19:50 Aug 23 2010
Times Read: 626
So I have been having back-neck shoulders spine spasms recently. I believe its due to my baggage. When Dre carries it, dont have spasms that night. My cell battery is dying but it holds my memories to drop in journal. Calvin's ex he was sleeping with without protection confirms pregnancy bout 7-8 weeks now. They are not together, he still wants him and I to work. Confirming he is with child, we will not be together again. I was sick when I got his text "Call me back, I got a babay on the way" But I laughed and smiled in front of Dre and my sister Stacy, sandra, and uncle tom. I said now I can get my divorce without a problem, but RI legal services (free legal assistance for poor) is closed off waiting list for divorces. I have had some chaos with Dre. We went to visit his friend Mikey in Prov. (has 4 snakes, dragon, 2 dogs, 3 fish tanks AWESOME!) got high. Then we left. Dre wants to talk about dudes want him dead, cops aint cool black and white dont mix up there in chalkstone area. So he went to put beer in my bag on my shoulder with his back facing cop car coming, I looked horrified seeing police, they flipped around threw him on car patted him down asked what he was doing and if I knew him. other dudes come out. His nephew came up talking shit to police like got nothing better to do, cant accept black and white made them miss their bus. I froze. I dont take lightly to police interactions. He got mad, walked off leaving me there, a dude with big fat pit says was that last bus? and black and white out here, cops are white and fuck with all the blacks. So it was a bad night. He didnt go far (Dre) came back made us keep walking. He says its my fault they did that im white girl and it wouldnt have happened if i wasnt white etc. So you can see he's very criticizing towards me. But thats not recent.EndofAugust at mom's so cat food and litter gone. Just got $5 from Jacob who was supposed to come back and bomb Dre was with me no more ativan for Jacob. I have to have surgery agani (colonascapy) Sept.8th Not happy or excited but sucks. These kids Katey and Drake I've known since they were like 8&10 live near my aunt jane's are older now well sandra my lil sister just told me their older brother Michael died. I was sad. So I called Drake (16now) and met up with him and found out Michael died from pnemonia brought on by aids. SO SICK! He had it 5-7 years. Bisexual whore he was. UGH! Well he spread it and others dont know and are still spreading it. HORRIBLE! I met Michael some years ago. He admitted in secret to me he was bi cuz he gave off gay vibes. He said none his family knew or he'd lose everything he got from his father. They all have same father, michael was from a previous marriage raised in maryland with his mother came up here for college thats when he caught pneumonia. I see Drake now from time to time to talk adn chill. Michael always had a smile on his face even before he went into acoma, then when the family was told everything but his body was dead, they pulled the plug, died in front of them. His father's family being Jehovah witnesses didnt attend funeral cuz it was non religious being help in a methodist church. Half ashes with mom, half with dad. That stuck me hard. My cousin Heather jsut had a blood transusion. her blood level was .05 supposed to be .13 and it was becasue she had operation earlier to get the band around her stomach to make her skinny now it made her sick. Rough when her father uncle george was sick too. But his health is better. I never liked Heather but i dont want her to die. I had a busy week. Friday worked 4 hours then eye doc appt then drake and then laundry. Saturday was marky's football game (portsmouth he's in verse middletown marky won 4-2) then Mali (cousin Cari's daugh ter) her 5th birthday party at third beach. Not great time but good time. Yesturday fought with Dre he found my texts to Calvin I was going to beat the baby out his ho. he held it in two weeks then flipped on me. I said leave. he spazzed. through cold coffee on me and my bed, got it on cat accidentally. we were loud my lab sleeping through it in first room. Then he ripped up 2 new applications. through on floor and coffee hit floor. I cleaned up his mess. I lied. I dont want to be with him but im happy with him. Confusing. TO myself. I told him i wanted him to stay but to go. he spazzed again. we ended up going to uncles to meet jacob $5 went to cat food and scrach tickets-(Losing) went to prov stuck in prov at mikeys slept great. i came back for doctor nuerologist appt and now at library catching up here. One night we had dinner at uncle ray's which was nice. We together. We ok. He may be controlling. I am bout to quiz it. But then because my BPD i told him to be forceful and demanding or ill be lazy. Last night we walked from chalkstone (twenty min) close to KP realizing mised last newport bus walked back another 20min i stayed in my own thoughts. Positively strange amusing thoughts. He complained stopped was angry-i didnt say a word he made the mistake. We slept good through the night. Uncle Ray called me Saturday to evict Brendan and Brendan started running his mouth texting me i was like whatever dont care got own problems. Brendan hasnt picked up his stuff yet bout to go through it myself then trash the rest. Daddy called me from Dialysis in NH on ride from docs to library. I want to still go for a week but Dre probably will not approve. UGH! CONTROLL? I told him to take control. So did I do it to myself? Or does he need to back down? IDK. We Happy and im nuts so i make moves and mouth things that make us unhappy in end of negative days. He just called and was like take your charger everywhere for now on sick this phone dying shit. he should be home by 4 so i got to get home by 4. Hospital not happeneing now. UGH! LATER
Carmella
THINGS ARE ALRIGHT!
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