The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

My emotions and past are controlling me and my actions now as an adult with insecurity and fear of neglect. More. I have hit him because a past person tried to control and abuse me. FEAR OF PG. No period, on 4 different antibiotics this month. I don't know whats in his head but we met understood the possibility. We did it. Its my responsibility now & I cant raise it with him for he is a child inside and has not much past in his children lives. I love them we got our oldest some money not $100 and my nieces and nephews will love their presents, my twins loved their gifts. I am in deep fear of abandonment and neglect, I'm used to liars, words that come to reality. He says yesterday cant pay for divorce, today he can. OFF AND ON. I need my teeth seen & worked on by professionals that give a damn about the teeth of the poor who want them fixed & pay plus insurance for it. He is in bed now. Not unusual. The twins came and went. Last night til late afternoon. Going to Stacey's shortly. I want to wake up with my nieces and all family together for pictures. Got my blue dress & hooker boots (i call them that but i love these boots) A lot of conflict and negativity in me. He tolerates it. I can not blame my present actions on past events that stick in my brain. College is a start, 6 exams passed now got to complete and essay. "Why is college education important to me?" 5 para- graphs. My nieces will make me happy. I am truly happy when with my nieces and nephews they make my sun shine. I am leaving Nathan by himself and I am sad about it but doing what makes me happy especially being CHRISTMAS.

Lord I Praise YOU. I need strength and motivation and lots more from You. Love and inner peace. I got to keep working kepp focused and budget properly.



G2G



think i covered my brain, works fine, schools cool, nathan and I having problems (HE got caught lying to his mother, daughter, myself and his friend.) SO he wakes alone tomorrow. My sisters and mom and their kids are having pictures and dinner at Janies house tomo late afternoon.



BYE

MAY I BE STRONG LORD I LOVE THEE

Spent two weekends in a row with my sister and nieces and sis man Matt. Friday night we went to chucky cheese and newport creamery I loved seeing the kids faces lil Jayanna laughing crazy playing ice hockey against Matt. I hated to leave them. It feels peaceful there but im sure not 24/7 cuz they work hard allot & Jordyn school and Jay 3 not in school yet. Nathan. I'm leaving, moving into my own place by February. With a friend Jamal 2 bedroom on bus line we can afford. I need my sanity. I have been talking to the Lord God and Jesus. HE helps. I feel him. I feel myself. im anxious sad frustrated but leaving it to pass cuz its stupid stuff I can move away from. Christmas Nathans mother evil Nana and his oldest daughter caused chaos i spent her Christmas money and dad lied to everyone. told his gay friend I took his money so gay friend mike would give him $125.

Nathan is a two faced big mouth liar. About me now we are done.

LORD I LIFT YOUR NAME ON HIGH

Blessed Be this Christmas and Christmas Eve adn everyday I follow You



I call to You Lord for guidance strength and more to be unindependant on any man but myself.

Spent two weekends in a row with my sister and nieces and sis man Matt. Friday night we went to chucky cheese and newport creamery I loved seeing the kids faces lil Jayanna laughing crazy playing ice hockey against Matt. I hated to leave them. It feels peaceful there but im sure not 24/7 cuz they work hard allot & Jordyn school and Jay 3 not in school yet. Nathan. I'm leaving, moving into my own place by February. With a friend Jamal 2 bedroom on bus line we can afford. I need my sanity. I have been talking to the Lord God and Jesus. HE helps. I feel him. I feel myself. im anxious sad frustrated but leaving it to pass cuz its stupid stuff I can move away from. Christmas Nathans mother evil Nana and his oldest daughter caused chaos i spent her Christmas money and dad lied to everyone. told his gay friend I took his money so gay friend mike would give him $125.

Nathan is a two faced big mouth liar. About me now we are done.

LORD I LIFT YOUR NAME ON HIGH

Blessed Be this Christmas and Christmas Eve adn everyday I follow You



I call to You Lord for guidance strength and more to be unindependant on any man but myself.

SO I sliced up my arms with broken glass from nathan's house table decors. I then chopped my hair off. Everyone said it dont look bad and no one offered to fix or trim it. IT was hell here for awhile and i know it will burn up again but im trying to let nothing get to me it seems that they try to get to me when im trying cointrol my inner ugly emotions. My cousin jason and his girl dana and my uncle ray playing games with my belongnings. they went to moms house not much better there. But I was invited to stacys last thurs and i went til today and im home with nathan but hes in bed and i had a great time with my angel & my ladybug who is now a princess, my birthday is tomorrow and ill be 25,,,

woopety doo. BAck to work 2hours tomo morn...OMG I STARTED COLLEGE AND IM HaPPY BOUT IT just passed first 3 exams the fourth one got to read more over again again.

nightmare was bobby gailey ex from 12-14/15 yrs old there & Nathan and we were in green & they were bloody fighting an i couldnt keep them apart. weird. he was crazy & i loved it but im in love with only one JOSHUA.

wherever he is ILOVEYOU



ALOT HAS GONE ON but its flat now im jus not answerin phone for no one no more. so sick of ppl trying to talk negative to me so just wont answer calls at all now...