The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

WEAKNESS............

By Hortencia Saenz





She tried to hold back the tears and the pain she felt inside as she heard those words. Like fatal blows they had struck her heart. Time seemed to stop as if on purpose, as if to make her suffer, as if to make her feel every agonizing second. She began to feel weak inside her stomach; she began to feel a revulsion and disgust towards him. She began to loose her breath, she felt trapped and suffocated, off balance, lost and confused. But she swallowed it back and responded with a smile. She dared not cry in front of him. She was always reluctant to show emotion to anyone. She considered it a weakness, a flaw. To others she was perceived as arrogant, cold, distant void of emotions, evil. She laughed at other people’s misfortunes, and took great joy in their suffering. She had learned from experience that it was better to build a wall around you, and to wear the mask of deception. But everyone has a weakness. Even the great and powerful Aquillies was defeated by a mere mortal man. And so with out knowing it, he had found hers. She could not believe that from the same fountain which had flowed with sweetness and honey, a vile poison now emerged. A fountain does not cause the sweet and the bitter to bubble from the same opening does it? Oh but it does! And from the same mouth came forth a blessing and a cursing. And with every passing second the wounds gaped larger. Yet she gave no sign of discomfort. But inside she was dying. She took her leave and with false word assured him that everything was alright. And like a blind fool he believed her, for what mortal man can perceive what’s inside the heart? He only sees what’s in front of him and nothing more. And with that reassurance he continued with his business unaware of what stirred inside that heart.



She ran outside the door ignoring her mothers words "Its cold outside and its raining where the hell do you think you are going?”



Go to hell! What the fuck do you care?! Why don’t you do me a favor and leave the fuck alone for good!!??!?!? She thought inside her head. But all she could say was “I forgot something in the car I’ll be right back”



And she ran, she ran as fast as she could in the pouring rain. She needed air she felt suffocated, dizzy. And she ran like a scarred child covering her ears, ran to that place she would go to when things got like this, to that place where no one would notice her or even hear her but the walls around her. The walls that knew what she had suffered, the same walls that had felt her wrath several times before. and she collapsed on the floor and let out a silent cry, which was drowned away by a passing car. She pounded her fists against the wall, finding familiar dents, and all she could ask was WHY?!!! WHY?!!! OH GOD WHY ME???!!! And mockingly she looked at the sky knowing there would be no answer. After a few deep breaths she dried the fresh tears from her face and walked towards the door. The moment she stepped inside, her mother scolded her. But she did not care. She knew her warnings were nothing but scattered words against the wind. She turned the corner leading to the hallway and there stood her sister, smiling at her. So innocent, so ignorant she thought. And she pushed her aside opened the door to her room and locked it and turned off the lights and dropped to the floor.



This time she couldn’t hold it in. and like a pathetic weakling she poured her self out, pounding her fists on the floor imploring for an explanation to the inanimate objects around her. In silence she cried for minutes. In silence she was dying. And outside there was laughter, there was commotion, there was activity.



She had felt this pain before several times. And she had done everything to suppress it, alcohol, painkillers, sleeping pills, drugs. But this time she wanted to feel pain, she wanted to be wide awake and conscious.



So she walked over to the dresser opened it and pulled out a blade. She had refused to use it before. Not only had she felt ashamed but had also felt fear. But the hate inside of her was stronger that this fear. Pain. Yes pain she thought. Let it be a constant reminder of my foolishness, of my stupidity, of this trickery. And she closed her eyes and with out thinking twice she slashed at her wrists once, twice, three times so quickly that she felt nothing. And she let go of the blade and opened her eyes and looked. There was nothing but then as if by magic, streaks began to appear and a crimson liquid began to flow from them. She fell to the floor holding the arm which now revealed 16 wounds. It was then that she felt the sudden rush of pain. She had never done it before since she considered the whole act revolting and so had no idea what to expect. But sure enough there was pain, the pain she had called upon. After a few seconds she took the blade again and struck at her other wristwith the same quickness only this time with her eyes open. She watched as the steel cut through her flesh.



She felt lost, confused, angry, betrayed, taken advantage of. But most of all she felt stupid. How could I be so gullible? Oh I walked into his trap. He was the hunter and I was his prey



“ and with her owne good will hir fyrmely tyde

Strage thing she seemed to see a beast so wyld

So goodly wonne with her own will beguyld”



So true were those words now she thought. They were all lies, all beautiful lies and yet she wanted to hold on to them. His poison flowed through her veins but she welcomed it.



Over and over she heard those fatal words again and she began to picture them in her mind and she turned to her side violently retching. The thought of it was monstrous.



She lay on the floor for a few minutes on her side wide eyed staring blackly at he wall in front of her, the throbbing pain of her wrists was the only thing she felt, the only thing she cared for.



Slowly she rose and walked up to her mirror and she looked.



Blackness, is what she saw

Bleeding mascara. She couldn’t help but laugh at her self



Bleeding mascara she repeated out loud



Then she looked again at that face staring back at her with those piercing eyes full of anger and rage. Who are you she asked? And reached to touch the face that did the same. Your weak she repeated and the face did the same. Your pathetic she muttered as two more black tears rolled down her face.



Then she looked at her arms again.



YOU ARE NOT MADE OF STEEL, YOU ARE FLESH AND BLOOD, AND YOU ARE WEAK…………



And she dried the black tears from her face, covered her wounds and walked out the door, with a smile on her face, in to the cacophony of the livingroom with out any sign of weakness at all…………