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To go to Indiana, Florida, Cali., Georgia, New Orleans places I have never been. To be free of New England. I am closer with my mom than any my other sisters or family. But my happiness got to come first. And it doesn't lie in New England. Things between Nathan&I, Randy&I will never be the same. I can not say for Calvin or Joshua. I know I am a lonely mental case. I left Calvin, & Bryan. I was meant to be with Bryan through the time of losing mame migdalia. I was meant to be with Randy to learn broken trusy is worse than someone taking objects awawy, the hurt is that that person did it. Listening to YOUTUBE & doing Journal now. I do not know where I go next. I can go to Indiana anytime now, and New York, to see Joshua too. But I thought I would get through the holidays here agian, but it didnt happen last year. And he through me out over the summer and stresses me leaving him. Where am I going? I believe I am going to Indiana next relationship over sentencing. I need a brether away from Rhode Island. Who is real here? Not much of my family. Friends, true friends, I can not name if I have any. I am alone when times are the worst. Lie. The Lord is always by my side no matter what happens He is always there. I want my own apartment Lord. Sex with Nathan SUCKS! He can not give me an orgasm on my life. Shit he would give any life for a cigarette. He loves nicotime, tobacco, rolly cigarettes more than anyone. Sad probably more than his kids, more than me I know. He is a nightmare in my brain. I am not happy who believes that? Everyone around, they are so blind to my inner misery. Goodnight

THEN

Nathan & I went trick or treating. Yeah not as much candy as last year. His brother Trevor went trick or treating too in his neighborhood. He also reads books (his brother not him) COOL! SO I got the book to his brothers series he on the fourth im on the first but started spirit gate already so got to work on that one. I am miserable. LORD give me my own apartment please...