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Alone



Or Am I?



I keep thinking back to that dream about the girl on the beach that was meditating, out of bodied, and ran into me.



I keep trying to figure out who was that. I meditate, and reach out to the world searching.... but I keep feeling like there is a wall up. Keeping me from feeling them.



But yet....yet I have this strange feeling in my tummy that I know this person, or know of them. Strange feelings of being watched.



Strange feelings of loneliness keep coming to me, and I know there not mine. Who are you? Your sensitive, you can out of body.... but yet I get the feeling you have not told any one you can do this.



I feel your out there poking around at the edge of my bubble maybe while I have been sick the past few weeks you came close but I was too caught up in trying to purge all the mucus to notice.



You have blonde hair you where sitting on that beach stretching out with your mind.... was it out of curiosity? Or are you feeling alone?



alone



in the ends that's how you have left me feeling alone. Out there some place is another being on this planet that shines as bright as I do.



I can't help but wish we where at least friends.



Maybe you'll find this



maybe some day you'll write here.



and say hi....



its me.

Buy a house.... great idea?



Less then 3 weeks into owning the new place 2 kids broke into my garage while I was away, and smashed out all the windows in my convertible.



Yes insurance will cover it, yes I have a new Nissan in the drive way. But I get attached to things.



Thankfully the perps where caught. This made me feel better at least they did not get off scot free.



sighs.... humans....

Stranger still I do something I never thought I would I bought a house. A little black house on the corner of a little street in the middle of a white middle class area.



You know the type of place where people walk past, and welcome you to the area even though there 2 streets over.



I do realize with current occupations I only see this house once every 3 to 4 weeks. How ever like George Carlen said "home is where you keep your shit" so it gives me some sense of a homing beacon. When all work is done I can go home.



Still feels strange saying that.



When I do go home next I plan to toss a new Nissan in the drive way, and get winter tires for it already on rims so I can switch them myself in the house garage. That is where the convertible is right now, but you know I never drive that in winter.



All and all making these strange life purchases has almost made me feel "normal" or well as normal as someone who lives half in half out can be.



Oh yes the house. A 2 story with fully developed basement. With garage, deck, front, and side yard. But of course the house is black.... black hard wood floors, black wooden shingles. Lost of old fashioned fixtures honestly it feel like the place was made for me. Even the walk in closet that most people would consider the same size as a childs bed room.



All an all a great up grade from that basement of that home I lived in on the east coast. But I guess after years of not really humaning finally sucking it up, and going there now I have home as I said does feel someone liberating.



P.S. the house needs more gargoyles, and there is not eough Southen Hoo Doo / Voo Doo masks, and art work in it yet nore have I had the chance to mark the door ways. I only had 1 week to move everything.



But I have home



home



that still feels strange saying it



home