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Last exam in about 20 mins, final-fucking-ly!

Then to book buses, coachs and other transport, party, pack, pop-wow and just generally do shit like mp3 player hunt and op-shop.

There's always more to do isnt there?

Hard assed exam today, i hate morning exams, getting up before the sun is killing me, im better to just stay awake through the night.

Still only one exam left then off to the mainland to see the better part of my family types that have not been seen for almost two years and catch up with my now suffering cuz.

Infact it seems everything has gone to shit since i left the mainland, still, no matter, theirs only one way it'll likely go from here and thats forward and hopefully up.



Meanwhile, im totally totally totally hooked on my prg rock/metal at the moment, prog rock instrumentals are so good to study too *cough* me study? pfft *cough* but yeah, listenin to way too much Adagio, Liquid Tension Experiment, Dream theatre, Opeth, extol and more obscure shit.



The irony is that i start my Holidays the day the college ppl finish theirs, meaning i miss a whole heap of big parties and chilling with some of my mates, but then, atleast i can go camping with my hippy crew, mushi hunting to the horizon...

mmmm



Toodles you lot.

Ragnar

Deliverance...



Just realized, i dont have a single friend on the site who i talk to often, odd.

Still i dont like chatting on the net so much, cant seem to do it well.

And now that Lary4rocks gone, well, theirs almost no one left.

Whoa, town was so very dead last night, even mobie's (the only 'alternative' club in tas, we have event clubs like the coven and eden, but only one constant club of the sort, and its mostly hip-hop *shudder* still, its good for dancing).

Went out with Klam last night, she was pissed as and i was stone sober, everyone else bailed on us. It was kind of amusing, cause she was talking none stop as per usual (good ol' Klamage) but she was also all uncomfortable cause i was too sober, a mighty feat for a girl with a few foot mohawk to get nervous about social shit.



I dunno, i still had a good time hangin with her, she's always fun, maybe she ment to get with me or something? i cant see any other reason it would psyc her out so.



Mmmm, now for some 5 hrs of study for my exam in the morning. Lovely, still, 8 days and it will all be over and i can go see my mainland crews, cuz'z and little bro for 3 weeks. O and mushi picking!!!! fuck taking em (altho it is fun) i just love trekin round the bush for days on end, esp when i get seperated from the group (wh you have to have as they make the trip fun) and just tear round vibing with nature and hunting prey (in this case, mushrooms, i wont go shooting, altho if i could skewer a beasty with a stick id be willing to eat it, its just guns are completly unfair for em).



my delusions make life more fun, but also bury me in shit, but then part of the fun is digging out.



Peace

Ragnar

I really dont get why people hate pain so much, i mean, i dig the shit of it, i feel the hollow void that never quite seems to fade no matter what you do and from which all real heavy pain seems to eminate.

But on the whole i enjoy the pain with the pleasure in pretty much everything (rather than merely sex, mmm, sex) but yeah the shit reminds me its worth something, i think id get increadibly irretated if everything went to plan and was comfortable.

Apart from that, going out again tonight and exams in 2 days.

Just sitting here and listening to Still Day Beneath the Sun by Opeth and realising that I’m really a lot more gentle in my core than people perceive or than I give myself credit. I gather people think that I am rather hard and harsh (whilst caring about my friend, go figure), and most of the time I suppose I do act that way, but really, I have a appreciation of fragile beautiful things beneath the Norseman exterior.



Also been thinking a lot about other aspects of internals of late, cause I was thinking about relationships and realising how insecure they make me, which is in itself a massive contrast cause however I don’t normally realise I’m a great deal more internally secure and un-anxious than the vast majority of people. It must really trip my girlfriends out as to nearly any one else I come off as rock solid, to see me tripping about little shit and being all unstable. I’d say this has a lot to do with why I generally have very few relationships, that and I desire something different to what most girls seem to seek, cause I want it to be deeper than just sex and stability (that’s what fuck buddies and friends are for relatively) and beyond that I want something genuine not some excuse to fuck and say I love you at the end to support some bogus concept of sex in context and relationships constructed by social institutions and mass culture.



Meh, I dream of the impossible but am very happy in whatever, ironic no?