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The pounding beating headaches has returned in my left temple. As I’m going about it by trying not to medicate. Trying not to medicate with pain pills. Though I did have some lidocaine laying around applied it to my temple area of head in upon left side of head down to the sideburns of facial hair and it worked. (LIDOCAINE) Excruciating pain has went away.. though still feel it inside with a pulse type pain that’s left side of head. Feel it behind my eyes, feel dulling slight discomfort behind left eyes. Recently been skyrocketing my protein intake. Never in life before I ever really paid attention to protein. Been having some really hard stools lately. Constipated. Remember when I was young was too young small to push a constipated stool out that I got put in the mind I’m pushing a poop put from my childhood days… / sarcasm/ but uh. Just couldn’t never do it as a child finally did it as an adult. Push a constipated hard stool out. Wonder did that burst a blood vessel in the head or something. As I am getting bigger in places I always was small at like legs. Seems like legs are finally getting some of the distribution. I wonder is that a thing? Body gets jammed locked until it rids something that locked it. Like an old poop that forced the brain too strain in and that process the brain burst off something that was dormant in reawakened the process that got stuck when was in childhood… It’s been over 25 years since I got a annual medical checkup! And if I could I would not go the hospital for the rest of my life. Haven’t had a medical checkup in over 25 years why start now.

These headaches typically comes on in last 12 hours+

//Update// the product is called pro lab relief lidocaine+Phenol, Roll on.

Im the type of person everybody hate. Everyone loves to go against me. My whole life. Although I became numb to this but I solely became aware of this several years ago. I’m the person people likes to challenge. The love too oppose me. They like when I’m losing. How I overcame this, simply by ignoring it. but ignoring it makes it worse as it mask that problem to bring up other problems that really decoy of the real situation. The situation is your the bullseye for subliminal hits that others enjoy. Others thrive and survive by that. As it just hard to understand. I don’t want to be overly liked. But really … no one truly liked it me. The relationships I had came by coincidences never had a real relationship. Family included they are coincidence. Happens to be because such of luck struck that they at least acted like they liked me. Which they still do. But I can’t say I like them either after learning them… rather not be around them and rather not communicate with them. I detached from my supposedly family in 2020. Limit to little contact. Yet till this day they still have those old ugly stories of the past where they talked about every-time around them which I hate. ( got off topic ) so… I guess I end it here. They tried to mess my life. Did… I must rise to the being I’m destined to be.
Ps. I never really been a mean person. Never been a nasty person. Never been a sloppy person.
I always been a solitary type person, reserve to my ways. Yet got caught in others ways. Got caught on and in stuff that was entrapping and false.

No one is mortal anymore I haven’t seen or met a person that seem normal in nearly a decade or two… When the last time you see a plain person? A person you can say that’s a human? Honestly. Personally. Not talking about seeing a person on the side of the road or a person that under the guise of problems. Problems that you know that you know such as, hunger or manipulation. Honestly. Dead truth! I have been having trouble keeping up with just the “ Normal “ humans? Mortals? That it comes at a price of nearly straight destruction for me. Daily for past years! I’ve been pushing the boundaries of limitation, by taking thrice to quadruple the amount of recommendations for brain pills. Though keep in mind I’m coming from heavy oppression of a … povertized big family. Poverty/Povertized. Dramatically. In a way of squish type feeling whole life until the age of 24-25…So really this makes me question myself of what really? Because I haven’t always been, ABLE. Able to be myself without the next person right there along nearly duplicating my person of me… So if you think I special really you need to come to my city everybody is really about the same…. 5’7 tall height. I look around everybody really is the same height and probably maybe even faster quicker and stronger than I am, including the opposite sex. So really? Ask your self when was it you didn’t see someone like you? Is it really everybody seeking an edge over the other? Is that what this really about? I’m trying to tell you! Really what set me off from others is im not them I’m in my own body and I believe in my own philosophy more than any other best philosophy.

Just duplicate the next person right next to you except do it in a better way… not saying that’s the way I due. But that’s what I see and see daily for really whole life in th civilization… I mean freedom and choices but still.., really…. That’s why I say vampirism is more widespread than totally someone saying it’s only undead fairytales mythical monsters of fantasy. It’s really more of a ongoing plague that everybody can get!

Really I’m behind the margin in my city. Seeing myself in the workplace competing in the race for money, I never been the fastest, never been the quickest, never been the smartest. I been in a lot of work places! Work situations. Competitions!

So really honest truth I’m seeking… maybe an edge over the next person… just like everyone else… this is how my city is. Don’t believe me just go around.

Maybe in a small rural town or some kind of gated community you’ll probably get a sense of that person is human.. maybe in some kind of fancy strict specific community you’ll get a sense of that person normal.., not in my city… no one looks ‘Pure’ no one looks innocent!

What’s it really mean to be a Vampire?
What’s it really mean to be a Human?

There’s big questions is ringing!!!!!! And they’re unanswered!

Person stories … doesn’t really tell the truth.

*Update/Logged/12/14/2025:9:28pm,
Now. For a quick moment a segment that may throw this whole entry off topic or such. Here I going to write another brief quick paragraph of something similar: HERE IT IS;
Say at work, big place maybe factory or warehouse. Even could be a small business. But if your not the ‘boss’ your really working for the benefit of them and by that your getting benefits from the deal. While they stand and watch monitor the statistic screen others is working their guts to fatigue, meanwhile the strongest gets to watch specifically in make changes to either manipulate or alter the course, then any replacement for the ordinary a due. As the strongest reaps the benefits of management…

Evil is not evil unless you don’t understand it. For example a mean person that had killed before. They call em evil. He/She/They, appears, ‘ Evil’ the label of is on them. You know just about like everything else… a label that people use too quickly call it that, ( label name ) and… move on. And then everybody just continues to do this… because it’s easy and it’s memorable. Way to be judgmental without thinking about it further than its simple title. But what if I say… that’s wrong. ( label name ) call it the label. In this instance since we are here on the vampire site… Killer! Beast! Monster! Behemoth! … poison, sick, mental ill. These are labels… those recent words i described are labels made to quickly discern the actuality nature of being because simply is easy to be less judgmental. Now’s here’s the actuality. What if you took time to understand it… then you’ll go.. well.. that’s not really out of nature as it seem when the name was heavily implied in fact not that it’s broken down… totally understand from that prospective. For example: killed because it was go survival in there wasn’t any other option. But look at the other way, they just killed them, plainly and thoughtlessly. So you see it’s only evil if you don’t understand. And if you don’t understand… then???? What????

Another one is. A venomous snake, poisonous. Dangerous. It must be evil. Why? Because it’s easy not to go beyond further thought. but, if went beyond further, then a come to know it’s has a rhythmic system of its own just as whomever judging based off its names, its labels,. So it’s misunderstood because it’s not easy to understand its ways.

So even for me even I get confused in my own rants and my own opinions in my own thoughts. But. It’s written it’s written. Hopefully someone else may even can make better sense of it. Instead of calling it plainly a one word label and moving on!

I’m not here to expose anyone! I’m no police I’m no detective. None of that. Not trying to bring righteousness. Not trying to change or covert any.
What I’m doing is feeding myself in the knowledge of concept. In this may be wild rants to indulgences.

Who am I? Let’s just say… I’m in part of the thought in your mind, That tell you it gotta be a better way!
Do I crave blood. Not yet. But I due feel the need… could be the reason I’m here… but for me I’m more of a sadistic keeper of the v world. Tends to charge myself when i can relish in the knowing nature of pain that I know pain is coming. Pain is near. Yet I friend the fear. My ways have been of me eating or what I could of intellectual thoughtZ. Mainly thoughts of my own is what I feed upon. Then for my main entree is pornography, the interracial kindZ

Hate. I hate when we turn others to a vampire in they in turn end up straying and then they turn others just as you turned them. Next thing knows theirs literally dozens of you... But they don’t know it and you probably don’t know it. DNA gets dissed to the point it’s seems like it’s just a simple germ…but dna isn’t a simple germ you can just wipe away…. Then what makes me so mad about this whole thing is people deny vampirism from top to bottom. They don’t know vampirism they don’t know true vampirism. All they know is blood drank…. Some don’t even know blood drank they be teetering there whole life in doesn’t know what they is and who they really are yet they teeter the lifestyle lowly. For example… you eat animal flesh, they eat animals everyday… manly store bought supermarket bought animal flesh.. but what? Think about that part for a second. It’s a form of vampirism. We need to clarify vampirism a little better. Because really you’ll be surprised. Many just dormant . And on the spell of the cohorts that they’ll never admit the nature of this world is vampirism. But low level exist. Even for me. I’m not a high supreme I’m vulnerable to misfits and the cohorts daily as well as the next. But. I applaud the true path-ers that does the lifestyle well! Because some just don’t do well or may never.

There’s many missing books and information regarding the subject theirs many people wrote about it and recent times. But what makes them right? What makes that right? What makes that wrong?
I blame the cohorts!

Reckless sex.
Reckless behavior.
Not smart about how they interpret themselves in this world. Can’t blame some for this especially if they’ve been… smothered to be low by being a siblings little sibling that they engrave that mindset their whole livez.

What I like is when the principles of the lifestyle. I like when we can apply the principles and live and die by principles of the lifestyle. Not all dumbish zombish scrub-bish.

COMMENTS

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CTom
00:09 Dec 12 2025

Siblings little sibling mindset-

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Living still are. Heck l… ya know.. most of the time, personally, i just never feel good around people. It just never does for me: never did. Though there’s times I’m willing tolerate it, extra closeness of ‘Humans’
And you know we are playing the money game for the most part. Arguably that’s the main thing in the civilized world, ‘Money’
So I’m coming from really -0 to getting paychecks every week by working labor at a job.; I’ll give a updated version of this when
*Update*
It used to be impossible. Seemed impossible for my self to be able too ignore the aggravation. For me just being around people is very aggravating to me especially when they really going against you but they seemingly not. It’s just set up that way: Competition to a certain extent everything is competition even when it doesn’t feel or seem like it, it is, but that’s nature, not mad at that just bringing it to a forefront.
So back the the narrative’
Just this year in last few months I earned nearly the most money i ever had in my life, seeing nearly 10k$. Prior whole work history was total sum of maybe 50k earned throughout whole life excluding this year of 2025 when i wrote this message.
At one of them jobs. If it’s not you it can be him or her… it’s not something like if it’s not you it’s not nothing. It’s lucky you, lucky here, lucky there.
Think about it and would they give you a thing when they can give their direct kin what they given / gave you.
( Not complaining ) [ Venting ]>
Minus the stimulus check, that had to be direct used quickly. Late 2024 was the first time in life that I’ve held 2,000 at one time. Late 2025 was the first time that I held 2,000$ + .
Seasonal times is the case I guess in America latter months, September, October, November, December, January. Tends to be elevated when it comes to I guess the financial stocks of the nation where it’s more… “ Jolly “ during those months that can go from nothing to something…

But welp… hanging on…. One of them cases of they smarter they better. They stronger they better, they faster they better. Not you for you type! But hey ‘ Shrugs’ such is life

https://youtu.be/dp9JeALkQnE?si=EvE7toNQPLGkwh-Z

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Cadrewolf2
06:13 Dec 09 2025

great

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