14:41 Jun 10 2012
Times Read: 486
Wednesday noonish Uncle Ray had a stroke & called me from ER. Nathan was wide awake & didnt move an inch when I said it, & wouldnt go look after my cats while I went to ER. So I told him I got to stay with Uncle Ray for awhile, packed most my stuff he did, told him too & met our cab outside (when Uncle was discharged.) I told him bring other stuff Thurs. morn to work cuz he had to get his meds and he brought other stuff. I bought him iced coffee & kissed him on his cheek, told him we are done. He hasnt called me yet but callled my sister Janie & asked her if she knew why I left him. She said no. I slept at Janies Fri&Sat nite. It was not quiet. I watched Aladdin. Memphis had a kid here and he was so bad, mouthy & didnt listen. I dont want to babysit that kid ever. There was a few heads here for boxing. I felt ashamed to go in living room & eat chips&dip. HOW SAD. But im alive. Things dont get better. Jacob comes out woodwork claiming his brother set him up accused him of beating him up and had him arrested. PROBLEM: I know Jacob. I know he did it. And lied. Jacob only lies. Apparently my godson, his son, Maddox, may have something wrong, could be autism, dont want to think it but apparently he only says momma and daddy and nothing else. IDK. He said his brother called Maddox retarded, I would have beat him up too. Another out the woodwork, Matt, FatMatt I known for years, his grandma was Ms.Dot the cat lady through my younger teens in the Green. She passed, sweetest woman. So he says he is being falsely accused of raping a 9yrold girl. IDK details besides what he says, and I wont say I dont believe him, its today everyone is a suspect, can be guilty of any crime now adn days. He could be guilty. We hung out for a lil bit yesturday. I dont really like him but im lonely as he is right now. He respects me for being by his side to talk too. I dont want to be with him ever. (longtime ago I stayed at his house. im sure im not secure w/him) Life goes on. I miss my poetry&pics& jewelry gifts. They are all gone. Sad. Gone. So my situation dont get better. Im thinking hospital myself. My anxiety is terrifying me. The sun is causing massive migraines daily. I had allergic reaction of big itchy bumps on neck shoulder bone in front, finger upper arms. Bought hydrocortisone and allergy pills. Well I can kiss all my hygiene products goodbye. Jacobs there probably just pass it all to Ashley. I dont trust him still, hell never change. WILL I CHANGE??????
Cassandra my baby sister bout to be 20yrs old and was with her best friend for 11yrs Nelson, so handsome & loves her & respectful. UNcle Ray loves him. She is not happy working 2 jobs plus home Cinderella. Im scared. I feel alone all over. I thought leaving Nathan would make me happy. I dont feel any better. But to be with him would be to live a lie ive been living to long already...
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