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A Great Night At Work20:17 Jul 30 2007
Times Read: 534
A table is discussing the movie Blow, talking about how insanely intelligent the whole concept is, but can't remember the name of the dealer. So after listening to their conversation while clearing a table, I ask my boss if I can tell them. Of course she said yes (because she loves me), so I approached the table.
Me: I couldn't help but hear you talking about the movie Blow, and I just wanted to tell you the man is named George Yueng.
Man: That's it! That's the name!
Me: Mhmm. It was actually based on a true story.
Lady: Oh, did you know him?
Me: Yea, he's my father.
The Game Of Romance: A Man’s Guide to the Scoring System..
20:38 Jul 26 2007
Times Read: 542
1) SIMPLE DUTIES
You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It’s her cat: -10
2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8
3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS
You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
And the television is off: -6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear: -6
And you didn’t even go to college: -10
And it’s not really your underwear: -15
4) HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar: +1
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night: -3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10
You give her a gift: 0
You give her a gift, and it’s a small appliance: -10
You give her a gift, and it’s not a small appliance: +1
You give her a gift, and it isn’t chocolate: +2
You give her a gift that you’ll be paying off for months: +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
With her credit card: -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40
5) THOUGHTFULNESS
You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50
6) A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS
You have a few beers: -9
For every beer after three, -2 again
And miss curfew by an hour: -12
You get home at 3 a.m.: -20
You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30
And not wearing any pants: -40
Is that a tattoo? -200
7) A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU
You go see a comic: +2
He’s crude and sexist: -2
You laugh: -5
You laugh too much: -10
She’s not laughing: -15
You laugh harder: -25
8) DRIVING
You lose the directions on a trip: -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals: -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60
9) COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk, you listen, displaying a concerned expression: +20
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television: +10
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep: -10
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