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Life...Janie is fine. I was not happy going home. I wanted to go upstairs. But Uncle Ray told me his love called him and he was so happy and I was so happy he was so happy and his love called him. He is $200 overdrawn for lending out his debit card to his greedy kids and lustfriend. He whined to everyone. I am noth elping him cuz he did it to hisself and I have my own bills to pay. Then my damn husband called and just stressed me out with questions about my past and stupid comments like "not everyone will hurt you and leave you" they are ridiculous comments becasue I love Joshua who I chatted with for 20 minutes today. He says he is proud of me for quitting cigarettes and he loves me and he thinks of me and his bday is march 12th. Duh 12/12 me 3/12 him...He made my day. My Uncle Ray and mom and I are struggling with food & household products but we survive. thats what matters, WE SURVIVE. I can survive on my own until my love returns. He agreed yup to believing in happy ever after and I told him I believe he is mine. So Calvin is not helping us because my heart is elsewhere always was I was just too foolish and selfish and emotionally lost to see and wait for it.

Nightmare @ my sister janie's house. I was at a hotel party I am unaware of knowing anyone. Well I decide to go with a man-young black braids Lemont we called him up the road-we walked. We got arrested. I was told "for keeping the car started" but there was no car. Lemont is gone. I am in like a school cafetaria with all females in nasty uniforms (im in jail) I was raped by a police officer in a nasty large bathroom. We were taken by van-several; guys/girls to a gas station let out to buy things, I hid in a van of a regular customer and they found me...I was harassed by the other women one I knew as a bully(in real life she was a bully) the others I dont recall knowing...I woke up twice and couldnt think about it it was so bad so now I am writing it out. It was awful adn these are the only details I remember.

My time at my sisters with my nieces was awesome. So emotional I am. My 2yrold niece gave me a cinderella coloring book to read to her I was so happy. My 9yrold niece told her friend I am her bester aunt and she knows I love my nieces&nephews morethan anything. Court with birdpoop delayed due to snowstorm til march 8th. Tuesday. They better show up. its still emotional to tolerate adn absorb my sister talks to him. Therapy is coming along. We will learn how to teach me to control my emotions. Thats this 12-week goal. I have done my budgeting too for February adn im not changing it. Its what needs to be done and what I want(extra) moms watching so im keeping it down to earth update. moms tarot cards talk about we not separationg an going to come into money(hope) outcome _could be a year wait. trust her instincts and listen. Uncle Ray is getting on mynerves, badly. im learning to control cursing and he his mouth his opinions are ridiculous out of control adn im not helping him anymore he bankrupt cuz he handed all his money out_he dont hand me money when im broke and i get my own $$$ UH well ankle better had flu last n ight ugh Joshua and I still chat more and more thank God G2G



Carmella



Books are difficult cuz I cant put my sight memories into words. UGH later

The new year has been moving along. I am taking care of myself and positively changing. I quit smoking cigarettes and trying to control my tongue. No more cursing. Calvin and I said farewell to eachother until we attend divorce court. He is disappointed with me and im a screwed up selfish person getting married knowing i loved joshua. Im over it. I do love Joshua. And we are communicating more adn more. It puts me at ease to type him adn him type back. Knowing he is alive. I am at newport library now. I had a seizure last wed. nite at ambries sisters house and we havent seen eachother since. So sad. I sprained my ankle sunday. Still using a crutch so my foot dont tip to its side and I fall again adn hurt it. Its black and blue adn swollen like 5ankles. I am taking care of myself now. I need to find a place I can afford and take my two cats and as long as mom adn I can fend for ourselves by ourselves we will be alright. I got to see my little nephew last night, getting so big. I saw my marky too for a moment. I also cleaned my hosue-with my momm's help and found the 2 eclipse dvds i accused cassandra of stealing. Things are moving along. Im thrilled to be changing for the good. Working on writing my books one at a time. rich or not i can make money off them and be happy with my work. G2G mom wants computer. Just update. Spending weekend with my kids Monday martin luther king birthday my sisters and her bf are going to see jerry springer lucky them i agreed to babysit. later



CARMELLa

I am with Ambrie, my only true friend and her siblings. I love them all and we are bringing in 2011 reviewing 2010 . I got married and separated this year. My Godson Maddox was born and his father Jacob was just given his life a car, home, & job (soon) in GA with his girlfriend while I try to figure out how to take care of me this year. I left Calvin we ended us completely and Joshua is my future. I will bring in the Newyear with DiGiorno Four Cheese Pizza, a blueberry zigzag wrap some screwdrivers and caldwell with punch. HAPPY NEW YEARS>POSITIVELY CHANGE THINGS YOU CAN I DID-IM TO TRY



my kids are my future-