PhoenicianDream's Journal

PhoenicianDream's Journal


Honor: 30    [ Give / Take ]


6 entries this month

07:50 Dec 07 2021
Times Read: 76

There's some crazy shit going on in my head right now. I had a couple of odd dreams last night. The first one seemed to be manifested by all of my current work stress.

The second one was less fun. I watched myself die slowly and agonizingly from a very specific medical condition. The condition was caused by another person, but in such a way it was meant to look like natural causes. I must have pissed off the wrong people.

I was intrigued enough to look up the medical condition after I woke up. It was odd reading about the symptoms I suffered in my dream. With it not being something I'm familiar with I just wonder if I heard about it in passing on a show or something and my brain stashed it away.

I wonder what gems my brain has in store for me tonight. I certainly don't seem to be doing myself any favors by having The Power of the Dog on TV while I clean. Benedict Cumberbatch seems a bit creepy in this one so far. Also, I never thought I'd see that much of his naked body.




Fifth time is a charm?

18:50 Dec 05 2021
Times Read: 119

So, my ex husband is getting married again sometime this month. I think when he told me he expected some kind of reaction out of me. I'm proud of myself for holding back an unholy amount of digs.

I think all be got out of me was a 'good for you' and 'I hope you guys are happy'. We've been divorced less than two years, and I think if the divorce actually cost him anything maybe he might not be so fast to remarry. Lucky for me I got to pay for the divorce. If I hadn't, we'd still be married.

My only regret with his decision is his inability to include his daughter. He said he wanted her there. I even offered to let her miss school to be included in his wedding. The only stipulation was that he fly out to get her and fly her back, but he couldn't be bothered to do that. I guess he didn't really want her there after all. I know what people are thinking, meet him in the middle. I'm not in a position to make that effort, either financially or with my time. He's to blame for me being in that position, so while I'd like to feel bad for him I don't. I feel bad for our kid who is missing out on things yet again due to his lack of effort.

Anyway, I digress. Hopefully he'll finally be happy. For someone who has sworn repeatedly he doesn't want to be married and he'll never get married again he must not mean it to be working on wife number five. Maybe he's finally found someone adept at dealing with him. Good for her.

His fiancé sent me a friend request, maybe if they're still together in 2023 I'll accept.



02:41 Dec 06 2021

Kudos to you, it's not easy being a single parent, and sometimes it's just best if they aren't in their lives. It's better to keep a child where they are always loved than to ship them off where they will be miserable and ignored. I hope the best for you and please hang in there, the reward is always seeing the smile on their face because you are always there.



09:14 Dec 05 2021
Times Read: 144

We're not going to discuss how long it took me to add the song to my profile. Clearly it's been forever and a day since I've done something like that.

Probably over a decade at this point.




When you find someone who feels like home.

23:10 Dec 04 2021
Times Read: 171

He's so far away. I haven't seen him in so long.

It's still so foreign to have someone who actually cares about me. Previously I spent so many years wasting my time with people who were happy when they were getting what they wanted from me, and they made me absolutely miserable when they didn't get what they wanted.

He seems to genuinely care. He likes being around me. He seems to enjoy doing things that make me happy. I'm a different person when I'm around him. Everyone tells me how happy he makes me. I guess it's really noticeable. It seems like we're super compatible. We've been good friends for years. Talking with him has always made me happy.

He's seen me on some of my shitty days and he's still here. It's so different having someone who's supportive when the darkness is consuming me. He's so compassionate and loving. He's been here when I've been horribly sick and he took care of me. He calls me beautiful. I'm convinced he believes it. Even on the days when I feel so hideous I could claw my face off. He doesn't look at me and see the monster that I see. He's the only person I can be around and truly be myself without worrying about being judged.

It's a very fierce, consuming, and passionate kind of love. His heart has always belonged to me, and it always will.



19:02 Dec 05 2021

I know this feeling it awesome and it sounds like you found a true love very nice good feeling I love that others can be happy.


09:52 Dec 03 2021
Times Read: 189

This insomnia is a bitch. I can't go to sleep until I'm exhausted.





06:14 Dec 02 2021
Times Read: 207

I'm enjoying their sound.


I'd embed or hyper link it but I haven't done that in years. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe someday if I ever find time I'll refresh myself on doing that shiz again.

Looks like he's a gamer that makes music? I don't know. I'm so out of it. Guess I should ask my kid. She might know.



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