The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

no luck with darkwaters correct #. Then when I thought I had it I didnt want to call-nervous-and didnt know what to say or if he hung up if the nightmares would stilll be there. So I am planning a trip to Delaware if I can be sure its resent and correct location. I will make it happen if I want it too. But responsibilities come first-damn divorce last responsible bill after vet new bills & contacts I want to see but should I file the papers first? I want to be released of my marriage asap though its not before Joshua's return. UGH hungry and nauseous adn broke. $2 tomo coffee. UGH. Maybe mommy will get her check and give me $10 she owes me...Maybe...

Joshua my love come back home to me safely. Iloveyou. woke early with dog, pets, other stuff... maybe should go home adn nap but then i dont know what to do with myself when i wake up. G2G apply for job rtoo but itll have to be done tomo early morning since im sure its only open early morn til 2pm...



CARMELLA



G2Work Spanish but eyes dlosing again...

Nightmares all night, waking up in cold sweats. All due to the dark water. I searched and searched, found two numbers adn two states it could be it could not be. I got to call adn speak to him. It should make the nightmares/weird dreams stop. I want to see his face in person, I want to meet up with him, I want to tell him I would not have told if Danny hadnt spoke up. I can not stop dreaming of him whether strange dreams or horrible ones. I want to move on. I want to clear my head. I want to let go of my past and live move joyfully on in to my future. School almost done, teeth whitening, professional card reading, bra uplift(am not sure what that is, but something to do with finding the right bra size-sports bra size it said on poster) anyway, i see people from my past now that our out of jail and back in this damn town that will not do anything for any of us. looking for new apartment/house for my mom & myself with yard that is 2bedrm accepts dog cats section 8 will handle utilities etc...G2G try these numbers and take a nap.



CARMELLA



and calvin and i tried making plans again i said dinner-ill buy food and cook and we can watch a movie on his laptop. Well he cancelled again 2g2 NY w/Johnny-for johnnys real estate thing with his mother-and he planned us to go to carnival in prov. now he going to ny and im staying home alone to read&nap.

LATER

So Joshua and I chatted an hour last night. How great. I will be receiving my high school diploma by May 1st. Before Joshua's return. I plan (doesn’t mean it will happen) to get my teeth whitened for $75 a connection with Sedona’s my woman only spa and fitness club. I have been doing good working out. Thursday and Friday were exhausting rough days. Today’s plans were for me to go to Janie’s babysit do all my laundry, get some trash bags etc but mom wants to go to an all vet (family bar) function (paying $25 to get in and $5 for drinks) ridiculous money blowing when I have to pay vet bill, teeth, rent a lot of important stuff. Oh so I get sad and lonely often but am surviving. Work gets worse want a new job. Fought with matt last night deleted his number and told him don’t talk to me anymore. I will get over it. But I told him my girls will know I love them forever. It’s so hard with them in Fall River and plans of soon moving to Boston makes me sad sick. Want to start bawling. Emotional light period too. Tension headache work incident - old woman claims lost her check. The head of building was so mean to her, and her med nurse was a bitch and went through her stuff. In the lobby in front of everyone they (staff) look like horrible people to me now and then she said she was calling the cops they said don’t do that and then they called the cops on her. She left. Cops came. UGH. My last straw cops in my face at work they make me nauseous and raise my anxiety. I got to find another job. I see Dr.Klein next week on the 31st I am going to kindly request my meds all go to pharmacy where I can pick them up. I am not dealing with anyone there anymore. Except those I like. I am doing my job then I’m out. Like Liz. She got sick of staff. Now I’m sickly disturbed by the whole place. Even the only secretary I liked was acting as an ignorant staff member. OHHH...Anyway positive Diploma JOSHUA UNCLES positive and negative. They both on my nerves-uncle tom dismissed my vet appt yesterday to go to Stacy’s with no one so I didn’t see my girls. Then he won two tickets for spaghetti dinner at Salas (it sucked) but we ate it and he came to bring me. I told him cops were at my job so he sounded like police and I was scared and didn’t answer then saw missed call from him and called him back. Uncle Ray is a senile old man got to remember that. Brandon was there with a girl yesterday and uncle was fine didn’t need to talk to me but I called him this morning and Brandon wasn’t there and was telling uncle he needed money to sign papers to start college told him Brandon a liar who wants your money. Brandon will be there all next weekend when uncle gets his check. UHH. Mom and I are at library. I’m tired. Went to sleep at one am up at 8am. Ugh. Mom function at bar my baby sit and laundry decision...g2g everything goes up and down life.



carmella

Mom found a dirty text from matt and it caused screaming match and stress levels to go up all around. I was so sick. But it ended fine. He said he wouldnt talk like that no more and i told mom he wouldnt and he just always jokes stupidly. I got $15 from mom out of $30 that goes right to the vet. she was talking bout me getting a sofa pullout bed for $20 a week from rentacenter. I want a laptop actually I want a nice phone with computer detail but what I want I cant afford. We are at the library. I figure I will finish exam 17 and got to look up apartments. I want to go on my own but I cant afford it even if I found something I could afford-this month-april-my moneys already gone before it gets here. I need a divorce, to pay vet(all workchecks) & contacts budget must be figeured out. g2g now



I miss Joshua...so much. it makes me cry. Soon he will be home in my arms then gone again...But its the hello I wait for the holding him part letting go of him waits so many hours...

Too much has gone on. I feel completely alone. But got to push myself to study and work and workout and budget responsibly with money and vet, contacts, divorce all of it that must be done then theres rent minutes house and pets the top responsibilities the gym is automatically deducted from visa. so thats not compromiseable to be paid. I miss my kids everyday. I miss Joshua too and worry everyday. Uncle Ray birthday today making him a dicaprio poster and getting him a piece of cake (no momey)...g2g



Carmella

I had to bring Monkey to vet yesturday. Uncle Ray put him on her payment plan "Baby" now. $135 bill. New. Uncle Ray said pay him $40 month an d he will pay it. I dont trust him to pay it and not give it to Brando so I will save it up give it to him on his payday so he pays it with his debit card and gets my money for it. The vet said I did a good job with cleanin and bandagin him. He needs to be seen again in 2 weeks and he got antibiotic shot, rabies shot, and anti in flammatory shot. He dopey, never going outside again. He is also going to be seen to get nuetered about time. Uncle said I got to tell you to get his nails done. Whatever. But his claws are messed up so doc can look at them when we go back. Also went to Janies this weekend did an exam just finished another (at library now0 only 5 exams left (17-21) cool. ear not leaking but dry wax and im still deaf in that ear. I skipped docs again, he didnt call to remaind me. I want a nap, no gym, tomo, g2g w/ sandra lil sis to her met school orientation for her ged. She also signed up for foodstamps and is gettign medical assistance ($6 birthcontrol)_ g2g prov for all std testing (but she says not having sex) I stole matts ipod back from her and mom yelled at me and sandra was mad but she still calls me to go with her palces and stuff. Stac and I chatted by text this morn and I was happy cuz we hardly talk but she works like 10hours shifts a day sometimes and she got two jobs an dis tired alot. Friday off so uncle tom and i and mom are going for dinner if she is up to all our company and i may get to spend weekend there. Been calmly chatting with calvin, but ive been chatting with Joshua too adn Joshua has my heart. I tore calvin up and now he is back but he is okay. School he passing college courses adn eats steak and pancakes again and he looked real happy when I saw him (he came to get a book off his library card-cuz i have it and he needed it once I use it alll the time so he let me keep his.) im going stay home and napy today im tired. Gym tomo early i got 9:45 am obgyn appt tomo morning so ill head to gym after that. Ilove Joshua...stac&matt hate janie she owes them money. uncle ray i love him and he put monkey on his plan and im so happy about it. dont got much time left sure line for computers still. BUT IM DOING OKAY!!!

I spent the weekend at Janie's house. I got an ear infection and shoulde've gone to the doctor Friday but went MOnday. I saw Matt & yesturday, matts so sick he went to hospital. I went to court and court was moved to May 9th and I was so peeved I left my attorney-who didnt show or call me back-5 messages and went to her office. not in. well her whole office is sick with the flu, two attorneys mine one are hospitalized due to the flu. I told Jen-atorneys secretary who called me back today-he ios in jail for 3 months and I was hoping this be dimissed while he was locked up for being a dumb piece of poop breaking in to cars, vandalinzing, receiving stolen property etc. jen will tell Rene who hopefully gets it done. I had dreams at Janies-Zack&I but we were Jason &Kate in our dream. In the end as in reality we didnt make peace with eachother. HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN song sad keeps me worried bout Joshu abut after repeating my self to Joshua Are we meant to be while we are both alive and such and not receiving any response I believe he doesnt truly love me and im his someone to come home hold adn sleep with, so much for planning a future. im not as strong as i want to be but im strong enough to reach my goals and be there for my kids...G2G



also my ladybug-2yrts old-has seizures-maybe cuz poop beat her while pregnant...ughughgughgugh peeved sick