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I am going through a rough patch my father came back into my life at age thirteen after leaving me at age five. Even when he was "around" he really wasn't he was there for a month then leave for two months. Now he wants everything to be ok and I am feeling like history may repeat itself. I always have to call him he never calls to check up on me. He buys me stuff for holidays and expects that to be enough and gives me money but truthfully that isn't deep down what I want. I want a daddy to love me and tell everything will be ok. He just doesn't do thay. He treats my sister like a princess and goes to her cheerleading games and calls her a lot. Did I mention we were both accidents the only difference is that he hates my mother and was going to marry hers. It is like he holds my mom against me. I have always come in second place and is it so wrong to want equal treatment I don't want to sound ungrateful but when you say you are gonna call do it don't just blow me off. Don't lie to me. I am so lost right now. It is hard. I guess I am wrong to ask more of him but I mean other kids get of growing up and I didn't my sister got it and I didn't. Do I have the right to be angry and not trust him? I just need help. Sorry to have posted such a long journal but I needed to vent.

The struggle to not drain energies from humans that appeal to me is extremely difficult. I leave walk away try not to lock my gaze because should I stay and look i will lock on and take and take until I break free or they do. Does it get easier?