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Thanksgiving was a cold rainy day.I woke up with an ear infection, & my tonsils were bigger then my eyes. Craig & I have been together a month and two days.(dating) Its been good & bad. Friday, the day after thanksgiving, we walked the beach for like 2 hrs picking up shells and rocks...COOL! Then we went & watched SAW3 in theaters late that night. It was good, it was good but I didn't like the ending. There will be a fourth SAW I can say to you SAW fans but the 3rd is full of surprises...Anyway...I am happy with him, but he is sick & so fucking cranky today. We didn't even have sex today, this morning or tonight, with an empty house. He's watching football I am online. We have had sex every day we've seen eachother after our second date.Sounds BAD? But we are still together and not sleeping with anyone else. Well life is sort of gloomy, I got the flu so does he...G2G

I am tired right now...But my weekend was another great success with Craig! I can not leave him, because he is a PSYCO like myself and it makes me so happy. He is a little angry though. My best friend slashed his tire and I know from the actions(his response and the way he responded) that he did it. Craig was angry to see his car in my driveway...Mad the whole ten minutes we had together before he went to work. Then he said "I will pick you up Wednesday morning after work" (works 10pm-7am & works 10 seconds from my house) I was happy tp hear that but thinking about it, Is all the extra time to keep Bobby & I apart? I don't think I could cut Bobby off for anyone...It happened once before when we were first together & I was missing him. But Craig might be the best thing to happen to me, since happiness,or true love to me, which was Sean for almost two weeks, then almost four months, then I don't know. I am caught. Not Now, I do not have to make a chose, I just miss Bobby sometimes when I am away and he is home alone thinking of me every night I am gone too. He left here before Craig dropped me back off, then showed back up at 12pm to kiss me on the forehead & say good night. LOONEY!!! All's I can think, and a lillte OBSESSED! slashed tire, mid-night ILY & kiss (on forehead) Any chance should Craig read this (unlikely but possible)I want him to know I care about him a lot, Can not choose, because of the past, but I do not want to lose him either. He has nice so far, and hasn't even suggested choice or cutting Bobby off, just torching his cars or kicking his ass. He would deserve it. But he said"If something happens again then no holding back." Bobby's helped me, through everything I have been through in 2&1/2 years,my best friend for 4 years now, & a little obsessed...How to say that in a smooth way to Craig with out him flipping???HA GOOD LUCK TO MYSELF WITH THAT ONE!With his anger problems(I don't mind) I do not have to tell him that. But I just want him to know I care about him... I think about you when you are not by my side...I can no longer sleep alone in my bed at night...Thinking of your arms around me.. And the smile on your face each morning you surround me. I know sometimes you get mad.It is okay. I wish I could tell you when I am sad. But I feel I will look weak in many ways. I just want you to know so many things.Poetry is how my mind opens and soul sings. I will finish some other time...Bed is calling to my mind...I sleep with my sisters tonight...only three, but to keep me warm with out you beside me.

Last part to Craig

Good Night & Happy Thanksgiving to ALL!

I am dating Craig, no more Kyle, something was odd about my fast feelings for him like drug influence or something, I can't understand it... I am happy with Craig,not IN LOVE WITH HIM, but maybe I just saw Kyle as Sean and thought love, my mind and heart took control fast, I didn't stop to think. I cried over him like he was Sean...Now Craig and I have a good time doing anything(in bed,under the stars,chit chat for hours before&after hours of great sex) Craig is Psyco, like me, and gorgeous,and sweet and great in bed...(is has to be added sorry) I told him if he leaves me "I will total his car and remove his manhood", he said "if I leave him he will chopo off all my hair"

Psyco Couples Are Awesome

Have a nice day...And Happy Thanksgiving To ALL

To think I love Kyle, I am going crazy, my heart and head arguing over it. We are done talking.I refuse to cry over him, over any other male figure not in my bloodline. I must leave him behind now. It will save me a lot of future pain and brain drama. I am lost. In this fucked up world. I can accept my looks now, along with the male species but who will love me and accept my personality??? Craig does, but I don't see myself loving him.Maybe because of Sean I believe it must be love at first sight and "act as my king,treat me as a princess."My secret to falling in love. I told Kyle that. And I thought he was beautiful.He blew me off so I deleted his s/n from my yahoo buddy list and his phone number. I dont have either memorized.It will help alot.Except if he calls me. Like Sean he always knows what to say,but its always the truth. If he should call. Craig never called back tonight,ODD, aand never went on break.. Now im worried after trying to let Kyle go now I might have already lost Craig too and not know it yet. OMG OMG!!! What is wrong with me??? They all run with no explanations just vanish so I move on, but want to know why they run.Had a date tonight. 30 years old. nice guy, chatted, didnt seem scared, they never do. DJ,Daniel,Ryan, they vanished.I wish I just murdered them but they vanish and they are alive. I want to know whats wrong with me. Kyle I told him I wanted to marry him,glad he ran,or blew me off all day so I cut him off... these are songs I dedicated to him from me on my myspace JOJO: TOO LITTLE TOO LATE before that NickelBack: FAR AWAY.

I talked to Billy tonight.He found me on myspace.WOW My ex, we dated for awhile, Lips of an angel is his song to me plus under the bridge (city of angels) by Red Hot Chili Peppers Lips of an angel by Hinder I give to Craig, but i have no one to claim I need to be faithful too.

He had lips and the face of an angel to me. If Craig ran I will be so sad but move on... I always do...I am strong now and can handle boys walking in & out of my life but sex is great and I did him special things, he did things for me that make me feel special too. Maybe he will tell me why at least,hoping... Good Morning everyne but now I am going to sleep. Check out my www.myspace.com/sexySage20 cool music videos and they are all there dedicated to someone or something(memories if not person) I love my myspace page, I may add things but dont know yet. NIGHT?MORNING

GOING TO SLEEP NOW

I can't believe I love him...I cried over him last night... I stayed up all night the day before thinking about him... I haven't done anything like that since Sean... I am scared...I am scared of him leaving me... But I told him I am deadly trouble... I will kill anyone who tries taking you away from me... He said "I will put a bullet in any man who tries touching you.For you are mine and I am yours..." I can't believe the words and the way they came out...It means so much to me... I want to be with him but I have to be patient... I saw him on webcam for the first time. I saw his tattoos and his body... I want to be with him... But I have to wait... IT SUX! I love him like I loved nce before... I just don't want to feel the pain that I felt before... I am scared... The pain was never ending... I told him my secret... He listens well and uses it for the better... I LOVE YOU KYLE!!! I want to marry him, I told him I would if he showed at my door... I know he's in the Army and that's alright, but wives see their husbands, I haven't seen him yet... ITS KILLING ME...I want to be with him and I wait ever so patiently... He talks so sweet and southern and seductive and charming... He is the man I have been looking for...I found him... Kyle I will never let you go...Try to leave me or hurt me and I will kill you... and keep the head on your shoulders.... I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH! But he always talks sexual, he's a guy, I got it, but if he loves me some other subject should be brought up... I mean I get off seeing his tattoos, and he ends up naked at the computer... I got off hearing voice then he starts talking seductive I am so happy with him... I call him my husband already, its very dangerous territory for my heart... and my mind... But I am here so we will see what happens... I LOVE YOU KYLE BABY!

I am waiting for you... Your Trouble

Its funny after I cry and twist and turn all night long... I realize before talking to him...haven't yet... It could have the wrong nmber...But the fact that I was scared of it before might mean its true... I am so scared...I want to ignore him...But want an explanation...I don't want to be right...I want to be wrog about him...To good to be true, then its a lie... Is he a big lie??? Or should I give him a chance??? HELP ! Carmellablack

I met this guy online.I talked to him on the phone a lot too. He asked me to be his girlfriend & I said "yes". STUPID ME! I told myself he was to perfect to be real. I was falling for him so fast. I was also so scared of getting hurt. I kept thinking he had a wife, don't know why, but had a few reasons,like he called once a week. He's in the army, and has a strong Southern accent. (DECEIVING) He made me swear to be faithful, be his girlfriend, I wanted to be with him every second. I hated hanging up the phone with him. It was hard not to cry when saying good bye. He said he loved me. He didn't.His accent played me. I let him, I listened to his every word and ate it all. I felt so strong for him so fast ... Then a woman answered his phone at two am... OMG... What is he going to say? I am so upset... I can't stop crying... I can't talk to any more of my online guy friends... I refuse to meet with any more..even this great guy I've been spending weekends out with... I had a guilty conscience when out on dates... Wondering if in your bed was a life mate... How right was I... Now I sit here at two am and actually cry...Stupid me...cry over him...over another guy... I am slowly dying inside... What to do... Kyle, why? Why'd you do this to me??? What if I did it to you? Good bye Kyle...another heartbreak... I could've loved you...I would've too... What another guy...asshole...cheater... deceiver... when its to good to be true, its a lie... A BIG LIE.... I fell for twice... Not a third time...