The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I haven’t written anything in a long while but with some of the craziest events going on I've felt the need to get out some of my thoughts that have been fuming in my head in the past week. First off I have to say that if I knew that this decade was to going to start off on a rough foot I would have press the fast forward button on the dvr and tried to skip this period of time. First off having to deal with everything going on I just wish there was a way to get past it and move on the future but it is seeming like that this is something that isn’t going to be going away anytime soon and it will have lasting effects for the rest of time when it comes to things going on with this country. Its hard to remain positive when so many things that made life so great I have felt that have been taken away as a result of all of the craziness going on in the world. With this new normal that is going to remain for a long time, the good times are gone with any type of any personal inner action with the general people and we as a society need that kind of contact every now and again. I have a hard time thinking about that this is going to be happening with the whole world going to be a bunch of hermits for the rest of their lives. Its hard to keep it together when i miss being around people everyday and I miss being to be able to do things with family and friends and to be able to make new memories with them in person. That one is something i really don’t understand at all. i am scared in my mind about my own life becoming what it used to be growing up.
When I was a teenager in San Diego I truly keep my mind body and self away from other people because I wanted to have an easy life at that time of my life. It was all about me myself and I in which i could be myself around no one else to hide the true self from other people. I would use it as a blanket to put over myself. I wouldn’t have to expose all of the feelings and craziness that things that people were doing at that time in my life. It’s why I didn’t get a cell phone until after I was out of high school because back then it was amazing to not have contact with the world. I could do what I wanted to do without a care in the world. it was a blessing and a curse at the same time as I reflect on it to it on this day. As i left high school over the summer of 01, i wanted to make some changes to my life as being lonely and having depression. it does get into your head after years of putting up walls up everywhere. The Reason for that was to keep people out of my personal feelings and being the truest version of the person I was hiding are on the inside. Its the reason I started going to raves I was in the early 2000's. As I was able to find a new passion of dancing and expressing myself around strangers that were equal into the same thing as I was during that time of my life. I was never into taking any drugs at these events. I became addicted to the music and i would have such a natural high off the music, it was something that I haven’t ever experienced in my life. It was the first time in my life I was truly happy to be me. As before in the past then I wasn’t in a happy place in my own mind. I was living a fake life with a blanket of loneliness and depression that always around me on the inside hiding within me during that time frame of my life. With this new discovery in my life, I couldn’t truly believe it helped me to discover a new person that has always wanted to come out but was too nervous to do until that time come about. That was why today I am always grateful that I fell in love with edm music in the first place. It still has a place in my heart because it always delivered the positive message that was really been missing up to that point growing up in my life. It really help me to change a part of me that had needed to be changed for that longest time of my life.
In the end of things to get back to all of the covid events going on I just have to say. i dont want things to be the way it used to be. When I was growing up as a teenager. I was in a dark place in my mind with the lonelyness and depression that I had in life. It was not a fun time to be growing up in my life. It seems like the world is all into heading there again and it is something I dont wish on anyone else to have to be experiencing in the first place. We as a society to need to make a more positive message and direction to get thru all of the sadness that is plaguing us that is currently going on in the world. I am hoping somebody will be able to lead in that direction sooner or later because the outline of this year need to be changed to more postive way of life period.

COMMENTS

-

---

BloodRoseX
13:53 Jun 03 2020

" I was living a fake life with a blanket of loneliness and depression that always around me on the inside hiding within me during that time frame of my life."

I am going through this now.... I know just how you feel. *hugz* Stay safe!

---

POST COMMENT