Black On Black
Her whole life was cast in shadow,
she always took second best,
power was what she craved for,
but it was out of reach,
so she called a demon of the night,
and took the black power summoned to flight.
Painting her nails with blood,
dressing in the colour of death,
she worships the night,
dancing on the threshold of evil,
harnessing the power of fire,
she licks her lips, tasting blood of desire. . .
Written by A.J. Walker in Night World Poetry
Added some new pictures of my daughter. Still just as cubby and smiling big as ever. Hopefully I'll have some new pictures of myself soon too.
Currently, my life isn't the most exciting in the world to describe to someone, but I am very content. I currently work full-time, I'm a full-time student and I'm a single parent of a beautiful little girl, Sabrina. Other than that, I don't really do much, mostly because I don't have time. Some interest I have though are going to Rennaissance Faires, local music (we have a strong support in my town), and I read. I've been getting out more often as of late since my daughter is getting older. I am currently striving for my Associates in Business to eventually get my Bachelor's and Master's in Accounting.
I have very set goals in my life. Once I get my masters from WMU, I plan on moving back down to Kentucky and work down there for the bank I currently work for, although my current position is much more lowly. If I work hard enough, I would like to become a CFO some day of a major corporation. I dream high so that way I always have something to work towards.
I'd hate to say it, but that's it. Probably sounds boring to most, but I can honestly say I'm happy. I don't remember that last time I could say that, but I couldn't ask for more. I'm a very lucky person. I have a loving family and a healthy and beautiful little girl. I know not to take anything for granted and I hope to bestow some of these qualities to my little girl. It's amazing watching your child grow up, and the thrill of watching a child roll over is more than I ever thought possible. Already at 14 months she talks up a storm (mostly babble) and has been walking for 3 months already. She's can run when she doesn't nose dive, but gets right back up to try it again.
Now for a survey, since this seems to be the easiest way. I know, it's cheating. Oh, well...
What is your name?: Megan
How old are you?: 21
When is your Birthday?: 9/10
What is your zodiac sign?: Virgo
Where were you born?: Kentucky
Where do you live now?: Kalamazoo, MI
What color are your eyes?: Hazel/green
What color is your hair?: naturally, dirty blonde, now its red, I chopped my hair about 6 months ago to give to charity so I hope to have new pics up
How tall are you?: 5'7"
How much do you weigh? (Be Honest Ladies): I'm told i look 130, but reality is 144 (pre-pregnancy) lol, but reality is 175 right and continually dropping (yeah me for exercise and a healthy diet!)
What is your race?: white
What is your worst fear?: having something happen to my daughter
Do you smoke?: no
Do you drink?: sometimes
Do you cuss?: yes, although I'm much better about not cussing around children
Do you use drugs?: not anymore
Have you or will you ever steal?: yes, its just too easy to do as a kid
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?: I was always taught that a liar is the worse thing a person can be because that means you can never trust them
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?: can't sing and have no rhythm but I'd like to learn the drums and I can play the flute (if I can remember from school)
Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings?: piercings: ears triple, belly button, cartiledge, nipples need to get redone when I get the money and courage...
tatoos to come: undecided if any right now
If you had a favorite serial killer who would it be?: Jack the Ripper
Do you suffer from depression disorder?: yes, sometimes, but I get over it; there are more important things
If you had a choice about how you wanted to die what would it be?: I wouldn't want to choose, it'd ruin the surprise
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?: No
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else?: yes
What subculture do you belong too?: ?
Are you evil?: a little bit
Do you believe that you can be possesed?: yes
Are you a paranoid?: Can be
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?: no, but I've been envious quite often
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?: I try not to be
Are you a violent person?: no, not any more
Do you take your anger out on other people?: Sometimes
Do you blame other people for your mistakes?: I try not too
What is your favorite game?: the FF series
What is your favorite movie?: Nightmare Before Christmas... or Ninja Scroll... or any cheezy horror
Who is your favorite band?: I have several, I love Celldweller, Nirvana, The Doors, Janis Joplin, The Ramones
What is your favorite song?: Good question... probably... When You're Strange... and this will probably be different tomorrow
What kind of books do you read?: Everything!!!!
What is your favorite color?: Black, red, green
What is your favorite food?: Any seafood but fish, and a nice juicy red steak
What is your favorite drink?: Wine
Do you skateboard?: no, but it'd be fun to learn
Do you watch wrestling?: On occassion, it can be quite funny
Do you study martial arts?: no, but I would like to someday
Do you own a pair of converse?: no
Do you own a pair of dickies?: yes
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else?: no to self, someone else depends on the circumstances
Are you a virgin?: Um... sure... lol
Are you kinky?: Sometimes
Do you like biting?: love it, especially on the neck and shoulders
Do you watch pornography?: Yes, its quite amusing
Have you ever dyed your hair an unusual color?: not unusual, no
Are you hyper active person?: not usually
Do you like to write poetry?: i love to write, just don't find most of my work noteworthy
Do you like to do your own photography?: no, I don't do much w/ cameras
Do you like modeling and/or acting?: I would like to try it someday
Do you have any self inflicted scars?: yes, little ones
Are you religious?: I have faith
Do you stand for originality and creativity?: I fully believe in being yourself
Do you believe in vampires?: depends on what kind of vampire
Does pain turn you on?: pain... hmmm.... sounds like fun
Do you believe in witchcraft?: Yes and no, depends on what form
Have you ever played a ouija board or used tarrot cards?: I have "played" both quite often
Do you like to rave or go to clubs often?: Rave, definately; clubs I'm a little more picky about. Not so much anymore though.
Do you go to many concerts?: I have yet to go to my first, I know, I'm deprived
Do you like meeting new people and hanging out?: I'm open to meeting new people, and hanging out is always fun
What do you like most about life?: My daughter
What do you dislike most about life?: Most other people irritate me
Do you believe in love at first fright?: It could happen I suppose, just hasn't w/ me
I figured I'd get rid of the quizzes and instead talk a little bit more about myself and some life experiences I've already been through. I know that may sound shocking at such a young age, but it is true what they say, once you have a child, your whole world changes. Personally, I don't know how I got so lucky.
I found out I was pregnant when I was 19, which was hard. The father was unsupportive so we haven't seen each other since I was 7 months pregnant. Telling my parents was the worst, due to the fact no one in my extended family ever had a child out of wedlock. It was after I came out and told both of my parents that I realized how lucky I was to be so loved. I had a really strong support system from my family, and my sister was even my la maze coach. She did so well the midwife told her so should come back and do it for everyone.
One of the best quotes (even though this isn't a quote because I don't own the book, but it is paraphased) I ever read came to mind. In I KNOW WHY THE CHAGED BIRD SINGS by Maya Angelou, the main character found out she was pregnant while still in high school. When finally discussed with her mother, her mom asked her if she loved the father. She answered no. Did the father love her? No again. Then why make three miserable lives by forces the two together, when everyone can be so much happier just being apart.
I never understood as well as when I was actually put in the situation. My very first piece of advice is never stay with someone unless they truly make you complete, no matter the outstanding circumstances.
Some wonderful lessons my daughter has taught me is how wonderful it truly is to be sober. I was having trouble with drinking before my pregnancy. The world truly is a beautiful place, sometimes it just takes a moment of clarity to be able to see it.
Another previous fault is patience. You know you hear so many of the traditional sayings, and you think you may know their complete meanings, but you normally don't. I know what it's like to stop and smell the roses now, and the fragrance is irreplacable.
The most important lesson of all is the love my daughter taught me. Everytime she sees me, a huge smile and/or laugh always comes across her face. It was hard to believe anyone would ever be happy just to see me. Even more so when I changed her diaper (that's when I got my first smile from her). I don't harbor one ounce of hate, disappointment, or anger regarding the situation like some women might. My beautiful angel has been the most rewarding experience in my life, and she's still so young. I know things will change as she ages, but I'll never forget the simple pleasures she gives me now.
The only thing that saddens me is the fact her father hasn't even seen her. I don't mind so much the things he says to me, I can brush them off. As of late, the conversation has ceased between us completely. How do you tell a child their father doesn't want to know them or see them? My advice to any man out there is to love and charish any child that is your own. Every moment you waste is one that you will never get back. You don't want to lose them all forever.
There's my heart to heart with everyone. What's the point in learning the lesson if you don't share what you learned with everyone you can? Hopefully this didn't get too wordy, I can't tell from the editing screen.
Something I wanted to add is that I have a bunch of pictures of my daughter posted in my portfolio so you can see what a doll she is. I love her so much. I wanted to apologize for the long read, hope it was somewhat interesting.