Happy fucking mother's day to me...10:03 May 08 2011
Times Read: 566
I want to scream...
WARNING: VERY STRONG EMOTIONAL WRITING COMING UP, AND AS SUCH, NOT ALL GRAMMAR AND CAPITALIZATION RULES WILL BE FOLLOWED.
I'm so fucking disgusted and angry with my mom right now...she's forcing me to lie to my extended family who I just barely was able to get back in touch with after over FIFTEEN GODDAMN YEARS due to HER bullshit.
She tells me my daddy isn't doing so well, health-wise, his kidneys are failing, probably because of the combo of type 2 diabetes, age, and the meds he has to take for his bipolar. Then demands that I lie to her sisters, her brothers, and the entire rest of the family about how he's doing. I'm not allowed to tell anyone that she and daddy are helping us out with car payments for a month, and gas money. I'm not allowed to fucking cry about how sad i am that daddy isn't doing so well. I'll be the first to admit, he's not mr.perfect dad, but she and he raised me, and while they may not be my family by blood, they're the reason i'm still here (and fucked up, but that's another story).
But at the same time, she demands i tell them exactly how anyone else is helping us out. I feel so used and so frustrated,and so tired of this bullshit right now...it's starting to affect my health.
doesn't help that adam was in the hospital er for complications arising from his pleurisy. his throat closed up middle of the night, and he had to rush there. doesn't help that his mom is a raging fucking bitch who will scream at you that she hates you and the next minute pretend nothing happened. This is the only place I can vent, and feel even remotely safe, because it's not safe to vent on FB, she could see, or the family could see what mommy doesn't want them to know...
my only rock, my only solace, and the only things that keep me sane, are my husband (regardless of what we've been through-it's only made us as a unit stronger) and my darling daughter...regardless of how much of a pain in the ass she can be.
I honestly have no idea how much longer daddy will live, and I have a very strong gut feeling that when he goes, within a very short amount of time, mommy will too. They've been together a long time, and he was her first and only.
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