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I got up and went to the doctor, got a ear infection andhave a head cold. My mommy wen with me. I get body aches from my arms and neck though my shoulders and back. I feel lousy and tired, Sandra got her period yesturday so i will have mine soon this week. Shoping Monday. Reme my 8 month od black lab gets spayed shots and nails clipped tuesday. Got to feed my youngest kids memphis 1 and jay 9 months. LATER



babysitting wit janie here.

I am so happy with charles but i dont know if he's happy at all. School hasnt gone anywhere, my own laziness and brain confusion and horribel motivation. I decide not to go to NY due to my belly size. Horrible but better i dont go at this time. Not while im happy with charles. NY calls to getaway but i could at least save the money lose weight and contril my situations beofre going on a vacation. Bronxc break. I must learn heal and grow...I must I can...I feel lost in this world though. I feel i dont belong with humans, but i am a civilain right now. I dont know what to do with myself really. Unfortunately my brain is clogged with chaos confusion and off nuerotin right now. Dumb nurse line , ill have a seizure soon cuz my nuerotin. I need to get some money for my meds too. I am next door at jens. Kittens are here cant see em in room where her ma is asleep. He wants one quick. May get one from the pound soon, lkandlord may screw him on it again. BAck lower back pain and shoulder blade left is soar. LATER Ms Jennifer contacted me recently, very happy bout it too. I missed her. G2G myspace another old friend found me there.

Honesty, loyalty, trust, and communication is supposed to be the qualities of a relationship. when you mistrust, are disloyal, lie, cheat, steal, betray then you two can not be together or have a true relationship. His ex bad lay mistake showed up at his house and he tells me in front of everyone he would have killed me and her if i wnet outside...I was happily reading harry potter 7 when he states to jew quite loudly donna showed up. FOR REAL? I am afraid I am happy and am going to lose the happi- ness. I am alone in this world but not forever not always, just want to enjoy it when im not alone. g2g at janies late night went to docs and ran int o steve botelho bff lil bro and she was at her moms on that street robin and her so0n and sisters and i saw them all and hung out. she had a son 4 months with a 50 yr old man...wow i thought i was bad wit charles being 35...nothing new finished potter...brutus was sick and shaky last night but better today...

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TruthHurts
23:22 Jul 23 2009

No truer wors are spoken about what makes a relationship.

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So Charles and I broke up the night I moved out and he was mean and made me cry so I went on an online date had sex and got over the tears. He texted me the next day saying blah blah hope you find what you are looking for. I ignored his texts and calls for four days. THen on Memphis birthday party the 11th of july he said we need to talk, answering machine. I texted him a lot later saying i will decide whether i want to talk to u when my girls are asleep. I had mali and jordyn getting mesed up with jacob. (alcohol and bud) I stayed drunk and high those 3 days we were apart after the date. it was wednesday the 8th we split. I was sad but remained intoxicated. We got back together now there are games i dont like bout him telling others we are not together. I am full in my head of chaos and I dont want it. Headache daily now. Jew caused his own problems sleeping with a girl who is emotional inside. Then the next night had 2 other girls all over him in front of her. She was sad. Everyone tried putting it on anyone who wasnt there. FAKE. BS. I am happy with charles i dont want the mimicking whining behind my back. (the breakup was caused by them-jew sam jon) when i left the room or house for some reason you know.) I didnt see any of it coming. Now I see how they all do it to eachother, BS. He tells me everyone was short rent except sam, jonathans gf pregnant. I dont like her or trust her. I got jews point of view on alot last night which was nice and comprehend-ing. I am at ambrys moms on line, she moved out into a loveshack with her man steve and mama kitty who had 5 babes one died. I have a ball python demetri and a mouse named deme who escaped until two nights ago and she was sick yesturday but today is better. SHe escaped so i had to buy another mouse to feed him and now i need to buy a mouse house cuz im keeping deme. Reme is a big pain but love her. So paymetn was discussed and they wanted like 400 month $75 3 nights then $25 night after RIDICULOUS (like pay higher protion of rent then them which is $1g dont think so. I could pay $100 which is part of rent but not to be treated like crap or whineing. they want to charge me hotel fees when im sleeping with charles they will whine bout something else. He says in front of jew-its household vote to charge me hotel fes. FOR REAL! We are really together charging me that...Jon got real sick and then Charles did. But they are better now. SO alot has ahppened. I am close to breaking down and going to the 8th floor after a night at janies with 4 kids and my mom. Then back to his hosue to hear their own bs. I am strong, I believe. I will see. Stac is seeing Sean again the coward who beat her black and blue that i stabbed twice and am struggling with court mnth ly in fall river. I am sick...UGH! School going nowhere fast. My house is not my own adn i clean my room thats it...Uncle Ray ordered me to spend the weekend at his hosue since i bailed this last weekedn on him. I said fine, he said you can sleep and read and have a good quiet time. I need too or im going to the 8th floor break...I can handle it. Out here I want to smoke constantly bud and cant afford it now... I am going crazy. I dont evenm feel at peace at his house anymore. With his son and gf there. I cant stand them. THey are fake and new england too like he says. I am ranting o here afraid to rant there which leads to him being upset and a lecture...G2G NICE LIFE RIGHT! BF agrees to charge GF hotel fees to sleep next to him...THIS IS BS...HELP ME

So Cezar called me again and i plan on going to NY soon for a weekend or day. I told him i might just show up and he gave me his home # so i can get in when i get there. School is going along, nikki didnt show today. Got kids at library and got to feed demetrui today (baby ball python) Remme got to go, shes locked p and goes to the bathroom in the house all the time now. It makes me sick, the hosue stinks like animal feces adn urine and i no longer want to live there but moving isnt happening either soon enough. Not much else cept i want to runaway for awhile, mom can get mad i am out cuz i can be. chatting with mike from RI on yahoo later

Charles and I are great and im happy still. Its nice to see others not so happy karma kicking their asses. LATER