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I can't believe I cried. I cried with pure rage and hatred and jealousy, I have never felt so angry with someone before.

Of all the people in the entire world that I did not want to hear about, having and losing something I never believe I will ever have, it feels like the world spitting in my face.

I may not be perfect but I'm sure as hell alot nicer one than her...and yet nobody feels sorry for me, I lost one too but he will never know that...



Just recently I find out almost everyone I know has had more than one opportunity to have what the world won't give me and its wearing thin, I can't handle it anymore I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to see it.

COMMENTS

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Elendiel
13:13 Mar 12 2013

I know how you feel. If you want to talk about it you know where to find me

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What I did was big. It wasn't right, and I'm aware of that. It's surpised me how much it is now affecting me, despite being one of the less important things that should be on my mind right now.

I don't know how to make it right again, or if I even can.

In the middle of this my poor unfortunate partner is snoring away the night completely oblivious to the fact that my life is crumbling under his nose. I can't tell him because I'm a coward, I would lose everything if he found out. Yet I'm not happy anyway.

I continue to see another behind his back and in my eyes that makes me the most despicable person I know.

And no matter how hard I try, I'm never really trying to stop.

I wonder if there's a reason to all of it, or am I just that weak?

COMMENTS

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ToxicKitten
21:42 Feb 19 2013

it's ok kaykay, im here for you.

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How am I so fucking stupid? I KNOW better than to mess around with friend's partners! Nothing happened this time but of course there was intention and I come out looking the worst...

I'm kicking myself even more so because I like these people as friends why am I so stupid as to ruin that what the hell is wrong with me!?

I don't know where this is going now...I don't know what will happen I feel sick...

I know I know better, that's what's killing me, I should have just said no, so why didn't I??

Now I've dug myself a bloody grave and no way out, I take full responsibility but that won't make anything better...

I've even been unfriended on facebook!

-facesmacktable-



As a side note, I don't regret it I just wish we hadn't been caught...that makes me really bad doesn't it?