th, he caused me more pain, he ripped my heart out and stomped on it, I thought the pain would never end, and in some aspects, it hasn't.

Now there's James, he's perfection in a blonde, he's the sweetest person you'd ever find, but is he the one?

Sometimes, I stare at the wall and ask myself, could you survive it again, could you stand the temptation of that razorblade lying on the sink?

Could you tell yourself, that killing yourself is not the answer, the truth is answer, is I don't know, I don't know if I'm strong enough, I was once, but twice is pushing it.

Will I someday look back on this and say,"damn, I was depressed and go back to my happy life with James and our two beautiful children"?

Or will I be here to look back?




Never be mine

01:03 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 679

I've always been a slow learner, but now I finally see,

Were going out that’s true but you don’t belong to me,

I belong to you, I’m your property, I’m your slave, but you can’t even stick up for me, how could I have been this naïve, I watched you from afar, and I could tell how you were different

You will always show me a different face, then the one that you actually grace

I can’t live like this, I want to be your only one but you have too many obligations, you can’t just stay here and be mine.

I'll always think of you, probably all the time but the lesson

I learned is simple: you will never be mine



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