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Why is it that some of our greatest emotions can inspire some of our worst? I’m not sure that makes sense, but reality rarely does. Think on it… if you have a child, and someone were to hurt your child, you would feel hatred for that person, simply because you love your child. Thus, love can cause hatred.



What about romantic love and jealousy? When your ability to love causes reasons for your hatred, how is it to be seen in proper perspective? Is this just a natural and healthy extension of intense emotion? I’m not sure. I wish to god I knew.....

I’ve been obsessed with the concept of mortality lately. And I’ve been experiencing a strange phenomenon connected to that obsession. I’ll get to that in a minute.



I’ve always been a little obsessed with death, but I find it interesting that this has more impact and emotional resonance with each passing year. My body is a temporary construct in a temporary universe. How can such an idea not have impact? Life being temporary…a series of unique moments with a definite end…. Should I be spending these precious moments thinking about the end of the road?



Time, death, life, the finite, the eternal. When I think of one of these concepts, I typically think of them all. Lately when this happens, I can almost SEE the fringes of infinity. That’s not entirely metaphorical. When this train of thought begins, I get a sensation in the pit of my stomach. It’s an exhilarating and overwhelming terror. Then it’s almost like a picture half-forms in my mind. I say “half-forms” because it’s like something that teases the edge of your vision. Like a concept you can almost see, but not quite. I doubt I can describe it properly…



First it’s almost like looking into a starless black sky. But there’s a definite feeling of movement, both in myself and the “environment” of the vision. Then the feeling is almost like I’m looking at my life or that of someone else from a vantage point outside of space and time. It’s a bit disturbing. I can’t help but wonder if the quality of this experience might change if I could eliminate the fear.



I know what you may be thinking. I’ve been psychologically tested. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but nothing more serious. Does anyone have any thoughts on what this could mean? (other than the possibility that I have finally lost it)