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My brain feels tight and gritty right now. I have the beginnings of a headache and I don't care for it.



Today is my and my boyfriend's anniversary and he really honestly doesn't give a shit. As my very intelligent mother said, if he won't celebrate this he won't celebrate any other mile stone. I'm feeling ignored and annoyed enough right now to entertain the idea of making a scene -- I almost wish I were that kind of drama queen some times but I know it would only cause more trouble. He is 17x more stubborn than most people I know and throwing a hissy fit will not move him.



Hell, I could dress myself up in high heels and a corset right now and invite him to tie me to the bed and he would probably not even look up from his game. "Spy at the point" after all. Fuck my life.



We started out so well. Hot fast passion that smoldered down to sweetness and cuddling. Right now it feels like we're roommates who share a bed and occasionally give the other a peck on the lips. He's said quite clearly that he'd rather we be like roommates as he is "looking at the long term." He doesn't want it to be romantic or passionate because he would eventually get bored with it and resent me for that boredom.



Is that normal? Is is alright to sacrifice romance and affection so that he doesn't get resentful for having to leave his games for a while and give me some attention? I gave up so much to be with him, I left a wonderful apartment, a good job (that mind you I wasn't happy with at the time but it still paid better than the one I'm at now), I changed the way I eat so as not to be a hassle for him (I was a vegetarian for 3 1/2 years before he came around), and compleatly changed my sleep schedule so I could see him (I used to be a morning person, now I work nights), I even gave up my beloved cat!!!... Every last thing I gave up was because he wouldn't make the effort or compromise.



I loved him so much I was blinded I guess. Mind you up until the romance died I was fine with all of this. I was compleatly content as long as he cuddled me, and kissed me freely and told me he loved me while looking me in the eye. Now I'm resentful for all I've done (and all I still do. He sure as fuck doesn't do a thing around the house.)





*deep calming breath*





There's hope. We talk well, we are typically very level headed when we talk to each other and in less than two weeks I'm going to be gone for a week and he may see what he's missing having me around all the time.



There is hope, I'm just sad and scared right now.



I want a hug and I can't get a good one.



-M.

I'm having far too much fun being a premium member. I think I can afford to keep it up ^.^

COMMENTS

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Xzavier
07:42 Oct 28 2009

Well good, VR is a great place to stick around!

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xXShadowDravenXx
11:20 Oct 28 2009

Welcome to the club sweetie, wait till you have more than one account lol

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I'm sitting at home, watching a very pirated copy of Jennifer's Body, thinking about doing my hair and now that I (finally) have my internet back at home thanks to my boy's final break in laziness -- enjoying my premium membership.



Like I said my internet was been nil. Mind you it wasn't turned off just my boy had swithched it so that his computer was the only one who had net so his ping was better. I was annoyed but it's fixed now so blah.



Thankfully I have the next few days off to relax and sort some personal things out. I'll be lurking about VR for the next while. See you about kiddies.



-M.

COMMENTS

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Leo
20:31 Oct 27 2009

got to love the kids lol.....sounds like something mine would do.

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placidchaos
21:47 Oct 27 2009

Is it one of those that the film cuts out every now and then because the person doesn't want to get caught by the usher? *sigh* I'm jealous, I can't wait til my weekend... At least I'm halfway there.

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