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TwilightZero



Limbus Patrum (Coven)

Vampire Rave member for 17 years.

Status:  Scamp (26.92)
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Affiliation:  Limbus Patrum (Coven)
Account Type:  Regular
Gender:  Male
Birthdate:  Hidden
Age:  Hidden
Location: 

Georgia (USA)




Journal


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Quote:

In these 24 hours we stretched into a room filled with








A deep poetic romantic. nothing more, nothing less. if you want to look deeper into the void that is my heart and soul, check out my live jurnal.



(Intrests)

intrests in alph order:(150 and growing)
3 inches of blood, 36crazy fists, 80's, 90's, afi, agnostic, all that remains, alternative, anarche, anger, anime, antheorum, anthrax, arch enemy, art rock, as i lay dying, atheism, atreyu, avenged sevenfold, badness, beauty, black and white dreams, black zodiac, bleeding through, blood, blood has been shed, brain washing, british, childern of bodom, chimaira, classic movies, classical music, cloud, color dreams, controll, cradle of filth, damageplan, death by thought, death metal, deftones, deicide, demon hunter, depression, devildriver, dimmu borgir, dir en gray, dispare, drawing, drowning pool, eclips, eighteen visions, empethy, estuary, every time i die, evil, experimental, fear factory, flaw, garage, god forbid, godsmack, greatfull dead, hard rock, hate, hatebreed, him & her, himsa, in flames, indie, j rock, killswitch engage, korn, lamb of god, life, love, lucrid dreams, machine head, manga, marilyn manson, martyr a.d., mastodon, megadeath, mellon collie, metal, mind controll, mind power, moon, motografer, murderdolls, mushroom head, new wave, nintindo, nirvana, nucure, nutrality, painting, para-normal, perfect circle, photography, plays, poetry, poision the well, probot, ps2, psychology, punk, puritins, radio head, rage against the machine, revenge, role play, romantics, russian, sadness, satyricon, scythe, shadows fall, silent films, silver chair, slayer, sleep, slipknot, smashing pumpkins, soil, soulfly, starlight, static x, strapping young lad, suicide, sunsets, superjoint ritual, sworn enemy, system of a down, telephethly, the agony scene, the black dahlia murder, the dillinger escape plan, the distillers, theropy, transeldentalism, trivium, twelve tribes, twilight, twisted, undead, unearth, ventage, void, war tactics, zodiac.



(Religion)

my religional preferance (story i wrote to explain)
So, I felt very obtuse, because I started thinking that every thing I operated on was based upon what I believed god was telling me to do. But that could be my intuition or what ever, but I always assumed, I assumed that the voice I hear is the voice of god. Then I started thinking, what if I’m insane? So I’m operating on the promises that I’m hearing the voice of god, or what I perceive god to be speaking to me or through me, but maybe I’m completely insane. So all my pat demagogy in that me thinking that my life has importance, and my thought of it on the fact that I believe I’m following my intuition. Which in it self may be completely false, so then I started freaking out. And in the end there’s this totally insane creature that believes he is acting upon heavenly intuition, but mean while, he’s totally ramp it. So then I started thinking, maybe this is the cause of all the negativity. So I try thinking for my self, trying to cure my madness. And upon doing so, I realized that…that… that I’m better off with out him, the voice of god, speaking through me and or to me. I found that I was in fact insane, and for a brief moment, in my insanity, I was addicted. Addicted to this feeling of supposedly serving gods word, and his will. Which in it self was the cause of the madness, and the delusions of my thinking that my life had importance. It was me doing, saying, believing, and acting as if it was the voice of god. This was, upon thinking for my self that I discovered in that moment of brief solitude, the reason I was addicted. Addicted to his voice, that was being believed to have been projected from some where beyond and unimaginative. Being addicted to the thought that I was mint to do something with my life, the feeling that my life had importance. And upon having these feelings that I spared my life, my thought of being able to hear the voice of god, which in it self was a manifestation of a part of me. A part of me that saved my life, but also is the reason for my insanity. So, it’s a never ending cycle, of obeying a part or extension of my self that believes it self to be so great that it acts as if a god to convince it self to stay alive. A god, creator of all living things, that lives inside me, that I made, keeps me a live. So in a since, I created a god in my self to speak through me, and to instill a since of self worth, to keep my self a live. For to live life is to live for god, which is ultimately my self.



(my characters story)

Entering life like cold enters the body after death, he breaths in the old air around him. The tower keep tolls the bell at the end of every hour, replacing the old and bestowing a new upon all who hear the empty toll of the bell. Sentenced to a life of hard ship and deprivation. his heart grows cold, angry even. His soul begins to run ramp it. People notice changes in him, his eyes, and his aura. Once pale blue portals to the soul are now pitch black, like that which it represents. Now dead on the inside, he releases him self from the shackles and chains of his creators, and lets none be the wiser. Six months has passed, and no one has found his parents yet. He has long been gone form his prison. Living off the forest creatures of the day, and man by twilight. At night he sleeps, but his soul rages on. Carrying him through out the night, releasing everyone from there bonds and ties of this world. Each dream leaves him in a different place upon awaking. He is now 17 and he has found some friends, ones like him who are do the same thing. They say he is a natural born, born creature not fit for this world. He accepts the fact, seeing how he cannot fathom why he is this way. They take him under there wing and in a little more than a year, he is on his own. Mastering what his mentors had to offer, soon after, they respected him. Respect turned to fear, fear turned to hate, and hate lead to there deaths. Now 18 and well past his aura's seal limit, unlimited power rests at his fingertips, he just has to grab it. With over 300 souls at his feet by the age of 17 he grows more powerful everyday. Taking more souls and further evolving. His only goal now is universal dominance.



(poetry)

"I woke up this morning and hit my head"by:TwilightZero
Watching her walk away, and seeing her in the back of my mind coming back
This isn’t meant to be, the angles are crying, the angles are singing
I put on her ring one last time before I drop it out the window
Hearing the bitter elegies or the silence, I try to catch the ring
I run out the door, down the stairs. Trying to beat it down
Forcing my way down diving to catch it, finding it has already hit
Hearing the echo’s of foot steps on the cold ground,
Feeling the despair of the singing, looking at the angels tears
Falling down onto me, I feel reborn. Like I can put the pieces together
Scraping up the pieces and taking them back to my room, my heart
Looking at the shard, watching them take the form of an empty wedding dress
Knowing that I will never be complete, knowing all I did was watch
Feeling weightless, spinning, falling into a dream
Seeing the angles singing and crying, hearing there whispers saying it was not to be
Falling out of the dream, hitting my head on the way down.
I get up in search. Looking out the window. Seeing another walk away.
Going after her, I pleading my case for all the jury to see. Knowing I’m wrong
Knowing this is wrong I take her by her hand, giving the broken ring back
Knowing that she will never take me back. The angels start to cry
The angels start to die, there hearts are broken. I pick up the shards
All the values lie in the shapes of shards. All that I valued walked away
The ring broke, I broke, and the heavens cried, and you just walk away
Falling to my knees. Feeling my shadow getting grater as I get closer to the light
All the cracks, all the cracks of my heart. they meet, shattering to pieces
And as I look at the shards, they form a empty soul
That night, the heavens cried, my heart broke, and a soul died
And all you did was walk away................................walked...................................away.


"Yea" by: TwilightZero
In time, all things will be revealed. Knowing what you know now, would you have made the same choices back then? Or would you do it all over again?

Seeing familiar thoughts. Doing familiar sights, they all remind me of you. What we shared, and what we had, old reminders are the only thing that keeps you in my mind.

Always feeling you, but never touching you. It hurts me so. I shed my present and remain open to what the future holds, seeing, doing, feeling, all old reminders

Never escaping, running in a square. The corners cut my heart, and the lines pierce my soul.

In one hundred and eighty days, we did a one eighty, but I’m still going straight, never turning back, I still love you.

Like a new moon, we were full and bright. Full of love, happiness, and light. Now like a new rose, who pick us, we hurt those. Holding us to there nose, we stab there finger.

No, never, not meaning to. We can’t help it, it’s what’s best. Giving all I had, getting nothing, and not getting mad. That’s what it’s all about. You know what I’m talking about.

Loving some one so much, that you’re blind to everything else. Nothing matters. Only them, how they feel, trying to make the best of everything you have for them.

Yea, it’s like that. Yea, I was like that. Yea, I loved that. Yea, now I don’t have that.

Yea....................................


"clear shields" by TwilightZero
everyday i see your picture, but everyday i go without seeing you.
like a mirror, i look into the past to see the present, and it shatters at future views
the pices fall, jagged arround the edges, and smoth inbetween
the outside is translucent , while the inside can never be seen
the light early morning mist, falling upon a closed rose
i bless you with my love, but again you never arose
looking at your eyes, but not seeing in your soul
the lids are shut, for ever sealing memories old
no more experances, stripped of the chance to have fun
going on with my life, only to never hear you say "hun
i love you too, your so wonderful" "well thankyou" i always did try
seeing your picture and knowing im not going to see you, all i can do is cry


"i feel sick" by:TwilightZero
i plage your heart like the cracks cover mine
a slight sliver quickly spreads, plaging which is mine
you linger in my heart like the memories i have for you
seeing you with another will surely be the end of me.
growing brain dead, lacking what is saught
the cracks grow, and shatter. now im sick in my heart
sick of me, sick of you, sick of us, sick of everything i do
i cant go on, feeling sick, and living without you
the longer im sick, the closer it comes to ending
soon i will close my eyes and accept my loss
sheading a single tear, forever and never being near
i tryed for you, i cryed for you, and soon i will have died for you
because of you, im sick in the heart, and im inable to do what i do
trying, crying, and dieing, accepting no cure from you
im going to rose hill and im never comming back
never giving to you that which is due
i to you, my love for you


"The flower in the shoe box” by: TwilightZero
This is the smile you will never see
These are the words you will never hear
And I am the one that will never be with you
I look at you, walk by you, and never look back
I know you; I know what you can do
But my heart is the wiser, it speaks to me
“Go to her, experience love
Then you can die, be free.”

It embraces you like a flower in full bloom
Only seeing one side, beautiful
Suffocate on total bliss
Break the shards of light
Set them up; then shoot them down in mid flight
Falling, falling, falling up, up, up and away
I hope you fall to a better day
And rise to a worsened night

Let the moon radiate through your eyes
Let your soul show through the suns brightness
Tonight, my moon is brighter than my sun
Wide eyed, young, and feeling a little dead
At times you seem to fill my void
But what’s a full void anyway?

Silver sporks and plastic goblets
Black lights and face lifts
Fast, fast, go taxi, go!
No time to save
Only time to waste
Speed checkered shoe box, speed
Oh how I love you so



"Assorted dots of silance" By: TwilightZero
The clock, it is more than just
It spins, ticks, and echoes
Time is a magical drug
Keeping me up and sane

“Hey, hey you”. “What?”
“Nooo”….”I’m not welcome hear?”
It flows off the wall, like liquid fear
Covering your feet, legs, arms and hair
“Hey, hey you, are you there?”

Assorted dots of black and gray
Zoomed in, that’s all they are to you
To see the bigger picture, is to go backwards
Writing down everything you do
Drawing everything you say
Is it just a chance? Or a true romance?

Blackened by day, and loud by night
You’re in your room when your mind takes flight
Seeing everything, doing nothing
Crazy is it not, crazy for not you are
Reality is silent while your mind is busting
Copping with the fussing, and bustling
Your way out is spinning, spinning around
Around a web is silence that only catches you.


"Love is suicide" By: TwilightZero
Do you want to die? I be leave everyone does, its evident in everything they do
It?s suicide, a hug from me to you, a kiss is evil, the root to all evil, its suicide, a kiss from me to you
I give you my time, energy, and attention all for a chance at suicide from i to you, my love for you, lets share a chance at suicide
love is everywhere, I cant get away, its suicide doing things your way,
your going to kill both of us

I to you, a kiss from me to you, its suicide

Please don?t love me, I don?t want to kill me
Within soft pinkness, lies the key, use it now, quick, fast, without hast
Pierce my heart, rip my soul, kill me
Kill me, only me, no one else
You can love no one else
You can kill no one else

Its suicide, to love me............kill me.


"Square Cycle" by: TwilightZero
Lonely, in a crowd of people
Crying, in a crowd of people
Dieing, in a crowd of people
Killing, in a crowd of people
The crowd of people being lonely in me
The crowd of people crying inside me
One by one the crowd of people dieing inside me
Slowly I’m killing the people who crowd me
Sadly, I’m missing the people who once used to crowd me
So I make a new crowd of people in me.
Then I’m back in the crowd of people, crying
Then I’m back in the crowd of people, dieing
Then I’m back.
Back.
Dieing
Crying
Suffering
Killing
The people
Who are inside me
No medication, none needed
Feeling them crowding my head
One by one, taking up more space as I kill them
Missing them, I make more, kill them too, and replace them
It’s a cycle. On and on and on and on
How do I get out of this rectangular cycle?
The corners are killing me
There sharp with my thoughts
Killing my self with the corners
Killing my self with my thoughts.....


"Looking and Loosing" by TwilightZero
i feel so bad it hurts.
tell me again why i cant let go?
romantics need someone
ya, i need someone, i admit it, so?
i cant go on with out someone
where are you? what did i do?

im getting worse, its spreading
my memory, quickly, its fading
im getting worse, im dieing
not getting over you, its killing
its getting worse, living

your eyes shimmer, your soul rains
with a blank stair, and a slow turn
im sorry, for giving you bad news today
memories seem to fade, pictures forever
loosing a part of my self in you
it seems hard to let go, so i dont

you were the best part of my day
now its bliss gone away
angles cry, hearing a heart breaking
seeing my soul shaking
i die, fall to my knees then my hands
hang my head low, palms down in the sand

so i live on, knowing
that day, i stopped caring
finding another, onward moving
fading into black im going
heart is mine, never sharing
love not found, forever looking

"Seven am, morning." by: TwilightZero
Is not being able to feel the ultimate feeling? Sure I will never know happiness, but I will never know anger, sadness, or suicidal. Is it so wrong that it’s the only right way? I think so, but you may think I’m deprived, but I don’t know what that feels like, so I don’t think that. I think that not knowing emotions and not feeling is the best feeling of all. Living in a state of gray, never to be defined as black or white, dead or alive. For to be gray is to be neither but at the same time both black and white. Which in there proper perspectives are neither alive or dead. So in that since to be gray is to be neither alive nor dead. Which, carried over again, is to forever be. Never ending or beginning, an endless abyss of nothingness. Neither existing, nor non existent. Just simply be. Now having said all that. Do you still think I’m suicidal? I thought not. So the only question is, am I alone in here?

"Serenade of Silence" by: TwilightZero
The shades roll down
He’s holding her hand
She’s looking into him
And he’s looking away
She seeks comfort from him
He offers a since of silence and mystery
Shadows flow over them, and fall
The curtains open with a whiff
Amber, soon inferno, sits in the flail
One upon every balcony
Sending the shadows upon there face
His grip tightens over her hand
And she wraps him in love of lace
Darkness covers everything
Leaving only the center stage untouched
Like a virgin in the night, it glows with attention
Silence poisons the air, as darkness pelages there eyes
A loan figure takes shape on center stage
Unseen eyes pierce his soul with a deadly silence
Slowly, the darkness fades inward to the figure
Now completely filling the room
Giving the gift of blindness, they all see
All that will be, and all that was
Will all be now, the present
With a flash, a saber of light beams down
Showing the stranger with more behind
They start to move
Hurting and captivating you all at once
The two of them hold each other
Scared, blind to all
Except then bitter elegance of the strangers
Soon forgetting where there at
They forget each other
Hands loosing touch of her
Arms like lace unwinding from him
No noise is made, eyes cease blinking
Drawing deeper into the toxic waves
On the edge of your seat
The seat that is your mind
You begin to fall off
Slipping into the darkness that is silence
Only the dancers exist, only they matter
What were once 12 are now 2
And in a flash you are back
In the arms of the one you love
Holding there hand in a slight daze
The silence still pelages your mouth
As the darkness retreats to a later time
No one moves, dancers long gone
Everything as if nothing happened
One by one, people start to arise all around you
Soon, you are alone again
Alone and in the light, just you and your love
Then with out a word, the two of you leave
Leave with silence on your lips
Oh what a gift it is, silence in the present
Is now 3 and your back at your place of rest
You lie to bid the day a due
Only to return again to the midnight matinee.



(other quotes)

"...dude, that was'nt Mountan Dew!!!"
TwilightZero to a friend named Clay

"Through the eyes of Zero, that which is blind, everything is gray in its own colorful way"
TwilightZero

The human mind is the greatist killing machine ever made, and to kill your self is a wast of ammunition"
TwilightZero

"Anger is a gift"
Rage Against The Machine

"Keep in mind Einstein use to get lost walking around the block from his house..... And he married his cousin."
~Cancer~

"All religions of a spiritual nature are inventions of man. He has created an entire system of gods with nothing more than his brain. Just because he has an ego and cannot accept it, he has had to external it into some "great" spiritual device which he calls "god"."
"The Satanic bible" By:Anton Szandor LaVay

"The most dangerous of all enthroned lies is the holy, the sanctified, the privleged lie- the lie everyone believes to be the model truth. It is the fruitfull mother of all other popular errors and delusions. It is a hyda-headed tree of unreason with a thousand roots. It is a social cancer!

The lie that is known to be a lie is half eradicated but the lie that even intelligent persons accept as fact-the lie that has been inculcated in a little child at its mothers knee- is more dangerous to contend against than a creeping pestilence."
"The satanic bible" By: Anton Szandor LaVay



(lyrics i like)

The Streets
"Dry Your Eyes"
In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round
I stand there for a minute starin’ straight into the ground
Lookin’ to the left slightly, then lookin’ back down
World feels like it’s caved in – proper sorry frown
Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship, if you must
I look at her she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over like she’s lookin’ straight through me
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she’s lookin’ down at her feet

Dry your eyes mate
I know it’s hard to take but her mind has been made up
There’s plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you’ve got to walk away now
It’s over

So then I move my hand up from down by my side
It's shakin’, my life is crashin’ before my eyes
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh
‘Cause I can’t imagine my life without you and me
There’s things I can’t imagine doin’, things I can’t imagine seein’
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely
Please, please, I beg you please
She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she’s blessed with
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
By pushin’ my hand away to my chest, from hers

Dry your eyes mate
I know it’s hard to take but her mind has been made up
There’s plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you’ve got to walk away now
It’s over

And I’m just standin’ there, I can’t say a word
‘Cause everythin’s just gone
I’ve got nothin’
Absolutely nothin’

Tryin’ to pull her close out of bare desperation
Put my arms around her tryin’ to change what she’s sayin’
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in
Look into her eyes to make her listen again
I’m not gonna fuckin’, just fuckin’ leave it all now
‘Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow
And you’re gonna let our things simply crash and fall down
You’re well out of order now, this is well out of town
She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight
Turns around so she’s now got her back to my face
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it’s hard to take but her mind has been made up
There’s plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you’ve got to walk away now
It’s over

I know in the past I’ve found it hard to say
Tellin’ you things, but not tellin’ straight
But the more I pull on your hand and say
The more you pull away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it’s hard to take but her mind has been made up
There’s plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you’ve got to walk away now.

Smashing Pumpkins
"Tonight, Tonight"
Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel
Believe, believe in me, believe
That life can change, that you're not stuck in vain
We're not the same, we're different tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight
And you know you're never sure
But your sure you could be right
If you held yourself up to the light
And the embers never fade in your city by the lake
The place where you were born
Believe, believe in me, believe
In the resolute urgency of now
And if you believe there's not a chance tonight
Tonight, so bright
Tonight
We'll crucify the insincere tonight
We'll make things right, we'll feel it all tonight
We'll find a way to offer up the night tonight
The indescribable moments of your life tonight
The impossible is possible tonight
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight

Smashing Pumpkins
"Zero"
My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm in the face of your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?

She's the one for me
She's all I really need
Cause she's the one for me
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
The fasion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
You blame yourself for wanting more
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
She's the one for me
She's my one and only

Smashing Pumpkins
"Bullet With Butterfly Wings."
The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game
Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show
And what do you want, I want to change
And what have you got
When you feel the same
Even though I know-I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold-like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son
Tell me I'm the chosen one
Jesus was the only son for you
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And I still believe that I cannot be saved

Smashing Pumpkins
"By Starlight"
By starlight I'll kiss you
And promise to be your one and only
I'll make you feel happy
And leave you to be lost in mine
And where will we go, what will we do?
Soon said I, will know
Dead eyes, are you just like me?
Cause her eyes were as vacant as the seas
Dead eyes, are you just like me?
And all along, we knew we'd carry on
Just to belong
By starlight I know you
As lovely as a wish granted true
My life has been empty, my life has been untrue
And does she really know, who I really am?
Does she really know me at last
Dead eyes, are you just like me?

AFI
"[Untitled]"
We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."
The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.
I rode alone.
You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.

AFI
"This Time Imperfect"
I cannot leave here, I cannot stay,
Forever haunted, more than afraid.
Asphyxiate on words I would say,
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave,
Just like all I loved, I make believe.
Imagine heart, I disappear, seems,
No one will appear, here and make me real.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I'd tell you how it haunts me,
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
I'd tell you how it haunts me,
(cuts through my day, and sinks into my dreams.)
You don't care that it haunts me.

Oh,
There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but i'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.
Just how much this, hurts me.
Just how much you...

SLIPKNOT
"Duality"
I push my fingers into my eyes...
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside...
If the pain goes on...
Aaaaaaaah!

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my time's elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You're left with me 'cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Pull me back together
Or separate the skin from bone
Leave me all the Pieces, then you can leave me
alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way,
Nothing is what it seems!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane!
All I've got...all I've got is insane!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

A Perfect Circle
"Weak and Powerless"
Tilling my own grave to keep me level
Jam another dragon down the hole
Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren
One that pushes me along and leaves me so

Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you

Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of China
White as Dracula as I approach the bottom

Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you

Little angel go away
Come again some other day
The devil has my ear today
I'll never hear a word you say
He promised I would find a little solace
And some piece of mind
Whatever just as long as I don't feel so

Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless over you
Desperate and Ravenous
I'm so weak and powerless
over you

Cradle of Filth
"Medusa And Hemlock"
Dim the lights, wrong the rites
Toss the puerile cross away
We are gashing from a venomous womb

Burning bright, dead of night
Pyres stain a milky way
Lust is splashing the dark side of the moon

In the Samhain mist
We lay in welcome by the western gate
With the five fold kiss
For every soul returning
From the fecund abyss
Where nature's travesties congregate
With a stone cold wish
To see the wicker man burning

The wind, she whispers
Through the graveyards of our hearts:
Wreathed in dreams
As she weaves her witchcraft
We breathe, enamoured
Of the conquering dark

Medusa and Hemlock

Harvest past, fires cast
Ashen shades this Halloween
We are set now to Beherit the earth

Widdershins, death begins
To fashion fete to gallow scenes:
Sprits rising to discredit rebirth

In the Samhain mist
We lay in welcome by the western gate
With the five fold kiss
For every soul returning
From the fecund abyss
Where nature's travesties congregate
With a stone cold wish
To see the wicker man burning

The wind, she flitters
Through the forest of our hearts:
Wreathed in leaves
As she weaves her witchcraft
We breathe, enamoured
Of the conquering dark

I will trace the knot of serpents in your hair
Plot your face, then ascending marble stares
You shall pluck me, masked, from roses-in-despair
Tasting my blood
That runs from worming tongue like prayer

Under pagan veneer snakes a fear
That makes the stars
Grieve, just to be
Uncharted on this eve
When part of me chars a path
Through your heavenly constellations

Medusa and Hemlock

Back to black, hinges crack
Rituals call obscenities
Sheets of demons rush insanity skies

Tread the salt, the dead exult
Preachers beg our clemency
Seeking warmth in humanity's eyes

We who kept the candle by the vault

We who kept the candle on the cult



(quiz results)

Followers of SetFaustian manipulators, the Followers of Set furthertheir shady agendas through puppetmastery andsinister "business deals". Preciselywhat their agenda is, few know. But theirclaims to roots in a being far older than Caineand or far greater power can provide onlysinister hints. Their connection to the serpentof Set is infamous, and one said to be morethan just metaphor, as is manifest in some oftheir more disturbing powers. But as creaturesof the nether darkness, even strong artificiallight unsettles them, and the purifying,piercing sun can tear their slithering bodiesasunder in moments.
Which Vampire: The Masquerade clan do you belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x89fd140)Telekinesis- The power to move obejects with yourmind. You have the strength and power within tomove and break the bonds of reality.
What Kind Of Power Could You Possess?
brought to you by Quizilla

Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have?"ScaredYour eyes are scared. Your eyes are scared of pain, or rejection. You know how much it hurts to lose someone u cared for, but in return they dumped you like a sack of potatoes! Someday you will find your special friend, or lover, so dont stay hidden too much. You have also seen much misery when it comes to guy too, so you pefer to keep it safe, and keep your heart locked up from everyone guy that seems to be interested. You dont wanna go through anymore pain....

You are Mary Bell.You are Mary Bell. At the ripe old age of 10 youstrangled a neighbor boy, afterwhich you carvedyour initals into his skin. At his funreal youlaughed. Your next victim was a 3 year old. Youpushed him off the roof, resulting in a brokenskull. After he was found you went to hismothers house and asked to see him, she repliedtha t he was dead. You smiled brightly and said'Oh, I know he's dead. I wanted to see him inhis coffin."
You horrid little girl you.
-smacks your hand-
Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



The Indian snake creature known as the naga wasbelieved to reside in groups apart from normalhumans, and many legends tell of their secretcitites hidden deep in the jungle, underground,or underwater. In many tales, the naga is oftenof royal lineage, or sometimes even divinity.Nagas are often associated with water, and itis said that they can control the weather.

As a naga, you possess strong leadership abilities,you are highly intelligent, and you can also bea bit intimidating. You also enjoy the finerthings in life and like to be pampered, andyou're not too keen on mixing and mingling withthe unwashed masses.
Who is your inner Shapeshifter?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Road Less TraveledB:size="2">You take the Road LessTraveled. Who
wants to go where everyone else has already goneanyway? You look for the hidden
paths, ones most don't see and don't care toventure down. You go boldly and
stand proud discontent with what's been put infront of you, determined to find
a way perfect for you even no one else will take itwith you. You live as you
want and not for others, but be careful not becomeselfish. Others may need you
and you should be there for them, especially theones close to you. You tend to
be the leader in most situations and people listenand trust you not lead them
astray. Your firm in your opinions and beliefs andunwilling to change yourself
to suit other people. By the same token, you can bestubborn to a fault, change
isn't always a bad thing you know. Everyone changesand grows, you shouldn't try
to stay exactly the same or you could be leftbehind. Then again, you may change
frequently. Some people change to fit in, you mylittle non-conformist, may
change to be set apart. It's great to be different,but it's also just as great
to have things in common with people, even if thosepeople are in that "crowd"
you seem to have a vendetta against. Don't try tobe different, just be who you
are, whoever that is and you'll be unique all onyour own. So make some time for
people, let yourself blend into the crowd everyonce in awhile, you may just
learn something about them and yourself you neverknew before.

What Path Do You Take In Life? [X]For Guys and Gals! Pics and Lengthy Results.[X]
brought to you by Quizilla

FluffyYour just like my brother Sesshomaru Evil andStubbren. You always have to be the best. Afull dog demon not a mix. You only care aboutpower and power basecailly.
What kind of demon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Take the quiz: "What Kinda Kiss R U?"Playful KissThe playful kiss is about you having fun and not needing to have feelings for that person. You just go with the flow!

Take the quiz: "Which God or Goddess are you?"God of DarknessSeductive and, whether it's ture or not, HOT! You don't mind using what you got to take advantage of people, and you know you got it. You don't care what people think of you and wear your sexual orientation on your sleeve. You are the second piece to the ultimate divine being, combining darkeness with light makes the world live.

Nasty EvilNasty Evil: You are the unpleasant evil, the evilthat sets orphanages on fire because the kidswere making too much racket. When you finddispleasure, you're sure to share it witheveryone in earshot. You've crossed straightfrom beautiful seductress evil to old hag evil.That's okay, though. Someone has to build thosegingerbread houses.
What Type of Evil are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Delirium, the youngest of The Endless, you are the keeper of insanity, delusion and everything else that's just plain crazy. You make about as much sense as fish and telephone flavored icDelirium, the youngest of The Endless, you are thekeeper of insanity, delusion and everythingelse that's just plain crazy. You make about asmuch sense as fish and telephone flavored icecream. You are truly your own person, and thefact that your eyes don't match, your hair isthree different colors, and you have a floatingfish following you doesn't bother you any. Youhave a truly unique perspective on the world,and no one else knows what to think about it.
Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

louislouis
The Ultimate Anne Rice Vampire Character Selection
brought to you by Quizilla

schizoThere is no such thing as black and white, butinstead there is grey. You havedifficulties perceiving reality and can bedescribed as delusional. You're prone toparanoia and may also believe that the world isagainst you. To you, no possibility is ruledout.
What's Your Disorder ?
brought to you by Quizilla

Final LoverYou are the Final Lover. Romanic, honey-tonguedromeo, you are the master of love's last kiss.You woo the young ladies, pluck them fromlight's caress and give them a smile as theysink into death.
What Fictional Vampire Archtype are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I AM 82% EMO!82% EMOHoly gee whilikers... I am as emo as it gets... I will try to cheer the heck up and stop wiping my nose on my sweater...Take the EMO test at Fuali.comI AM 91% GRUNGE!91% GRUNGEI need to go take a bath, man! And I might wanna toss that shirt of mine in the wash? Any grungier and I would be mistaken for mildew, dude.Take the GRUNGE test at Fuali.com

I AM 82% RAVER!82% RAVERI am a SUPER Raver! I probably haven't slept in like 2 years, dude. Alright. P.L.U.R., baby! I am probably some kinda candy raver, huh?Take the RAVER test at Fuali.com

I AM 64% METAL HEAD!64% METAL HEADI rock just as hard as the rest of the thrash set, except when no ones looking I like to get down with a little "More than a Feeling." Take the METAL HEAD test at Fuali.com

I AM 58% GOTH!58% GOTHOh My Goth! You Goth, Girl. There is a good chance I am bi. Freakiness pumps through my viens, but I can still laugh at myself.Take the GOTH test at Fuali.com

I AM 92% PUNK ROCK!92% PUNK ROCKI am PUNK AS FUCK! The model punk. I care not for anything. I kick ass, but probably smell really bad.Take the PUNK ROCK test at Fuali.com

Your True Nature by llScorpiusllUsernameThe quality that most appeals to you:StrengthIn a survival situation, you:Run like hellYour hidden talent is:ResourcefulnessYour gift is:A loving heartIn groups, you:Blend inYour best quality is:Your insightfulnessYour weakness is:Your antisocial natureQuiz created with MemeGen!

How to make a Jamie
Ingredients:

1 part friendliness

1 part brilliance

5 parts beauty

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little lustfulness if desired!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

JJoyfulAAmorousMMushyIImportantEExhausting BBrutalRRespectableIIndustriousDDirtySSappyOOverwhelmingNNerdyGGraceful
Name / Username:


Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Jamie Birdsong is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.N
POISON
Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

THIS WAY UP
áJamie has fragile contents which may break!
Username:

From Go-Quiz.com


Horoscope for Gemini
01 Dec 2004



CHOOSE...AriesTaurusGeminiCancerLeoVirgoLibraScorpioSagittariusCapricornAquariusPisces
Kwiz.Biz Daily Horoscopes for your Blog

Gemini are born between May 21st and June 21st
Gemini is an Air sign.

There are two sides to your personality, as indicated by the twins of gemini. You are an excellent communicator, being clever with words and always able to get your point across eloquently. You are an independant being, you do not like to rely on others for happiness or wellbeing and you are always changing because you find that you bore of things and situations easilly.

The University of Blogging

Presents to
Jamie Bridsong

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Color Bars

Majoring in
Cutting
Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com®
Username:


Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

The University of Blogging

Presents to
Jamie

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Attention Seeking

Majoring in
Community Promotion
Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com®
Username:


Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com


Jamie Birdsong HighwayTravelWorld5Contentment Meadows19Valley of Depression46Fame City167Lake Love419Please Drive CarefullyUsername:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

What kind of beauty are you? by rocker_chickaNameYour eyes areBeautiful and exoticYour lips areAlluringYour upper body isSexyYour hair isBeautifulYour legs areLovelyYou feet areFeminineYou areHypnotizingQuiz created with MemeGen!

XDD that last one was for chicks, i was just curious XDD ya, so anyway XDD have fun with these XDD i did. bie




(life's little funny events)

baned from Wall-Mart
this is an old story, well 03 but i consider it old. but hear it is. its funny.

*note on the phone with my current g/f of the time*

" awe , ya i love you too.....hey there is a strainge light commeing from my window. hummm.........hold on just a sec ok?" (is on teh phone, and it was 1 in teh morning) "OMG....." "what?" "the house next door to me is on fire, let me let you go so i can call 911 okay? ill call you right back" "OMG, okay, its no problem call them fast" "ok brb" so i call 911 right? give them my address etc. *note, my mom wasent home, she was "out"* "hey?" "hiya, so how did it go? is the house ok?" "Ya, its like engoulfed in flames though." "OMG really? your not jokeing?" "no dude im serious" *is talking to my g/f, we were in the middle of phone sex so ya lol* "of course im serious. hey, the fire men are hear. ill call you tomorrow, okay?" "okay, nite" "nite, i love you" "i love you too, be careful" "ok i will, nite" "nite" so after i get off the phone, i go out side and watch. and my mom comes flying up in the drive way, almost running over a fire man! it was funny. she thought it was our house. well after all the drama from teh house, i was just sitting arround *is now arround 2:30* and i called my friend jessica, and her and her b/f was still up and her parents were out of town. "Hey, how are ya?" "im doing good." "You will not beleave what just happened" "ummmm you......went outside?" "well i guess you can say that, the house next to me cought on fire.............. *tells her th rest of the story*........" "OMG are you okay?" "yes, hehe, so what are you up to?" "Nothing, just me and jay are hanging out, wanna come over?" "actualy ya!" "Ok then, come on. my parents are away for the weekend" *was a firday* " Ok ill see ya in a sec" *gets in car and goes over. leaving a note for my mom to see* so i get there right? and its kinda boring. jay's hitting on me when shes not arround. etc so i decided to get some of the attetion of me and i called blake, cody, nikki, misty, brooks, allen, jennifer, crystal, and rhyen, and we all got to partying etc a little drinking. and before long it was 5 something. and we were soooo hungry and kinda bord. so i was like, lets go to wall mart! and everyone was like ya!! lol, and it was soooooooo cold and ther was only one car and one truck for 12 people! and the car was a handa accura *mainly 2 person, 4 is pushing it* and a little chevy s 10 *max three person seeter, only one seet* and me and blake got in the truck and left. *me driving, since it was my turck* to go to wall mart, only me and him in the turck, it made everyone mad. they had to put some people in the trunk XD lol. and we got there, and skated in the parken lot, and at this time, there was some trucks loading some stuff into wall mart. and some people were like, "Hey, you cant skate hear" and stuff so we quit, and then everyone else got there, and we were all prity blitzed. we was walking arround in there. i went to go get some crakers and cheese in a can XD *love the cheese in a can* and Jay followed me. well we came across one of thos thigs that they carry big boxes on, liek a pallit with weels. and i was like "Hey, jay, get on and ill push you" he insisted that he not, but i told him itll be like riding the biggest skate bord ever!! and he took it fast, so i pushed him and started running, and i accidently fell, sliding on my sotmach i tryed to catch it but it got away from me, *cant run and push something heavy at the same time when i cant even walk straight* so he couldnt stop it, he was like "what do i do jamie!?!?!" and i was like jump off! and he didnt make it in time, he hit an ile, broad side, and knocked it OVER!!!! it hit another and it fell, etc. it attracted a LOT of attetion quick! i ran over there to check on him, and he had pillows and blankets on him from teh shelf he hit *he made it to the home ech part of wall mart which was at eth far back cornor* we looked arround and we herd a lot of peple running this way, so we took off running, well trying to run, we kept running into each other in a straight line, and falling down. trying to be quiet wasent the easiest thing to do. we ended up getting cought. and me and him got thrown out, the reso of the people just ran out when they seen shelves start falling. but i did manage to grab my cheese in teh can, didnt get the crackers though. i love that story. and after we got back to jessicas house, there were 12 people there, all spending the nite! and her with one bed. *no one could stay in her moms bed for obvious reasions* and one by one every one started pasing out, and me and nikki was left up. i was like "Hey nikki. you wanna go back to your house and sleep?" she was like sure, she lived like 10 yards from her house, and had 4 beds that were open to everyone, but they all had to sleep on teh cold floor and i went to nikki's house. and i didnt want to sleep in a room by my self, because if her mom came in and seen me sleeping in her house, in a room by my self, that would be hard to explain with her hitting me. so i slept in nikki's room.....and both a little drunk..... and ya i think you can figure the rest out. dont want to turn this into a pron lol. but i didnt go home till 5 o clock sunday!! it was crazy. and yes i spent a lot of that time in her room lol.

MY road trip!! hehehe...........poor clown!! ;_; MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

this is about a dream i had one time. it was a family re union, and it wasent one family, it was my dad's side and my mom's side, and they were both holding a family re union on the same day, bbbbuuuuuuutttt!! they were having it at the same place at the same time. and the guy who rented the building out, said he must have forgotten who he rented it to and he didnt know who ordered first, so naturaly he had a way so settle such an event!! a boot camp test!! you know, the running through the tires, climping the wall, swinging on the rope the whole nine yards. and everyone was fighting and yelling. and i had enough of the shit, so i decided to get the fuck out of there, and i was talkeing Dark with me. (yes he was there for reasons un known)i seen a buss, and i was like, hey, i bet i could sneak that out without anyone knowing we or the buss is missing, and before could say anything i broke out across the field to the buss, and (since it was my dream, i knew how to drive it, and the keys were in it woot! go me!!) i drove it over to Dark and picked him up. and we were off, and on the interstate we went!, and it was AWESOME!!! the buss got up to like 90 and it was soo loud!!!! lol, and for some reason, there was a LONG line of hitch hikers, i mean look, just because im in a buss, dosent mean im going to stop and pick your ass up. and for some reason also, the hitch hikers were all clowns and mimes!!!!one after the other and after like a half mile, i got tired of looking at them so i just kinda "accidently" drifted off the side of the road, and started to run them over!!! it was like clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime clown mime for ever!!!! and after a while, it got to be sooo funny!!!!!! the clowns would jump out the way or run, but the mimes died in there clear boxes they couldnt seem to get out of!! it was funny seeing them trying to get out before you run them over! and they didnt even make a sound when they hit!! i mean geez the clown honked and beeped when i hit them, but no, the mimes...............nothing. geez well thats just a small sample of my dreams, and thats the most sane one i have had in a LONG time lol. ok ima go now, bie *gets in his buss, covered with clown horns and mime/clown cloths on it and a BIG RED clown nose on the grill* hehehe ok bie!



(me!)
these are just some random pictures of me.






Member Since: Nov 15, 2004
Last Login: Jul 04, 2005
Times Viewed: 4,755



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