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C is gone again, no phone at all, minutes gone on cell, and my house is disconnected now too. im pissed, need new phone. SO ive had no contact with him today and im sad... I will be 21 in 6 days and I only want him for my birthday. I dont want anything from my mom except money or minutes for my phone. I am so sad. DAMN like I said things change fast. He says he loves me alot. I believe him. I made him $160 in one night, he was happy. All his shit was gone then, so he left to reup the next day which was yesturday. I need a friend. I am lonely... LATER

Well C is still here. But things change fast. He can be mean, make nasty & stupid lil remarks but with him, they're ignored. I saw Craig last nite. Ohio, everything says & everyone says. I need to be happy but I dont know how. I hate thinking, it leads to depression and fucked up thoughts. I am doing schoolwork again, looking for a job still. I miss being happy. I think I was happy at times. But when im sad I dont remember. C Is not forever, or for long. I can just enjoy it, not take advantage of the time, and let go when it has to end. Leaving now. I have a headache.