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Irony's Journal


Irony's Journal

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3 entries this month

 

Weather Magic - To summon the winds

09:29 Nov 30 2007
Times Read: 1,045


For this you will need the floatiest and loosest fitting silk skirt and no underwear. For men, a kilt is a good alternative. You can opt to have a new and complicated hairstyle as well to add potency to the spell.



I discovered this spell when I was a student. Since that fateful day, I have never neglected to wear underwear while out. That said, the drivers of the taxi rank next to me had no complaints of the impromptu tribute to Marylin Monroe that they were treated to that morning.


COMMENTS

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Weather Magic - To bring the rain

09:29 Nov 30 2007
Times Read: 1,046


For this spell you will need light clothing and unsuitable shoes. This will be sufficient for a good rainfall. To make it heavier, ensure that you are away for a night somewhere new and take no change of clothing. For thunderstorms, you may wish to add a new hairstyle and make plans to go out socially that evening.



Note that the more imperative it is that you stay dry, the heavier the rainfall will be. I discovered this spell while visiting Gotland. Being 3 hours away from your home and stranded on an island, with 2 hours of sea travel between you and your wardrobe is bad enough. When you factor in having no change of clothing and it being about five minutes after the last shop has closed, you can guarantee that the heavens will open.


COMMENTS

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Weather Magic - To bring the sun

09:28 Nov 30 2007
Times Read: 1,047


For this spell you will need a car and a bar of chocolate. This will be sufficient for light sun activity. If you wish to bring about a heatwave, however, you will require a pair of white pants and an optional heavy coat in addition.



For gentle to moderate sun, take the chocolate bar and place it on the dash of the car. Then you may leave the car.



For moderate to heavy sun, take the chocolate bar, open it and leave a piece of it on the seat.



For sun that will melt tarmac and cause people to keel over from sunstroke, you must wear white pants before placing the chocolate on the seat. A heavy coat and maybe even an umbrella will ensure great success with this spell.



I suspect that this spell could cause trees to spontaneously combust if a bride tried it on her wedding day. Melted chocolate in combination with a wedding dress would be way too much for a schadenfreude fuelled universe to resist.


COMMENTS

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