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Last night the Department of Defense tried to ping and get into our computer as a hacker, but the firewall, and my husbands skills, stopped it!!! They were based out of Ohio, thanks to leaving a trail.



Gee I wonder what they could want from us?? Is it cause we're vamp, freethinkers, or cause I've been known to speak out against the bs of Bush and his staff?????

So, I was born in the sign of Leo, July 25th, to a broekn family, a mother who thought suicidal, and was said to be nuts, and a faterh who after being married, realized he was gay. Divorce cam easily, and tho I was young, it was by no means an easy separation. For many years, the 2 of them duked it out every chance they got, in front of me. There were times my mom threatened to kill us, and a time when he tried to run her over with a car that had me in it. I lived with my mom, saw dad on the weekends.



I can't tell you much about my childhood but that I was alone, passed around to family members to be watched, that mom and I were poor for a long while, that i had a stuffed huge 10-foot snake I used in every possible way, that I played alone, and that my mom beat me when she thought to. Most memories I have are quite literally black and white photo snap 'moments'- it would seem I simply cared to forget most of my childhood- but there are a few happy moments tucked away.



At an early age, I grew accustomed to being around older people, and I learnt to entertain myself- make play with anything around me. I used to love to reenact movies I saw, and play in the woods. I didn't have many kids as friends, but I don't think it ever bothered me much. The strange stuff started early- seeing things that weren't there, people, moving about, some scarey some not. Sometimes they were see-thru and walking past a door, or into a room, most never noticed me, and those that did were less friendly.

I used to dream about someone dying, and then days or weeks later, a family member would die. Sometimes I'd be doing something and it'd seem familiar, or an end to an event before my eyes was almost guessed before it happened. This stuff was never talked about, but at around the age of 13 that all changed.



My dad took me out for dinner when I turned 13, I guess an informal welcome to your teen years thing. We got into a convo about my daily life, and then he asked if I ever had anything wierd ever happen. He went into telling me that his family was one of the first in the area to live there, that some of them were known as 'healers'- they would deliver tinctions to locals. He told me of a few experiences he had growing up, seeing dead friends, a ghost in his house, etc. I then at that point said, I think to his surprise, that that stuff didn't freak me out, and that I had been seeing things for years.



I think I said, "Duh dad, where 'ya been?"

He wasn't around much, my dad was a regular party guy- I remember finding a bong on his kitchen counter once, and boy did he play that one off as inscence. LOL So he basically told me that things like that might increase and get more intense for me as the years went by. I was ok with that.



Now, aside from that, I had a few recurring dreams. One was of frequent visits by a set of pale, long white-haired twins, who would keep me company, tell me stories, and calm me down when I was mad or scared. There were many times in school that I got picked on for being different- Yeah, I wasn't a popular kid.(I once beat up 2 boys in Catholic school for calling me names, and another in 5th grade for calling me a bitch. Luck had me never in trouble but those who accosted me were) Many dreams were of me involved in what I can now label bloodlust- destroying the kids in school scenarios, quite bloody, and no I wasn't part of a trenchcoat mafia, and I never actually did anything- these were dreams. The twins would tell me that feeling that way was ok, because no one could understand how I felt. Blood never bothered me, in fact I had the fortitude of a doctor for the sight of blood or gore, and often the good red stuff attracted me. My other dreams were about Egypt.



Now thats a whole 'nother can of worms, so to speak.



Anyhow, at about 13-14, I started studying Pagan traditions, reading about with trials, and I found out from my dad that several of our Irish ancestors had been burned in the old country for being Witches. Around that time, much to the angst of my mom, I denounced Catholicism and Christianity- during my confirmation classes. I also started meeting others who were spiritual as I was, maybe a little rebellious, and then the others- those who were looking for me- vamps.



My first wierd encounter was in a mall, Xmas time, I hated malls, by no means was I a mall rat teen, but mom needed to shop, so I got dragged around. i was sensing that there was someone 'cool' around, that I wasn't alone, and went into Cinnabon to get a bite. There I am, alone, snacking, when a young cute goth guy walks up and says, "Hey, Jenn (my real name), I'm Thirst, I've heard about you and was looking for you. Wanna talk?"



Add in here that I was mentally, for some time now, sending out beacons for others 'like me' to come find me, and help me not be so miserable. Sometimes you get what you wish for.



Yeah, so Thirst, surprised me, but I took the bait, and we chatted, he gave me his number. He was older, drove, and often came to see me. We'd wander about, talk about how I was feeling, about crap- music, the usual chatter, but we were very quickly good friends. I'd go to his place in PA, and he'd show me his haunts, introduce me to others, a guy whos name I forget, and a girl named Danna. So one time I get up there, and he tells me "it's time."



We go into his basement, his hangout, all done up with posters, and blaring music, Christian Death to be exact, and he tells me, he's clean, gets tested, and likes to have his cuts made with a clean blade right in the crook of his arm. his arms tied off, he hands me the blade, and says, "Do you want to do it, or shall I?" OK, so I'm flabbergasted, at a loss for words, and tell him to, and BAM, there's this nice welling of crimson yummy in my face. Needless to say I jumped, and went at it for a bit, till he told me to stop.



I was dizzy, a little tipsy if you can understand that, and he tells me that it's just the beginning, he takes me to the living room, lays me down, turns on Dead Can Dance's Aion CD, and says, "the best is yet to come, relax, close your eyes, and tell me what you see."



This was quick, him taking me upstairs, like a minute maybe...and so I am on the couch, and eyes closed, I take a deep breath, open my eyes, and...



the music, not too loud, gets loud all the sudden, my hearts bursting with energy, my eyes are seeing what looks like vibrations, I am crawling with tingles all over my skin. It's like every sense in my body is on overload. Yeah it might sounds a little movie cliche, but I assure you, back then, all the vampire movies of fame one could muster to describe bs didn't exist. This was the real deal. In a matter of moments I was crying and laughing, and he was holding me, smiling, and just said, "welcome back jenn".



So I guess you could say, that was my actual awakening, for years I thought as such. But over the years, I've come to realize, it was a part of a whole, a moment of many. Thirst just helped me open my eyes, and in a great way too!



Not long after, I started meeting others in ways so odd and mysterious I could almost say it was mystical.





***to be continued

in the arms of Massive Attack- IN CONCERT, woot, they were wonderful, tho a bit loud on the reverb twist, but the highlight of the night, is that Liz Frasier- the GODDESS of COCteau Twins was a guest singer, on several songs, as well as others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1



I SCREAMED LIKE A GIRL! LOL



If anyone's going to see them on tour, be prepared for an excellent evening.