The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

All life boils down to are the choices we've made along the way. We both lament and cherish them as we reminisce, withering away on our deathbeds. We hope for things that never come and seek out more than we can grasp but even if it is simply to allow life to hit you head on and slowly eke away the footing you've made, we all make choices as to how to live day to day, moment by moment. There is nothing in this preter-tangible, utterly malleable universe of ours that cannot be altered to our whim by the mere force of a decision. Even if the choice is in our head, what does that matter? The world as we see it is different and we made it that way. We are gods in that manner and the most original, gifted, brilliant, useful people, people capable of change beyond their own noses are blissfully wallowing away their existence amongst the murky waters of misery. Misery is a choice. Being balanced doesn't ''dull'' you, you aren't missing something if you aren't curled tightly around sorrow. It is believed that in order to let go of misery you are at risk of losing something greater, something you can never get back, everything you are, everything you see, everything. So, people pine away their life, proud even of their misery, like it is a badge earned and polished until it glows, a race to be run, whoever is the most miserable wins!! Being miserable feels good, it's an addiction. One that people are petrified or too jaded to break. It is disgusting. Misery is the easy way out. Nothing more. Nevermore.

I was hanging out with a good friend the other day and was given some...disturbing news. I love this girl to death, one of the few females that I actually get along with, but she has a pension for surrounding herself with bad elements. One of these elements is Jake. Superficially charming, Jake is one of the foulest creatures on this planet and I seem to be the only one who realizes it. And he has his serpentine gaze fixed on little ol' me. Purely for the fact that not once has he ever received anything other than a stern No. from me. Jake likes what he can't have and throws away what he does after he's leached out whatever marrow he can. Pitilessly leaving behind a long heap of human refuse he easily shrugs of their desperate cries for compassion and warmth, he has none to give, they weep apologies for crimes they did not commit and beg for mercy that will never come. Not from this beast at least. One of these atrocities was once a good friend of mine. I see her once in a while and the scratch of her track marks on my skin as she leans in for a hug cuts me deeper than she'll know. She still talks about him. She used to tell me how she would do anything to win back his favor and how she was worthless scum without him standing over her for guidance. Now she tells me how badly she wants to wring his perfect neck for twisting her consciousness the way he did. It's a start and I'm so proud of her for struggling back off of her knees all on her own. He seems to be fading finally.



Or so I thought. One little sentence, one name mentioned and I am solid ice. "I was at **** with Jake last week and..." I lose the rest of her sentence as images of all those lost faces smother my vision. He's back.



Looks like I'm about to take up my sword once more. It lays hidden behind my shield but if he starts getting those ideas about me in his lecherous head again I will not hesitate unsheathe. We both still have the scars from our last encounter. They aren't physical, they are something deeper. Neither of us will ever back down so it is time we learned to live together. I hope for the sake of the young, naive girls in this city that he has grown up and found some sort of humanity but I doubt it. Anything is possible but most things aren't probable.

I just added my baby cousin (turning 11 on my birthday) on my just for family facebook account and I couldn't help but think to myself, ''wow, babies are people too'', my boyfriend sometimes makes fun of me for being young (okay, I can't rent a car or drink legally like you but you forget that most of the time, yes? :X) but these are babies using facebook!! I remember when she was in the whom! I thought there was an age limit or something but apparently not, she and her friends were using the site just like my 'grown' friends. At a party recently I had a friend of my ex's tell me 'Wow, ***, you totally redefined for me what it means to be 19,'' I guess my cousin just redefined what being 10 was to me.