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It's wild how little things can affect your days. Maybe not in a profound manner, but just enough to add a little more weigh to the load you are already carrying. But for some it's so much more. I imagine this is what most of my country feels like when watching the news and seeing headlines of war.... For a lot of us, our day to day doesn't really change. For some of us, we have loved ones being shipped off, perhaps to die. For some of us, we cannot concentrate on the war overseas because we are fighting our own battles here. As a parent, I have to find a way to explain why all this is happening, why the choices those in power make so vastly do not align with the values we have in our home. My children are teenagers.... some of them adults... and yet they still don't understand. I know the feeling all too well, because I don't understand either. And I don't understand why people here at home chose to sling insults like it's a game, or show hatred like it's a badge of honor. Or even the wars started on social media.... It seems wild to me to take offense at something said by a total stranger...over a keyboard.. but it happens. I keep hoping that people are above that... even when they show me they are clearly not. So my questions to you, friends on Vampire Rave, and perhaps not yet friends... Have you been kind in your dealings with strangers today? We all need a bit of grace sometimes, even when we are horrific at showing it. (In case you are wondering if I'm a pacifist, I'm not. I just chose to give people grace. I try to never start fights. I don't like the damage left in the wake of them...) Be kind to a stranger today... or a friend... they may need it more than you know. xxoo, Bella

COMMENTS

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Cadrewolf2
23:30 Jun 28 2025

Yes unfortunately, several rude remarks and hand gestures, the heat, the moon, or people's stupidity of thinking they are more entitled thanothers .

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Morbius
23:13 Jun 29 2025

Yes, I have. Kinder every day. You're either part of the problem or part of the solution.

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summer.... for some a time for vacations, lazy days and warm nights. For me, it's an increased workload as I make products for summer markets. I envision a large clock over my head.. tick, tick, ticking away from one event to the next... And inevitably, my usual routine gets more chaotic in response. Kids are out of school,so I don't have to worry about drop off or pick up times, but they forget that mom also works from home and needs to left alone sometimes. MOST of the time they are great, really they are... just a bit of venting from your friendly neighborhood witch.....

"You weren't not enough.
You were everything...
Then nothing."

Those were among the last words you said to me... It's funny.. I never wanted to be 'everything', but to hear 'nothing'..... words designed to hurt. And they did. Don't get me wrong, I said my share of hurtful things. But I find myself thinking about THOSE particular words...

...I never wanted to be 'everything'. 'Everything' is too high a pedestal to fall from. It is a charged word, like exceptional, extraordinary, beautiful. What happens when the glow fades and you see I'm just me? Because I'm not any of those things, not really. You might think that I am, because we live in a world where cruelty, intolerance and apathy are the norm. I meet you where you're at and accept you for who you are, for no particular reasons beyond that's just who I am. Yet somehow the bare minimum of civility becomes remarkable.

...I never wanted to be everything. We met online and I was delighted with our conversations. I was happy to find a friend that I could be completely candid with. I shared things with a stranger that people who have known me for years have never heard. Perhaps that was my error. But I hate holding things back when I have them in my mind to say. And then you read my mind so easily....and that delighted me too. With that level of connection came darker things. That never bothered me. I find comfort in the dark, and am at home with raw emotion- good or bad. And then you didn't hold back from me, or at least I think you didn't. I told myself I was different from the people who'd let you down before. In my defense, I truly thought I was. Our conversations were still delightful, until they weren't. You got angry...and I got angry...and we fought. I took a step back, not to walk away, but to take a breath. We recovered, we apologized but we never really talked about it. And we were ok....until we weren't.

...I never wanted to be everything... and I knew I wasn't. There were others you talked about, the ones you loved, and I was good with that. They continued to disappoint you, and I despised them for being weak. I despised their weaknesses until it consumed me and made me irritable when you talked about them. I didn't want to be your love, your lover, or even your donor, but I wanted your person or people to be better than THAT. You deserve better than that. But I, of all people, should know better. The heart wants what it wants. But we were ok... until we weren't.
You made an assumption about me, one I corrected, but then you questioned me endlessly about it. You had questions I didn't have answers too. So I took another step back. You thought I was angry but I wasn't. Then you made a comment about not bothering me anymore. I guess that was the straw that broke me, because then I was angry and said unkind things. I got angry... and you got angry... and we fought. I tried to take a step back ...and then I was nothing...

...I never wanted to be everything... but to be nothing? How do I come to terms with that?

COMMENTS

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Morbius
17:51 Jun 27 2025

Amen.

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LordRazrDeMorte
02:51 Jun 28 2025

wow very deep

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