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Let’s not even forget the other asshole of the weekend because he needs his moment in the spot light as well.
Well I went to pool league to support my friend. My friend introduced me to everyone and we all shook hands and I go to sit down at the table were the league leader is sitting. He asks me “Hey how about playing pool” I said “No thank you pool is not my thing. I’m just here to support my friend”
Then he says “You could be the league eye candy then”.
The look of disgust must have been apparent because the guy right next to him (which I found out later was his son) Looked embarrassed to be associated with him. I didn’t say anything. I got up from the table and moved to another seat as far away as I could from him.
But oh man did the ghetto bitch in me want to come out.
I don’t know seems like a pretty bad infestation of assholes might have to call an asshole exterminator. ;)
03:42 May 30 2023 Times Read: 125
So I was publicly humiliated this weekend.
I feel I responded the only way I could by going silent but I have been dealing with feelings of sadness and anger from that situation today.
I feel it could have been dealt with by this person better I mean he could have privately taken me aside and said something but chose to embarrass me in front of others. I will likely never go there again nor am I obligated to.
But now I have to deal with and process these emotions of humiliation.
Your comment made me sob uncontrollably Mama Moonie.
I felt like a little kid all over again. Well I think I found the root of my learned helplessness. I just shut down and froze and went full on dissociate and I hate how disorienting it was.
I’m not a kid anymore I’m a grown ass adult now but it totally took me back to my childhood so hard.
I’m so mad because I didn’t know how to react nor was I even capable of reacting.
Oh, sweetheart! Don't be mad. Learn from it. Don't let anyone make you feel that way. It will be hard, but I know you can do it. You always have me in your corner. 💜
I can relate to your situation as well as your response to it. Maybe not in the same situation but being publicly humiliated when it was unnecessary and uncalled for and being blind sided by it all.
You got a Mama Moonie and a Mama Ducky in your corner. ❤️ Always open to you if you need to vent, scream, or just unload in a safe space. Xx
I can’t help but think that this is like the time the popular girls at school befriended me and tried to help me be “cool” like them.
I had to deal with their rigorous rules and laws of what was and wasn’t considered cool.
I found out from someone that they overheard the popular girls talking when I wasn’t around that it was not genuine attempt on their part at friendship, that later they we’re planning on embarrassing me in front of everyone at school. About the same time I finally got the shits of the whole thing and realized it was in fact easier and less stressful being myself. It was a win for me growth wise. I no longer wanted to be like them. It’s a wonder they didn’t die from the stress of it all and no wonder they seemed so unhappy and felt that they had to make fun of me. I was also utterly miserable trying to be someone I wasn’t just so I wouldn’t be alone and friendless.
Moral of the story be yourself fuck what others think.
Aww hehe I hope you’re feeling better? Sucked you had to be sick on your birthday no less but I hope you still had a great day.
13:59 May 26 2023 Times Read: 195
So yesterday I went to a local garden center with my oldest daughter because she needed larger pots for her plant children and she wanted my help to choose the best options. Then we came home and repotted and pruned her plant children.
I also did some repotting and splitting pups off of mother plants.
I also watered (I have a shit ton of plants so it’s an affair) and moved around some plants in my room.
So I was pretty tired after all that. Lol
So now at least her plant children will be ready for when she goes off to college in the fall.
So yea I know my behavior was erratic but I’m feeling like something shifted for me today.
I realized something I have been struggling to put a name to. Now I know.
Love has nothing to do with it despite feeling a bodily reaction to this person.
He might not like that answer but there it is.
Boy that’s a loaded question..lol
You really want to know what I want?
I want a motor home tricked out with all the things I need to live my life.
A camp ground near the ocean. A drawer full of dildos and porn tapes because honestly at this point I’m sick of men and I hate women just as equally for different reasons damn catty dramatic bitches.
I want to be alone so I don’t have to deal with anyone telling what the fuck I can and can’t do or who the fuck I should be.
but you know I live in the real world. I have responsibilities people depending on me at least for another decade.
But a bitch can dream right?
I mean, at least you know what you want in life! If BOB will do the trick, you go girl! lol. Not to mention you made VW spit soda on her keyboard! Perhaps, you should seek a career in a traveling comedian! :D
Maybe I should be a comedian. Lol I also miss traveling too. Been 14 years since I had a decent vacation.
02:48 May 23 2023 Times Read: 281
For awhile I have known I’m not happy in my current situation.
I’m working on a resolution to this. I’m doing all the things I know that I can and should do. I’m seeking and have sought out therapy and counseling for myself. I know I have part in it or at least that’s what I’m told by the other.
I have grown over the years become more comfortable in my skin more confident in myself. I still have a long way to go it will be a never ending journey to healing.
But we have grown apart. I don’t know who’s more to blame and honestly I don’t care about that anymore.
I just feel I deserve more than what I have gotten. See most looking from the outside in might not see it that way but no one really knows what it’s like behind closed doors and this was even before the emotional infidelity.
I was married far too young and I should have done so many things differently. I made many mistakes that I’m now paying for.
I know many will judge me because I was “unfaithful” but like I said live a day in my shoes and then tell me I was wrong to look elsewhere.
Now I have sort of just settled for what it is.
Settled into the unhappiness. *shrugs*
I know in way it has to do with my learned helplessness, my children and also the fact that I’m grieving what I thought it should have been that it isn’t.
The truth is he sold me a lie all those years ago and I was too stupid in love to see him for the lie he was.
I don’t want a relationship I already have a failing one.
There has been a person that has been relentlessly trying to pursue me here online for the better part of 5 years.
*sighs*
I don’t want a relationship. I’m not relationship material. There’s just too much going on in my life. Not to mention I’m still married even if it unhappily so.
I’m not sure if I should have hope at this point that it can be restored all talks on my part seem to come to no resolution. He doesn’t care about making things better and who can blame him. He never lets me forget that I’m the one who screws everything up.
I have taken on the burden as my own even though there are things that are not mine to own.
But god damn I’m lonely af.
Have you ever been so bored but lack the motivation to do the stupid monotonous things that life requires of you?
Like there’s plenty to do but I would much rather be doing something else more interesting like learning about something that interests me. Something more intellectually stimulating like exploring some type of spiritually or belief but alas there’s no one to mentor me with any skills or knowledge that exceeds my own level. You know another thing I’m annoyed there’s so much secrecy in these more left hand path teachings. Like do you realize there are people who are starving for knowledge out here?!
Gods I’m so fucking bored!
So yea that happened…:/
And no I won’t say what because it isn’t anyone’s business but I feel I need to talk about it.
Looks in the mirror at herself. “You dumb hoe what even in the fuck were you thinking? Nah, bitch you weren’t thinking. Do Better! *through gritted teeth*
Moving on..we all make mistakes right?? Some way fucking stupider than others..
@MM Lol I love you home girl. We all need hugs every now and then but the bosom hugs. Lol
My grandmother gave bosom hugs and I thought I would die between the fact I couldn’t breathe because of sobbing so hard but then because of suffocating in bosom.
I tell you it stopped the crying pretty quickly because you can’t breath. Lol When you know you know if you don’t you don’t. Lol
My depression is in full swing today. Feeling antisocial and just want to be alone. I might not be around a whole lot for awhile. I just need some alone time.
I’m torn because my trust has been abused so often in the past. Everything in me is telling me to run as far away as possible but another part of me wants to be closer but is afraid of what might happen if I do.
What might happen to me if I allow you in closer how it may change me. If I will let it change me. If the change will be good for me or bad for me.
Everyone tries to change me. I have even changed myself so others will like me.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to not let you change me to not be tempted to become something I haven’t been in a long time, even if she is me anymore to begin with.
Trust your gut. And keep your inner self safe, only person you can trust to be with you for the long haul. :)
PRIVATE ENTRY
17:55 May 09 2023 Times Read: 545
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18:40 May 08 2023 Times Read: 557
Just now woke up. Yea I know it’s the afternoon but I didn’t feel well so I decided to sleep in. I have a lot on my mind that I don’t know how to put into words.
I’m not feeling extremely peopley today.
I’m going to see if I can find a way to express how I feel at the moment but I don’t know because honestly I have been trying to do that since I met you.
When I was out yesterday I picked up a hanging basket of ever bearing strawberry plants.
The alpine strawberry seeds did sprout for me but not very many did.
So far nothing from the bare roots strawberries. So hence the hanging basket purchase. I want strawberries this year dammit. Lol
I’m hoping it warms up here soon I have to do my weekly filter maintenance by rinsing the sponges and especially because of just coming out of winter there is a lot of stuff that got in the pond over winter because I remove the filter so it doesn’t freeze and crack during the winter. The fish are still doing great and the algae is clearing out of the water from treatment. Algae is a good sign the the nitrogen cycle has already started up again while it’s not harmful to the fish I don’t like looking at green pond water it is nice to be able to see them instead of green water. Purely a cosmetic issue.
Well better get my ass in gear. It’s grocery shopping day which I utterly despise but I don’t despise food just the act of having to go out amongst people to get it.
But I don’t wanna! *whines*
I don’t wanna adult today! *stomps feet throwing herself on the ground screaming and crying*
*gets up and brushes herself off and wipes her tears away*
Okay got it out of my system let’s it ‘er done!
I use grocery delivery... grocery pick up is nice too... minimal dealing with people when I don't feel like it. Faster as well... and less likely for the littles to grab and ask for everything in the store.... You can go into a friggin Home Depot with a kid and they will want something... it's like.. what do you want a 2x4? A light bulb?
Don’t I know it. Lol
During the pandemic I did online shopping and pick up. Maybe I should do that again. The only thing I don’t like about that is if the store runs out of a certain thing they replace it with something like it if they can but some times the pickies only like certain brands.
PRIVATE ENTRY
03:01 May 02 2023 Times Read: 628
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*sip sip*
21:41 May 01 2023 Times Read: 653
That took way fucking longer than it needed to. That first sip still gets me everytime when it feels like it wakes my black little heart.
Teach me your ways. Lol
That is the funniest damn thing ever. Lol
On another note I’m out of coffee creamer. *pouts*
So reminiscent of the stories my Dad used to tell when he was at work and they would play pranks and jokes on each other constantly. Lol
He was the quiet one but the master mind. That’s what made it so funny that no one ever suspected him especially when it came to playing pranks on the boss. Lol
COMMENTS
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Vampirewitch39
22:22 May 30 2023
-.-
He is an ass.
UnfilteredPoison
23:59 May 30 2023
I swear I just seem to some how attract assholes. *sprays asshole deterrent around her journal and profile and self*
OccultRanger
03:27 May 31 2023
Is it working?
UnfilteredPoison
03:57 May 31 2023
I don’t know seems like a pretty bad infestation of assholes might have to call an asshole exterminator. ;)