22:03 Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 695
I'm not going to lie. I wish I COULD live forever, or at least a long, LONG HEALTHY life.
I know the cons. Watching those around you die, loneliness, restlessness, boredom after a certain point, secrecy, possible insanity.
But for my own selfish reasons, I feel that it would be nice... if only it were true. If illnesses could be taken away, just like that.
I KNOW that diabetes isn't that bad, and yet I know how bad it can be; this March marks my 11th year anniversary of my diagnosis. That was the shittiest birthday I've ever had, I know that much. I was a healthy kid, and that was a huge blow to me.
But it would be wonderful, if things could be different. If I could regain full eyesight. If I didn't have to take shots 3 times a day and often wonder if I'll have enough money to buy insulin this month. To not constantly be sick because I have to ration out insulin.
Some of us want this all to be, simply for the romantic part of it, the strength, the speed, the strangely irresistible pull. And some of us just don't want to suffer anymore. Living without suffering, it doesn't seem so much to ask for. I know suffering would be a part of everyday life, but I feel like it would be bearable.
To be able to watch humanity progress. To watch nieces and nephews, grand and great grand nieces and nephews grow up, have children and grandchildren of their own, to travel the world, see every culture, unravel the mysteries of history, to look at the TV one day and think, 'I was there', to befriend the lonely, to give a loving friendship to someone on their deathbed, to be... HER.
It is selfish, I know.
But there are so many people out there, people on the very edge who just need someone to listen for a moment before heading on their way...
I could do great things, and yet remain in shadow. I don't think I would ever truly be lonely.
If only immortality... HEALTHY immortality... could be achieved.
But who knows? Perhaps my 'curse' has stakes in that. After all, I've met many diabetics, and we ALL look far younger than we are. And at times we can have the mindset of those far younger as well.
Maybe evolution is about to make a leap?
Haha, immortal diabetics of the world unite.
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