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I can still smell the salt of the water. I can still feel the way that, sitting on the water with no floor, fully dry, the heart of the ocean, it's damp embrace, would caress our skin.



I remember the light blue and silver nights and the days when the heart of the Draed cities burned so brightly, it was as if one could see the two suns burning. One was that of nature, that which united us all. And the other was our creation, made of gifts called darkness.



I remember the noise in the air, the sounds of life mingling with the vibration of the energy that made home in the sanctuary, a life of it's own like the clublife thumpa thumpa.



I remember the sanctity, the way that rank dissolved, the way that everyone from newkin to Priestess-Commander became Narosai, protected, loved--with no other words polluting the meaning.



I remember thinking that the silence and noise of the sanctuary, in all their eternal and majestic glory, would always be truest home. And it is partly true, the greatest peace lives forever in the love of that place, but order in itself is not the greatest good, and blessed silence cannot live without chaos.



And how it all changed, how I of all people came to learn--it seems so simple and yet, so impossible, something that must be a dream, and yet, I remember it as I remember every other element of that singular day and that immortal place.



We sat, face to face, legs crossed, on the barrier. Wings pranic and drawing, veins out to the world, we fed on the serenity. Eyes down and hearts full we read into the universe.



And then you looked up. And I knew, because I'd done the same, in the same instant. The world around went tranquil as the noise of the Truth went white. And in that moment, out of time, all dissolved into the single living heartbeat of two souls, outside of time, entwined. Thought stood mute.



A brush of skin

energy pure white,

spirit filled the sleepless night .

Souls of monsters

Chaos bound

In peace the loudest sound resounds.

Balance forged

And promise made

The word to fill forever days

Single whisper

Crafted forever

When souls of the chosen kiss.

You ask so often, why I can't say, why I can't give what you want, what I long to give. I've tried to explain, tried to help you see, but it seems the words can't hit you, not when they're from me.



But how could I corrupt

The purest among the pure

And how could I take

From that which I protect

And how could I prevent

Your pain if I'm the cause of it

Like Beatrice to Dante we are both

Much better served

Without me at your side



How could I corrupt

Your heart with infidelity

How could I destroy

Your love with the lies in me

How could I drain

The soul that's so kind to me

In effort of love and protection

That will end

In pain or duty

Despite my heartfelt love



In the night I will shelter you.

In the day I will show you beauty.

In your pain I will comfort you.

And in your rage I will seek vengeance.



But if you ask me one more time to love you, the love I have will tear me apart in the fight between my wants and your good. In the words of an alright singer and a terrible dancer, dearest, "you deserve better than me."