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So you work 8 hours every night, for months you plan a nice Christmass, you select nice gifts, you try so hard, you decoerate, you spend $150 on decorations just to make everything look just so....



then christmass eve comes and.... there's no one opening presents with you.... no one shearing coffee.... just here.... here some shit... open it your self... who us oh we dident fill stockings or anything... have fun with that....



I've never felt so alone.... unwanted.... uncared for.... in my life



Why do I even fucking try :'(

The past 6 days have been hell....



pukeing

snoting

sleeping

coughing

vomiting

head hurting

eyes hurting

hemerageing

weakening



you get the idea.... I've been doped up on meds haveing really messed up dreams.... and in general feeling like SHIT... loseing my voice for 2 days....



this is so not the way Christmass is sapose to start :(

So whats up?



Well I still have the job.... but once again seeing HALF a months pay dissapear is to say the least upsetting. Its also majorly slowing down my little car moding project.... Decepticar still does not have the window work done :'( I did how ever find a new front, and a cool carbon fibor rear spoiler for it thoe... but the spoiler mounts gonna have to be cut, and customed it wont work as is..... Fog lights still costing around $600 for the install YES the local shops are INSANE!



Relationships.... well friend wise I seem to have landed me another bunch of rutters : Friday night was barreettooos home made pasta beer an up set tummy and me passing out here and there only to wake up and see things going on around me that well.... I did not need to see that! :'(



Christmass decorating is pretty much done.... as last year the BULK of the cool stuff is in the OTHER half of the house and NO WHERE NEAR the kittie of distruction... and sadly not in my half of the house eather :( BUT I can live with that if I wana see pretty lights I'll go up stear and get a coffee or something.



Christmass and work - I am working all of Xmass I said I dident care so im working it ^ ^ the over time pay MIGHT just clear some debts might yarg.



Speeking of debt car side driver door handel broke last night in the frost even when unlocked door no open :( I guess its BACK to the car place again.... there gonna love it once I change out almost everything in this car... they'll never have to see me again ^ ^



Blah.... back to the guns and the kung fu....