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Im not quite certain if its a bad habit or a gift, but I have this way of viewing anything with my eyes...



What I see is not exactly what most obvious vision gives off with its louder details. My eyes have a way of seeing deeper niceties that many would never even see at first, second or ever.



Take today for instance, I was driving a normal route to work as I do every morning, passing by the same houses, same buildings, car after car, yellow dotted line to a straight..etc..



When I reached the first stoplight as it turned red on me (always when im fuckin late that is). I glanced over to the right and next to me was a truck with its own driver waiting as well...



I never took the time to even look at his profile face, nor even the color of his truck, whether or not he was even wearing a t-shirt..or long sleeve. But what I do recall is his left hand that was tapping at his steering wheel.



Doesnt really seem that interesting, just an hand, five fingers connected to a wrist, moving as though he were listening to some sort of beat to his radio...



As I said..I never saw his face...but I could tell he wasnt real young, nor real old. It was distiguished...made him seem as though he was most likely 45-55 years old. His nails were not manicured but more rug gad..probably years of working in a factory or around machinery. The skin itself wasnt dark tanned or tight, soft and new...no it was paler, the blue veins could be seen in a thinner more worked skin, even a few extra lines of creases could be seen. Upon his ring finger was a simple gold band, nothing fancy with diamonds, but just a thick gold that didnt sparkle even slightly dull.



At that moment I felt my heartache and the words that came to my mind were.."you lucky bastard" Not because he could afford a truck not even because he had money to buy a ring...



When I finally tore my eyes away from it as though it was the most saddest thing I have ever saw, I glanced down at my own left hand...empty, no gold ring, not even one that had a diamond. All that was seen was the permenant indent of one that used to be there....



It never goes away, for months after the judge hit the gavel and I was left with nothing I forced myself to take them off, hide them away, never look at them again, but the indent still stays, its like I cant run away from it...the reminder is always there of what I once had. Something I was a part of that I never wanted to end....



but it did...and there was nothing I could do...



I lost so much and I gained nothing...but terror, pain, and hate....



That man that was sitting next to me, got to keep his dream...he managed to overcome the ripples of problems and trials. He sat not more than 10 feet from me..and he made it, the years were defined in his left hand that tapped....



The light finally turned green...he moved forward to his destination, while I had to turn left...as though I was prohibited, forced to go another way that day...and everyday....



"that lucky bastard"