Not only do I feel ya, I Necrophilia.
Set at 03:55 on December 22, 2015
Most homes would welcome you. How can we truly know a person based on their profile? Scribble a heap of inane dribble. Scrolling onward and into the night. We rate, message, then roam across the Vampire Rave World.
I lurk more than I should. That's right, I want to avoid you. Knock, knock, I'm not here.
I'm your typical Northerner. Open about most, except hate. If you come to me baring views of not accepting human kindness for any reason, I will block you. Yes, it does indeed get on my nerves. Hailing from a place that is so vast ethnicity that one wouldn't even notice what different was, I expect you to hold that respect with me.
"I have no religion. But culturally I can't escape it; I'm very Jewish."- Sarah Silverman
"...I'd always felt like a goat living among sheep; until I got to New York it had never occurred to me that there could be another place filled with other goats." - Sarah Silverman
"Bardo: Why are you such an asshole?
Marvin Bushmiller: Now that's a great question. No, really. It really is. I am an asshole because... that is my true nature. Maybe it's everybody's true nature. Every single one of you looks like a fuckin' asshole to me, but... who knows? The difference between you and me is that I have gained the freedom to express my true nature. And what could be more beautiful than truth and freedom? " - Art School Confidential
I wanted to take a different approach. The people who love to hate you. Below I will have a few scroll boxes based on conversations from the past. You can get the gist of what sort of person I am from them.
A message sent to me by a friend after high school-
Alright, Let's set things straight
1. I do not dig facebook drama. I don’t do that. I don’t have the energy to have a catty girl fight like it’s third grade and none of us are adults. You have all your internet friends reading that post and that’s not cool. You also put Nora’s name in your journal for anyone to find her and that’s seriously, I don’t have words for that. If you have a problem with me. You know my number or my email. Or hey, Facebook has a pretty handy messaging system.
2. Don’t jump to conclusions. I don’t go anywhere with anyone. I haven’t seen Nora or Asma since June. I haven’t seen them, or you, or anyone since THE LAST DAY OF CLASSES. You’re acting like I’m sneaking around hanging out without saying anything. I’m not a person to go out. I’m not a social butterfly, if I’m not hanging or chatting with you, I’m not chatting or hanging out with anyone. I agreed to hang out then BECAUSE I missed Nora’s birthday party and I felt bad. I’m busy with school and I travel two hours to get to class everyday. I come home at 10 pm and I have classes five days a week. I don’t have much free time.
3. If you have issues with Nora, tell me, how would it make sense/be okay for me or Asma to invite you to places to where Nora is going to be? Asma, Nora and I are friends. We go places with each other; I don’t invite them, they invite me. I’ve been crazy busy and I haven’t been able to go anywhere so it’s been Asma and Nora meeting up together and chilling without me.
4. Just because you have conflict with Nora doesn’t mean I’m going to drop her like a fly and be loyal to you or something. I respect her too much to drop her just because you say this and that or drop you because she says this or that. Look, I’m neutral. Keep your conflict with her, with her. I really don’t care about the battle going on. I had my grief with Nora and I respected her enough and was man enough to go up to her and tell her exactly what I felt was going on. I was able to have a discussion and we worked things out. It wasn’t hard.
5. I know and you know that she didn’t call you a whore in a malicious way. Nora isn’t a malicious person. Even after all this crazy shit, she hasn’t said one bad thing about you, DESPITE you saying all this shit about her. I’ve been really really patient through out this all and my patience is worn. This isn’t high school. You’ll probably never see Nora again. Move on with your life, rise above and beyond something petty like this. This is not worth the dirt on the floor to drag on and on; I’m sick of it and I’m done with it.
Go ahead and block and unadd me, and asma and whoever. You have the freedom to free yourself of all this high school bullshit. I learned very young that even good friends grow apart when things change. Sometimes that’s for the better.
If you wanna be an attention whore, then go ahead. No one really cares if you're friends with us or not. You're being immature and really, Rose, I don't care...? If you want to seem cool to your internet friends by putting up people that you were REAL LIFE friends with's names on the internet for anyone in the world to see, then go right ahead. I hope it makes you happy and I hope you feel good about yourself later on.
No hard feelings when you decide to end this. I'll be here when you decide to be an adult.
It's not that I wanted to get off the phone to use my computer, It's that I wanted to get off because I didn't want to talk to you )): Good on you being "Best friends" with a major creeper.
More hate mail about me, for your viewing pleasure.
"Righty. I'm sorry for the fact that our... /separation/ as it were, was apparently abrupt. I should have talked to you months before I did it - and actually told you how I was feeling - instead I locked it away and the feeling of displeasure built. That wasn't fair to you, and I'm sorry for that - because you deserved better - you deserved an explanation at the least. I couldn't accept who you were, anymore, and I'm sorry for that - I honestly hope you find someone who succeeds where I failed in that respect. I had wished you'd change, and that felt so WRONG, because you're fine being who you are - but you just weren't my cup of tea. I come to the realisation, months before I ended it, that I didn't know who you were anymore, despite the fact that you hadn't changed. I didn't know how to answer your messages. I didn't know how to talk to you. I wished your views and opinions would change, and become more pleasing to myself - and realised that was wrong of me. So instead of trying to continue hopping along on one leg, floundering for responses, trying to remember what I once liked about you - I decided it was better to move on.
Instead of cheering you on, I let my discontent with a few issues get in the way of trying to... accentuate your happiness - which as a friend, should have been a priority. I'm sorry I... insulted your passion and your dream - I know it hurt. I planned to try and draw myself away from you quietly, gently, and it went completely the opposite way, and I ended up hurting you. I never intended that, because despite the angry things I said - I respect that you were a good friend for years, and I respect the affection I once had. I always intended on apologising - even though I initially refused - because I knew I couldn't do it without the possibility of saying something harsh, and making things worse.
I don't want to... re-connect, and I don't want your forgiveness - I think you deserved the explanation, however, and the apology for hurting you. It wasn't my intention."
One and a half years later by the same person.
When you make a journal entry that includes (and is not limited to) homophobic, derogatory insults, weight and body shaming, name-calling, slut-shaming, ableism, speciesism, attacks on character and life choices...
It's no wonder someone will remove you from a Coven.
No-one in the history of this long and lovely world needs to be surrounded by that amount of negativity.
I don't care who said it, or who it is aimed at, no-one deserves that, no-one needs to be around that, and it's no wonder someone wouldn't want you in a Coven when you're saying things like that.
Neither my CM nor I need that negativity, so I removed them from the Coven in question.
People need to take responsibility for their actions and their words, and own up to the fact that they're using their own beliefs as an "avenue of attack" in claiming everything has got to do with *insert belief/choices here*.
It's like saying "You don't like me because I'm short."
I don't like you because you're being unpleasant.
Being short has nothing to do with it, and did not factor into the decision.
This escalated to two others sharing beloved hate.
It's funny how bitter you are about her so long after your friendship ended. You're still so angry and childish, trying to turn others against her when she never gives you a second thought.
You claimed what happened was because of your religion, and it wasn't. Once no one on VR would believe you and once you were called on it, you moved on to FB. And when I called you on it, you block me.
You are truly pathetic. You fling your insults so venomously, because you have nothing in your life that makes you feel good. It's funny, really. You like to pick apart other relationships people have, when yours is obviously built on nothing but sex.
Believe me, I know you'll read this. I know you'll post about how you're the victim like you have for years. I know will write how funny you find this or how low it is.
You'll continue to spit your venom, because you have nothing else in life. There is nothing in your life that brings joy.
Because you have nothing.
Last of this hate-
I don't do the site drama thing, and I'm not going to do it now...I won't belittle anyone or disrespect them because that's not what I'm about. What I will do is defend myself as I feel very disrespected. Why? Well, I think the fact that my character has essentially been attacked, in an almost but not quite indirectly way, is completely unnecessary. The journal entry that was made is completely false and well...yeah unnecessary. This person was in fact kicked from my coven but I was unaware....why? Well I've been offline due to an illness and testing and appointment after appointment and yeah, I've been busy. I haven't been on except to check messages, and I had no clue this person had been kicked from my coven. I did not kick this member, and when I initially noticed her missing from my list of members I assumed she had grown bored with the coven because I haven't been posting as I've been very sick. I thought that as a sire she chose to leave on her own. I didn't think much of it until I saw her journal entry. Her journal entry is outlandish and false. I do not hate based on religion or any other thing...I don't hate based on things like race, sexual orientation or spiritual beliefs. Why would I or anyone else in my coven kick her for being Jewish when I knew of her religion when I accepted her as a coven member? Her statement is completely false and illogical. The fact remains she was forcefully removed from my coven without my knowledge and I still do not know why. I am waiting for a response from the admin that removed her from the coven but this person has been a close friend and acm of mine for years and years in multiple covens of mine...and honestly I am inclined to trust her judgment...I just hope nothing petty took place while I was away, but I trust her, I believe in her character and I just don't see her being spiteful in that fashion.
Quick addendum/update. Since making this journal entry I've made contact with my assistant, that removed the member in question from my coven, and the reason she gave me was perfectly valid. As I initially stated it had nothing to do with the member's religion. I was correct in standing by my assistant, and trusting her judgment/character. She is an excellent assistant coven master, and always has been. She's a great friend. She had every right to do what she felt was necessary as she was entrusted with the authority to do so, and her decision was not based on something as petty as antisemitism. We are not the type of people, to make judgment calls based on race, religion, sexual orientation or anything of that nature. My assistant coven master is a great person and she made the right call.
Once again, I'm not attacking or belittling or insulting anyone. I haven't shared any details. I've only addressed what was brought to the attention of the public...and what was a lie at that. I had the right to defend my self, my coven, my acm, my friend, and our integrity. We were not in the wrong and the accusation made against us was completely false.
I trust her, my friend/assistant coven master, implicitly.
Comment by OP
Thank you. :)
I figured it was best to remove them - the level of negativity emanating from the member was not merited, at all. It had nothing to do with religion (and I'm literally baffled as to where THAT came from) and everything to do with their attitude towards a great many minorities and ill people, whom they used as a means of insults and degradation.
I'm over reading slurs and hate speech. They wrote something that wasn't okay - and I reprimanded them for it. They knew that removing them from the Coven was on the table, and couldn't help themselves - they had to say something inappropriate, and frankly saddening.
Their character isn't a desirable fit for The Mire. So I removed them. Easy.
From who I'd like to call Daniel Boon...
"I tried handling your poor boundaries and not naming you..
I didn't boot you or ask you to leave you overreacted instead of being accountable for over sharing and being inappropriate. Then blast me in Mayhem.. Where I'm called a bitch, drama queen and whore.. Classy.. Btw I never gave a crap bout who was an admin in that group and never said she was reason I'm not there..
That's just dellusional.. I never said that...
Yes you have serious issues.. Other people have traumatic history as well.. You have NO IDEA what I went through.. The things you talk about pale in comparison...
Diff between you and those of us who are functional and don't over share..
Is we don't let being a victim become our identity! You thrive on it because you have a borderline personality and narrow paradigm/narcissistic..
You only see things from your point of view which partly has to due with age and maturity..
I've tried being supportive to you and empathetic..
Sad you overreacted this way and put my name on blast.
I specifically didn't use your name cuz I have integrity!!!!
So many people that we've had as a mutual friends that you think are your friends say things about you and think you're weird & pathetic..
If you really have had treatment since 4, you need to try something diff, it's obviously not working..
Try EMDR therapy and consider medication, it's not evil, it can help restore the brain chemistry in the brain that was interrupted in development during the childhood trauma..
Sadly for you I could have tried to help you since it's my profession.. But you seem to think you have all the answers you need so ..
Good luck in life.."
Here lies an edited letter by a spider:
Im getting the idea. I never thought you were stupid. I never said you were. I have ALWAYS understood your position in the middle and I have not envy'd you your place. I have pulled you in at times, something I should never have done. My post was NOT about you. I see how that was read as I scanned through the journals the other night before leaving. You can chose to believe me or not.. the decision is yours.. but I have and will always consider you my friend and one of my favorite people in the state of ** and on this earth. You are an individual, with a great mind and thoughts of her own. You dont let others dictate your life, your relationships, etc. and I applaud that. You are truly one of a kind and if our friendship is broken I am truly sorry for any part I played. I wanted to message you and tell you that MY leaving and *** leaving has nothing to do with ***or *** or You or *** or Anyone on VR other than the ***** themselves and ****. I have ALWAYS spoken my mind, I have never censored myself for others benefits (yes this can be construed as selfish, ok, so Im selfish, I admit it) but Im 40 and its harder for me to change.
I adore you *****, have since the day we met. I hope that our last days as friends are not upon us. You and **** are in my heart and I send you kisses, even if you dodge them. I was going to ask you to take over the Coven. I will pop in now and then, but not daily, maybe once a week. **** doesnt want the profile but you can have it if you like, he paid for it anyway. Let me know.
You do what is best for you.
To those of you who dare leave a message, here are my thoughts:
Nothing about this is sad- it's pretty laughable.
Want to leave an mindless insult? I seriously wouldn't type like that, if I were you. Only a dolt like yourself, wouldn't know where to find grammar, even if it bit you in the butt.
Please, stop leaving the moronic ellipsis in your sentences. Three is enough; whole lines of that in your sentence structure is ridiculous. Also, there is a difference between the word, "your" and "you're". The word, "you're" means, "you are". Lastly, learn when one sentence ends and another begins. Maybe everyone else will be able to understand you better.
Take your feeble attempts of taunting and go back to grade school.
I never said I was tough. I'm simply reminding you that I'm educated and even you, too, can be educated if you tried hard enough.
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