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And I keep getting stabbed when I go to the office; all my efforts and dedication in overtime thrown away; stabbed and stabbed over bullshit that never changed the fucking world.



My dedication to this clerical job is a fucking joke; though I'll keep going, at my best still getting fucking stabbed until one day my tormentor will fall in cardiac arrest or announce their fucking retirement and that will be my victorious celebration.

Now go crawl to your grave, shut down all systems, seal those weary eyes, and ignore the fucked up world and dreams the eccentric possibilities until the sun rays hit your face.

The predator who writes a creepy note to a young boy, get's a pass from police and still lives next door this very day.

The bully who verbally abused you all your life gets to be involved romantically with to sweetest friend you met in your life; as the other bullies live life well as admired assholes.

The band yeah get kicked off still live, happy as friend and plays show without the fears and disappointment they left you.

The stupid secretary who works beside you is right no matter what argument, your role as the anxious assistant follows.

Then for someone through the years you meant to do well for them, one night they found you were the one spreading positivity and cheer and told you to fuck off.



Well here I am, my head is fucked as ever, my anxiety is highest as ever enough to go in cardiac address; while here I am trying accomplish dreams and hell fire through my aching bones.



Oh well, I don't fucking know anymore if damage good or a burden. But I am making myself sick with all this anxiety, and guilt, confusion and all bullshit I believed.



What do I gain from everyone fortunes, to be abashed and forgotten and stir with bloody anxiety - a head full of crazys. XD

You got to keep going, no matter how worthless, wrong, crazy, stupid, confused, sick, alone or hungover you are from the bad thoughts. There is no cure, there are no cheat codes, or easy away. You got to scream, cry, get pissing angry, and ride that fucking bitch life! Or she wins.

Asshole, they are within anything: what we claim innocent, happy and adorable yet they may be infected with assholeitis. What kindness hat seeks company, love and approval and cries for attention to escape their miserable life may be a complete asshole actually wanting to escape it's assholery ego nature. ~*



By these findings of assholism I shan't be deceived by another asshole again! *Cheers*

Oh, the chore to removing my ass from couch to the awaiting bed I woke up from in the lovely night. -_-;

Every day people are ahead successfully or behind us miserably. We fall wondering why we can't be as great as or idles, talented, possess looks and a rocking personality. Well, stop right there!



Your true competitor isn't those who are above you. It's your- self, that asshole inside your head assuring you're not incapable of doing anything or you're not enough!

Where did that asshole originate from? Well from a bunch of walking poisonous manipulative assholes in our lives who's farts got caught in our ears and swarmed our beloved brain.



Butt fuck em, know your triggers: My head assholes love to visit when I am struck by boredom, overeat, lives the same day every day, lacking to express myself creativity, hide anxiously from humanity or is drained exhaustedly by low energy by this fucked up planet around us.



So instead of allowing these voice asshole to walk over me. I take it easy, experiment with different hobbies every day, I reveal to dear friends my true expressions. When indulging in large amounts gluttony, my feet hit the monster right after for 20 and lift some iron to wake the fuck up. If I catch myself at 4 AM I damn well make sure I sleep in enough! And make up the lost days later.



Anyway, never kill yourself, or stop yourself over voices, words, assholes, or walking farts. They are all meaningless farts.

You what I abhor the most: when assholes say no you can't do that and butt say wear that, anxiety says you can't express that grammar nazi says you can't spell it that way, those words don't belong there, there outdated or childish slang and narrow-minded says you can't take a happy shit here.

These actions scared them, scared to have their rules broken or something.

Once enough of us break them and take over with our armies it diminishes the purposes of their old rules and it's hilarious.

I'll pick up that Oxford, sharpen my pencil to the finest point and create the most fucked up sentences ever; torturing them insanely by the massive expansion of eccentric vocabulary.

Target locked on, fingers are already moving, motive sets, head focused, confident, clear, eyes correct, heart beating encouragingly, optimistic moment - sends the message forward and instantly regrets the moment of it's released and stomachs anxiety for days. Eventually, the message is returned - anxiety levels rise - guaranteed to get punch the face through the computer screen.

~ Caught between the cycle of a motivational escape of social anxiety to laceration of dignity by the attack of text trauma, decades to last before crawling peacefully to my ceremonial incineration.

This autumn I'll hunt for new microphone amp, blast the damn speakers and scare the shit out of my parents. >:D

The spoils can have their million dollar mansion filled with shining golden shit, their plagued popularity, their lifeless personality and the blindly obsessive purifying their feet with drooling diseased tongues. Let them hide their ugly under beautified crap and be worshipped by fools cheering on an empty purpose absorbing fame for survival. Let them enjoy the ride of fabrication, for it won't be long until their narcissist ego collapses.



All I want beyond riches is mad skills! >:D~*

We cannot deny the past, our regrets, faults, abasement, as we are left with a memo and scars. The rest, however: notes, drawings, pictures- shred and burn. (;

Today I threw away most of my shit: laughing, tearing, scribbling and tasted contentment. All that shit of yesterday gone!

In the past you've damaged that moment, possibly made an ass of yourself, got kicked in the head for stupidity, etcetera - but today you're no longer yesterday: you're growing, changing, more scars, cuts, bruises, bent fingers; forming uglier or gorgeously, wiser, becoming a challenge slayer, and a life fighter. Molding into something you have yet to find out and may fucking scare you in a good way.

As you stand in the present, keeping fucking going, onwards to the future! ~ (:



I'm uglier every day, but wiser than ever. ~*

Tonight's episode was gold: it displayed the world's true obsession, life reliances, and excessive attachment over electronics.

Haha, still going 20 years now. love this show! XD

They live their lives seeking their significant other. Screaming I am not complete with someone. Wanting the married life, that life most around them have.



Then one day they stare over: at individuals that walk alone, work for themselves, live with their parents, save money, treat themselves: as they wonder what's wrong with them? why aren't they married? Shall we pity them, the living of loneliness.



Well the thing is: we're are not life's rejections, we are aromatics: Most of us are repulsed by romance. Repulsive by commitment, the idea of touching someone affectionately and whispering sweet things is vomit all over the floors.



We've always seen everyone as ugly, no matter a pretty face or rocking personally. We don't want to commit our lives to one. Do anything for one. We want good friends, skills and, a passion. Our beds are our's and our's alone.



They can laugh at us all they want, shame us all they want: But they will never have the power to reject attraction, control their raging hormones, resist to perform stupid acts over someone and get fucked in the chest by love altogether. Their truth is doom, doom by love's sting as we're immune to what most will endure.



Anyway, I am not against people's happiness: if you found love enlighten, the married life's a world of happiness, good for you! But don't drag us into possibilities and assume Aromatic's need love or meaning in a romantic way.

I am showing you a perspective of what I see. What we see. What I've always seen. And that will never change. ~*

Good evening Alexandr Dragon I am here to inform you: That the shit ain't going to pick itself up! All those papers aren't going to fly into the shredder!

All your files and ideas aren't going organize themselves!

The story isn't going to write itself and torpedo on a rocket across the seas to the publishers!

The music will not be composed to life by ghosts!

Rock growls from your diaphragm don't improve by farting out the wrong hole!

Fat doesn't magically melt away itself and forms a beautiful skeleton.

So get off your lazy bum and get shit done! You have one life work for it! Stop worrying about the sands of time and get your shit together! Or you'll be a zombie before you know it.





Sincerely ~ *tough love!*

At last, together we play the highs and lows in the chilly room, kick to a drum beat as the fingers unlock the keys experimenting for hours: the old and new. ;)

COMMENTS

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Alexandrdragon
06:07 Sep 19 2016

Harmonizing. ~ *

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POST COMMENT

Моя тінь, що з вами? ви відчуваєте біль? У вас менструація?

У вас температура? Ви вживаєте алкоголь? Ви вживаєте наркотики? У вас алергія на будь-що?

Моя тінь, мій друг, ти в порядку?

Сон, сон моя тінь. ~*

Focus! Focus! Don't stop! This dream is waiting for someone! As it's caught within a fire, deadly flames growing higher, bursting heat spewing taunting laughter. Who is there to reach, dare walk across the sickening black tar sea, and endure this heat; melting away the flesh they earn with remains of their skeleton to burn; melting motivation to drag them to the dream and cradle it in their obsessive ashes?



I. ~*

How to ignore your parents arguing from upstairs: blast your music fucking loud till yeah go deaf! 8D

I have no idea what I wrote in my last journal. So here is another one. *cheers.* !