it was nice while it lasted huh?
Set at 10:41 on September 11, 2009
just saying :)
Have you ever worn a mask??
Every minute of every day.
And not a physical mask.. an emotional one.. a spiritual one, if you will. Not to hide my eyes, but to hide my very being. To hide what lies beneath. Beneath the facade of the happy-go-lucky woman, lies whats left of a broken girl.
I have been beaten down, broken, busted, and left for dead... more times than I care to remember.
And for that very reason.. I have built a wall.
A wall I have no intention of letting any one over.
There are those that I have let slip through the hidden door, those I love and who have proven themselves worthy of my affection. But those numbers are small, and don't kid yourself, my standards are harsh, your chances are slim.
I am not, what could be deemed, a happy person. I have my moments, but more often than not, what is seen as happiness, is yet another version of the mask. And rest assured, I have many masks, many versions, many applications. The idea that you might get to know the real me... is ridiculous.
Throughout my life, there have been many dark moments, some, I wasn't so sure I would make it out of, or live through to be honest.
There were times, when I didn't WANT to make it through them. Sometimes, I still don't. Most times, I wish I hadn't.
Someday, I will step into the boat, and make my trek across the river Styx, and it will be a day of my choosing. Not someone else's. Not fate's. Not destiny's. Mine.
I have said in the past, that when I decide to hate you, its forever. There have been times when I have eaten those words. Choked them down with a healthy dose of crow. But that doesnt happen often, and its been a LONG times since it has.
I have said before, that I welcome death, and await its sweet release. Some things never change. And just as before, I have NOT the nerve, to give myself what I want so badly
I am, a simply complex person. I don't ask for much, and I tend to give much more than given.
When I decide that you are my friend, I will stand beside you until the very end, or you prove me wrong.
Some things, are better left unsaid. Some apologies, are so transparent, they are a waste of time and energy, yours and mine. Some times, the best thing to do, is to keep your mouth shut.
given to me by my fellow ACM, Teradin.
Thank You, Dearest :)
my st pattys day mushroom stamp, from StikkiDood lol
ya GOTTA love David Caruso!!
omg and Hugh Laurie !!!!
|Member Since: ||May 16, 2007
|Last Login: ||Aug 24, 2011|
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