My love is all I need
This profile belongs to "Cartomancer" as of November 9, 2015- due to the passing of Liebe/Sahahria. I'm not going to change the profile name here. I like it just as it is :) Keep in mind all journal entries made prior to this date are hers- much of the reason why I have decided not to make a name change (as it would delete all the wonderful entries made here). The avatar was made by Liebe/Sahahria from a picture of my eye- made for my initial profile created for The Coven of Debauchery, many years ago.
This was her profile:
The nature of the explosion that produced Cassiopeia A has been an enigma. Although radio, optical and x-ray observations of the remnant indicate that it was a powerful event, the visual brightness of the outburst was much less than a normal supernova. Apparently Cas A was produced by the explosion of an unusual massive star that had previously ejected most of its outer layers.
Importance of Supernova
The study of remnants of exploded stars, or supernovae, is essential for our understanding of the origin of life on Earth. The cloud of gas and dust that collapsed to form the sun, Earth and other planets was composed mostly of hydrogen and helium, with a small amount of heavier elements such as carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and iron. The only place where these and other heavy elements necessary for life are made, is deep in the interior of a massive star. There they remain until a catastrophic explosion spreads them throughout space.
Supernovae are the creative flashes that renew the galaxy. They seed the interstellar gas with heavy elements, heat it with the energy of their radiation, stir it up with the force of their blast waves and cause new stars to form. Taken from NASA
We are of the ethereal make up of stars, manifested in physical form. Through the means of the divine we have exploded forth.color>
All of these are me, neither dark nor light. Both reside within. Mutually consuming and supporting this adequately explains my view on what we are. There is no light without darkness. In the absence of darkness there is nothing. Will your actions follow your words? That to me is the greatest challenge, integrity.
Those who hear me, see me.
If you do not, you will not.
I am light, but within my light I have found a seed of darkness. Perhaps this is why I have been attracted to the occult and less talked about paths since my childhood. While I am not able to be other than what I am, my drive to learn more and understand propels me forward into a chaotic state of being.
I have no choice. I must see and understand both sides to understand myself.
The root of good is evil, just as the root of evil lies in good.
How much will you embrace the darkness before you realize it twists and distorts you? Or will you welcome the twisting and learn from its beauty? Here lies the true balance.
You may not stand in the cross roads unless you intend to be something other than what you were. Most will die in the attempt, how brave can you be?
In the darkness he envelops my mind
Contorting thoughts beyond my recognition
My body responds
It's release orgasmic
I remember being a young child laying on the grass in what had become my adult home, with my grandfather having him show me the stars. For hours he would point out the constellations, and I was enamoured. It has been over fifteen years since I have been able to see those stars from my front yard. I would rather live where we do not intrude so much on the natural world around us, so I may once again see the stars with my grandfather.
I have always felt close to spirit, I asked to go to church before I should have known what it was. Often during services I naturally meditated, seeing colours and patterns that I reveal in when I am able to duplicate them as an adult. Then communion was simple, there were not other things getting in my way; namely myself, my ego, my desires. I lived for that communion, as it lit my way, comforted me in the dark, and enveloped me from the ridicule and belittlement others attempted to impose. Now these impositions are self inflicted from the ideals of a faith that as I grew, could not contain the spirit I commune with. I left church sixteen years ago loving that part of me, yet knowing that I could not limit the spirit to the boundaries they would have me impose. Questions plague my dreams, answers are found as I wake. There are times I feel I should not be here, and then I am distracted by something else I must do.
Darkness has called me to it for as long as I can remember. When I was little my reaction to that which some call evil, was similar to putting two magnets of the same polarity together, resulting in a buffer zone where the two sides may not touch. This reaction created anxiety for me, and physical ill symptoms, yet I was enthralled. I secretly studied the occult books in my church, and even with the support of my teachers/ministers, went to churches of all different denominations and faiths. There still is a thirst to know, understand what it is that I feel. Darkness while it used to rebound me, now seems ready… no I am ready to see why I was forced into a path of light, when I have longed to remain hidden.
The spirit stirs, there is much change that will be done. Do not try to understand my ideal of God. God/spirit is to me. I see the aspects of this enigma in all religions, even those I do not agree with. In stating that, I do not feel that our position is to judge how this spirit makes itself known. Considering we are only able to see from our perception, we miss much of what this entity includes. Perhaps one-day science will find how we connect with spirit, but until that day arrives, I take it as I feel it. Perhaps this is why I find intimacy difficult. I have been intimate with spirit so long, that any encounter less than that experience leaves me in want. These ideas are not to be proven, agreed upon or viewed as anything more than my potential delusion of comfort and security.
I am terrified of storms; during them I feel chaos and fear. Uncertainty of what is next, the sheer raw power. In those moments, I have always wanted a calm force to my internal terror, one who is not afraid. I sleep better on nights when there are storms. In the some manner, they terrorize me; in others they lull me to sleep. Always contradictory balance.
Since being a young child, I have needed trees around me. When I have had the most traumatic times in my life, the woods have nurtured me back to a stable frame of mind. Placing my back to a tree or climbing it often brought me much solace. These moments of peace also leave me with a vision without us: the world minus our pollution and destruction, being able to see the unnaturalness of man. Those moments scare me, to be the killer of what should be instead of what is. For a brief moment I wonder what we would do should we step back?
The crossroads approach, and we will either go back into darkness or we shall evolve and move forward, past our nature as it is now into what we were created to become.
|Member Since:||Sep 03, 2006|
|Last Login:||May 22, 2021|
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