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Mood : Head ache

Drinking : coffee

Smoking : Yes

Listening to : Devildriver - Before the hangman's noose

Time : 16 : 43 GMT Afternoon



I woke up an hour ago, not been able to sleep well much lately, its bugging me so much...



I got a letter thorught the post today about NHS Mental issues thing ma-bob, i have an anger issue, in the letter it told me my oppoinment date and time, and a little sheet i had to fill in, well, tick the box's, one of the questions was "In the past 2 weeks have you struggled to sleep or have lack/to much sleep" coincidence?



I've always complained about my sleeping patern, i got to sleep at midnight or just after, and ill wake up after 2 hours, then again another 2 hours, or sometimes ill sleep for 14 hours without waking up



I try not to tell people much about my anger issues as its something i dont like to shear becuase its well, i look at it as an issue, but i've slowly started to come to terms that its something that need sorted sooner rather than later.



another question was "In the past 2 weeks have the slightest things bugged you, get on your nerves or made you angery?" and i noticed it happens quite alot for the past year, if i cant find a shoe ill go completely nuts over it because i cant find it, my brother biting his nails, i can hardly hear and at time i cant hear it, but even thinking about it makes me just wanna scream "SHUT THE &*£$ UP!"



My (blood) father used to have the same issues, he'd black out if fighting or to angery and wouldnt know what he had done or said, when it happens to me, people all out with me or say horible nasty things to me, and when i try to appologise and explain they say im lieing and i just dont want to admit im a violent person. I dont like been called a liar because i hardly ever lie, i cant say i dont lie like most people cant say they haven't ever lied about something, but when they call me a liar my adronolin kicks in at the wrong point, when i dont want it to, when it souldnt, i suppose if this was Roman times i would make a good Warrior or something, but i cant help but think, i would of loved them days i would of enjoy everything about it....



How many people realy read this i dont know but it helps me get things off my mind, and helps other see me for who i really am.



I like the look of blood and the colour of it, blood red is the best colour you can have, with that and an anger issue, not the best match ever!



:) so i suppose ill have to wait untill next week, to find out what is causing this problem, i realy do need to get someone who will look after me when im angery or upset!



Time : 16 : 59 GMT afternoon

Listening to : Slipknot Psychocsocial

Mood : Happy but still got a head ache!



Love and peace!

Crisis

Drinking : Coffee

Smoking : Yes

Listening to : Static-x - lunatic

Time : 3 : 15 GMT (Morning)



I get conffused, now heres the fact, i like writeing yet, im a bad smeller (No im joking i did want to write speller wrong) and my grammer isnt up to... well sha'll i say, PERFECT condition.



I was sat here today, thinking about films, like he film, triple x, why wasnt it called Triple z or Triple y? isn't that discrimination against all the other letters in the alphabet?



another on "Day after tomorrow" why didn't they just call it, "In 2 days time" or "not tomorrow, but the day after"? It doesn't make sence, i get why some people say "Movies these days are stupid" i mean come on, when a movie has, Sex, drugs, partys, booze, death, comidey & Fighting in it doesn't it take it abit over the top?



What ever happend to the simple days were people spoke there minds and.. wait, no thats not at all true, we've always been controle, human rights they say... Human rights also says freedom of speach but when you go around saying things like "Oh hes a poor person" we get told "Its not poor person it's unfortunate person" i mean, how hurtful can been called poor, if you dont live in a house or there insane? do a good deed, whats a real good deed, you see an old man, who only smells of body oder who you can tell lives on the street or is slightly insane or lives in a run down house with no one here to help him, what are you going to do, i know id give him £5 if he was asking for it, but on the other hand, if i saw the same type of person, but he smelt of pee and stail booze and drugs and had needles hanging from him, i wouldn't give him anything, infact i would look twice at him/her... why sould i , there the ones who got them self there.



Call me what ever you like i say, i prefer names that people can come up with for me than names that aint true, bulling is another topic im going to hit now.



I've been bullied in the past, because i didnt fit in because i didnt take drugs because i didnt drink because i wasn't cool, so to fit in and stop getting bullied i got myself kicked out of school at the age of 14, look were that got me, im 18 (nearly) looking for a job instead of been at college. its my own fault i know that and im not going to make up lame exscuses.



I get called emo because i used to cut (Depression) i say, id rather be labeld as emo, than someone whos going to turn the age of 16 on crack with 9 kids.



Them sort of kids give the good ones bad names.



All i hear on tv is "Youth of today.." or "Youth kills.." or "... Murderd by youth" DONT label the people as youth, label them yob or name them if you cant name them dont use youth this basicly roled back on the human rights act, why label everyone 18 and under youth...



I know only one show that uses the youth labels, chav, goth, emo, punk & others and a matter of fact half of the time its " Chav yob kills.." i like it better than youth, because it makes it sound like All youths are the same...



Time : 3 : 40 GMT (Morning)



Love & Peace

Crisis

Is it unusual to think of yourself as "Mature" because, personally, i think im mature for my age eventhough i do stupid painful videos, anyway thats not the point of this post, im here to thank everyone on here for making me feel welcome and thanks to everyone for rating my profile even though i think its lame.



Just here also to explain how im feeling at the moment.



Reading some peoples profiles has made me reolise that life is short and we should all live it to the full and embrase everything to the full!



:)



Also im working on my new lyrics for a song!



but i dont like to share my lyrics untill i know there perfect even though i have no selfesteam at all, i share them to the world because they speak my feelings!



Once again thanks to everyone for making me feel welcome and feeling like i fit in!



Love and peace!

Crisis!

Ok, so im new here, and as always, i panick, i panick so much that i near enough chew the wood on my desk insetad of chewing on peoples necks, so, im a panicker, i panick about lots of things, what people will think of me, will people take my sence of humor to heart, but luckely i was gifted with something called Contiance. so i think befor i... well "Type" so if you guys read this and think, "omg his spelling is seriously screwed does i only have one finger on one and?" well heres the explonation, im an idiot. well to the point i didnt like "English" at school, (Not to sure what you call it over in other countrys) i find it diffecult to keep the rules of "I before E except after C" and always remember to spell words as they sound... if that was the case "Knight and night" would be spelt the same, and "Knife" would be spelt "nif" so come on why is spelling so difficult?



Peace and love

Crisis